(no subject)

Nov 03, 2005 22:47

i'm so frustrated with life lately. i just feel like nothing is where it should be. i'm not going to school, i'm not where i want to be (geographically), i don't have any good friends (here), i'm broke as a joke, etc. etc. god, i've got to do something. and goddamnit i've got to finish dropping these pounds. i lost thirty and then i stopped. what the fuck is wrong with me? and lately i feel like nothing is real anyway. money's not real, my job isn't real, this house isn't real, these people aren't real, and none of it matters. i just feel like i'm floating along in a dream that's eventually going to end and everyone knows it so no one cares about anything. maybe i just need change in a really big way. i really want to move to a new city all alone where no one knows me and start all over. not to run away from old problems, but start all over. but i don't have the courage to do that. and i'd be lonely as hell. i may not like the people i'm surrounded by now but at least there are people. but i've always been okay with being a "loner" i guess. i mean, i've always had friends and stuff but not many close ones. i just feel like i want to wake up and it'll be 2000 again. goddamn that was a good year. 2000-2001. eleventh grade. oh well, i can't live in the past. maybe that's what's wrong with me. i'm in love with every other period of my life except right now. or maybe it's just the truth and i'm at a low right now that i can't seem to climb the fuck out of. jesus christ.
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