(no subject)
This is just a lot of babbling...mostly depressive shit that i will probably regret writing later....Well lately I have been bored out of my mind. Paul was gone a whole week which in effect I hung out with a lot of other people that I kinda hadn't seen in a while. It was fun. My birthday is in 3 days...woo hoo...i should be happy but really I am not. I don't want to be 19...what's the benefit? Plus..Paul is going to be gone, I have to work, my mom has plans to go out and drink and I think my sister will be the one I spend my birthday with. My sisters cool and all but how cool am I really if nobody even wants to be with me on my birthday...and no I am not blaming you Paul, I know your dad made plans for you. Oh well...anyway...I've just been in kinda a shitty mood thinking about random stuff. I sat around last night thinking about Pete..and if i could have changed anything about his suicide or not...I mean he called me the day before it happened! I know that was 2 months ago but it is really kicking in now. Then I just have this weird feeling that Paul and I won't last too much longer because his friends hate me for god knows what reason...and personally I think friends shouldn't be lost because of a relationship. I don't want to be thought of as an annoying girlfriend and constantly be made fun of behind my back like Fiona. Don't get me wrong though, I love Paul sooo fucking much...I just wish his friends wouldn't hate me...I never did anything to them..the most I did is expressed a feeling that I didn't like Paul smoking pot...big deal..I never said he had to stop. Or maybe it is because I spend time with him that they want to. I just don't know what has happened since last summer when I had so much fun doing nothing with my friends...now I drive myself insane when I don't do anything because I feel like I am wasting my day. Well thank god for work...now I have to go get ready to go there and make money.