Fanfic: Catching the Clock, 9.22 Part I - Section B
For the past three minutes Barney has wandered through the church working on his vows, but he still hasn’t been able to piece together anything that feels right. Finally he decides to go into the chapel itself, and when he does he comes upon a sight he wasn’t expecting: Marshall and Lily standing at the altar where he and Robin will soon be standing, restating updated vows to each other. These vows aren’t profound and lyrical this time - quite the opposite - but they are real and true and meaningful just the same.
And that’s when Barney realizes that although Lily and Marshall broke nearly every one of their vows it’s not because they’re a bad couple, or because that level of devotion is simply unattainable. The reason they broke them is because vows don’t need to be - perhaps outright shouldn’t be - beautiful and poetic when life itself isn’t always beautiful and poetic. Life is messy and complicated at times, and love can be too. That’s what makes wedding vows actually rather impractical because a marriage is a living, breathing thing. Any kind of promises or vows in that marriage will need to be ever adjustable just like the people who make them.
In fact, Marshall and Lily are proof that wedding vows aren’t even necessary at all. They broke almost all of theirs and yet their marriage is still solid and strong and they remain the most picture-perfect and functional couple he’s ever known.
Barney watches them kiss at the conclusion of their new and improved vows and he can see that despite the huge fight they just had they’re still so obviously in love. Their marriage is the best example he’s ever borne witness to.
……And come to think of it, they only had that huge fight because Marshall wasn’t honest with Lily…..And the other huge fight they had in their marriage, when he and Robin were afraid they’d gotten a divorce, that too was because Lily hadn’t been honest with Marshall about her credit card debt and shopping addiction.
The epiphany hits Barney all at once: honesty. Pretty vows are lovely, and it’s wonderful if you can keep them all. And, yes, there are other important things that go without saying - things like communication, and loving each other, thoughtfulness and caring, and so forth - but when it comes down to it honesty is the vital component to having a successful marriage.
It’s what he and Robin need too. That is what he has to vow to her. All the rest of those lyrical, Lionel Richie style vows are just surface things and often not very true to life. What a marriage really amounts to is living together and loving each other, making a life together on a day-to-day basis. And in that there’s only one vow that matters: always be honest with each other.
Love and honesty are the only things necessary to have a lasting marriage. The first time around they had love, but they still had a long way to go on the honesty front. They weren’t honest and open with each other about their feelings, or about their wants and needs, and that ultimately led to their relationship falling apart. To prevent that from happening this time around, to guarantee their marriage grows and thrives, they have the deep and abiding love; all they have to do now is be honest with each other at all times.
They’re already most of the way there. But honesty 99% of the time won’t do. That’s what happened with Marshall and Lily, and that 1% of dishonesty led to the biggest crisis of their marriage. That’s why the only thing he needs to vow to Robin is honesty 100% of the time, without fail and with no exceptions.
Unfortunately while he’s just realized that, only minutes ago he’d also just lied to Robin about her locket.
He has to go and find her and tell her the realization he’s had - and he has to tell her the truth about her locket.
He could wait and tell her all this during the ceremony the way you’re supposed to. He does want to do this wedding stuff right, after all, and no one says their vows beforehand. But he feels genuinely bad about lying to her. He never wanted to in the first place and now that he’s realized the utmost importance of honesty at all time, that honesty itself is the one and only vow needed in a marriage, he can’t let theirs start out having just told her a lie. He needs to clear this up with her and fix this, let her know that any kind of lying or dishonesty or even evasions of the truth that all stops now.
While Lily and Marshall are still kissing, Barney silently walks out of the chapel, a man with a purpose. He’s heading towards the staircase when he happens to look out the window and sees Robin bolting across the lawn back towards the Farhampton Inn.
He instantly pieces it together. She’s running scared like he almost had.
Barney immediately adjusts course to go after her. He’s not going to pressure her. He’s just going to make this one vow to her now, and after that the choice has to be hers.
But he believes in their love enough that he knows she’ll come to her senses just like he had.
****
In her dash across the church’s lawn, Robin knew she could have hopped into someone’s car. She even saw Ranjitt. She could have easily climbed into the limo and asked him to take her away. But she ran across the street to the hotel instead, thinking to go up to their room or perhaps just out to the beach, subconsciously knowing full well that those are both places she’ll be found fairly quickly, whereas having Ranjitt take her back to the city would have ended this wedding here and now.
But she didn’t escape, because she doesn’t actually want to run away. She isn’t sure what she should do. She just needs to try and think for a minute.
When Robin sees their reception tent it just feels right. She’s drawn in and her feet automatically take her there. Pausing just inside the tent to take her shoes off, she gathers her skirt up higher since she’s been tripping over it, and she’s so preoccupied looking back through the window to make sure Ted isn’t coming after her that she runs directly into a woman, knocking them both to the ground.
Robin apologizes to the poor woman and helps her up, making sure she’s okay. The woman responds in kind, asking Robin if she’s okay too, which Robin assures her she is. But then the woman asks her if she’s sure, being as how sprinting from a church in a wedding dress doesn’t seem very okay.
Now is another chance for Robin to run away and keep on running. Lie and say she’s fine, or not say anything at all, just take off. But she stays anyway, knowing that every second that passes increases the odds of Ted finding her. She stays and she confides her intimate and private innermost feelings to a perfect stranger - something extremely unlike her to ever do.
“Um, to be honest I’m - I’m wondering if this whole getting married thing is something I can go through with.” She only phrases it as ‘wondering’, not that she’s sure or that she’s already decided it’s a mistake and she wants out. But even then, just admitting that much out loud a second time has Robin beginning to hyperventilate again.
