(no subject)
I'm so inspired, so dried of words. Expression feels tedious, like a waste of time. I haven't time to wallow. But I have time to remember. Whether cruising around town in a bus, fantasizing a memory as lengthened, or gazing into firey eyes, I fall back onto reminiscence. So much time to recall, to reflect. Wears you thin, though. I eventually lose it behind clouding smoke or torrential rain.
The commentary behind pupils rolls on because the life I live is too dry for my thirst, which pulses behind my mouth, just under my tongue. I lick my wounded teeth, trying to lap up something worth speaking or something around which to curve my tongue. But alas, tip-to-root lies like an oak board--the same way my mind's eye does on him.
These break-ups, they're just no longer worth it.
I guess it's time to start saving myself for someone I think is more worthy, which is what i thought I was doing all along. And this seemed solidified when I met Steve, but hmm.... yeah.... The lenses of 20/20 hindsight are now shattered. The opium maybe? The marijuana? The alcohol? Probably none of the above, but more like when we clashed hard and sweaty, his a force illuminated the same color as my soul. I peered so deep into something overly complex, but paring away to simplicity in solitude. All for living up to the image created, the image desired. All in frivolity, really.
I wanted his flaws, I wanted his tattoos to mean something. Instead I gazed over pretty cruise photos and heard (and even told) tall tales of a life truncated by diagnoses and scheduled drug pick ups. Oh the life dammed with a black condom, the resivor filled with pipe dreams and mishaps, inconsistencies in philosophical prognosis. Oh! How we fucked! We spilled our guts unto each other for the great puzzle-game, for the scavenger hunt. But seeking the abstract is like picking up a dollar bill and wondering where it's been: a goose chase no longer wild.
"When I say you shocked my brain out, the English translation is 'I'm in love with you and it ain't no fun.'"