i just want a small part of your passion play
i've been thinking a lot. and made a decision. went through with the decision. now i'm kind of just waiting it out, waiting for it to not hurt so much and really looking to God, praying about my future, getting excited about my future, being hopeful and open, trying to start over a little bit. well, a lotta bit i guess. praying for the heart of my friend, that i will really, really miss.
it has been so long since i've been to church. and last weekend when my mom came she really encouraged me to go, or her to go with me, whatever. the church that i love dearly, though i don't know anyone there, is bethel down the street from where i live. i've been going there since i was in college, on and off, usually by myself. and i don't know what it is, but most every time i get there, i start crying. not sad crying, just crying like my heart is out on the table, and i'm really vulnerable. i always feel like God is right there, accepting me even though i've screwed up a million times and he's not even mad, just happy that i'm there. and i'm happy i'm there. and i want to make a stronger commitment to go more frequently, to connect with God. that is one area of my life, hugely important to me, that really suffered from neglect with my relationship with James. hard to swallow. i tried to believe that he believed, and maybe he does, but we never really moved forward with it.
i just want to do the right thing, to be at peace with my decisions and have my heart behind everything that i do.
it has been so long since i've been to church. and last weekend when my mom came she really encouraged me to go, or her to go with me, whatever. the church that i love dearly, though i don't know anyone there, is bethel down the street from where i live. i've been going there since i was in college, on and off, usually by myself. and i don't know what it is, but most every time i get there, i start crying. not sad crying, just crying like my heart is out on the table, and i'm really vulnerable. i always feel like God is right there, accepting me even though i've screwed up a million times and he's not even mad, just happy that i'm there. and i'm happy i'm there. and i want to make a stronger commitment to go more frequently, to connect with God. that is one area of my life, hugely important to me, that really suffered from neglect with my relationship with James. hard to swallow. i tried to believe that he believed, and maybe he does, but we never really moved forward with it.
i just want to do the right thing, to be at peace with my decisions and have my heart behind everything that i do.