Fanfic: Catching the Clock, 2013 (The First Seven Married Months) Part 2
A week and a half later, after a hectic Monday, Robin beats Barney home. Walking straight through the empty apartment she makes a beeline for their bedroom and her stash at the bottom of her nightstand. With her coveted box and lighter in hand, she opens the French doors and heads out onto the balcony to smoke a much-needed cigarette.
She’s always been a stress smoker and after today it’s no wonder she’s hurrying to light up. She hasn’t had a work day this bad since the days of Becky and Come On, Get Up New York!. After this she’s desperately looking forward to another nine days of vacation come this weekend.
It was somewhat bold to expect more time off after having recently taken two weeks off for her wedding, but she’s a rising star at the network and thus has some clout now. And the reasoning behind her time request - this weekend she and her husband will be returning to her hometown to celebrate their heritage on Canada Day, and then the following week is the Fourth of July when she wants to celebrate her American citizenship too - aren’t exactly easy to turn down and still come off looking PC, so the network easily granted her request. But she has to get through four more work days to make it there - and right now curving her lips around this little nicotine-filled champion is helping.
She hates herself for it though. It’s been seven months since she smoked and every time she swears it’s going to be her last one.
But anxiety, tension, and stress have been her triggers since the first cigarette she ever had at age eighteen. Thankfully, she’s never become a chain smoker and can always walk away cold turkey with just a cigarette here and there when the pressure gets to be too much. Other than the one week period surrounding when Don first started at Come On, Get Up New York! and refused to wear pants, the closest she came to actually having a true smoking habit was back when she was dating Ted.
Barney knew all about her smoking because back in early 2006 he caught her at the bottom of the steps of MacLaren’s smoking a cigarette huddled in the corner where she hoped none of the gang could see her from the street above. But he kept her secret, and during her eventual relationship with Ted sharing a smoke with Barney out in the back alley behind MacLaren’s became a regular thing. While they smoked sometimes they just enjoyed a companionable silence, but just as often she’d unburden herself to him about the stressor causing her to smoke. That first time he caught her it was stress from her dead-end position at Metro News 1. Later on when it became their regular thing it was almost always the stress of dating Ted.
There were just so many ways that the two of them were different, so many things about herself that he didn’t approve of and to spare herself his judgment and lectures she had to keep hidden from him. She was hiding just how extreme her love for firearms was - he didn’t know about all the many guns she had hidden around her apartment or about her subscription to the gun enthusiast’s magazine; he didn’t know the truth about Robin Sparkles, though when she gave him a fake explanation he wasted no time blabbing it to all the others; he didn’t know about her dysfunctional background; he was clueless about her smoking, something she knew she could never share with him; he was critical about the number of sex partners she had so she had to fudge those numbers too. And sometimes the sheer Ted of him could get to be too much for her, with his architecture talk and dad jokes and ‘Crossword Day’. There were times when her nerves were already wearing so thin that she’d just want to smack him when he pronounced renaissance that way - and then aggressively tried to get her to go to the renaissance fair with him. In short, suppressing her true nature in order to be Ted’s girlfriend at times just got so exhausting. And so she’d complain to Barney while they de-stressed together, smoking cigarettes in the alley outside the bar after everyone else had left.
Thankfully for them both, she and Ted each now have the person they’re meant to be with and there’s no more pretending or suppressing required. Unfortunately for her however, she’s still working in a high stress environment what with her wayward co-anchor and all.
It’s always the co-anchors; they’re the scourge of her existence. WWN was a huge step up, but far be it for her to ever have a completely professional work environment.
While Robin keeps smoking and ruing her day, Barney lets himself into their apartment, home now from work himself. All of the lights are off, which isn’t that big of a deal since it’s only half past six and the first day of summer was just last week, meaning there’s plenty of daylight to illuminate the rooms. What’s odd about is it the absence of any TV or music, just utter silence. Everything is quiet. Too quiet. It’s the kind of heavy quiet when something’s wrong.
“Robin, are you here?” She should be. This morning she told him she was coming straight home, and when they talked on the phone at lunch they were making plans to have a quiet night and just order dinner in.
Legendary comes out to greet him but there’s still no sign of his wife until Robin’s distant answer comes that she’s in the bedroom. Barney walks in there too and finds her out on the balcony, cigarette in hand. “Whoa. You must be upset if you’re smoking,” he says as he crosses the room to join her outside. “I haven’t seen you with a cigarette since back during “The Robin” when I wouldn’t sleep with you.”
Robin tilts her head in acknowledgment. That was indeed the cause of her smoking relapse eight months ago - but that was a whole different kind of stress and frustration. “I had a bad day at work,” she tells him, turning back toward the railing to blow smoke over the side.
“What happened?” Barney asks, coming up behind her and putting his arms around her waist.
She leans back against him in the comfort of his embrace, sighing heavily enough that he can feel it against his chest. “Sandy Rivers happened. You once called yourself the Player King. Well, he’s the Sexual Harassment King of New York City,” she sarcastically informs him.
Barney frowns. “He didn’t hit on you, did he?”
“No. He knows better than that,” she puts his mind at ease. “Sandy gave up on trying to sleep with me a while ago. Plus he knows now that I’m married and actually in love with my spouse. But there’s a reason he didn’t get invited to our wedding; he’ll try to sleep with anything that’s breathing - willing or not - and then force the story on everyone. He’s a completely unprofessional, all-around mess.”
Barney places a kiss to her temple, gathering her even closer to him. “What did he do this time?”
Robin takes another long draw from her cigarette before launching into the tale that gets her riled all over again just repeating it. “We were doing a story on a cock ring,” she begins wearily.
“Uh-oh.”
“Yep. It’s exactly what you’re thinking,” she replies, knowing Barney’s sharp mind has already jumped to the correct conclusion. “But this was on live TV, and it was a serious thing. The cockfighting ring they’d busted was tied to a major drug cartel. It was an important story. But of course Sandy hadn’t done any of his background research, and as you can imagine he did not talk about that kind of cock ring. He talked about the time one got stuck on his cock. In graphic detail. Trying to shut him up and explain to him how he’d gotten it wrong - all while live on the air - was one of the most embarrassing moments of my career. And now the network is facing an FCC fine.”
Barney has to admit the whole thing is kind of funny. One day he can even picture them watching the footage together and laughing over poor Robin’s stunned and embarrassed reaction. But much like when she fell into horse manure all those years ago, he knows his wife well enough to know that now is too soon for her to see the humor in it. So he shelves laughing over it together for another day and instead rubs his hand softly over her hip in commiseration. “How hasn’t he gotten fired by now?”
Robin shakes her head, releasing another trail of smoke into the air. “I don’t know. No one does. People are taking bets on it down at the station….I think maybe he has something on someone. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense.”
“Even if he does, that’s only going to last him so long. You keep hanging in there, baby. Don’t get discouraged now,” he gently reassures her. “You’ve come so far and your name is on the rise. You’ve already overshadowed him. It’s only a matter of time before you eclipse him completely and then you’ll never have to deal with that idiot again.”
Barney’s encouragement has already boosted Robin’s spirits from what they were. When she first got here the number one instinct coursing through her was to shoot something. That wasn’t an option so her secondary instinct was to go for a cigarette, and she’s still on edge enough not to be finished with it yet.
“But in the meantime I’m smoking again,” she says in frustration, taking another draw. “And I honestly did want to quit. You should too,” she tells him in all serious. “I know I used to laugh it off and be the first to say I didn’t want anyone telling me how to live my life, but we’re getting older now….” She snuggles back into him, setting her hand over his on her waist. “And we have a lot to live for.”