Because the truth is she doesn’t want to call it off. She couldn’t possibly want anything less. She’s simply still looking for someone - anyone, even this perfect stranger - to talk her out of being a runaway bride and get her to a place of reassurance where she’s calm and it makes sense to be marrying Barney. She just desperately wants someone to straighten her out and give her convincing peace of mind so she can go back and marry Barney like she wants to do.
But when the stranger only replies “Oh” and “Wow”, Robin feels her heart sink in disappointment. “That’s it?” she asks disbelievingly. No, that can’t be it! She needs more than that. “…..Aren’t you supposed to talk me out of it?” Please, talk me out of it. “Tell me it’s just cold feet? I’m - I’m being crazy?” she nods, adding another silent plea to this woman to offer her some help here.
However the stranger’s lone response is to point out, “I don’t really know you.”
Robin blinks. Of course that’s true. They don’t even know each other at all so how can this woman possibly give her sound marital advice? How could she expect that or even ask that of her? It just shows how crazy she is being to suggest it.
But she really does need someone’s help right now, someone’s guidance - or even someone to tell her straight-out what to do.
Her whole life she’s been torn between what she wants and what she should do. For the past sixteen years, what she should do has won out over what she wants, again and again. She finally broke that cycle for good and did just the opposite - definitively choosing heart over head and love over reason - by taking a chance with Barney and telling him ‘yes’ back in December. And her life has been amazing since making that choice. But in the back of her mind a part of her has been living in fear of the consequences of that risk of following her heart ever since.
“Here’s all I’ll say,” the stranger offers. “When I’m overwhelmed, I force myself to do one simple thing before I make a decision.” The woman moves closer, placing both hands on her shoulders, and Robin awaits for some big wisdom of life to be handed down. “Close my eyes and take three deep breaths.”
Once again Robin’s rocked with disappointment. Only this time it’s mixed with a heavy dose of cynicism that, not surprisingly, she gets no benefit of deep meaningful life wisdom, not for her life. She just gets a lot of useless hogwash like ‘take three deep breaths’.
“Sometimes even three deep breathes can change everything,” the stranger avows.
That seems silly to Robin, stupid, but this nice woman appears to genuinely believe it. And what does she have to lose at this point? So with a slight smile of thanks she turns away to give this whole breathing thing a shot.
The stranger told her to take three clarifying breaths before making her final decision and Robin takes that seriously, putting on the frame of mind to try to stop being so overwhelmed and just really think back on the whole of her relationship with Barney, what she knows about him, and herself, and the two of them together. Closing her eyes, she exhales the longest, heaviest sigh of her life and starts to take her first calming breath with the idea to pull from their past - all of their moments, their entire history together - to find that thing to cling to she’s been searching for.
And now that she’s made the conscious effort to quiet her raging fear and pull herself from this panic attack for even just a few seconds her heart screams out, telling her that Barney may have fallen short today but he has done lovely things for her. Robin’s mind latches on to that fact, drawing from it as she thinks back.
Years ago, Barney volunteered to go with her to give her dogs away; Barney, not Ted - and Ted was her boyfriend at the time, as well as the very reason she had to give away her dogs in the first place. Yet Barney was the one who wanted to be there to support her. Barney was the one to dry the tears that embarrassed her when she said goodbye. Barney was there with no obligation to be and no ulterior motive. He was just there for her, because she needed someone.
When she came back from Argentina, Barney was the only one who recognized that she wasn’t being her true self and tried to break her out of it. The same thing goes for her funk after Don dumped her. Both times he was the one there for her, helping return her to her senses and who she truly is inside.
Back when the gang was first discovering her Robin Sparkles history when Ted guessed she’d been married instead and she revealed to him in confidence that it was “true”, Ted went and immediately told everyone else, heedless of her feelings, while Barney was the one promising not to show the others the rest of her video he’d unearthed because he cared for her feelings and wanted to protect her dignity.
Barney was the one, the only one, she’d let herself fall apart to after Simon dumped her that second time. Barney held her, made her laugh, complimented her, did and said all the right things with a sweetness and gentleness the others would have never guessed he even possessed. And all of that sensitivity and warm compassion was just for her, just to comfort her and make her feel better, with no thought of getting anything in return. He was certainly there for her that night. She was able to fully rely on him for comfort and support. She’d never felt so safe in her life as she did that night crying on his shoulder at MacLaren’s.
In fact the “Sandcastles” incident was such a prominent moment for them it caused her to invite him back to her place because she was so touched at how immensely he’d been there for her - and that led her to finally give in to their attraction and sleep with him that night. It was such a special moment for the both of them and their relationship to come that’s why she chose that song to walk down the aisle to.
She wonders now how in her earlier rant about the most loving things Barney’s ever done for her she hadn’t considered that moment - and so many other moments like it that are an integral part of their history.
Like the moments that would come in the days to follow their first time sleeping together when Barney took all the blame, never once telling the others that she had kissed him, just letting them think she’d been seduced by the big bad wolf if that’s what it took to protect the privacy of a moment that should have been only between them. He even got ousted from the group and temporarily lost Ted’s friendship because of it.
And Barney was there for her too a few months later, convincing her to try for the network job she wanted because she was anything but a joke, believing in her when she’d already given up on herself - which is par for the course as he’s the only one who has always believed in and supported her career.
He worked tirelessly - staying up all night to finish her video resume on his own when she’d lost hope and quit - to secure her the job at Come On, Get Up New York!. It’s because of Barney and his care and support and endless belief in her that she’s even able to be in this country right now. He was definitely there for her. He went above and beyond for her.
