why does she make me write stuff like this??
so for over a year i have had a friend that i have chosen to keep close to my heart. despite her flaws and spoiled lifestyle... despite her imperfections for whatever reason i've not been willing to part with her. so... on my own end i've struggled with WHY do i endure this spoiled little brat so to speak when i have cut off so many ties off with people who have literally gone through tough times and hard moments with me, when i did- once upon a time love these other people too...
its questions i still struggle with but am slowly gaining clarity upon.
blessings... instead of problems. maybe.
so so many people have so many blessings they don't even see. recognize or appreciate... due to being lucky. or spoiled. or blessed... i mean. I SEE things like family, friends, health, home, work... I SEE those things as blessings but... i guess sometimes I NEED people like her to remind me that... not every one thinks that way. people don't see the everyday "happy norm" as gifts and blessings... its just... their normal... and everything else is their hardships and struggles and badness...
all of a sudden... some lame boy not calling or being a jackass is the worst thing in the world. and i hate myself. and i'm ugly. so- i should just die or something... and i suppose- it floors me.
its a giant game of... i don't understand how you can think that way. i don't know how you can function without seeing... things the way i do. and that mystery of... HOW ThE hell can they... HOW CAN You not???
how can you not... LOVE that you have your body... your senses? your mind? how can you not love yourself for not being a slave to addiction... she's not. i am. its a battle constantly. but... she- not so much. she doesn't see it at all.
even something simple. imagination. simple yet endlessly complicated. If you have one.... WHAT A THING TO BE THANKFUL for! I mean- there are people who fantasize about darkness and evil and see nothing but nightmares in the shadows.
There are people who can't dream at all. and live in a void of reality and numb interaction.
i would would be very unhappy if I couldn't dream anymore... I'd be devastated if I couldn't day dream or write... if my imagination was gone I would feel empty. i'd been hollow i feel... to a degree.
AS people we are prone to ask questions, to think, and survive.... amongst other things. :)
UGH!! WHY does she make me write stuff like this?? I don't know. She frustrates me. Infuriates me sometimes. I love her though. What the fuck! Haha- i don't know... but I do know she's one braud who gets me to write... so it must be something... if nothing else she's keeping a lifelong passion going. even if its in random erratic bitching/ writing.
...should i be happy for it? thankful? I don't know.
its one of those... who is opening whose eyes... things... ... yeah... i dont know either. lol. done for now.
its questions i still struggle with but am slowly gaining clarity upon.
blessings... instead of problems. maybe.
so so many people have so many blessings they don't even see. recognize or appreciate... due to being lucky. or spoiled. or blessed... i mean. I SEE things like family, friends, health, home, work... I SEE those things as blessings but... i guess sometimes I NEED people like her to remind me that... not every one thinks that way. people don't see the everyday "happy norm" as gifts and blessings... its just... their normal... and everything else is their hardships and struggles and badness...
all of a sudden... some lame boy not calling or being a jackass is the worst thing in the world. and i hate myself. and i'm ugly. so- i should just die or something... and i suppose- it floors me.
its a giant game of... i don't understand how you can think that way. i don't know how you can function without seeing... things the way i do. and that mystery of... HOW ThE hell can they... HOW CAN You not???
how can you not... LOVE that you have your body... your senses? your mind? how can you not love yourself for not being a slave to addiction... she's not. i am. its a battle constantly. but... she- not so much. she doesn't see it at all.
even something simple. imagination. simple yet endlessly complicated. If you have one.... WHAT A THING TO BE THANKFUL for! I mean- there are people who fantasize about darkness and evil and see nothing but nightmares in the shadows.
There are people who can't dream at all. and live in a void of reality and numb interaction.
i would would be very unhappy if I couldn't dream anymore... I'd be devastated if I couldn't day dream or write... if my imagination was gone I would feel empty. i'd been hollow i feel... to a degree.
AS people we are prone to ask questions, to think, and survive.... amongst other things. :)
UGH!! WHY does she make me write stuff like this?? I don't know. She frustrates me. Infuriates me sometimes. I love her though. What the fuck! Haha- i don't know... but I do know she's one braud who gets me to write... so it must be something... if nothing else she's keeping a lifelong passion going. even if its in random erratic bitching/ writing.
...should i be happy for it? thankful? I don't know.
its one of those... who is opening whose eyes... things... ... yeah... i dont know either. lol. done for now.