“Well if you’re really serious about quitting I can get you off of cigarettes in no time,” Barney boldly claims.
“Oh really?” she questions, a hint of amusement plain in her voice for the theory she senses is coming next. “And how is that? You know smoking’s been my stress relief for years, since before I met you.”
“Exactly. Before you met me. Now that you’ve got me you have no need for cigarettes.” He outstretches his hands, clearing his throat theatrically. “I offer myself as stress relief.”
Robin smiles at that. “Talking to you has helped a lot,” she acknowledges. “But unfortunately I’m still smoking,” she regretfully points out, holding up the cigarette in her fingers.
“That’s because while talking with you is great, in this case you need something stronger than talking alone. Lucky for you, you’re married to a sexpert - and sex is the greatest stress relief of them all.”
“Is that so?” she grins.
“It’s basic science that sex is good for you.”
“You sound like a horny seventeen year-old,” she laughs.
“Mock if you will,” he playfully replies, “but any doctor will confirm it. Sex is the ultimate cure-all. Oxytocin more than quadruples during sex, creating a natural pain reliever to fix anything from a migraine to a sore back. And sex fights cancer in men. Men who ejaculate twenty-one times a month - that’s not even once a day - have a 33% less chance of developing prostate cancer.”
“With sex less than once a day?” Robin marvels mischievously. “Well then you never have to worry about that.”
“Thanks to the way you and I go at it, no I won’t,” Barney smirks suggestively. “But sex has its benefits for women too. A woman’s estrogen levels double during sex. It’ll make your hair shiny and your skin softer. And more importantly to your problem at the moment, sex releases endorphins that naturally decrease stress and stimulate a state of euphoria. True story.”
“Alright. You’ve persuaded me,” Robin replies, turning her head on his shoulder so her lips are near his. “Let me try.” She presses her mouth to his and already he expertly starts out the kiss with just the right amount of pressure and intensity, not coming on too strong but enough to make her want more. To that end, she turns in his arms so she’s facing him, and Barney gradually increases the passion of their kissing - including that swirling thing with his tongue that always does it for her - until her fingers are up in his hair and they’re both breathing heavily.
Slowly drawing back, she shakily confirms, “You’re right. You are way better than a cigarette.” She drops hers onto the balcony, stomping it out with the toe of her heeled sandal and kicking it over the side to flutter unneeded down to the ground below. Then her mouth is back on his for several more long moments, her hand fisted in his tie.
Breaking away, Robin gives him a breathless, seductive smile. “Come de-stress me some more….” she whispers, taking Barney’s hand and leading him back into their bedroom.
From that night on, she always comes to him whenever she’s feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and after an hour in bed with him - or in the shower, or on the couch, or in one of their offices, or just against the wall - she’s left feeling boneless and sated and by the time they talk it all out afterwards she doesn’t have a care in the world.
And this time it really was Robin’s last cigarette ever.
****
The next four weeks go by quickly. There’s the trip back to Robin’s hometown so she can get Barney in touch with his Canadian roots. Then they hurry back home to celebrate the Fourth of July in New York City. A couple weeks later the GNB raid finally goes down, and just four days after that it’s Robin’s 33rd birthday.
Robin never treated birthdays as a big deal. Unlike Lily, as an adult Robin never thought a fuss should be made over her. Perhaps a simple gathering of friends, a cupcake with a single candle at MacLaren’s, just something low-key. As a rule, Barney doesn’t disagree. He doesn’t make a huge spectacle out of his birthdays either. Outwardly he calls it ‘one more year of being awesome’ but it’s actually one year closer to crow’s feet - and that’s nothing to celebrate.
But it’s different with Robin. She didn’t just outgrow the need to be fussed over on her birthday. Robin never got to experience that in the first place. When she was very young she got to have some traditional birthday parties, most of which she was too young to even remember, but she did tell him about one particular birthday that stood out for her when she turned eight years old and her mother bought her a princess dress. It had pink ruffles and frills and lace, and she heard her parents having a huge fight about it the night before her birthday. As an adult she still marvels over how her mom managed it but somehow she got her way and the next day at the party Robin got to wear her little pink gown. The dress even had a tiny silver tiara for her hair. And for the first and only time in her life she actually felt like a princess. But after the divorce her mother wasn’t around to fight for her and Robin rarely even got a party anymore. Birthdays meant a handshake, a sip of scotch, being thrown out of a helicopter and tossed into the Canadian wilderness to ‘learn how to be a man’.
It hurts Barney to think about what she’s been through. Robin deserves more than a few lovely single digit birthdays, and so on this first birthday of their married life Barney wants to make a fuss over her and show her how special she is to him. He has a whole surprise agenda for today, starting with breakfast in bed. He and Legendary got up early and tip-toed their way out of the room to go get things ready for her. Right now the maple syrup is already heated and the pancakes are just seconds away from being done.
Back in their bedroom, Robin slowly begins to stir awake. Rolling over unto her side, she reaches her arm across to sling over her husband but only touches empty air. Opening her eyes she, indeed, finds his side of the bed empty. One quick look tells her the bathroom door is open and unoccupied. She’s just wondering where he’s gone off to when the bedroom door comes slowly sliding open. But, again, her eyes meet empty air and she knows that can only mean one thing: Legendary is the one returning, not Barney.
Yawning, Robin stretches and sits up just as the little dog is jumping onto the bed. Now that the bedroom door is wide open she can hear sounds coming from the kitchen - clattering of mugs, something being set down on the counter - and she figures Barney got up ahead of her to have coffee waiting.
“Is Barney out there making coffee?” she asks Legendary, reaching out to pet him. He just gives her a lazy puppy grin, snuggling into her lap for some loving.
Robin sits back against the pillows, continuing to stroke Legendary’s head and back as the memories of last night coming flooding through her mind. It had been one for the record books. They’d used the sex lounge and all of its amenities. Two months in, it’s finally stopped frightening the daylights out of Legendary when they activate it. Now they just give him a signal, he hops onto his bed and barely bats an eye when their bed goes into the wall to be replaced with another floor panel and their assortment of special chairs, contraptions, and toys. It was somewhere around two a.m. when, both exhausted and thoroughly satisfied, they put things back as they were, threw on some pajamas, and climbed into bed for the night.
She giggles softly to herself just thinking about it. Their friends still have no idea they converted Barney’s former ill-conceived Ho Be Gone system into their own private playground. No doubt they’d consider them depraved if they knew the truth. Not that she’s ashamed in the least of their healthy sexual appetite for each other, but it is rather hot having this dirty little secret that only the two of them know about.
Still petting their little puppy, Robin looks contentedly around the room as the early morning sunshine comes streaming in through the balcony doors. Like a magnetic draw, her eyes settle as they always do on the pictures from their wedding.
Their formal wedding prints arrived while they were in Canada. It was a pleasant surprise to find them waiting there when they got back and they straightaway set out to tweaking the apartment to make room for them. Here in the bedroom on the corner of the desk they put the picture of their very first kiss as husband and wife. Out in the living room on the wall by the closet replacing the drawing of a woman with a snake is a picture of the two of them with Barney dipping her down into the kiss while her fingers are buried up in his hair. On the living room entertainment center they have a smaller picture of the two of them walking back up the aisle hand-in-hand, and a picture of their first dance in all its glittered spectacle. On the other wall by the door where the close-up print of a woman’s rear end and legs once used to be now hangs a picture of the moment forever frozen in time when she first got up to the altar and she and Barney are lovingly gazing at each other so giddy with the biggest, goofiest grins on their faces.