Barney bent over backwards trying to learn to be a good boyfriend to her at a time when he was still too emotionally damaged for that to even be entirely possible, but he was willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy.
He brought her back from Canada when she was in the midst of a drunken identity crisis and even got beat up but good defending her and deriding all others in that coffee shop for not seeing how awesome she is. And all of that was completely spontaneous. It wasn’t a matter of ‘ask and he’ll be there’ like Ted that day in the park. She didn’t even have to ask Barney. He saw she was upset and he just jumped in to make it better for her. And he later went on to give her the Super Date for that very same reason. No one has ever done for her the kind of thoughtful and meaningful things that Barney has, things that aren’t just superfluous and for show but actually carry profound value and significance and feeling.
She’s already recalled it once but it bears repeating how when she’d given up and thought herself worthless and unlovable in the face of Don unceremoniously dumping her following her heartbreaking split from Barney, while the others ignored her breakdown Barney was there to challenge her and get her back up on her feet in the way that he knew would unfailingly work to bring back her spunk, her determination, and her confidence in herself.
And Barney got her the win when she needed it most during their Subway Wars. Ted, who she gave so much acclaim to earlier, wasn’t even willing to let her win. Barney had to physically tackle his best bro to the street in order to be there for her and give her what she needed. But he did it, without question and without any notion of taking credit or even of her ever knowing that he’d done it - he still won’t own up to it to this day, still wanting her to feel like she got the win on her own merits, still thinking of her first and being there for her above all else.
When Ted made her doubt everything about herself and preyed on all those insecurities her father and then society created about never being good enough and always being inherently wrong, Barney stepped in to tell her she’s amazing and strong and independent, and that all the things that Ted and the others derided are the very things he loves about her.
Barney was responsible for reuniting her with Jessica. He used his contacts to hunt Jessica down, disguising it under the guise of trying to buy Glitter’s costume - and she should have known right then since Barney was only ever interested in direct Robin Sparkles props and would have been after her Space Teens costume if he was really after souvenirs. Then he allowed Marshall and Lily to take credit for the reunion, because the only thing that mattered to Barney was knowing she needed to exorcise those demons to move on and wanting to fulfill that need for her in any way he could.
When she felt bad because even in a hurricane her dad couldn’t be bothered to be concerned about her, Barney told her he was an idiot because a single day without talking to her rendered the entire day no good. He made her feel that at least to one man she mattered oh so much.
Barney was totally, one hundred percent there for her when he thought she was pregnant with their child. Rather than running out the door like he’d always done before, he was nothing but supportive of her every step of the way, wanting to go to the doctor with her and even being there to support her in the actual examine room.
When she was feeling bad because she thought he “erased” her so as not to upset Quinn, Barney put his pride aside and showed her his secret collection of them, no matter how it might embarrass him, because he wanted her to know that he did love her and she meant more to him than anything.
Barney was constantly there by her side giving her the encouragement and support to dump Nick when the others were just going to sit by and let her continue in a relationship with a man she couldn’t even bear to talk. He even rushed into Splitsville offering to do the hard part for her if she felt she couldn’t do it herself.
All throughout “The Robin” that she’d earlier dismissed as built on lies, what Barney actually proved was how well he knows her, better than anyone else. And not just her habits and quirks. He knows her heart. He knew what she wanted, but he also knew she would be too afraid to ever reach for it if he didn’t carefully orchestrate a situation to make her see how much she was risking and just exactly what she was throwing away by being too afraid to face and own what was in her heart.
And once they were back together, he showed what a great partner he’ll be in the way he did everything humanly possible to win her father’s approval. Not because they’re alike but because that’s what she wanted. And eventually when her father simply wouldn’t budge, he stood up to the man - something it took her thirty-two years to find the courage to do - telling him how wonderful his daughter is, what an idiot he’s been, and making him go back and apologize to her and at least try to treat her properly from now on. That right there shows that Barney is nothing like her dad. Her father never lets emotions rule and guide him, while almost everything Barney does is motivated by emotion and feeling.
Barney beat up Alan Thicke when he thought the man might have taken advantage of her.
He blew up the last remaining copy of The Playbook, even though she wasn’t going to make him do it, just because he knew she was uncomfortable about it. For him that meant it had to go, and he was determined to show her that part of his life is over and she is his only priority now.
He was ready and willing to sell his beloved apartment simply because he thought it would make her happy.
He told her right out that because of her he doesn’t have to wait for it anymore. He needs nothing more in his life now because he has her to make him believe in love.
And Barney was so supportive and so intensely there for her, standing behind her one thousand percent, renouncing his entire family in her favor and telling them they’re dead to him because she is everything and will always come first to the point that they might as well not even exist for him such is her superiority and precedence in his life.
When Reverend Lowell was criticizing them and their story, Barney was the first to stand up in their defense because he loves everything about her and their journey to each other.
Barney encouraged her when she feared they might be too much the lone wolves, reassuring her that there is no problem they can’t solve as long as they do so together. Again, she didn’t have to ask him. He just naturally did it for her, jumping in whenever she had a need.
Ted was right before; Barney has been there for her much more than Ted ever has. Barney’s lied to her, yes, and lying about the locket was bad. But Ted admitted he told him to do it. It’s like with Stinson’s Hangover Fixer Elixir; Barney “lied out of love.” And, regardless, all the lies in the world don’t negate the fact that Barney has come through for her plenty of times in plenty of amazing ways. He has gone big for her, maybe not to the grand scale of flying all over the country but in ways that were just as necessary and important to her at the time. And all of that means way more than just a silly locket whose only importance lies in what she’s given it, not the universe.
