And so it goes...
Happy New Year. More appropriately, Happy Groundhog's Day.
I haven't felt the need to write in this thing since my birthday.
Boredom, procrastination and a racing mind have brought me back. Lj, you sly minx.
.
What has been going on in my life since the new year... a lot and nothing. Starting my honors thesis is giving me a lot of anxiety. I really want it to work. I don't want to be the one who, at the end of the semester, decides not to do her thesis because it didn't work out. Though the professor says that's okay, and that it's a perfectly acceptable choice, we all know it's not. No one wants to be the one who gets weeded out. Please don't let me be weeded.
Trying to figure out what to do this summer is also anxiety producing. Covering lansing, ann arbor, and chicago... who knows where else I'll look over the next couple weeks. Maybe DC. Applied for study abroad for spring term so I can do an internship in Summer. What is my life.
In addition to all that... regular classes are consuming my soul. Hundreds of pages of reading, a presentation later today, a midterm on tuesday, two papers due.. and continual pressure to find research and move this thesis forward. Really, all i ever do is work and I am thinking that I may very well crash and burn soon. It is far too early in the semester to be this perpetually stressed.
In other news, my father has been terrorizing me via email and I currently have 2.75 in my bank account. Good thing I'm getting paid on Friday.
Why am I unhappy at random intervals? How do my moods change so quickly? Am I easily annoyed or are people easily annoying? How am I so confident...well, arrogant... and simultaneously so unsure of myself? I got an 86 on my first French exam... and my feelings were actually hurt that I hadn't been good enough to get a sticker. Maybe it was the sticker that evoked the 5 year old response. Maybe I am just at the end of my emotional tether and I don't know how to get back? I know what to do but don't have any of the answers. I don't want someone to patronize, I want someone to level with me. To connect. Maybe I am blocking the connection.
How am I so good at knowing others, what they're thinking/feeling, what they'll do next, and I cannot seem to get myself right?
This entry was WAY more in depth than I had planned.
My life, myself, these days has become a series of contradictions so paradoxical when put together that it somehow makes sense in a way probably best classified as simply (and complexly) human.
I really wanted that sticker...
I haven't felt the need to write in this thing since my birthday.
Boredom, procrastination and a racing mind have brought me back. Lj, you sly minx.
.
What has been going on in my life since the new year... a lot and nothing. Starting my honors thesis is giving me a lot of anxiety. I really want it to work. I don't want to be the one who, at the end of the semester, decides not to do her thesis because it didn't work out. Though the professor says that's okay, and that it's a perfectly acceptable choice, we all know it's not. No one wants to be the one who gets weeded out. Please don't let me be weeded.
Trying to figure out what to do this summer is also anxiety producing. Covering lansing, ann arbor, and chicago... who knows where else I'll look over the next couple weeks. Maybe DC. Applied for study abroad for spring term so I can do an internship in Summer. What is my life.
In addition to all that... regular classes are consuming my soul. Hundreds of pages of reading, a presentation later today, a midterm on tuesday, two papers due.. and continual pressure to find research and move this thesis forward. Really, all i ever do is work and I am thinking that I may very well crash and burn soon. It is far too early in the semester to be this perpetually stressed.
In other news, my father has been terrorizing me via email and I currently have 2.75 in my bank account. Good thing I'm getting paid on Friday.
Why am I unhappy at random intervals? How do my moods change so quickly? Am I easily annoyed or are people easily annoying? How am I so confident...well, arrogant... and simultaneously so unsure of myself? I got an 86 on my first French exam... and my feelings were actually hurt that I hadn't been good enough to get a sticker. Maybe it was the sticker that evoked the 5 year old response. Maybe I am just at the end of my emotional tether and I don't know how to get back? I know what to do but don't have any of the answers. I don't want someone to patronize, I want someone to level with me. To connect. Maybe I am blocking the connection.
How am I so good at knowing others, what they're thinking/feeling, what they'll do next, and I cannot seem to get myself right?
This entry was WAY more in depth than I had planned.
My life, myself, these days has become a series of contradictions so paradoxical when put together that it somehow makes sense in a way probably best classified as simply (and complexly) human.
I really wanted that sticker...