Robin loves all of their wedding pictures but her very favorite is the one also in their bedroom sitting on the shelving unit against the far wall. It was taken at the very second Sam pronounced them husband and wife. It’s her favorite because the way they’re looking at each other - laughing and excited and so overjoyed - is just priceless. In all of the pictures and the video it’s impossible not to see how ecstatic and delighted they are to be getting married and how very much they love each other.
She still remembers their wedding day vividly. And what she remembers isn’t those fifteen minutes of panic. That’s all a blur. Particularly those last eight minutes with Ted and then running away from the church seem like an out of body experience. But she recalls every second of the ceremony. Not just what was said but how it felt. Throughout the ceremony, their vows to each other, and the exchanging of their wedding ring, she was so overwhelmingly happy and could literally feel how much Barney loves her. She’ll never forget it as long as she lives.
That picture of their very first instant of married life, that’s the one she’s going to send to Jessica in her Christmas card this year. That lone picture says it all. Looking at it now, Robin has no doubt that 2013 has already been the best year of her life by far.
“Legendary! You’re not supposed to be in here,” Barney’s voice gently scolds the dog. But it’s said in a tone of such naked affection that Legendary just looks happily over at him, knowing he’s not in trouble as he slides out of Robin’s lap and over to the edge of the bed to greet him. “We’re supposed to be letting your mom sleep in on her birthday.”
“I was already awake,” Robin assures him with a smile. “He didn’t ruin anything.” She finally takes her eyes off their little guy to look up at her husband and an immediate “Ohh” spills from her lips. “You made me breakfast?”
He just shrugs and grins. “It’s your birthday. You deserve to be pampered.”
“Aww, Barney.”
He sets the tray down on the edge of the bed by her feet and right away Legendary starts sniffing at it. “Ah-ah. Your food’s waiting out in your dish,” Barney tells him. That’s something Legendary immediately understands and instantly jumps down to go eat his own breakfast.
Now alone, Barney eases down on the bed to sit beside her, careful not to disturb the tray as he does, and Robin reaches for his left hand, pulling it into her lap and absently playing with his ring. He rubs a hand over her thigh through the bed covers, watching the reflective look on her face. “What are you thinking about?” he asks softly.
In the past, this would be where she’d evasively say ‘It’s stupid’ and avoid his gaze, but he’s told her that nothing she thinks or says could ever be stupid to him and she knows she has this safe space to always tell him everything no matter how silly it might seem. So she looks up, meeting his eyes as she replies, “I was just remembering where I was on my last birthday….How drastically better things are now, how much happier I am. Last year at this time, things were pretty bleak.”
Barney nods at that. It’s a sentiment he can certainly relate to. But he senses she has more to say so he stays quiet and lets her finish.
“Last year on my birthday I thought the two of us were done forever, that you were going to marry Quinn and I’d be stuck with a lifetime of settling for nothing but great sex with a guy like Nick who I couldn’t even talk to.”
“Okay,” Barney says, making a face. “I love that you want to share things with me, and I feel the same way about last year too. But can we not talk about all the ‘great sex’,” he puts it in air quotes, “you had with Nick?”
Robin grins impishly, running her fingers over his. “Why can’t we talk about it? If you let me finish you would have heard me say that as great as the sex was with Nick it’s even better with you. Way better. And with you, I have amazing sex and so much more. I have this. I have our whole life together. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, Barney. Not anything.”
He softly squeezes her hand. “I’m glad to hear it. Cause I’m not going anywhere. And I’d never let you trade me anyway,” he adds smartly. At that moment Legendary comes strolling back into the room, evidently having wolfed down his breakfast in only a few minutes. When Barney sees him, he adds their little guy into the mix too. “And I sure as hell wouldn’t have you trade your dog again for anything.” Now that he has one of his own he can even more fully appreciate how cruel it was for Ted to suggest she give up her five dogs all those years ago.
“No, I’d never trade you,” Robin smiles. “Either one of you. It’s like you said on our wedding night; you’re stuck with me now.”
Barney shakes his head. “Not stuck. Lucky to have you. Although you will be getting stuck later tonight,” he devilishly adjoins with a wink and a tongue click. Robin laughs at that, and even after all these years of knowing her Robin’s laughter is still the best music to his ears. “I have a whole day planned for you,” he tells her eagerly. “Dinner reservations after work, several undisclosed stops after that. It all begins with breakfast in bed but I’ve got a host of birthday surprises in store. You ready?”
Robin reaches for him and kisses him soundly. “Now I am.”
Five Months Later
It’s a Friday evening after work, five days before Christmas, and Barney’s just heading out of the elevator and down the hall to their apartment. Robin had the entire day off work and tonight they have plans to do up the place in complete yuletide cheer.
He unlocks and opens the door, shutting it behind him as he sets his keys on the banister, and when he looks up he finds Robin standing on the other side, decorating their tree.
She bites her lip, knowing she’s been caught. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait. I got started early…..Just a little bit.”
She already has last year’s decorations - the clear, lighted garland and flameless candles - up around the entertainment center, and the red tree skirt is in place too. Barney can only laugh and shake his head. “Eager little minx. Not even waiting for your husband,” he teases. “I could have taken my time at work instead of hurrying home.”
“I put the lights up on the tree, but I saved the ties and ornaments until you got home,” she offers sheepishly. “Besides, I’m always worth hurrying home to.”
“Yes, you are,” he smiles.
“I couldn’t help myself,” she explains. “There’s something about the smell of fresh pine….It got me all excited to make it look like Christmas in here.”
He can believe that. Robin always had a tree in her apartment, and in the four Christmases she lived as Ted’s roommate there was always a tree there too, even after Lily moved out and took her winter wonderland with her. While he enjoys the holiday too Barney was never much for decorating his own apartment, until last year. As part of the “The Robin” he’d wanted to show her how traditional and domesticated he could be underneath at all, and once she said ‘yes’ to his proposal it actually became real. The two of them shared a glorious Christmastime together full of laughter, love, and kisses - and outright sex - beneath the mistletoe.
They’d inadvertently started something of a tradition that was so much fun they both want to carry it on. They’ve agreed to get a real tree each year and decorate it in the same way as that first year together: with red and green lights, and solid red and green ties in lieu of garland. They both like that clean, simplistic look and don’t want much else cluttering it up. Besides the ties - such a uniquely Barney touch, which is why Robin loves it - they have just the two ornaments to hang: one they bought last year to celebrate their engagement and first Christmas together, and one they bought this year to celebrate one year of being back together and their first Christmas as a married couple. It had room for a little picture inside so they cut out a mini version of one of their wedding photos to fit into the tiny ornament frame.
Truth be known, it warms Barney’s heart to see Robin this excited to decorate for Christmas all because their last one together was so spectacular. He’s already made her a Halloween convert too.
Really, that transformation began two years before with Robin coming up with coordinating costumes for their shared Canadian heritage and then the two of them spending the Halloween party together talking and laughing and having a blast. Last Halloween they couldn’t exactly coordinate their costumes considering the circumstances of her having Nick around and all, but they did still spent most of the party together in much the same way as they had the year prior.