Now that she’s slowed down and gotten a hold of herself long enough to see things more clearly, Robin instantly recognizes that all of the things she said about Barney before weren’t in any way true. She’d been irrational and her criticisms had been unwarranted.
He may have lied in “The Robin” but it was absolutely necessary. She knows herself and because of that she knows how necessary Barney’s extreme actions were. Anything less wouldn’t have gotten through to her.
And he lied to create their brilliant and amazingly awesome rehearsal dinner, but it was all done simply to surprise her. How can she hold that against him? She did the same thing for the very same reason at his bro mitzvah. She lied right to his face over something big and did it with meaning and feeling. That’s the very same thing she just condemned him for with the locket.
She justified her lie because she did it for the greater good, for this surprise that she knew he’d love. She understood why she was doing it and therefore didn’t see it as something wrong. But that’s hypocritical. It can’t be right for her but wrong for him. Granted, pathological lying was in Barney’s past personality, but she can’t forever put his past on him in the here and now.
So Ted got her locket by desperate means? Why does that mean she owes him anything?….And maybe that’s just it. Maybe it wasn’t so selfless after all. Based on what Ted said to her early this morning, maybe in those moments when he was “going big” to look for her locket all he was secretly doing was hoping it might change her mind.
And even if not, so what?
She knows Barney would fly all over the country for her too to get her what she needed if he only knew what it had really stood for to her. She knows he would have. She doesn’t doubt that at all. And besides, she shouldn’t even be setting up ‘tests’ for him in her mind and judging him based on if he comes through.
Furthermore, what he did with both “The Robin” and their rehearsal dinner, that wasn’t “not real” and it wasn’t all built on lies and b.s. It was a stunning and beautiful demonstration of his love and appreciation for her.
Barney is always doing that for her, accepting her and loving her and appreciating her in a way that none of the rest of the gang has, none of her family has - no one has ever done. No one has ever loved her the way that Barney loves her. So what is she afraid of? Why be afraid to trust her heart and her future to a man like that? There isn’t anyone else in this world who would do right by her the way that Barney does, over and over again selflessly putting her needs and feelings first. So on one day he didn’t come to the park - after she told him not to. What does that even amount to? Just once Barney didn’t come when she called. Just once in an entire eight year relationship with him, in the huge list of ways he has been there for her like no one else ever did or will.
So he lied to her about the locket? That’s not good, but she understands why he did it. Ted told him to do it. He only wanted to calm her. He was only doing what he thought was right by her, what he thought was a good thing. He just wanted to make her happy. That’s the theme repeated again and again in all of these things that she’s remembered.
As she takes her second deep breath, Robin outwardly nods to herself at the inward realization she’s made, at the ton of amazing and loving things Barney has done for her. Any of the tiny handful of allegedly “questionable” things are inconsequential in the grand scheme of their lives.
She’s blown this whole thing way out of proportion. She knows Barney, and she has been happy with him. It has been real. The time since they got engaged has been the best five months of her life.
And all of her mom’s supposed red flags that had her so spooked earlier they actually helped lead to her current panic attack, Robin can see now that they were all blown out of proportion too.
Barney was engaged to a stripper? Well, she was briefly engaged to her therapist, despite not being in love with him - and she was only seeing a therapist because she was legally mandated to go after being arrested because of her out-of-control feelings for Barney. And she ended up cheating on said therapist with Barney, so she’s not exactly one to talk.
Barney used to run plays to get into women’s pants? True, but that’s all a thing of the past. “The Robin” was the last play he’ll ever run, and he destroyed The Playbook not once but twice for her.
He’s always taking his mother’s side? Maybe at first, but once he realized how much it bothered her and how insensitive that was that’s why he stopped and told them all in no uncertain terms that his loyalty lies firmly with her.
He never checks before making plans? They both have been guilty of that - but not on purpose, just as an instinct after so many years spent independently. And they’ve since both agreed not to be those lone wolves anymore - and to prove as much they implemented a fantastically awesome No Questions Asked plan together. They’re amazing at working together. Their laser tag championships stand as ample evidence to that fact. They’ve always made a great team - as bros, as partners, as lovers, at making fun of Ted, at everything.
They had a huge fight right before their rehearsal dinner? Well that doesn’t even count since the fight was staged and Barney knew that would be her reaction. It was all in the interest of her unforgettable surprise.
For nearly the first ten years she didn’t know what he did for a living? Yes, but that was literally a state secret, and he kept it from her just to protect her.
He’s slept with a bunch of women? That one’s true, but he’s done with that now; he even thinks one night stands are disgusting. And she hasn’t exactly been a saint herself. Her list is far longer than most women’s. The only important thing is that she knows above all no matter how many women Barney has bedded she was always more than just another number to him. And she loves the fact that even after all those women she was still so singular to him, the only one he ever madly loved and couldn’t forget.
Forget the red flags. There are no red flags. Her mother’s cautions about her dad that Robin feared might apply to Barney too, they all amount to less than nothing.
So even though she has no idea that her fiancé has in fact now walked into the reception tent, still, by the time Robin opens her eyes she’s already decided to go back and marry Barney.
It’s scary, yes. But screw the odds. The odds don’t know her, and they don’t know Barney. The odds would have had them never even falling in love to begin with. But even before they were officially together, and after, and since they’ve been engaged, and in all the years in between, there have been thousands of ways he’s made her feel so special and so loved, thousands of ways he’s let her know that she is the only thing in the world that truly matters to him. She doesn’t need him to find some silly locket to show her that.
