Ezekiel 16:39

[trickster_mk2]

[Private audio message to Elizabeth]

I just thought I should let you know, because you probably already do, that I took some of the things I left from Hatfield already. But if there is anything that I've forgotten, then I've got a place that you can send things on to. If you wanted to. You don't have to. I mean, it'd be nice.

[He's rambling, he

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[risegloriana]

video;

[She hadn't been expecting the message. She hadn't expecting anything at all. To her it was plain he wanted nothing to do with her, at least as far as that went. But she'd pitched a absolute fit when she saw his things gone. Screamed and then wept again. Curled up in the tigers -- all she felt she had left of him -- and cried until she fell asleep there, listening to the rumbling purr in their chest that wasn't half as soothing as his heartbeat that she'd learned. He was leaving her. Perhaps her fault, maybe not, but he was slipping out of her fingers, and in the back of her mind was that terrible, terrible realization. That there was no child. There was nothing to make him come back to her even to talk. But she could put that off for as long as it took to tell him the truth.

But she was determined not to let that show. He was moving on. Asking for his things back. Separating their lives once more. Elizabeth just wanted it to go back, even if dying had been awful, but being wrapped up in his tiny bed, when it didn't hurt.

No. No no no. Nothing came of going backwards. If he wanted to be civil -- to not rave and call her a bitch. Well. it was a start. She felt sick to her stomach, and she took a deep breath before she turned on her device to reply. Not because she wanted too, but just to show that she could move if he was intent on doing the same. Her tone was flat, without any of the warmth she reserved for him before. So what if he said she was too cold. That hardly mattered.]

I shall do so. I am sure Winchester can pass it on. [there. Two degrees of separation. She did not have to even see him.] There are plenty of things for me to be doing. [she didn't try to look pleased though, in fact there was no shift in her expression whatsoever. She may as well have been made of stone. Do no flinch. Never flinch. They will destroy you with it.

God she hated thinking of him as an enemy. Her hand dropped to her stomach again. Where it was still so flat, and she briefly followed it down before back up again, to him.] A sweet shop? Ah. That will serve you well I should think.

[trickster_mk2]

[Oh. Well. He's expected maybe something... friendly. A smile, even if it was one of those tiny ones from before, the sort that didn't state that she loved him, but maybe that she found him at least a little amusing. But no. She wasn't going to give him any such courtesy and he probably deserved it. The stuff about her mother probably had been too much. Everyone had said so. He was just too stubborn to see it before.

It'd wondered if he could go back. Just unwind the roll of time a little, a few days, and step back into himself and keep his mouth firmly shut. But he didn't have the power, and he didn't think it would help. She wasn't happy, not in her soul, and they would have fought over something else, and it would all have come pouring out again. You can live through a lot of deaths, but there's only so much heart break one existence can take. Pick up, move on.

He should have chosen a shop further away. Too late now.]

Yeah, I guess he could. Yeah. That's for the best. [He hangs his head slightly, his hands are out of shot, but he's playing with that ring. He shouldn't have ever- ]

It's a bit weird, I know. But Cas has his little... postal service thing, and it seems to work for him. And I thought... I'd need something to do. Get off my high-horse a bit, try and be a little more human. [With a job, and a house-thing. But actually working hard. That was just... not his style.] You'll probably find this hilarious but it's actually... only round the corner from Consciethia's.

[risegloriana]

[She had no smiles or laughter not to spare. Not when her heart felt so utterly broken. Better to just show nothing. To be removed. Not happiness, but not sorrow either. She could feel nothing. Nothing. She would be touched by nothing and she couldn't be dragged down and made to feel such a fool.

And a fool she did feel.

Her breath taken evenly, measured to give no effect other than calm. If she said this didn't hurt, than it wouldn't. She was a Queen, she could will it so with enough time.]

That's settled then. Should I find anything. [She doubted she would. She figured he already knew that. Which led her to question why he was calling? To what, remind her that he'd taken himself out of her life again? That was too bitter to think of without stinging.] I am sure it will help. [she looks unsettled a moment at him being so close again. But it isn't her city. It is everyone and he can't help where these places are.] Well. Perhaps my girls will visit your shop. They do love sweets.

[She means she does. Loves sweets, loved when they'd share them together at dinner. But pride as it stands, she won't be setting a single foot inside it.]

[trickster_mk2]

I took the books. I just... didn't want... [Why is he still talking? She's clearly burnt or thrown away anything he'd left and not rescued. He's not seen her with the tigers, not that he's been scouring the network for any trace of her. He knew she'd kept them, he'd seen them when he'd gone to Hatfield in the middle of the night but... but did she even love them any more? He couldn't bring himself to ask, no now he couldn't feel them anymore. That link was severed, like all the others.]