This past Halloween they continued their tradition of dressing up - something Robin now loves to do when it’s with him - with their Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein outfits and makeup to play on their recent wedding. There’s now a picture of the two of them in costume up on the entertainment center alongside their wedding photo. Marshall and Lily were even there to witness it. They flew back to New York for a week to visit, and because of her hectic schedule the only time they could wrangle was the last week in October. Though Lily had really wanted to spend Christmas at home with the gang, it turned out to be a good thing as it was the latest she was allowed to fly anyway. And that meant they all got to share Halloween together instead. All seven of them had a big party out at Ted’s house where Marvin went trick-or-treating with Legendary.
It’s all because of Robin that Barney’s once lonely and empty life is now filled with happy memories like that one - and the one they’re making right now. He is so glad that she’s a guaranteed, permanent part of his life now, that they have this life together and get to share everything with each other. It makes the things he used to hate so much easier to deal with and the things he already enjoyed, like Christmas and Halloween, a million times better experiencing them with her.
Barney hasn’t said anything for a few moments. He’s just staring at her with this funny look on his face so Robin asks, amused, “What?”
His expression softens even further into a warm and tender smile. “I just really love you.”
She grins at that. “Good, cause I really love you too.”
Barney walks around the banister, shrugging out of his overcoat, and Robin admires the handsome figure he cuts in his latest suit, Ogden. “You’re looking particularly attractive today,” she flirtatiously compliments him. “And you’re home early, an extra bonus.”
He straightens his tie smugly in that classic Barney photo pose. “Well that’s what comes from being the boss.”
She hums soft and low. “Yes….You’re completely in charge now. You tell everyone what to do and when to do it at your whim. That is so hot, Barney.”
He smirks in silent reply. She’s always had a thing for corporate power and authority going back as far as the days of Ted’s failed start-up, Mosbius Designs. He used to have quite the time playing to it the first time they were together, and now that he’s the actual CEO - and was responsible for the undercover FBI sting - it’s like catnip for Robin. There’s hardly been a time in his five months on the new job that she’s come to visit him at work and it didn’t end up with the two of them having sex in his office.
“You know what that does to me….” she reminds him, as if he needed the reminder. “But how do you feel having all that influence and power? And popularity too. Everyone says you’re the best thing to happen to the company. It’s all over social media and the trade magazines.”
“Please,” Barney scoffs. “That’s nothing. I’m married to Robin Sparkles. Not to mention one of World Wide News’ most loved reporters. I’ll gladly reap the benefits your power fetish - and at GNB and in the business world I am a very powerful man,” he owns it, letting a bit of slick seduction slip into his tone for her benefit. “But when we were out to dinner last night, which one of us got recognized, twice?”
Robin grins, pleased at that, and it makes Barney smile. His wife has always been one to crave and enjoy that kind of fame and he’s glad it’s finally coming to her.
“Although,” he adds with playful if perhaps partially genuine resentment, “I thought that guy was out of line when he asked you to sign his bare chest. I mean I was right there.”
“Aww,” she laughs, rubbing his shoulder. “But you’re the only one I see - even when I’m signing other men’s bodies.”
Barney hooks his arms around her waist, drawing her body against his. “Oh so you’re gonna make a habit of it, hmm?”
“You never know,” she shrugs mischievously. “Ratings keep getting higher.”
He gives her a cheeky grin and his hands slide down to her hips. “Well come in the bedroom with me. There’s a permanent marker on the desk and I’ve got a certain part of my body I’d love to have you sign.”
Rather than rolling eyes or laughter, like he’d expected, her eyes light up with anticipation. “Can I sign it?” she enthusiastically requests. “I can picture it now: ‘Robin’s property’.”
He grins, his eyes crinkling up at the corners as he nods boastfully. “Luckily I’ve got plenty of room for all those letters to fit.”
Now Robin does laugh, and pulls him into a kiss too. Shivering with excitement in his arms, she grabs his hand eagerly. “Let’s do it!”
“Whoa,” he stops her as she tugs on his arm. “I was kidding. You’re not seriously thinking about writing all over Lil’ Barney, are you?”
“Why not? It’d be insanely sexy to see my name written there. Instant lady boner….No one else is gonna see it but me,” she entices. “We don’t have to use permanent mark....And I’m sure we can think of a way to rub it off afterwards,” she seductively tempts.
This time it’s Barney’s eyes that light up as he reaches down and grabs her hand in his. “Let’s go….”
Robin giggles, hurrying with him down the hall. “And then we decorate the tree! But Legendary’s been in the water already so you’ll have to refill.”
Barney grimaces. Having a real tree can be challenging but it’s become their tradition now and he can tell Robin loves decorating it and doing up their apartment in grand style for Christmas. Maybe because it’s a cold weather holiday? Whatever the reason, every year he’s going to give it to her no matter what it takes.
“I know,” she commiserates. “It’s a lot of work. But I got us spiked eggnog and a Christmas themed - ”
“Snack?” he interrupts. “Tell me it’s a gingerbread house that I can cut a hole in the floor of.”
She shoots him a sexy little look. “You could consider it a snack. It all depends on what you’re looking to eat….” she tells him suggestively. “It’s a Christmas themed nightie for after all the decorating. In case you’re feeling ‘festive’ a second time tonight.”
He stops just inside their bedroom, pinning her with a look. “Oh, Robin. How many years have you known me?”
“You’re right,” she nods, deadpan. “Barney Stinson is always feeling ‘festive’.”
“Can you blame him when he’s married to Robin Scherbatsky? I can promise you, your husband is going to be feeling intensely ‘festive’ a second and a third time before the night is over - and maybe some more times besides if I don’t tucker you out first.”
She reaches for him, running her hands over his chest. “I’m feeling pretty ‘festive’ right now….Let’s get to marking my territory,” she murmurs, already unfastening his belt and going for his zipper next.
“Merry Christmas to me,” he growls.
“Ooh! Speaking of, can we decorate him too? Instead of a star maybe put a little hat on top? A top hat!”
She’s got his pants completely undone now and Barney eagerly rushes to keep up, grabbing the bottom of her shirt and pulling it over her head. “How about we put Lil’ Robin on top?”
“That can be arranged…..” Robin whispers appreciatively. “Off the bed, Legendary,” she instructs their puppy as she goes to the desk to grab a marker. Holding her husband’s gaze in a heated look of pure sex, she announces, “It’s human playtime.”
Legendary knows what that means. To avoid the noise, rocking bed, and flying clothes that are soon to come, with a wagging tails he ambles down the hallway to wait it out in the living room, content to enjoy another drink from the new tree that’s sprouted up in the corner.
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AN: This got so much longer than I originally anticipated! I’m not sure if that will keep being the case with the other chapters; it’s really anyone’s guess. I have specific things I want to cover in each year (scenes and dialogue and so forth) and it’s just a matter of where the stories go from there. Sometimes there ends up being more there than I imagined and sometimes less, so we’ll see.
To be refreshed on additional happenings of 2013: Barney and Robin’s honeymoon was featured in the chapter for 9.16; Robin and Barney’s trip to Canada can be found in my oneshot “Canada Day”, though keep in mind I wrote it back in 2012 before the events of 9.12 and Barney’s Canada appreciation so there’s a bit more Canada mockery in that one than perhaps Barney would be doing anymore (though I can’t see him giving it up entirely if just for the fun of teasing her!); the details of the GNB bust are in 9.15’s chapter; and Barney and Robin’s half anniversary in November of 2013 can be found in the chapter for 9.07.
Also, someone asked in a review which chapter featured the brief flashback to Robin and Barney going to her aunt’s farm to give up her dogs. That was in the chapter for 8.05. (And while I don’t usually respond directly to reviews, mostly because sometimes I get behind, I just want to thank all of you who’ve taken the time to write a review. I read and appreciate all of them. Your responses truly do mean a lot to me, and I thank you all for your kind words.)
