Longest entry ever.
Poor livejournal is like absolutely dead. I remember the days when people would actually make posts. Even posts that weren't really emo and retarded, posts that were like exciting and told you a great story or whatever.
Otherwise, things are going crazy. I'm feeling like there is sooo much opportunity waiting that I'm trying to take advantage of, but at the same time it's like overwhelming. And on top of all the goodness I'm still just really concerned about my health situation. I know I'm feeling tons better now but still....I know I'm going to need that fucking surgery and I'm so frustrated about it I can't even put it into words really. It's going to mess up the summer. It's going to hurt. I will have to be back in the hospital, again, and that is just shitty in general. But I mean, I guess if I need it, I need it and that's that. And it will help. But I want to just be done with it all, I mean, it's been almost a year on and off of being in pain and being barely able to function sometimes. I really just want to put the worst behind me and figure out what I have to do to live with this and just do it.
But enough of that shit. I'm going to try to take over the world. I have a research assistant position for the summer and I will be interviewing preschoolers, fucking yeah. I am so damn excited about it, I really hope it's fun and interesting. And it will definitely be good for grad school, at least getting the experience and getting to know a grad student/professor who could possibly write me a recommendation. Then there's the Me and My Family Project position that I could potentially get, or the one at Mt Hope....because I for real need money and the research assistant position doesn't pay. Hopefully I can get some reach funding though. My main goal here is to NOT have to go back to Tim Horton's. However, if that does become necessary, recent events have made it slightly more appealing. As it turns out, Melissa told me that Paolucci is leaving. Finally. So Candy will be manager. Candy loves me. The job still sucks, I'm still unappreciated as fuck, but if I needed the job I'm like 99% sure they'd love to have me back, especially now that Candy will be in charge.
So the reason I need money. Well other than to live and save up for those nice little (not so little) loans I will have to pay off, I'm going to be hopefully studying abroad in London next spring. Which, if all works out, should probably be one of the greatest experiences I will ever have, ever, in my life. I'll have an internship, which will be kickass and helpful again for Grad school, and just awesome in general. I'll be in LONDON. I don't really think an explanation is needed here, hah.
The semester is finally almost over. Thank the lord. I am actually going to make it out, alive, through the whole semester. Definitely one of the more challenging things I've had to do. But it feels good to know it's almost over. And I'm going to do just fine. And when it's over, something awesome happens. This is called SUMMER. Which I plan on living up. Despite the fact that I will be hopefully working a kindoflot and getting money. But I am going to spend as much time as possible with my hottieawesome friends doing really cool things. And you know I will be hitting up Lugia's more than once haha. Plus some of the girls are staying in Rochester for part of the summer so hopefully we can get together at least a couple times and I can steal em away from their classes/workings. And we're going to Texas so I can finally see LOLA PALO. And others. I'm seriously so pumped, we haven't been there since Uncle Frank passed away like what, three years ago? Four? And I just really miss the family and being there, and seeing the people who I'm not sure how we're related exactly, but they're still awesome. Also, it doesn't hurt that Sonic is there too haha.
One more thing....I really want to start doing things. Vague, yes, I know. But I feel like life is going by SO QUICKLY and I'm not living up to the expectations of what young people are supposed to be doing. I'm not talking lets get fucked up and hook up with some sleazeball, I mean just having awesome memorable experiences and doing big kid things. I feel so boring sometimes and like I'm wasting the college experience doing nothing. I mean yeah we do lots of cool things, and this semester was weird because I was sick so much, but still, I feel like I need to do more and put myself out there more. So hopefully I can do that and change a little and like, de-hermitize. And maybe, just maaaaybe some day before I turn 50 and go into menopause, maybe there will be a time when I could ever find a boy. Like it's seriously ridiculous that I am almost 20 years old and there are like 5 year olds who have more experience with the opposite sex than me. It's terrible. And yeah it's probably my fault mostly but I still just can't believe that SOMETHING hasn't happened. I look around at all these couples and I'm like...Fuck. Like, how, what? You're like, ew, what, how do you have a boyfriend? Yes I'm a bad person, whatever, but you know what I mean. I just always tried to chill out and be like oh, it'll happen. Well now I'm thinking it's just not going to happen ever because jesus, I'm getting fucking old here. And yes I should be more proactive but the thing is, there aren't even any potentials FOR me to be proactive towards. Where the men at? I'm basically just generally frustrated about the whole thing and I'm sick and tired of waiting and just getting more and more behind. I'm supposed to have had plenty of practice at this point. Uhhh how's that going?
If only I put all this time and energy into doing actual assignments, wow, I could be amazing! In other news, OBOC and the Midnight Ramblers 10th Anniversary show are both this weekend, which means my musical needs will be fulfilled to the MAX and I can't wait.