Of course Barney has been and will be there for her.
And as Robin takes her third breath, she turns……and sees that Barney is standing with her in the tent - already there for her - the answer she needed all along.
Taken aback, she blinks just to make sure he’s real. “Barney?”
Section C
And that’s when Barney realizes that although Lily and Marshall broke nearly every one of their vows it’s not because they’re a bad couple, or because that level of devotion is simply unattainable. The reason they broke them is because vows don’t need to be - perhaps outright shouldn’t be - beautiful and poetic when life itself isn’t always beautiful and poetic. Life is messy and complicated at times, and love can be too. That’s what makes wedding vows actually rather impractical because a marriage is a living, breathing thing. Any kind of promises or vows in that marriage will need to be ever adjustable just like the people who make them.
In fact, Marshall and Lily are proof that wedding vows aren’t even necessary at all. They broke almost all of theirs and yet their marriage is still solid and strong and they remain the most picture-perfect and functional couple he’s ever known.
Barney watches them kiss at the conclusion of their new and improved vows and he can see that despite the huge fight they just had they’re still so obviously in love. Their marriage is the best example he’s ever borne witness to.
……And come to think of it, they only had that huge fight because Marshall wasn’t honest with Lily…..And the other huge fight they had in their marriage, when he and Robin were afraid they’d gotten a divorce, that too was because Lily hadn’t been honest with Marshall about her credit card debt and shopping addiction.
The epiphany hits Barney all at once: honesty. Pretty vows are lovely, and it’s wonderful if you can keep them all. And, yes, there are other important things that go without saying - things like communication, and loving each other, thoughtfulness and caring, and so forth - but when it comes down to it honesty is the vital component to having a successful marriage.
It’s what he and Robin need too. That is what he has to vow to her. All the rest of those lyrical, Lionel Richie style vows are just surface things and often not very true to life. What a marriage really amounts to is living together and loving each other, making a life together on a day-to-day basis. And in that there’s only one vow that matters: always be honest with each other.
Love and honesty are the only things necessary to have a lasting marriage. The first time around they had love, but they still had a long way to go on the honesty front. They weren’t honest and open with each other about their feelings, or about their wants and needs, and that ultimately led to their relationship falling apart. To prevent that from happening this time around, to guarantee their marriage grows and thrives, they have the deep and abiding love; all they have to do now is be honest with each other at all times.
They’re already most of the way there. But honesty 99% of the time won’t do. That’s what happened with Marshall and Lily, and that 1% of dishonesty led to the biggest crisis of their marriage. That’s why the only thing he needs to vow to Robin is honesty 100% of the time, without fail and with no exceptions.
Unfortunately while he’s just realized that, only minutes ago he’d also just lied to Robin about her locket.
He has to go and find her and tell her the realization he’s had - and he has to tell her the truth about her locket.
He could wait and tell her all this during the ceremony the way you’re supposed to. He does want to do this wedding stuff right, after all, and no one says their vows beforehand. But he feels genuinely bad about lying to her. He never wanted to in the first place and now that he’s realized the utmost importance of honesty at all time, that honesty itself is the one and only vow needed in a marriage, he can’t let theirs start out having just told her a lie. He needs to clear this up with her and fix this, let her know that any kind of lying or dishonesty or even evasions of the truth that all stops now.
While Lily and Marshall are still kissing, Barney silently walks out of the chapel, a man with a purpose. He’s heading towards the staircase when he happens to look out the window and sees Robin bolting across the lawn back towards the Farhampton Inn.
He instantly pieces it together. She’s running scared like he almost had.
Barney immediately adjusts course to go after her. He’s not going to pressure her. He’s just going to make this one vow to her now, and after that the choice has to be hers.
But he believes in their love enough that he knows she’ll come to her senses just like he had.
****
In her dash across the church’s lawn, Robin knew she could have hopped into someone’s car. She even saw Ranjitt. She could have easily climbed into the limo and asked him to take her away. But she ran across the street to the hotel instead, thinking to go up to their room or perhaps just out to the beach, subconsciously knowing full well that those are both places she’ll be found fairly quickly, whereas having Ranjitt take her back to the city would have ended this wedding here and now.
But she didn’t escape, because she doesn’t actually want to run away. She isn’t sure what she should do. She just needs to try and think for a minute.
When Robin sees their reception tent it just feels right. She’s drawn in and her feet automatically take her there. Pausing just inside the tent to take her shoes off, she gathers her skirt up higher since she’s been tripping over it, and she’s so preoccupied looking back through the window to make sure Ted isn’t coming after her that she runs directly into a woman, knocking them both to the ground.
Robin apologizes to the poor woman and helps her up, making sure she’s okay. The woman responds in kind, asking Robin if she’s okay too, which Robin assures her she is. But then the woman asks her if she’s sure, being as how sprinting from a church in a wedding dress doesn’t seem very okay.
Now is another chance for Robin to run away and keep on running. Lie and say she’s fine, or not say anything at all, just take off. But she stays anyway, knowing that every second that passes increases the odds of Ted finding her. She stays and she confides her intimate and private innermost feelings to a perfect stranger - something extremely unlike her to ever do.
“Um, to be honest I’m - I’m wondering if this whole getting married thing is something I can go through with.” She only phrases it as ‘wondering’, not that she’s sure or that she’s already decided it’s a mistake and she wants out. But even then, just admitting that much out loud a second time has Robin beginning to hyperventilate again.