The next chapter is all about 2014! But I’ll be updating “A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings” first so there will be a bit of a break in between.
She’s always been a stress smoker and after today it’s no wonder she’s hurrying to light up. She hasn’t had a work day this bad since the days of Becky and Come On, Get Up New York!. After this she’s desperately looking forward to another nine days of vacation come this weekend.
It was somewhat bold to expect more time off after having recently taken two weeks off for her wedding, but she’s a rising star at the network and thus has some clout now. And the reasoning behind her time request - this weekend she and her husband will be returning to her hometown to celebrate their heritage on Canada Day, and then the following week is the Fourth of July when she wants to celebrate her American citizenship too - aren’t exactly easy to turn down and still come off looking PC, so the network easily granted her request. But she has to get through four more work days to make it there - and right now curving her lips around this little nicotine-filled champion is helping.
She hates herself for it though. It’s been seven months since she smoked and every time she swears it’s going to be her last one.
But anxiety, tension, and stress have been her triggers since the first cigarette she ever had at age eighteen. Thankfully, she’s never become a chain smoker and can always walk away cold turkey with just a cigarette here and there when the pressure gets to be too much. Other than the one week period surrounding when Don first started at Come On, Get Up New York! and refused to wear pants, the closest she came to actually having a true smoking habit was back when she was dating Ted.
Barney knew all about her smoking because back in early 2006 he caught her at the bottom of the steps of MacLaren’s smoking a cigarette huddled in the corner where she hoped none of the gang could see her from the street above. But he kept her secret, and during her eventual relationship with Ted sharing a smoke with Barney out in the back alley behind MacLaren’s became a regular thing. While they smoked sometimes they just enjoyed a companionable silence, but just as often she’d unburden herself to him about the stressor causing her to smoke. That first time he caught her it was stress from her dead-end position at Metro News 1. Later on when it became their regular thing it was almost always the stress of dating Ted.
There were just so many ways that the two of them were different, so many things about herself that he didn’t approve of and to spare herself his judgment and lectures she had to keep hidden from him. She was hiding just how extreme her love for firearms was - he didn’t know about all the many guns she had hidden around her apartment or about her subscription to the gun enthusiast’s magazine; he didn’t know the truth about Robin Sparkles, though when she gave him a fake explanation he wasted no time blabbing it to all the others; he didn’t know about her dysfunctional background; he was clueless about her smoking, something she knew she could never share with him; he was critical about the number of sex partners she had so she had to fudge those numbers too. And sometimes the sheer Ted of him could get to be too much for her, with his architecture talk and dad jokes and ‘Crossword Day’. There were times when her nerves were already wearing so thin that she’d just want to smack him when he pronounced renaissance that way - and then aggressively tried to get her to go to the renaissance fair with him. In short, suppressing her true nature in order to be Ted’s girlfriend at times just got so exhausting. And so she’d complain to Barney while they de-stressed together, smoking cigarettes in the alley outside the bar after everyone else had left.
Thankfully for them both, she and Ted each now have the person they’re meant to be with and there’s no more pretending or suppressing required. Unfortunately for her however, she’s still working in a high stress environment what with her wayward co-anchor and all.
It’s always the co-anchors; they’re the scourge of her existence. WWN was a huge step up, but far be it for her to ever have a completely professional work environment.
While Robin keeps smoking and ruing her day, Barney lets himself into their apartment, home now from work himself. All of the lights are off, which isn’t that big of a deal since it’s only half past six and the first day of summer was just last week, meaning there’s plenty of daylight to illuminate the rooms. What’s odd about is it the absence of any TV or music, just utter silence. Everything is quiet. Too quiet. It’s the kind of heavy quiet when something’s wrong.
“Robin, are you here?” She should be. This morning she told him she was coming straight home, and when they talked on the phone at lunch they were making plans to have a quiet night and just order dinner in.
Legendary comes out to greet him but there’s still no sign of his wife until Robin’s distant answer comes that she’s in the bedroom. Barney walks in there too and finds her out on the balcony, cigarette in hand. “Whoa. You must be upset if you’re smoking,” he says as he crosses the room to join her outside. “I haven’t seen you with a cigarette since back during “The Robin” when I wouldn’t sleep with you.”
Robin tilts her head in acknowledgment. That was indeed the cause of her smoking relapse eight months ago - but that was a whole different kind of stress and frustration. “I had a bad day at work,” she tells him, turning back toward the railing to blow smoke over the side.
“What happened?” Barney asks, coming up behind her and putting his arms around her waist.
She leans back against him in the comfort of his embrace, sighing heavily enough that he can feel it against his chest. “Sandy Rivers happened. You once called yourself the Player King. Well, he’s the Sexual Harassment King of New York City,” she sarcastically informs him.
Barney frowns. “He didn’t hit on you, did he?”
“No. He knows better than that,” she puts his mind at ease. “Sandy gave up on trying to sleep with me a while ago. Plus he knows now that I’m married and actually in love with my spouse. But there’s a reason he didn’t get invited to our wedding; he’ll try to sleep with anything that’s breathing - willing or not - and then force the story on everyone. He’s a completely unprofessional, all-around mess.”
Barney places a kiss to her temple, gathering her even closer to him. “What did he do this time?”
Robin takes another long draw from her cigarette before launching into the tale that gets her riled all over again just repeating it. “We were doing a story on a cock ring,” she begins wearily.
“Uh-oh.”
“Yep. It’s exactly what you’re thinking,” she replies, knowing Barney’s sharp mind has already jumped to the correct conclusion. “But this was on live TV, and it was a serious thing. The cockfighting ring they’d busted was tied to a major drug cartel. It was an important story. But of course Sandy hadn’t done any of his background research, and as you can imagine he did not talk about that kind of cock ring. He talked about the time one got stuck on his cock. In graphic detail. Trying to shut him up and explain to him how he’d gotten it wrong - all while live on the air - was one of the most embarrassing moments of my career. And now the network is facing an FCC fine.”
Barney has to admit the whole thing is kind of funny. One day he can even picture them watching the footage together and laughing over poor Robin’s stunned and embarrassed reaction. But much like when she fell into horse manure all those years ago, he knows his wife well enough to know that now is too soon for her to see the humor in it. So he shelves laughing over it together for another day and instead rubs his hand softly over her hip in commiseration. “How hasn’t he gotten fired by now?”
Robin shakes her head, releasing another trail of smoke into the air. “I don’t know. No one does. People are taking bets on it down at the station….I think maybe he has something on someone. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense.”
“Even if he does, that’s only going to last him so long. You keep hanging in there, baby. Don’t get discouraged now,” he gently reassures her. “You’ve come so far and your name is on the rise. You’ve already overshadowed him. It’s only a matter of time before you eclipse him completely and then you’ll never have to deal with that idiot again.”
Barney’s encouragement has already boosted Robin’s spirits from what they were. When she first got here the number one instinct coursing through her was to shoot something. That wasn’t an option so her secondary instinct was to go for a cigarette, and she’s still on edge enough not to be finished with it yet.
“But in the meantime I’m smoking again,” she says in frustration, taking another draw. “And I honestly did want to quit. You should too,” she tells him in all serious. “I know I used to laugh it off and be the first to say I didn’t want anyone telling me how to live my life, but we’re getting older now….” She snuggles back into him, setting her hand over his on her waist. “And we have a lot to live for.”
“Well if you’re really serious about quitting I can get you off of cigarettes in no time,” Barney boldly claims.
