Escape From Kenosha
I had a simple mission today. I was to leave the house at 1:00 to arrive at my sisters house at 1:30 in order to proceed with her to a baby shower. I left my house at 1:11 because I am horrifically unpunctual. Someone was making a delicious egg and vegetable monstrosity in the oven and I desired eggs.
Things went as planned until I got roughly 13 blocks away from my house. Then I ran into a blockade. Because I am apparently a moron I failed to consider the date. I had assumed that a sensible town would not have its Fourth of July parade on July Fifth.
So, I turned towards the lake which in retrospect was a poor decision. I thought perhaps the parade was across town in a manner perpendicular to the fashion it was actually going. It was then I ran into the most amazing wall of traffic. It was bumper to bumper with barely enough room on the narrow streets by the lake.
There were clowns. There were people on foot. There were people on bikes. There were Cops blocking stuff off wherever I went. Finally, in a fit of rage, I called my sister while trying to move away from the lake. It was now around 1:45. I explained to her the sorry tale. She told me not to worry and gave me the advice that I should head towards the interstate for surely they can not parade upon I-94.
I finally got East of all the parade nonsense but traffic was still oddly backed up. I was crawling along the first clear road from the parade when I got stopped at a Y shaped intersection to let a series of Motorcycles with flags on the handlebars go past. They were followed by about 15 Shriners in their tiny cars and funny hats just driving along on the regular road Perhaps they were cuing up. By that point I could just laugh. When I got through that final intersection I called my sister again. She laughed.
I did not get to her house until about 2:05.
No one at the shower really cared that we were about a half hour late, fortunately. It was a very awesome casual affair.
The moral of this story is, I hate parades.
Things went as planned until I got roughly 13 blocks away from my house. Then I ran into a blockade. Because I am apparently a moron I failed to consider the date. I had assumed that a sensible town would not have its Fourth of July parade on July Fifth.
So, I turned towards the lake which in retrospect was a poor decision. I thought perhaps the parade was across town in a manner perpendicular to the fashion it was actually going. It was then I ran into the most amazing wall of traffic. It was bumper to bumper with barely enough room on the narrow streets by the lake.
There were clowns. There were people on foot. There were people on bikes. There were Cops blocking stuff off wherever I went. Finally, in a fit of rage, I called my sister while trying to move away from the lake. It was now around 1:45. I explained to her the sorry tale. She told me not to worry and gave me the advice that I should head towards the interstate for surely they can not parade upon I-94.
I finally got East of all the parade nonsense but traffic was still oddly backed up. I was crawling along the first clear road from the parade when I got stopped at a Y shaped intersection to let a series of Motorcycles with flags on the handlebars go past. They were followed by about 15 Shriners in their tiny cars and funny hats just driving along on the regular road Perhaps they were cuing up. By that point I could just laugh. When I got through that final intersection I called my sister again. She laughed.
I did not get to her house until about 2:05.
No one at the shower really cared that we were about a half hour late, fortunately. It was a very awesome casual affair.
The moral of this story is, I hate parades.