growing up...
Its one of those sentimental/nostagic entries again...pasensya na at ang emo ng lola nyo. But lately I've been thinking back to how much my life has changed, especially in the eight years since I've immigrated to the States. And everytime I come to work, I feel that sense of being constantly in doubt... or worse feel lost at what the heck I'm doing with my life. Musings on things that have changed --
MONEY -- Last time I was with the parents at Seafood City, I bought all these Filipino snack foods (Curly Tops, anyone?) and told my mom to go ahead and pickup whatever ingredients she needed for dinner. When we got to the checkout, I realized how only six months ago it was my sister standing at that same place, and me at her side pestering her to let me grab a few Oishii and Kirei (read: Filipino junk food). Suddenly realization to the fact that I am actually earning money now, and thankfully have the means to buy things when I wanted to. Money can't really buy happiness, but its certainly a less heavier feeling when you have to beg for an allowance.
FRIENDSHIP -- I've never really been the person that has a bazillion friends, because frankly I was never that cool to have that much. But ever since highschool and throughout college I've tried to be more sociable, and have been blessed enough to meet such wonderful people in my life. At work, most of the older seasoned nurses fortunately have been really nice to me... and treat me endearingly like their little sister. But now I sort of feel sad that alot of the friendships I've tried to keep through college has been getting tougher to keep... case in point, one of my barkada/kumare, Alvia is also working as an RN -- she's a NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) nurse at Good Samaritan... and sadly our work schedule so far has been the exact opposite. Like we haven't really managed to hang out in months. And most of my other friends understandably have their own life to live... all of us are busy, and barely able to squeeze in a lunch whenever our schedules manages to mesh.
FAMILY -- When I was still fourteen, and living in Manila... our home was always so vibrant, almost all of my family were there living in one home, so there was always bonding time -- especially on Sundays when the whole family would eat after church. Nowadays, there are weeks when I barely see my parents or my sister. Sometimes I'd be trying to catch up on sleep when my sister comes home from her shift at USC, and by the time its my turn to go to work, she's already midshift at the hospital. There are days that I come home fresh from a 12 hour graveyard shift, and breakfast becomes the only time the four us share a meal together. I'm actually starting to hate the fact that on the rare weekends when my brother and his kids visit -- most of the time I'm too tired/sleepy to play Mario Kart with them. But there has been good things as well -- my parents now (usually) see me as adult, and actually respect my decisions... probably because I pay some of the bills now.
PRIORITIES -- Funny how these things change so fast sometimes in life. Back in elementary school, I wanted this boy I liked to notice me, and not think I was the "fat girl." In 2001, when I was barely getting used to living in the States, my main priority was to pass Algebra (and be "accepted" into the clique). In my senior year my main focus was to graduate on time, and get accepted to a good university. Most of my college years was spent on surviving nursing classes -- both theory and early morning clinicals. Six months ago, I prayed to God for me to just pass the NCLEX-RN. Two weeks ago I remember thinking that I should stop sweating so much whenever I needed to call a doctor at three in the morning.
And theres a bunch of little things too, that didn't really change at all. Still geeky and sometimes painfully shy. Still clueless and trying to be less lost. Still doing my best to live my life, and survive all the challenges along this journey. Still writing random and possibly too mushy entries on my journal/diary/blogs.