Otherwise, things are going crazy. I'm feeling like there is sooo much opportunity waiting that I'm trying to take advantage of, but at the same time it's like overwhelming. And on top of all the goodness I'm still just really concerned about my health situation. I know I'm feeling tons better now but still....I know I'm going to need that fucking surgery and I'm so frustrated about it I can't even put it into words really. It's going to mess up the summer. It's going to hurt. I will have to be back in the hospital, again, and that is just shitty in general. But I mean, I guess if I need it, I need it and that's that. And it will help. But I want to just be done with it all, I mean, it's been almost a year on and off of being in pain and being barely able to function sometimes. I really just want to put the worst behind me and figure out what I have to do to live with this and just do it.
But enough of that shit. I'm going to try to take over the world. I have a research assistant position for the summer and I will be interviewing preschoolers, fucking yeah. I am so damn excited about it, I really hope it's fun and interesting. And it will definitely be good for grad school, at least getting the experience and getting to know a grad student/professor who could possibly write me a recommendation. Then there's the Me and My Family Project position that I could potentially get, or the one at Mt Hope....because I for real need money and the research assistant position doesn't pay. Hopefully I can get some reach funding though. My main goal here is to NOT have to go back to Tim Horton's. However, if that does become necessary, recent events have made it slightly more appealing. As it turns out, Melissa told me that Paolucci is leaving. Finally. So Candy will be manager. Candy loves me. The job still sucks, I'm still unappreciated as fuck, but if I needed the job I'm like 99% sure they'd love to have me back, especially now that Candy will be in charge.
So the reason I need money. Well other than to live and save up for those nice little (not so little) loans I will have to pay off, I'm going to be hopefully studying abroad in London next spring. Which, if all works out, should probably be one of the greatest experiences I will ever have, ever, in my life. I'll have an internship, which will be kickass and helpful again for Grad school, and just awesome in general. I'll be in LONDON. I don't really think an explanation is needed here, hah.
The semester is finally almost over. Thank the lord. I am actually going to make it out, alive, through the whole semester. Definitely one of the more challenging things I've had to do. But it feels good to know it's almost over. And I'm going to do just fine. And when it's over, something awesome happens. This is called SUMMER. Which I plan on living up. Despite the fact that I will be hopefully working a kindoflot and getting money. But I am going to spend as much time as possible with my hottieawesome friends doing really cool things. And you know I will be hitting up Lugia's more than once haha. Plus some of the girls are staying in Rochester for part of the summer so hopefully we can get together at least a couple times and I can steal em away from their classes/workings. And we're going to Texas so I can finally see LOLA PALO. And others. I'm seriously so pumped, we haven't been there since Uncle Frank passed away like what, three years ago? Four? And I just really miss the family and being there, and seeing the people who I'm not sure how we're related exactly, but they're still awesome. Also, it doesn't hurt that Sonic is there too haha.
One more thing....I really want to start doing things. Vague, yes, I know. But I feel like life is going by SO QUICKLY and I'm not living up to the expectations of what young people are supposed to be doing. I'm not talking lets get fucked up and hook up with some sleazeball, I mean just having awesome memorable experiences and doing big kid things. I feel so boring sometimes and like I'm wasting the college experience doing nothing. I mean yeah we do lots of cool things, and this semester was weird because I was sick so much, but still, I feel like I need to do more and put myself out there more. So hopefully I can do that and change a little and like, de-hermitize. And maybe, just maaaaybe some day before I turn 50 and go into menopause, maybe there will be a time when I could ever find a boy. Like it's seriously ridiculous that I am almost 20 years old and there are like 5 year olds who have more experience with the opposite sex than me. It's terrible. And yeah it's probably my fault mostly but I still just can't believe that SOMETHING hasn't happened. I look around at all these couples and I'm like...Fuck. Like, how, what? You're like, ew, what, how do you have a boyfriend? Yes I'm a bad person, whatever, but you know what I mean. I just always tried to chill out and be like oh, it'll happen. Well now I'm thinking it's just not going to happen ever because jesus, I'm getting fucking old here. And yes I should be more proactive but the thing is, there aren't even any potentials FOR me to be proactive towards. Where the men at? I'm basically just generally frustrated about the whole thing and I'm sick and tired of waiting and just getting more and more behind. I'm supposed to have had plenty of practice at this point. Uhhh how's that going?
If only I put all this time and energy into doing actual assignments, wow, I could be amazing! In other news, OBOC and the Midnight Ramblers 10th Anniversary show are both this weekend, which means my musical needs will be fulfilled to the MAX and I can't wait.