I wanna grow old with you
I cross posted this in my myspace blog because I figured I haven't updated here in awhile, so why not let you guys all know what's going on in my life right now.
So I got to thinking today, as I usually do, because it's not like my job requires a whole lot of intelligence...which is apparent, considering some of the people I work with...anyways, back to the point. I got to thinking about growing old and how it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Really, lately I've been having trouble seeing the positives. Aside from being more independent, which is something I like, I don't see any.
Sure, come could say that resonsiblity is a good thing. Wait, I kind of get this one, because I mean you can't really have independence without responsibility. Okay fine, but I still like the fact that you could get away with a lot more, and I'm not talking about being a little poop disturber either. I'm talking about the playing with finger paint or Barbies or make believe. If I were to do that now, people would call me immature and crazy.
Or how about finding the joy in the little things? People often look at me like I've lost my marbles when I get excited about a new chapstick or picking out all of the grape Jolly Ranchers when I buy them in bulk. I don't get it. I'm happy. Let me be happy.
I guess the hardest thing for me to understand about getting old though is love, whether it be with boys or friends.
Tough topic #1: Friends. In the past year I've said more good-byes than I've ever said in my life. Well, no, not really, but I deifnitely need more than my 10 fingers to count them all. Anways, that doesn't really have anything to do with this. I know that as you get older you have your own things going for you. Understood. I had/have my own things going for me too, but it just seems like there are friendships that fall apart for no reason at all. I can't help but worry that some of my friendships are going astray and for the most part is beyond my control. I can think of one that already has gone sour and it was with someone I never thought it would have. Uhhh. This topic is tougher than I expected it to be and I'm afraid that I cannot express my feelings without sounding like a rambling idiot.
Now on to boys...hahaha...if I can figure out where to start. I'm not the type of person that would say they need a significant other, but I'm not going to lie and say that I never get lonely. This baffles me. When I was younger I didn't need a man, why do I feel I need a man now? Most of the time I'm happy, but everyone once and a while I'll get this empty feeling like something's missing. I've tried coming to terms with the fact I'll be alone forever. Hahaha, I don't really think this, but it is a big fear of mine. I just can't seem to find somebody that's worth my love, and even if I do, the feelings just aren't there (either for me or for him). I'm scared that I'll never know what it's like to fall in love. One of the last things I want to do is become bitter, but I'm afraid I already might have.
Ohhh, what would I give to be young again.
So I got to thinking today, as I usually do, because it's not like my job requires a whole lot of intelligence...which is apparent, considering some of the people I work with...anyways, back to the point. I got to thinking about growing old and how it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Really, lately I've been having trouble seeing the positives. Aside from being more independent, which is something I like, I don't see any.
Sure, come could say that resonsiblity is a good thing. Wait, I kind of get this one, because I mean you can't really have independence without responsibility. Okay fine, but I still like the fact that you could get away with a lot more, and I'm not talking about being a little poop disturber either. I'm talking about the playing with finger paint or Barbies or make believe. If I were to do that now, people would call me immature and crazy.
Or how about finding the joy in the little things? People often look at me like I've lost my marbles when I get excited about a new chapstick or picking out all of the grape Jolly Ranchers when I buy them in bulk. I don't get it. I'm happy. Let me be happy.
I guess the hardest thing for me to understand about getting old though is love, whether it be with boys or friends.
Tough topic #1: Friends. In the past year I've said more good-byes than I've ever said in my life. Well, no, not really, but I deifnitely need more than my 10 fingers to count them all. Anways, that doesn't really have anything to do with this. I know that as you get older you have your own things going for you. Understood. I had/have my own things going for me too, but it just seems like there are friendships that fall apart for no reason at all. I can't help but worry that some of my friendships are going astray and for the most part is beyond my control. I can think of one that already has gone sour and it was with someone I never thought it would have. Uhhh. This topic is tougher than I expected it to be and I'm afraid that I cannot express my feelings without sounding like a rambling idiot.
Now on to boys...hahaha...if I can figure out where to start. I'm not the type of person that would say they need a significant other, but I'm not going to lie and say that I never get lonely. This baffles me. When I was younger I didn't need a man, why do I feel I need a man now? Most of the time I'm happy, but everyone once and a while I'll get this empty feeling like something's missing. I've tried coming to terms with the fact I'll be alone forever. Hahaha, I don't really think this, but it is a big fear of mine. I just can't seem to find somebody that's worth my love, and even if I do, the feelings just aren't there (either for me or for him). I'm scared that I'll never know what it's like to fall in love. One of the last things I want to do is become bitter, but I'm afraid I already might have.
Ohhh, what would I give to be young again.