I was thinking they might. I mean, it can't hurt business, can it? Having a school so close. And I thought that way... [He stops. She's probably made it very, very clear over the last few conversations that she doesn't want to know. But he's by nature someone who doesn't like the word no, and so maybe that's why he keeps pushing.

Maybe that's why he's not taken off the ring.]

I thought maybe on high-days and holidays I might send some over for the teachers too.

[He means her. Of course he means her, she probably knows it. There's not really anyone else he'd want to send thing to, not anything that has such connotations anyway. She loves it, and he likes making her smile. And even if they can't be like they were, making her smile would soothe his Grace. It's probably too much to ask for.]

[risegloriana]

[Didn't want what? It's all she wants to ask, but doesn't. It stops there, words in her mind, tip of her tongue. But it never goes further. It can't.]

It cannot. Knew as I am to business... it makes sense. Location is important, is it not? Young girls are easily led after all, especially if there are sweets involved. [This could of been any other conversation they ever had. Seemed that way to an outsider. If not for the way all her words were precise, exact in their meaning. For that so much colder.

But she honestly has no idea what to do with his pushing. With him saying these things that confused her -- and she very nearly flinched at what he said. But it shows no more than a slight furrowing of her brows before it smooths away again.]

My staff might enjoy it -- Her Majesty Snow, for example. I think she would enjoy it. [It's a deflection. She can't accept it, she could never. Not when he'd dragged himself out of her life and left her thus. Why did he have to press her like this? Did he enjoy watching her suffer in her loneliness? What did he want? She couldn't figure out. He insulted her, cut her deeper than she thought she was capable of, then wanted to give her gifts. It only makes her more and more unsettled, and her expression more removed.]

[trickster_mk2]

[She's not ever going to find out now, is she?]

You're just as new to it as I am but that was what I thought. My plan is to find out when pocket-money day is and open up then. I think some how I'll cover my expenses for the month that way. [He'd smile, and he does, but it's forced and not exactly... easy. For a creature so used to being happy, to laughing, all of this sorrow and regret is a very difficult pill to swallow.]

Yeah Snow. That's who I was thinking of. [Oh come on. It's clear from the way his face just just fallen completely that Snow was not who he meant. He'd forgotten she even worked there, even though of course she'd said that. Bake sale. He remembered now. He just didn't care.

There's one thing he has to know though.]

Would you turn away a box I sent you?

[risegloriana]

[Apparently not.]

Expenses? You have those now I suppose. Even with your... abilities. [She hadn't thought so. He liked the easy life. Liked laying in bed most of the day. If he left it because he was bored it was never to do anything that required work.] Dues to be paid and all the rest I suppose? [She tries to make her tone a little lighter, not so harsh. Not smiling, she just didn't have that in her. But it was an attempt to keep the civility.]

Naturally. [She just looked away again instead of acknowledging that. That was her plan, to keep pressing the respectful distance of each other.

Or it is the plan until he asks that. She wants to scream at him again, ask him why he keeps doing this. Keeps pushing when he'd made it clear he didn't want anything from her. But instead of that she just sets her jaw and takes another moment to breathe and form her words. Licking her lips a moment out of nervousness.]

If you send them to the school, how could I refuse? [it's not a yes and not a no. It will have to do.]

[trickster_mk2]

Well, I was playing not to use those so much. You know, try and be... more human. Normal. Better all round that way. [Fresh start. When the kid came, it wouldn't need to be the kid with the arch-angel for a father. It had a queen for a mother anyway, and that would be tough enough. Besides, being Gabriel the Arch-angel was causing as much trouble as being The Trickster, so maybe he'd try just being boring old Gabe. It might even work out.

He was hoping that that offer, sincere and honest might break the ice, or at least melt it slightly, make her see that he was sorry for the pain he had caused even if he couldn't ever make it go away. But apparently the very idea was horrific to her and he took that as a sign to give up. He wanted so much to make amends but that just wasn't going to happen, he'd gone too far.]

Oh. Well. I suppose that's me told, isn't it? Don't worry, I promise not to be bothering you any more. I've taken up too much of your time as it is.

[risegloriana]

It certainly has a element of surprise to it. I know you like to be surprising. I am not sure many people would expect you to work... [She reaches stiffly for the glass of wine that has been sitting just off screen. Drinking it slowly. As if it would make this conversation easier. Better. Everything was warmer through a cup of wine. It had to help. After all Dean liked to drink away his problems.

Kept her mind off what he was saying, too, and the way it irritated her.]