“Oh really?” she questions, a hint of amusement plain in her voice for the theory she senses is coming next. “And how is that? You know smoking’s been my stress relief for years, since before I met you.”
“Exactly. Before you met me. Now that you’ve got me you have no need for cigarettes.” He outstretches his hands, clearing his throat theatrically. “I offer myself as stress relief.”
Robin smiles at that. “Talking to you has helped a lot,” she acknowledges. “But unfortunately I’m still smoking,” she regretfully points out, holding up the cigarette in her fingers.
“That’s because while talking with you is great, in this case you need something stronger than talking alone. Lucky for you, you’re married to a sexpert - and sex is the greatest stress relief of them all.”
“Is that so?” she grins.
“It’s basic science that sex is good for you.”
“You sound like a horny seventeen year-old,” she laughs.
“Mock if you will,” he playfully replies, “but any doctor will confirm it. Sex is the ultimate cure-all. Oxytocin more than quadruples during sex, creating a natural pain reliever to fix anything from a migraine to a sore back. And sex fights cancer in men. Men who ejaculate twenty-one times a month - that’s not even once a day - have a 33% less chance of developing prostate cancer.”
“With sex less than once a day?” Robin marvels mischievously. “Well then you never have to worry about that.”
“Thanks to the way you and I go at it, no I won’t,” Barney smirks suggestively. “But sex has its benefits for women too. A woman’s estrogen levels double during sex. It’ll make your hair shiny and your skin softer. And more importantly to your problem at the moment, sex releases endorphins that naturally decrease stress and stimulate a state of euphoria. True story.”
“Alright. You’ve persuaded me,” Robin replies, turning her head on his shoulder so her lips are near his. “Let me try.” She presses her mouth to his and already he expertly starts out the kiss with just the right amount of pressure and intensity, not coming on too strong but enough to make her want more. To that end, she turns in his arms so she’s facing him, and Barney gradually increases the passion of their kissing - including that swirling thing with his tongue that always does it for her - until her fingers are up in his hair and they’re both breathing heavily.
Slowly drawing back, she shakily confirms, “You’re right. You are way better than a cigarette.” She drops hers onto the balcony, stomping it out with the toe of her heeled sandal and kicking it over the side to flutter unneeded down to the ground below. Then her mouth is back on his for several more long moments, her hand fisted in his tie.
Breaking away, Robin gives him a breathless, seductive smile. “Come de-stress me some more….” she whispers, taking Barney’s hand and leading him back into their bedroom.
From that night on, she always comes to him whenever she’s feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and after an hour in bed with him - or in the shower, or on the couch, or in one of their offices, or just against the wall - she’s left feeling boneless and sated and by the time they talk it all out afterwards she doesn’t have a care in the world.
And this time it really was Robin’s last cigarette ever.
****
The next four weeks go by quickly. There’s the trip back to Robin’s hometown so she can get Barney in touch with his Canadian roots. Then they hurry back home to celebrate the Fourth of July in New York City. A couple weeks later the GNB raid finally goes down, and just four days after that it’s Robin’s 33rd birthday.
Robin never treated birthdays as a big deal. Unlike Lily, as an adult Robin never thought a fuss should be made over her. Perhaps a simple gathering of friends, a cupcake with a single candle at MacLaren’s, just something low-key. As a rule, Barney doesn’t disagree. He doesn’t make a huge spectacle out of his birthdays either. Outwardly he calls it ‘one more year of being awesome’ but it’s actually one year closer to crow’s feet - and that’s nothing to celebrate.
But it’s different with Robin. She didn’t just outgrow the need to be fussed over on her birthday. Robin never got to experience that in the first place. When she was very young she got to have some traditional birthday parties, most of which she was too young to even remember, but she did tell him about one particular birthday that stood out for her when she turned eight years old and her mother bought her a princess dress. It had pink ruffles and frills and lace, and she heard her parents having a huge fight about it the night before her birthday. As an adult she still marvels over how her mom managed it but somehow she got her way and the next day at the party Robin got to wear her little pink gown. The dress even had a tiny silver tiara for her hair. And for the first and only time in her life she actually felt like a princess. But after the divorce her mother wasn’t around to fight for her and Robin rarely even got a party anymore. Birthdays meant a handshake, a sip of scotch, being thrown out of a helicopter and tossed into the Canadian wilderness to ‘learn how to be a man’.
It hurts Barney to think about what she’s been through. Robin deserves more than a few lovely single digit birthdays, and so on this first birthday of their married life Barney wants to make a fuss over her and show her how special she is to him. He has a whole surprise agenda for today, starting with breakfast in bed. He and Legendary got up early and tip-toed their way out of the room to go get things ready for her. Right now the maple syrup is already heated and the pancakes are just seconds away from being done.
Back in their bedroom, Robin slowly begins to stir awake. Rolling over unto her side, she reaches her arm across to sling over her husband but only touches empty air. Opening her eyes she, indeed, finds his side of the bed empty. One quick look tells her the bathroom door is open and unoccupied. She’s just wondering where he’s gone off to when the bedroom door comes slowly sliding open. But, again, her eyes meet empty air and she knows that can only mean one thing: Legendary is the one returning, not Barney.
Yawning, Robin stretches and sits up just as the little dog is jumping onto the bed. Now that the bedroom door is wide open she can hear sounds coming from the kitchen - clattering of mugs, something being set down on the counter - and she figures Barney got up ahead of her to have coffee waiting.
“Is Barney out there making coffee?” she asks Legendary, reaching out to pet him. He just gives her a lazy puppy grin, snuggling into her lap for some loving.
Robin sits back against the pillows, continuing to stroke Legendary’s head and back as the memories of last night coming flooding through her mind. It had been one for the record books. They’d used the sex lounge and all of its amenities. Two months in, it’s finally stopped frightening the daylights out of Legendary when they activate it. Now they just give him a signal, he hops onto his bed and barely bats an eye when their bed goes into the wall to be replaced with another floor panel and their assortment of special chairs, contraptions, and toys. It was somewhere around two a.m. when, both exhausted and thoroughly satisfied, they put things back as they were, threw on some pajamas, and climbed into bed for the night.
She giggles softly to herself just thinking about it. Their friends still have no idea they converted Barney’s former ill-conceived Ho Be Gone system into their own private playground. No doubt they’d consider them depraved if they knew the truth. Not that she’s ashamed in the least of their healthy sexual appetite for each other, but it is rather hot having this dirty little secret that only the two of them know about.
Still petting their little puppy, Robin looks contentedly around the room as the early morning sunshine comes streaming in through the balcony doors. Like a magnetic draw, her eyes settle as they always do on the pictures from their wedding.
Their formal wedding prints arrived while they were in Canada. It was a pleasant surprise to find them waiting there when they got back and they straightaway set out to tweaking the apartment to make room for them. Here in the bedroom on the corner of the desk they put the picture of their very first kiss as husband and wife. Out in the living room on the wall by the closet replacing the drawing of a woman with a snake is a picture of the two of them with Barney dipping her down into the kiss while her fingers are buried up in his hair. On the living room entertainment center they have a smaller picture of the two of them walking back up the aisle hand-in-hand, and a picture of their first dance in all its glittered spectacle. On the other wall by the door where the close-up print of a woman’s rear end and legs once used to be now hangs a picture of the moment forever frozen in time when she first got up to the altar and she and Barney are lovingly gazing at each other so giddy with the biggest, goofiest grins on their faces.
