(no subject)
Yes well I stayed home from school today. A sort of mental health day. I'm beginning to regret it though. Staying home gives me time to think about things, which I don't want to do. But then again I just didn't want to go through the pretense of acting happy when I'm really not. I'm just sick of being so strong, because I'm not, I'm weak. I broke down in the kitchen yesterday because my dad looked about ready to kill my brother. My brother came home and was screaming and kicking so my dad tried to restrain him. Kevin spit in his face so my dad started slapping him and wouldn't stop even though Kevin was yelling that it hurt. Then my dad got up and kicked him a couple times. It just scared me I guess because you could tell in my dad's eyes that he wanted to kill Kevin and probably would have if he hadn't gotten up and left. After that I cried in the kitchen then went into my room and cried more.
I just about ran away and Sawah was trying to calm me down online. Me and her have a plan to leave...I just can't take it here anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. There isn't anything for me, nothing that's helping me in anyway. All everyone and everything does is hurt me so I give up. I don't want to be a part of this family anymore. Yet they keep calling me back...I can't escape them even though I want to.
I think the only reason this is really getting to me is because it's never gotten this bad before. I mean I know my family is fucked up and all but it's never gotten bad enough where my dad beat up my brother. How can you do that to your own son? I don't get that...I mean I understand that dad might have lost control for a second but still...it doesn't make sense to me. We need help desperately but we never get any. No one can help us but ourselves and we're all too stubborn to do that. So I just want to leave, I can't take this shit anymore. It's just that I have nowhere to go and no one to go to. I sure as hell can't wait 3 years to leave, I need to go now. I just need a break from this house, this family, this life. From everything.
I just about ran away and Sawah was trying to calm me down online. Me and her have a plan to leave...I just can't take it here anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. There isn't anything for me, nothing that's helping me in anyway. All everyone and everything does is hurt me so I give up. I don't want to be a part of this family anymore. Yet they keep calling me back...I can't escape them even though I want to.
I think the only reason this is really getting to me is because it's never gotten this bad before. I mean I know my family is fucked up and all but it's never gotten bad enough where my dad beat up my brother. How can you do that to your own son? I don't get that...I mean I understand that dad might have lost control for a second but still...it doesn't make sense to me. We need help desperately but we never get any. No one can help us but ourselves and we're all too stubborn to do that. So I just want to leave, I can't take this shit anymore. It's just that I have nowhere to go and no one to go to. I sure as hell can't wait 3 years to leave, I need to go now. I just need a break from this house, this family, this life. From everything.