I did not say that. Do not put words in my mouth. [even that is level and even, she can not lose her temper if she doesn't want to. She swears it. She'd be better than her father.] I'm not busy at the moment, simply going through reports.

[trickster_mk2]

No one who knows me, probably. But out with the old me, in with the new me. It's not exactly penance but maybe it'll do some good. [He shrugs, not sure why he's telling her all of this. Maybe he wants her approval or maybe he's trying to convince her that he's not the same ass-hole that she fought with. Maybe he's trying to convince himself.]

I'm not putting words in your mouth, Majesty. You just seemed uninterested and Dad forbid me if I bore you. [There's perhaps a little more of an edge to his words than there should be, but suddenly the pain is there all over again. He doesn't want it, wants to shut it out and maybe that means backing off. He's trying to reach out, but he doesn't know exactly how successful all this effort is.]

[risegloriana]

I guess not, you've done very well in keeping to yourself. At least it'll stop you getting too bored. You never do like that. [This was getting a little easier. If they could keep this up then they could pretend this wasn't the most awkward.

Until he took that tone and she frowned a little more.] I did not say that either. I was trying to be civil. [she grit her teeth, her fingers curled up tightly again before she released it again and got back in control of herself. What was it about him? That dragged this up, like lighting a candle, and she wanted to just...

Damn it all she didn't know what she wanted any more. Wanted him to just go away and never come back to hurt her like that again. Wanted him back to curl up against and tell it would be alright again.] I do not see why we can't.

[trickster_mk2]

Apart from you, you know me better than the rest of these saps, huh? [And that was why she could hurt him, because she knew exactly which parts of him to poke and which bits bruised. She was a dangerous friend but almost certainly a worse enemy. For most. He was almost certain it hadn't become that bad between them yet,] You're lucky that I was never bored when I was near you. You've never had to witness true chaos.

[He sighs, and rubs a hand over his face. There's several days of stubble now, a beard almost.] Well it seemed like you just wanted me to fuck off and leave you alone. I thought civil meant at least trying to be friendly. Not just... polite and cold.

[But maybe several thousand years still isn't enough to understand all the nuances of human behavior. They're just so... complex. Give him dogs any day.]

[risegloriana]

I like to think I grew to. [But apparently not. Apparently they were just to different. Or too similar. She could hardly tell any more. It was such a mess.] -- and I certainly hope I never bored you. [Given everything they'd done together. Perhaps when she was sleeping. But he'd more often than not be there when she woke up even still. It was better than having her ladies wake her. God she missed him. But she refused to let it show and make even more of a fool out of herself.]

I am just not sure how to proceed. [There, she'd admitted it. That had to mean something.] You made it very clear to me you... found my company tiresome. Nor do I exactly know what want, apart from your other items left behind. [She almost wanted to treat this like a battle, declaration of terms. Statement of grievances. Why couldn't this be court? It would be so easy if it was.]

[trickster_mk2]

Really? I think you got me right from the start, had me twisted around your finger even when I was trying to play king of the world. And at your party. You could play me like a harp Princess, and I don't think it took you any time at all to learn. [It's said surprisingly fondly, even though they weren't... his most glorious of moments. Is there even a tinge of regret? Maybe so. But you'll always mourn for what has passed.]

Do any of us? Last time I broke up with someone, Kali threatened to scatter me across the stars if I ever even considered stepping back into India.

[Then he stops, and he frowns. No. He never said any such thing, not at all. He would never] Lizzie, I'd never say that, because it isn't true.

[risegloriana]

It certainly doesn't seem so. Maybe you give me too much credit. Perhaps I was just making it up as I went along. [She might of shrugged, looking away. She didn't want to pretend she had some kind of power over him. But that might of her mind being cruel. Being cruel was always easier than dealing with it.]

... I've never been broken up with. No relationship I understand is ever so impermanent. I've only ever been betrayed and that was the end of it. [She settled back, she used to absolutes. This middle ground they were supposed to have is just too strange.]

It certainly seemed like that. [She can't say it was logical, but it certainly felt that way.]

[trickster_mk2]

I only give or take exactly what credit is due. That's the point. Besides, even if I'm over-exaggerating, I thought you like compliments? Or has that changed now? [She's not a cruel creature, he could tell her that. Her life might have made her actions cruel, but inside? He really didn't think she was. She did what she had to do, and by the measure of her age? She was a pussy cat.]

Do you think I betrayed you?

[And that's a loaded question, a horrible one. He doesn't care about anything else that's said, or what comes after. He has to know how she feels on this, and it will decide and colour everything. He would never betray her, or their baby, or allow any hurt to come to her. Even if she thinks he has sold her short, he made that promise to her when she was in darkness, and he will keep it till the end of days]