Because the truth is she doesn’t want to call it off. She couldn’t possibly want anything less. She’s simply still looking for someone - anyone, even this perfect stranger - to talk her out of being a runaway bride and get her to a place of reassurance where she’s calm and it makes sense to be marrying Barney. She just desperately wants someone to straighten her out and give her convincing peace of mind so she can go back and marry Barney like she wants to do.
But when the stranger only replies “Oh” and “Wow”, Robin feels her heart sink in disappointment. “That’s it?” she asks disbelievingly. No, that can’t be it! She needs more than that. “…..Aren’t you supposed to talk me out of it?” Please, talk me out of it. “Tell me it’s just cold feet? I’m - I’m being crazy?” she nods, adding another silent plea to this woman to offer her some help here.
However the stranger’s lone response is to point out, “I don’t really know you.”
Robin blinks. Of course that’s true. They don’t even know each other at all so how can this woman possibly give her sound marital advice? How could she expect that or even ask that of her? It just shows how crazy she is being to suggest it.
But she really does need someone’s help right now, someone’s guidance - or even someone to tell her straight-out what to do.
Her whole life she’s been torn between what she wants and what she should do. For the past sixteen years, what she should do has won out over what she wants, again and again. She finally broke that cycle for good and did just the opposite - definitively choosing heart over head and love over reason - by taking a chance with Barney and telling him ‘yes’ back in December. And her life has been amazing since making that choice. But in the back of her mind a part of her has been living in fear of the consequences of that risk of following her heart ever since.
“Here’s all I’ll say,” the stranger offers. “When I’m overwhelmed, I force myself to do one simple thing before I make a decision.” The woman moves closer, placing both hands on her shoulders, and Robin awaits for some big wisdom of life to be handed down. “Close my eyes and take three deep breaths.”
Once again Robin’s rocked with disappointment. Only this time it’s mixed with a heavy dose of cynicism that, not surprisingly, she gets no benefit of deep meaningful life wisdom, not for her life. She just gets a lot of useless hogwash like ‘take three deep breaths’.
“Sometimes even three deep breathes can change everything,” the stranger avows.
That seems silly to Robin, stupid, but this nice woman appears to genuinely believe it. And what does she have to lose at this point? So with a slight smile of thanks she turns away to give this whole breathing thing a shot.
The stranger told her to take three clarifying breaths before making her final decision and Robin takes that seriously, putting on the frame of mind to try to stop being so overwhelmed and just really think back on the whole of her relationship with Barney, what she knows about him, and herself, and the two of them together. Closing her eyes, she exhales the longest, heaviest sigh of her life and starts to take her first calming breath with the idea to pull from their past - all of their moments, their entire history together - to find that thing to cling to she’s been searching for.
And now that she’s made the conscious effort to quiet her raging fear and pull herself from this panic attack for even just a few seconds her heart screams out, telling her that Barney may have fallen short today but he has done lovely things for her. Robin’s mind latches on to that fact, drawing from it as she thinks back.
Years ago, Barney volunteered to go with her to give her dogs away; Barney, not Ted - and Ted was her boyfriend at the time, as well as the very reason she had to give away her dogs in the first place. Yet Barney was the one who wanted to be there to support her. Barney was the one to dry the tears that embarrassed her when she said goodbye. Barney was there with no obligation to be and no ulterior motive. He was just there for her, because she needed someone.
When she came back from Argentina, Barney was the only one who recognized that she wasn’t being her true self and tried to break her out of it. The same thing goes for her funk after Don dumped her. Both times he was the one there for her, helping return her to her senses and who she truly is inside.
Back when the gang was first discovering her Robin Sparkles history when Ted guessed she’d been married instead and she revealed to him in confidence that it was “true”, Ted went and immediately told everyone else, heedless of her feelings, while Barney was the one promising not to show the others the rest of her video he’d unearthed because he cared for her feelings and wanted to protect her dignity.
Barney was the one, the only one, she’d let herself fall apart to after Simon dumped her that second time. Barney held her, made her laugh, complimented her, did and said all the right things with a sweetness and gentleness the others would have never guessed he even possessed. And all of that sensitivity and warm compassion was just for her, just to comfort her and make her feel better, with no thought of getting anything in return. He was certainly there for her that night. She was able to fully rely on him for comfort and support. She’d never felt so safe in her life as she did that night crying on his shoulder at MacLaren’s.
In fact the “Sandcastles” incident was such a prominent moment for them it caused her to invite him back to her place because she was so touched at how immensely he’d been there for her - and that led her to finally give in to their attraction and sleep with him that night. It was such a special moment for the both of them and their relationship to come that’s why she chose that song to walk down the aisle to.
She wonders now how in her earlier rant about the most loving things Barney’s ever done for her she hadn’t considered that moment - and so many other moments like it that are an integral part of their history.
Like the moments that would come in the days to follow their first time sleeping together when Barney took all the blame, never once telling the others that she had kissed him, just letting them think she’d been seduced by the big bad wolf if that’s what it took to protect the privacy of a moment that should have been only between them. He even got ousted from the group and temporarily lost Ted’s friendship because of it.
And Barney was there for her too a few months later, convincing her to try for the network job she wanted because she was anything but a joke, believing in her when she’d already given up on herself - which is par for the course as he’s the only one who has always believed in and supported her career.
He worked tirelessly - staying up all night to finish her video resume on his own when she’d lost hope and quit - to secure her the job at Come On, Get Up New York!. It’s because of Barney and his care and support and endless belief in her that she’s even able to be in this country right now. He was definitely there for her. He went above and beyond for her.
Barney bent over backwards trying to learn to be a good boyfriend to her at a time when he was still too emotionally damaged for that to even be entirely possible, but he was willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy.
