stages
i am going through stages right now like the first thing i thought of when i woke up today and looked at the pretty sky was god i miss waking up with randy and feeling like nothing could touch us and everyhing would be good. he thinks i want to go out with people but what is the sense if at the end it never is good its just a waste of time to end it and just feel like shit for a long ass time, now usually i would have allready started lookin but randy was diffrent to me, i caint just move on i keep telling myself that he will eventually come back, but i dont want that well i do but in the end it will just end up the same as always me upset and him not showing me that he still cares. i miss him so much so FUCKING much its disgusting how much i miss him. i rember when we used to stay the night with eachoter and i would fall asleep away from him and wake up in his arms. i miss that so much. i miss fighting with him over the blankets, and i always wonder if he thinks about all the good times we had together. becasue there werent very many bad times. i just hate all guys and their fucking shit, i am not going to put up with the shit ever again, i will never hide my feelings from another person again, and i will bitch even if i feel that it wont help im tired of realtionships that just start so good, but end so fucked up. im tired of all the tears that i have had to cry in my life time, ive had enough tears cryed why waste them on some guy that you know will never come back to you and tell you they love you. but whatever.im not going to lie i love him with all my heart still and i will always love that kid with everything. i just say fuck it and get used to being alone people do it all the time. ill probaly never meet anyone else ill probaly die alone and just fucking be alone. but who knows. all i know if FUCK guys they all suck big black dicks (yea) bye bye