Robin loves all of their wedding pictures but her very favorite is the one also in their bedroom sitting on the shelving unit against the far wall. It was taken at the very second Sam pronounced them husband and wife. It’s her favorite because the way they’re looking at each other - laughing and excited and so overjoyed - is just priceless. In all of the pictures and the video it’s impossible not to see how ecstatic and delighted they are to be getting married and how very much they love each other.
She still remembers their wedding day vividly. And what she remembers isn’t those fifteen minutes of panic. That’s all a blur. Particularly those last eight minutes with Ted and then running away from the church seem like an out of body experience. But she recalls every second of the ceremony. Not just what was said but how it felt. Throughout the ceremony, their vows to each other, and the exchanging of their wedding ring, she was so overwhelmingly happy and could literally feel how much Barney loves her. She’ll never forget it as long as she lives.
That picture of their very first instant of married life, that’s the one she’s going to send to Jessica in her Christmas card this year. That lone picture says it all. Looking at it now, Robin has no doubt that 2013 has already been the best year of her life by far.
“Legendary! You’re not supposed to be in here,” Barney’s voice gently scolds the dog. But it’s said in a tone of such naked affection that Legendary just looks happily over at him, knowing he’s not in trouble as he slides out of Robin’s lap and over to the edge of the bed to greet him. “We’re supposed to be letting your mom sleep in on her birthday.”
“I was already awake,” Robin assures him with a smile. “He didn’t ruin anything.” She finally takes her eyes off their little guy to look up at her husband and an immediate “Ohh” spills from her lips. “You made me breakfast?”
He just shrugs and grins. “It’s your birthday. You deserve to be pampered.”
“Aww, Barney.”
He sets the tray down on the edge of the bed by her feet and right away Legendary starts sniffing at it. “Ah-ah. Your food’s waiting out in your dish,” Barney tells him. That’s something Legendary immediately understands and instantly jumps down to go eat his own breakfast.
Now alone, Barney eases down on the bed to sit beside her, careful not to disturb the tray as he does, and Robin reaches for his left hand, pulling it into her lap and absently playing with his ring. He rubs a hand over her thigh through the bed covers, watching the reflective look on her face. “What are you thinking about?” he asks softly.
In the past, this would be where she’d evasively say ‘It’s stupid’ and avoid his gaze, but he’s told her that nothing she thinks or says could ever be stupid to him and she knows she has this safe space to always tell him everything no matter how silly it might seem. So she looks up, meeting his eyes as she replies, “I was just remembering where I was on my last birthday….How drastically better things are now, how much happier I am. Last year at this time, things were pretty bleak.”
Barney nods at that. It’s a sentiment he can certainly relate to. But he senses she has more to say so he stays quiet and lets her finish.
“Last year on my birthday I thought the two of us were done forever, that you were going to marry Quinn and I’d be stuck with a lifetime of settling for nothing but great sex with a guy like Nick who I couldn’t even talk to.”
“Okay,” Barney says, making a face. “I love that you want to share things with me, and I feel the same way about last year too. But can we not talk about all the ‘great sex’,” he puts it in air quotes, “you had with Nick?”
Robin grins impishly, running her fingers over his. “Why can’t we talk about it? If you let me finish you would have heard me say that as great as the sex was with Nick it’s even better with you. Way better. And with you, I have amazing sex and so much more. I have this. I have our whole life together. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, Barney. Not anything.”
He softly squeezes her hand. “I’m glad to hear it. Cause I’m not going anywhere. And I’d never let you trade me anyway,” he adds smartly. At that moment Legendary comes strolling back into the room, evidently having wolfed down his breakfast in only a few minutes. When Barney sees him, he adds their little guy into the mix too. “And I sure as hell wouldn’t have you trade your dog again for anything.” Now that he has one of his own he can even more fully appreciate how cruel it was for Ted to suggest she give up her five dogs all those years ago.
“No, I’d never trade you,” Robin smiles. “Either one of you. It’s like you said on our wedding night; you’re stuck with me now.”
Barney shakes his head. “Not stuck. Lucky to have you. Although you will be getting stuck later tonight,” he devilishly adjoins with a wink and a tongue click. Robin laughs at that, and even after all these years of knowing her Robin’s laughter is still the best music to his ears. “I have a whole day planned for you,” he tells her eagerly. “Dinner reservations after work, several undisclosed stops after that. It all begins with breakfast in bed but I’ve got a host of birthday surprises in store. You ready?”
Robin reaches for him and kisses him soundly. “Now I am.”
Five Months Later
It’s a Friday evening after work, five days before Christmas, and Barney’s just heading out of the elevator and down the hall to their apartment. Robin had the entire day off work and tonight they have plans to do up the place in complete yuletide cheer.
He unlocks and opens the door, shutting it behind him as he sets his keys on the banister, and when he looks up he finds Robin standing on the other side, decorating their tree.
She bites her lip, knowing she’s been caught. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait. I got started early…..Just a little bit.”
She already has last year’s decorations - the clear, lighted garland and flameless candles - up around the entertainment center, and the red tree skirt is in place too. Barney can only laugh and shake his head. “Eager little minx. Not even waiting for your husband,” he teases. “I could have taken my time at work instead of hurrying home.”
“I put the lights up on the tree, but I saved the ties and ornaments until you got home,” she offers sheepishly. “Besides, I’m always worth hurrying home to.”
“Yes, you are,” he smiles.
“I couldn’t help myself,” she explains. “There’s something about the smell of fresh pine….It got me all excited to make it look like Christmas in here.”
He can believe that. Robin always had a tree in her apartment, and in the four Christmases she lived as Ted’s roommate there was always a tree there too, even after Lily moved out and took her winter wonderland with her. While he enjoys the holiday too Barney was never much for decorating his own apartment, until last year. As part of the “The Robin” he’d wanted to show her how traditional and domesticated he could be underneath at all, and once she said ‘yes’ to his proposal it actually became real. The two of them shared a glorious Christmastime together full of laughter, love, and kisses - and outright sex - beneath the mistletoe.
They’d inadvertently started something of a tradition that was so much fun they both want to carry it on. They’ve agreed to get a real tree each year and decorate it in the same way as that first year together: with red and green lights, and solid red and green ties in lieu of garland. They both like that clean, simplistic look and don’t want much else cluttering it up. Besides the ties - such a uniquely Barney touch, which is why Robin loves it - they have just the two ornaments to hang: one they bought last year to celebrate their engagement and first Christmas together, and one they bought this year to celebrate one year of being back together and their first Christmas as a married couple. It had room for a little picture inside so they cut out a mini version of one of their wedding photos to fit into the tiny ornament frame.
Truth be known, it warms Barney’s heart to see Robin this excited to decorate for Christmas all because their last one together was so spectacular. He’s already made her a Halloween convert too.
Really, that transformation began two years before with Robin coming up with coordinating costumes for their shared Canadian heritage and then the two of them spending the Halloween party together talking and laughing and having a blast. Last Halloween they couldn’t exactly coordinate their costumes considering the circumstances of her having Nick around and all, but they did still spent most of the party together in much the same way as they had the year prior.
This past Halloween they continued their tradition of dressing up - something Robin now loves to do when it’s with him - with their Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein outfits and makeup to play on their recent wedding. There’s now a picture of the two of them in costume up on the entertainment center alongside their wedding photo. Marshall and Lily were even there to witness it. They flew back to New York for a week to visit, and because of her hectic schedule the only time they could wrangle was the last week in October. Though Lily had really wanted to spend Christmas at home with the gang, it turned out to be a good thing as it was the latest she was allowed to fly anyway. And that meant they all got to share Halloween together instead. All seven of them had a big party out at Ted’s house where Marvin went trick-or-treating with Legendary.