He brought her back from Canada when she was in the midst of a drunken identity crisis and even got beat up but good defending her and deriding all others in that coffee shop for not seeing how awesome she is. And all of that was completely spontaneous. It wasn’t a matter of ‘ask and he’ll be there’ like Ted that day in the park. She didn’t even have to ask Barney. He saw she was upset and he just jumped in to make it better for her. And he later went on to give her the Super Date for that very same reason. No one has ever done for her the kind of thoughtful and meaningful things that Barney has, things that aren’t just superfluous and for show but actually carry profound value and significance and feeling.
She’s already recalled it once but it bears repeating how when she’d given up and thought herself worthless and unlovable in the face of Don unceremoniously dumping her following her heartbreaking split from Barney, while the others ignored her breakdown Barney was there to challenge her and get her back up on her feet in the way that he knew would unfailingly work to bring back her spunk, her determination, and her confidence in herself.
And Barney got her the win when she needed it most during their Subway Wars. Ted, who she gave so much acclaim to earlier, wasn’t even willing to let her win. Barney had to physically tackle his best bro to the street in order to be there for her and give her what she needed. But he did it, without question and without any notion of taking credit or even of her ever knowing that he’d done it - he still won’t own up to it to this day, still wanting her to feel like she got the win on her own merits, still thinking of her first and being there for her above all else.
When Ted made her doubt everything about herself and preyed on all those insecurities her father and then society created about never being good enough and always being inherently wrong, Barney stepped in to tell her she’s amazing and strong and independent, and that all the things that Ted and the others derided are the very things he loves about her.
Barney was responsible for reuniting her with Jessica. He used his contacts to hunt Jessica down, disguising it under the guise of trying to buy Glitter’s costume - and she should have known right then since Barney was only ever interested in direct Robin Sparkles props and would have been after her Space Teens costume if he was really after souvenirs. Then he allowed Marshall and Lily to take credit for the reunion, because the only thing that mattered to Barney was knowing she needed to exorcise those demons to move on and wanting to fulfill that need for her in any way he could.
When she felt bad because even in a hurricane her dad couldn’t be bothered to be concerned about her, Barney told her he was an idiot because a single day without talking to her rendered the entire day no good. He made her feel that at least to one man she mattered oh so much.
Barney was totally, one hundred percent there for her when he thought she was pregnant with their child. Rather than running out the door like he’d always done before, he was nothing but supportive of her every step of the way, wanting to go to the doctor with her and even being there to support her in the actual examine room.
When she was feeling bad because she thought he “erased” her so as not to upset Quinn, Barney put his pride aside and showed her his secret collection of them, no matter how it might embarrass him, because he wanted her to know that he did love her and she meant more to him than anything.
Barney was constantly there by her side giving her the encouragement and support to dump Nick when the others were just going to sit by and let her continue in a relationship with a man she couldn’t even bear to talk. He even rushed into Splitsville offering to do the hard part for her if she felt she couldn’t do it herself.
All throughout “The Robin” that she’d earlier dismissed as built on lies, what Barney actually proved was how well he knows her, better than anyone else. And not just her habits and quirks. He knows her heart. He knew what she wanted, but he also knew she would be too afraid to ever reach for it if he didn’t carefully orchestrate a situation to make her see how much she was risking and just exactly what she was throwing away by being too afraid to face and own what was in her heart.
And once they were back together, he showed what a great partner he’ll be in the way he did everything humanly possible to win her father’s approval. Not because they’re alike but because that’s what she wanted. And eventually when her father simply wouldn’t budge, he stood up to the man - something it took her thirty-two years to find the courage to do - telling him how wonderful his daughter is, what an idiot he’s been, and making him go back and apologize to her and at least try to treat her properly from now on. That right there shows that Barney is nothing like her dad. Her father never lets emotions rule and guide him, while almost everything Barney does is motivated by emotion and feeling.
Barney beat up Alan Thicke when he thought the man might have taken advantage of her.
He blew up the last remaining copy of The Playbook, even though she wasn’t going to make him do it, just because he knew she was uncomfortable about it. For him that meant it had to go, and he was determined to show her that part of his life is over and she is his only priority now.
He was ready and willing to sell his beloved apartment simply because he thought it would make her happy.
He told her right out that because of her he doesn’t have to wait for it anymore. He needs nothing more in his life now because he has her to make him believe in love.
And Barney was so supportive and so intensely there for her, standing behind her one thousand percent, renouncing his entire family in her favor and telling them they’re dead to him because she is everything and will always come first to the point that they might as well not even exist for him such is her superiority and precedence in his life.
When Reverend Lowell was criticizing them and their story, Barney was the first to stand up in their defense because he loves everything about her and their journey to each other.
Barney encouraged her when she feared they might be too much the lone wolves, reassuring her that there is no problem they can’t solve as long as they do so together. Again, she didn’t have to ask him. He just naturally did it for her, jumping in whenever she had a need.
Ted was right before; Barney has been there for her much more than Ted ever has. Barney’s lied to her, yes, and lying about the locket was bad. But Ted admitted he told him to do it. It’s like with Stinson’s Hangover Fixer Elixir; Barney “lied out of love.” And, regardless, all the lies in the world don’t negate the fact that Barney has come through for her plenty of times in plenty of amazing ways. He has gone big for her, maybe not to the grand scale of flying all over the country but in ways that were just as necessary and important to her at the time. And all of that means way more than just a silly locket whose only importance lies in what she’s given it, not the universe.
