I want to curl up in a little ball and die...
So..I guess I am single again. Im not sure..I am thinking it is a yes. It came out of nowhere for me. I wasnt expecting it. I thought he was happy and I knew I was happy so.... Werent we? He said I like the idea of being inlove. If that is so shouldnt he see that I love who I am inlove with then? Isnt that the only way to accomplish that? Maybe I read too much into these things..Or maybe not enough. Who knows. All I do know is that I have the worst migrane for I havent stopped crying since it hit me...After he called and I said he was free of me. I felt like he already was and it was simple... But I was very wrong. Lord..I dont think Ive cried this much for someone in a very long ...Long long time. He said I didnt make eye contact with him enough. Goodness me.. Its hard for me to do that with someone I really really care for. It takes time for me to do that kinda thing.. And I never knew when he was joking with me for he was always so happy and I didnt take him seriously I guess. When I am like that I am just playing but I was wrong with him. God I dont want to seem desperate... But to think that I will never get to see him again... And there is the phone..
And he never loved me... I knew it.. But can he really love me in just one weeks time? I hated the line he used... "I think you just love the idea of being inlove but you really dont love me." Its...been stabbing me since this afternoon. Was that what a second chance felt like? If I had known he was going to break up with me because I didnt call him by his name enough I would have only called him Tommy. Or that I didnt "excite" him enough... I cant help that...Thats his own problem.. I am alot of fun but maybe its just not the kind of fun he was interested in... And Im not ready for that kind that he wanted... And I thought he understood that but I guess I was wrong. I feel so numb... God if this is what true heartache is I never want to love another person ever again.... In fear of this feeling... I still think there was something underlinging... That he was insecure about something and didnt want to tell me..Which is sad.. I would have accepted anything and moved on.. But thats his loss... Hopefully all my girls at school are right and in a weeks passing time Ill have forgotten and moved on with my life...
Im going to miss my new best friend though...
....
Its gonna be hard to remember not to call him...
...
Or IM him...
....
Or love him anymore...
.................
On a much lighter note I have gotten my glasses today. They are beautiful and I have gotten so many compliments already. <3 Even from people I dont even know! How crazy is that? .......To bad Ill always link them with the tears of letting go of someone though...... In English class today we were told to write poetry... And then read it allowed but were not told this until after the fact... Everyone.. Gasped at mine.. At how much feeling went into being hurt.. I guess he was my muse today...But this shall be the last time.... I think I want some fridge magnets now for writing poetry...So I can stick it on the fridge when Im done and sob around everywhere... Now I want to get my poem back from Robson... *sigh* but for what reason? To mope more? Yuck.. I need to get the smell of him out of my sweatshirt.. It just keeps upsetting me to smell him lingering. -_-
I shouldnt have even bothered calling..Its not going to make him come back...Nor would I want him back if he doesnt really love me in return.... I wonder what finally made it click he didnt really like me.. Unless it was in his mind all along.. But why have me meet his family then? They were all so sweet to me.. And mine liked him.. I think my mother was crushed for me.. I tried to be tough... Tell her I didnt care for him.. He was right... I didnt love him at all...But ended up crying and saying it all wasnt true and I would take everything back... God...So emo......
STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM >< ...
..
....Im done now..
And he never loved me... I knew it.. But can he really love me in just one weeks time? I hated the line he used... "I think you just love the idea of being inlove but you really dont love me." Its...been stabbing me since this afternoon. Was that what a second chance felt like? If I had known he was going to break up with me because I didnt call him by his name enough I would have only called him Tommy. Or that I didnt "excite" him enough... I cant help that...Thats his own problem.. I am alot of fun but maybe its just not the kind of fun he was interested in... And Im not ready for that kind that he wanted... And I thought he understood that but I guess I was wrong. I feel so numb... God if this is what true heartache is I never want to love another person ever again.... In fear of this feeling... I still think there was something underlinging... That he was insecure about something and didnt want to tell me..Which is sad.. I would have accepted anything and moved on.. But thats his loss... Hopefully all my girls at school are right and in a weeks passing time Ill have forgotten and moved on with my life...
Im going to miss my new best friend though...
....
Its gonna be hard to remember not to call him...
...
Or IM him...
....
Or love him anymore...
.................
On a much lighter note I have gotten my glasses today. They are beautiful and I have gotten so many compliments already. <3 Even from people I dont even know! How crazy is that? .......To bad Ill always link them with the tears of letting go of someone though...... In English class today we were told to write poetry... And then read it allowed but were not told this until after the fact... Everyone.. Gasped at mine.. At how much feeling went into being hurt.. I guess he was my muse today...But this shall be the last time.... I think I want some fridge magnets now for writing poetry...So I can stick it on the fridge when Im done and sob around everywhere... Now I want to get my poem back from Robson... *sigh* but for what reason? To mope more? Yuck.. I need to get the smell of him out of my sweatshirt.. It just keeps upsetting me to smell him lingering. -_-
I shouldnt have even bothered calling..Its not going to make him come back...Nor would I want him back if he doesnt really love me in return.... I wonder what finally made it click he didnt really like me.. Unless it was in his mind all along.. But why have me meet his family then? They were all so sweet to me.. And mine liked him.. I think my mother was crushed for me.. I tried to be tough... Tell her I didnt care for him.. He was right... I didnt love him at all...But ended up crying and saying it all wasnt true and I would take everything back... God...So emo......
STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM >< ...
..
....Im done now..