Untitled
Last night was a complete disaster. First of all my dad made dinner. Shouldn't have had any but I did and that's what sorta started everything. Then I went to Kev's game at 8. Well it was suppose to be 8 but it was really 9 (the coach is an ass). Anyways, as we were waiting the room started to spin and I felt really really sick. I felt like I was having a panic attack so I went outside and for like no reason I just started crying. It was so weird. So Kev gave me the keys to his car and I sat in it freezing for an hour while he was playing just trying to calm down and stop crying.
Here's where it gets interesting. His team lost and he was wicked pissed which I mean in natural because his team sucks. After he drove his mom home we went back to my house and right from the get go I knew we were going to fight because he was in a bad mood so I told him to just drop me off. He didn't listen. We went into the basement and he was all like distant and stuff and said he was going to leave because he was in a bad mood and this was making it worse. Excuse me? He never even gave me a chance to make it better. So we starting fighting but it ended quick and he told me to lay down with him. Well one thing led to another and he was like "make love to me". He said it, not me. It like put me on cloud nine too because he's never said that. Anyways, things started happening and all of a sudden right as I really am getting my hopes up, he starts to fall asleep. Oh yeah, that makes me feel like a million bucks. So I feel like shit and start crying and he just doesn't understand that I'm a very emotional person and I hate being lead on. I got fed up with it and told him I was walking him to his car and he was leaving and as we were outside we started to fight again and he's like what do you want from me and I said not to be lead on and he yelled at me! I've never heard him yell before. My god I was so scared and I just told him to leave. I wasn't the one that started this. I told him he shouldn't come over and he was the one that wanted to do something. Well he appoligized and I did too (for like nothing) and he left. Then he called me and we talked for a little but that doesn't matter.
Now I get to wait for him to call me sometime today before work or after. You know, I really like don't even want to talk to him. I felt so like hurt last night and I did not deserve to have his anger taken out on me. I try to support him, I try to make myself avalible to him because of his schedule but he doesn't seem to even care. I mean his birthday was last month and he hasn't even had time to let me take him out for dinner. He doesn't try to fit around my schedule and he like never does anything sweet anymore. I don't even remember the last time he did (and Valintine's Day doesn't count). Either we both work on this relationship or we need to look at other options. I don't want to do all the work anymore. I'm so unhappy
Here's where it gets interesting. His team lost and he was wicked pissed which I mean in natural because his team sucks. After he drove his mom home we went back to my house and right from the get go I knew we were going to fight because he was in a bad mood so I told him to just drop me off. He didn't listen. We went into the basement and he was all like distant and stuff and said he was going to leave because he was in a bad mood and this was making it worse. Excuse me? He never even gave me a chance to make it better. So we starting fighting but it ended quick and he told me to lay down with him. Well one thing led to another and he was like "make love to me". He said it, not me. It like put me on cloud nine too because he's never said that. Anyways, things started happening and all of a sudden right as I really am getting my hopes up, he starts to fall asleep. Oh yeah, that makes me feel like a million bucks. So I feel like shit and start crying and he just doesn't understand that I'm a very emotional person and I hate being lead on. I got fed up with it and told him I was walking him to his car and he was leaving and as we were outside we started to fight again and he's like what do you want from me and I said not to be lead on and he yelled at me! I've never heard him yell before. My god I was so scared and I just told him to leave. I wasn't the one that started this. I told him he shouldn't come over and he was the one that wanted to do something. Well he appoligized and I did too (for like nothing) and he left. Then he called me and we talked for a little but that doesn't matter.
Now I get to wait for him to call me sometime today before work or after. You know, I really like don't even want to talk to him. I felt so like hurt last night and I did not deserve to have his anger taken out on me. I try to support him, I try to make myself avalible to him because of his schedule but he doesn't seem to even care. I mean his birthday was last month and he hasn't even had time to let me take him out for dinner. He doesn't try to fit around my schedule and he like never does anything sweet anymore. I don't even remember the last time he did (and Valintine's Day doesn't count). Either we both work on this relationship or we need to look at other options. I don't want to do all the work anymore. I'm so unhappy