Reflecting
I've been married for just a smidge more than three years now. Most of my friends are either married or in committed relationships. We're mostly in our late twenties, though some have ventured into their fourth decade of life. Of course, there are a few wild birds in the bunch, flying free and either enjoying every second or desperately seeking a place to land, but that's neither here nor there.
After some ex stalking (you all do it, stop judging! besides, it was all within the safe and not-too-crazy confines of Facebook), I realized that each and every one of my exes is still single. By single, I mean not married. One seems to have a girlfriend, but that couldn't be verified. What's the deal here? What's the common thread? Before meeting my husband, did I have a taste for men who can't commit? Or were the men I dated simply not good catches?
Either way, I think the realiztion has some reflection on how I view(ed?) myself. Obviously, I fell in love hard and fast in my younger years. And was hurt often. This was followed by a period of callousness. I can't say that I was at my best during that stint. I used, hurt, and devalued many. I like to think that this was my defense mechanism. The dating world had given me a bit of a beating, so I was throwing some punches back. Unfortunately, they were misguided and I bulldozed some people that didn't deserve to be in the way. But did I intentionally seek people in whom I didn't see long-term potential? Mr. Right Now as opposed to Mr. Right?
That being said, even breaking up my dating pool into two categories (1999-2003 being the years I honestly loved and was often crushed, followed by a year of wrecklessness with the emotions of the boys I encountered), there's no difference in current marital status. They are ALL single.
There's no end to my ponderings. I don't anticipate arriving at an "Ah ha!" moment in my reflections. But I still thought it was worth sharing. And since I overshared most of my life during those years here (specifically the time I spent crushed and mildly depressed), it only seemed appropriate to turn to my journal of years past now.
Which brings me to an observation from the weekend. My sister is 16 years old. It's been a rough year for my siblings and I after a shake up in our family of origin, and she's been spending lots of time at our home. We were watching The Social Network and Mr. Zuckerburg was blogging his way through the creation of Facebook on his LiveJournal. When it flashed across the page, my sister asked what LiveJournal was. So I'm like, "You know, it's a blogging site. Like Xanga." Homegirl was like a deer in headlights. "Blogger? Wordpress?" She just shakes her head. "Okay, like...Twitter. But without a word limit." Now she smiles, "Ohhh, gotcha!" Jesus, I'm feeling old.
After some ex stalking (you all do it, stop judging! besides, it was all within the safe and not-too-crazy confines of Facebook), I realized that each and every one of my exes is still single. By single, I mean not married. One seems to have a girlfriend, but that couldn't be verified. What's the deal here? What's the common thread? Before meeting my husband, did I have a taste for men who can't commit? Or were the men I dated simply not good catches?
Either way, I think the realiztion has some reflection on how I view(ed?) myself. Obviously, I fell in love hard and fast in my younger years. And was hurt often. This was followed by a period of callousness. I can't say that I was at my best during that stint. I used, hurt, and devalued many. I like to think that this was my defense mechanism. The dating world had given me a bit of a beating, so I was throwing some punches back. Unfortunately, they were misguided and I bulldozed some people that didn't deserve to be in the way. But did I intentionally seek people in whom I didn't see long-term potential? Mr. Right Now as opposed to Mr. Right?
That being said, even breaking up my dating pool into two categories (1999-2003 being the years I honestly loved and was often crushed, followed by a year of wrecklessness with the emotions of the boys I encountered), there's no difference in current marital status. They are ALL single.
There's no end to my ponderings. I don't anticipate arriving at an "Ah ha!" moment in my reflections. But I still thought it was worth sharing. And since I overshared most of my life during those years here (specifically the time I spent crushed and mildly depressed), it only seemed appropriate to turn to my journal of years past now.
Which brings me to an observation from the weekend. My sister is 16 years old. It's been a rough year for my siblings and I after a shake up in our family of origin, and she's been spending lots of time at our home. We were watching The Social Network and Mr. Zuckerburg was blogging his way through the creation of Facebook on his LiveJournal. When it flashed across the page, my sister asked what LiveJournal was. So I'm like, "You know, it's a blogging site. Like Xanga." Homegirl was like a deer in headlights. "Blogger? Wordpress?" She just shakes her head. "Okay, like...Twitter. But without a word limit." Now she smiles, "Ohhh, gotcha!" Jesus, I'm feeling old.