(no subject)
I hate school. Officially. It's totally kicking my butt. Seriously. I have so much to do that I don't know where to begin. I have to finish taking notes on chapter 11 in AP European History but my book and my notebook are both at school in my locker. And I also have to start reading chapter 12. I have a presentation in Government on Monday and I have to have a visual to get an A and so I was going to make a poster...however we don't have any color ink and my printer won't print unless it has all of the cartridges installed so I have no clue what I'm going to do. I have to finish reading, highlighting, and making margin notes on an essay for ACP English 12. I think I may go insane.
Let's put the icing on the cake too...I'm sick with a sinus infection/head cold. Blah.
On a brighter note...
I got amazing pants today. They're purple. I love them.
I went to Circuit City in search of the new Kids in the Way cd which they were supposed to have but I couldn't find it on the shelf. But anyway...I saw Chris Burton for the first time in over a year at least. He works there. So it was really nice to talk to him. It made me wish the way things used to be though...he and I used to be really good friends...he was prolly my best guy friend a couple of years sgo. Seeing him made me think about how simple things used to be. The lines were clearly drawn in our relationship...we both knew where they were. It was awesome...I wish I could say that about ******.
But then you grow up and things change and people change and you change...nothing's ever the same.
I wish it could be though. Sometimes...I wish things were still as simple as they were. LIke when you were five and it didn't matter that your t-shirt was dirty from playing in the mud and your hair wasn't brushed and you didn't need makeup...when being dirty made you cuter....when boys were icky. Life was so much simpler then. Ahhh...the sounds of yesteryear.
I'm going to college in a year. ONE YEAR...365 days. Holy crap. That makes me feel a plethora of emotions. I'm excited to finally be going...it's finally close...I'll be semi-independent. But I'm scared...will I be okay? Will I make friends? Will I do well?? And IDK...it's sad but exciting. I don't want to leave but then again I do and see what else is outside of Columbus, IN....what's outside of these four walls. To find out what my limits are, what my true love is, who my true love is, who I am...so many things about myself that I've never faced, I'm ready to face them. I'm ready to shed this outer layer...ready to be completely and totally myself and not be ashamed because I'm not like my friends or anyone else. I want to grow up a little...find out what the world's like...lose this naivety. I feel like I've been sheltered for so long and it's finally time to face reality. It's a daunting thing, but I'm excited. It's time for Chapter 2.
I'm sitting here listening to "Priceless" by Copeland. And if I was smart I would turn it off...because it arises way too many emotions. But I'm not smart. So as I sit here listening to this song, I'm fighting tears. And I'm pretty sure there's only about 2 people who now why. I'm sorry...I miss him. I can't help it. If I could I would. But I can't so here I am...
I almost feel like I'll never find what I'm looking for and if I do that I'll somehow screw it up. Maybe I've already found it...I guess it would be easier to figure out if I honestly knew exactly what it was I was lookng for. I know what it is and I know that I've already found it. But this "it" doesn't see it. Maybe "it" never will...maybe I'm doomed...cursed...jinxed. That would be my luck.
Amanda
Let's put the icing on the cake too...I'm sick with a sinus infection/head cold. Blah.
On a brighter note...
I got amazing pants today. They're purple. I love them.
I went to Circuit City in search of the new Kids in the Way cd which they were supposed to have but I couldn't find it on the shelf. But anyway...I saw Chris Burton for the first time in over a year at least. He works there. So it was really nice to talk to him. It made me wish the way things used to be though...he and I used to be really good friends...he was prolly my best guy friend a couple of years sgo. Seeing him made me think about how simple things used to be. The lines were clearly drawn in our relationship...we both knew where they were. It was awesome...I wish I could say that about ******.
But then you grow up and things change and people change and you change...nothing's ever the same.
I wish it could be though. Sometimes...I wish things were still as simple as they were. LIke when you were five and it didn't matter that your t-shirt was dirty from playing in the mud and your hair wasn't brushed and you didn't need makeup...when being dirty made you cuter....when boys were icky. Life was so much simpler then. Ahhh...the sounds of yesteryear.
I'm going to college in a year. ONE YEAR...365 days. Holy crap. That makes me feel a plethora of emotions. I'm excited to finally be going...it's finally close...I'll be semi-independent. But I'm scared...will I be okay? Will I make friends? Will I do well?? And IDK...it's sad but exciting. I don't want to leave but then again I do and see what else is outside of Columbus, IN....what's outside of these four walls. To find out what my limits are, what my true love is, who my true love is, who I am...so many things about myself that I've never faced, I'm ready to face them. I'm ready to shed this outer layer...ready to be completely and totally myself and not be ashamed because I'm not like my friends or anyone else. I want to grow up a little...find out what the world's like...lose this naivety. I feel like I've been sheltered for so long and it's finally time to face reality. It's a daunting thing, but I'm excited. It's time for Chapter 2.
I'm sitting here listening to "Priceless" by Copeland. And if I was smart I would turn it off...because it arises way too many emotions. But I'm not smart. So as I sit here listening to this song, I'm fighting tears. And I'm pretty sure there's only about 2 people who now why. I'm sorry...I miss him. I can't help it. If I could I would. But I can't so here I am...
I almost feel like I'll never find what I'm looking for and if I do that I'll somehow screw it up. Maybe I've already found it...I guess it would be easier to figure out if I honestly knew exactly what it was I was lookng for. I know what it is and I know that I've already found it. But this "it" doesn't see it. Maybe "it" never will...maybe I'm doomed...cursed...jinxed. That would be my luck.
Amanda