I keep diggin a hole, and I can't get out of it. Once I hit rock bottem its the end!
I had a deep conversation with Meghan last night! We were talking about how we are diggin ourselfs into a hole and how we are reaching rock bottem. She doesn't want to reach rock bottem and so she is trying to straighten out which I'm happy for her! But Me on the other hand, I've gone so deep in this hole that I know I can't get out. I have a feeling that once I reach that rock bottem I'm not gonna be able to get out and that will be the end of me! I have a feeling that things are just going to get worst for me! That nothings gonna look up.
I have a feeling that after christmas everything is gonna change! I have a feeling that mine and Meghans friendship won't be like it is, and that the whole **crew** will fall apart and there wont be a crew no more. Everyone is gonna go their own ways and I will be all alone! I feel so alone right now anymore! I feel like I never have anyone to talk to! When I really need to talk to someone, but I feel like they don't understand or think that I'm stupid for saying those kinds of things, which then makes me bottle things up and thats when I go into sucide mode!
I've made so many wrong desions lately! In everything. I feel like because I've dug so deep that I can't climb up with out support or a ladder! I don't have either of those! I don't think I will ever have either of those!
It's amazing how I've dug this hole so deep so fast! I didn't start diggin until July! Which Brings me to my first mistake! Him, yeah him Joe! Even though he was a mistake, "he is one of my favorite mistakes!"
Then after that things only got worst! It's not looking up either! I see myself going down a dead end road! Litreally!
I just want to make things right, but I don't know where to beginning! I know that nobody can help me because everything I need help with are the things that I keep bottled up, things that I don't tell anyone! **sigh** wish things didn't get this bad! Because things can only get worst!...
Well anyways, I'm sick and because I'm sick my parents already told me that I cant have anyone over this week and I can't go anywhere until the weekend! Which sucks, because I hate being home! Especially alone! My grandma is getting really sick...they don't know if she is gonna make it! Have a feeling a funeral is coming up! Not looking forward to that!
I have a feeling that after christmas everything is gonna change! I have a feeling that mine and Meghans friendship won't be like it is, and that the whole **crew** will fall apart and there wont be a crew no more. Everyone is gonna go their own ways and I will be all alone! I feel so alone right now anymore! I feel like I never have anyone to talk to! When I really need to talk to someone, but I feel like they don't understand or think that I'm stupid for saying those kinds of things, which then makes me bottle things up and thats when I go into sucide mode!
I've made so many wrong desions lately! In everything. I feel like because I've dug so deep that I can't climb up with out support or a ladder! I don't have either of those! I don't think I will ever have either of those!
It's amazing how I've dug this hole so deep so fast! I didn't start diggin until July! Which Brings me to my first mistake! Him, yeah him Joe! Even though he was a mistake, "he is one of my favorite mistakes!"
Then after that things only got worst! It's not looking up either! I see myself going down a dead end road! Litreally!
I just want to make things right, but I don't know where to beginning! I know that nobody can help me because everything I need help with are the things that I keep bottled up, things that I don't tell anyone! **sigh** wish things didn't get this bad! Because things can only get worst!...
Well anyways, I'm sick and because I'm sick my parents already told me that I cant have anyone over this week and I can't go anywhere until the weekend! Which sucks, because I hate being home! Especially alone! My grandma is getting really sick...they don't know if she is gonna make it! Have a feeling a funeral is coming up! Not looking forward to that!