It’s all because of Robin that Barney’s once lonely and empty life is now filled with happy memories like that one - and the one they’re making right now. He is so glad that she’s a guaranteed, permanent part of his life now, that they have this life together and get to share everything with each other. It makes the things he used to hate so much easier to deal with and the things he already enjoyed, like Christmas and Halloween, a million times better experiencing them with her.
Barney hasn’t said anything for a few moments. He’s just staring at her with this funny look on his face so Robin asks, amused, “What?”
His expression softens even further into a warm and tender smile. “I just really love you.”
She grins at that. “Good, cause I really love you too.”
Barney walks around the banister, shrugging out of his overcoat, and Robin admires the handsome figure he cuts in his latest suit, Ogden. “You’re looking particularly attractive today,” she flirtatiously compliments him. “And you’re home early, an extra bonus.”
He straightens his tie smugly in that classic Barney photo pose. “Well that’s what comes from being the boss.”
She hums soft and low. “Yes….You’re completely in charge now. You tell everyone what to do and when to do it at your whim. That is so hot, Barney.”
He smirks in silent reply. She’s always had a thing for corporate power and authority going back as far as the days of Ted’s failed start-up, Mosbius Designs. He used to have quite the time playing to it the first time they were together, and now that he’s the actual CEO - and was responsible for the undercover FBI sting - it’s like catnip for Robin. There’s hardly been a time in his five months on the new job that she’s come to visit him at work and it didn’t end up with the two of them having sex in his office.
“You know what that does to me….” she reminds him, as if he needed the reminder. “But how do you feel having all that influence and power? And popularity too. Everyone says you’re the best thing to happen to the company. It’s all over social media and the trade magazines.”
“Please,” Barney scoffs. “That’s nothing. I’m married to Robin Sparkles. Not to mention one of World Wide News’ most loved reporters. I’ll gladly reap the benefits your power fetish - and at GNB and in the business world I am a very powerful man,” he owns it, letting a bit of slick seduction slip into his tone for her benefit. “But when we were out to dinner last night, which one of us got recognized, twice?”
Robin grins, pleased at that, and it makes Barney smile. His wife has always been one to crave and enjoy that kind of fame and he’s glad it’s finally coming to her.
“Although,” he adds with playful if perhaps partially genuine resentment, “I thought that guy was out of line when he asked you to sign his bare chest. I mean I was right there.”
“Aww,” she laughs, rubbing his shoulder. “But you’re the only one I see - even when I’m signing other men’s bodies.”
Barney hooks his arms around her waist, drawing her body against his. “Oh so you’re gonna make a habit of it, hmm?”
“You never know,” she shrugs mischievously. “Ratings keep getting higher.”
He gives her a cheeky grin and his hands slide down to her hips. “Well come in the bedroom with me. There’s a permanent marker on the desk and I’ve got a certain part of my body I’d love to have you sign.”
Rather than rolling eyes or laughter, like he’d expected, her eyes light up with anticipation. “Can I sign it?” she enthusiastically requests. “I can picture it now: ‘Robin’s property’.”
He grins, his eyes crinkling up at the corners as he nods boastfully. “Luckily I’ve got plenty of room for all those letters to fit.”
Now Robin does laugh, and pulls him into a kiss too. Shivering with excitement in his arms, she grabs his hand eagerly. “Let’s do it!”
“Whoa,” he stops her as she tugs on his arm. “I was kidding. You’re not seriously thinking about writing all over Lil’ Barney, are you?”
“Why not? It’d be insanely sexy to see my name written there. Instant lady boner….No one else is gonna see it but me,” she entices. “We don’t have to use permanent mark....And I’m sure we can think of a way to rub it off afterwards,” she seductively tempts.
This time it’s Barney’s eyes that light up as he reaches down and grabs her hand in his. “Let’s go….”
Robin giggles, hurrying with him down the hall. “And then we decorate the tree! But Legendary’s been in the water already so you’ll have to refill.”
Barney grimaces. Having a real tree can be challenging but it’s become their tradition now and he can tell Robin loves decorating it and doing up their apartment in grand style for Christmas. Maybe because it’s a cold weather holiday? Whatever the reason, every year he’s going to give it to her no matter what it takes.
“I know,” she commiserates. “It’s a lot of work. But I got us spiked eggnog and a Christmas themed - ”
“Snack?” he interrupts. “Tell me it’s a gingerbread house that I can cut a hole in the floor of.”
She shoots him a sexy little look. “You could consider it a snack. It all depends on what you’re looking to eat….” she tells him suggestively. “It’s a Christmas themed nightie for after all the decorating. In case you’re feeling ‘festive’ a second time tonight.”
He stops just inside their bedroom, pinning her with a look. “Oh, Robin. How many years have you known me?”
“You’re right,” she nods, deadpan. “Barney Stinson is always feeling ‘festive’.”
“Can you blame him when he’s married to Robin Scherbatsky? I can promise you, your husband is going to be feeling intensely ‘festive’ a second and a third time before the night is over - and maybe some more times besides if I don’t tucker you out first.”
She reaches for him, running her hands over his chest. “I’m feeling pretty ‘festive’ right now….Let’s get to marking my territory,” she murmurs, already unfastening his belt and going for his zipper next.
“Merry Christmas to me,” he growls.
“Ooh! Speaking of, can we decorate him too? Instead of a star maybe put a little hat on top? A top hat!”
She’s got his pants completely undone now and Barney eagerly rushes to keep up, grabbing the bottom of her shirt and pulling it over her head. “How about we put Lil’ Robin on top?”
“That can be arranged…..” Robin whispers appreciatively. “Off the bed, Legendary,” she instructs their puppy as she goes to the desk to grab a marker. Holding her husband’s gaze in a heated look of pure sex, she announces, “It’s human playtime.”
Legendary knows what that means. To avoid the noise, rocking bed, and flying clothes that are soon to come, with a wagging tails he ambles down the hallway to wait it out in the living room, content to enjoy another drink from the new tree that’s sprouted up in the corner.
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AN: This got so much longer than I originally anticipated! I’m not sure if that will keep being the case with the other chapters; it’s really anyone’s guess. I have specific things I want to cover in each year (scenes and dialogue and so forth) and it’s just a matter of where the stories go from there. Sometimes there ends up being more there than I imagined and sometimes less, so we’ll see.
To be refreshed on additional happenings of 2013: Barney and Robin’s honeymoon was featured in the chapter for 9.16; Robin and Barney’s trip to Canada can be found in my oneshot “Canada Day”, though keep in mind I wrote it back in 2012 before the events of 9.12 and Barney’s Canada appreciation so there’s a bit more Canada mockery in that one than perhaps Barney would be doing anymore (though I can’t see him giving it up entirely if just for the fun of teasing her!); the details of the GNB bust are in 9.15’s chapter; and Barney and Robin’s half anniversary in November of 2013 can be found in the chapter for 9.07.
Also, someone asked in a review which chapter featured the brief flashback to Robin and Barney going to her aunt’s farm to give up her dogs. That was in the chapter for 8.05. (And while I don’t usually respond directly to reviews, mostly because sometimes I get behind, I just want to thank all of you who’ve taken the time to write a review. I read and appreciate all of them. Your responses truly do mean a lot to me, and I thank you all for your kind words.)
The next chapter is all about 2014! But I’ll be updating “A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings” first so there will be a bit of a break in between.