Now that she’s slowed down and gotten a hold of herself long enough to see things more clearly, Robin instantly recognizes that all of the things she said about Barney before weren’t in any way true. She’d been irrational and her criticisms had been unwarranted.
He may have lied in “The Robin” but it was absolutely necessary. She knows herself and because of that she knows how necessary Barney’s extreme actions were. Anything less wouldn’t have gotten through to her.
And he lied to create their brilliant and amazingly awesome rehearsal dinner, but it was all done simply to surprise her. How can she hold that against him? She did the same thing for the very same reason at his bro mitzvah. She lied right to his face over something big and did it with meaning and feeling. That’s the very same thing she just condemned him for with the locket.
She justified her lie because she did it for the greater good, for this surprise that she knew he’d love. She understood why she was doing it and therefore didn’t see it as something wrong. But that’s hypocritical. It can’t be right for her but wrong for him. Granted, pathological lying was in Barney’s past personality, but she can’t forever put his past on him in the here and now.
So Ted got her locket by desperate means? Why does that mean she owes him anything?….And maybe that’s just it. Maybe it wasn’t so selfless after all. Based on what Ted said to her early this morning, maybe in those moments when he was “going big” to look for her locket all he was secretly doing was hoping it might change her mind.
And even if not, so what?
She knows Barney would fly all over the country for her too to get her what she needed if he only knew what it had really stood for to her. She knows he would have. She doesn’t doubt that at all. And besides, she shouldn’t even be setting up ‘tests’ for him in her mind and judging him based on if he comes through.
Furthermore, what he did with both “The Robin” and their rehearsal dinner, that wasn’t “not real” and it wasn’t all built on lies and b.s. It was a stunning and beautiful demonstration of his love and appreciation for her.
Barney is always doing that for her, accepting her and loving her and appreciating her in a way that none of the rest of the gang has, none of her family has - no one has ever done. No one has ever loved her the way that Barney loves her. So what is she afraid of? Why be afraid to trust her heart and her future to a man like that? There isn’t anyone else in this world who would do right by her the way that Barney does, over and over again selflessly putting her needs and feelings first. So on one day he didn’t come to the park - after she told him not to. What does that even amount to? Just once Barney didn’t come when she called. Just once in an entire eight year relationship with him, in the huge list of ways he has been there for her like no one else ever did or will.
So he lied to her about the locket? That’s not good, but she understands why he did it. Ted told him to do it. He only wanted to calm her. He was only doing what he thought was right by her, what he thought was a good thing. He just wanted to make her happy. That’s the theme repeated again and again in all of these things that she’s remembered.
As she takes her second deep breath, Robin outwardly nods to herself at the inward realization she’s made, at the ton of amazing and loving things Barney has done for her. Any of the tiny handful of allegedly “questionable” things are inconsequential in the grand scheme of their lives.
She’s blown this whole thing way out of proportion. She knows Barney, and she has been happy with him. It has been real. The time since they got engaged has been the best five months of her life.
And all of her mom’s supposed red flags that had her so spooked earlier they actually helped lead to her current panic attack, Robin can see now that they were all blown out of proportion too.
Barney was engaged to a stripper? Well, she was briefly engaged to her therapist, despite not being in love with him - and she was only seeing a therapist because she was legally mandated to go after being arrested because of her out-of-control feelings for Barney. And she ended up cheating on said therapist with Barney, so she’s not exactly one to talk.
Barney used to run plays to get into women’s pants? True, but that’s all a thing of the past. “The Robin” was the last play he’ll ever run, and he destroyed The Playbook not once but twice for her.
He’s always taking his mother’s side? Maybe at first, but once he realized how much it bothered her and how insensitive that was that’s why he stopped and told them all in no uncertain terms that his loyalty lies firmly with her.
He never checks before making plans? They both have been guilty of that - but not on purpose, just as an instinct after so many years spent independently. And they’ve since both agreed not to be those lone wolves anymore - and to prove as much they implemented a fantastically awesome No Questions Asked plan together. They’re amazing at working together. Their laser tag championships stand as ample evidence to that fact. They’ve always made a great team - as bros, as partners, as lovers, at making fun of Ted, at everything.
They had a huge fight right before their rehearsal dinner? Well that doesn’t even count since the fight was staged and Barney knew that would be her reaction. It was all in the interest of her unforgettable surprise.
For nearly the first ten years she didn’t know what he did for a living? Yes, but that was literally a state secret, and he kept it from her just to protect her.
He’s slept with a bunch of women? That one’s true, but he’s done with that now; he even thinks one night stands are disgusting. And she hasn’t exactly been a saint herself. Her list is far longer than most women’s. The only important thing is that she knows above all no matter how many women Barney has bedded she was always more than just another number to him. And she loves the fact that even after all those women she was still so singular to him, the only one he ever madly loved and couldn’t forget.
Forget the red flags. There are no red flags. Her mother’s cautions about her dad that Robin feared might apply to Barney too, they all amount to less than nothing.
So even though she has no idea that her fiancé has in fact now walked into the reception tent, still, by the time Robin opens her eyes she’s already decided to go back and marry Barney.
It’s scary, yes. But screw the odds. The odds don’t know her, and they don’t know Barney. The odds would have had them never even falling in love to begin with. But even before they were officially together, and after, and since they’ve been engaged, and in all the years in between, there have been thousands of ways he’s made her feel so special and so loved, thousands of ways he’s let her know that she is the only thing in the world that truly matters to him. She doesn’t need him to find some silly locket to show her that.
Of course Barney has been and will be there for her.
And as Robin takes her third breath, she turns……and sees that Barney is standing with her in the tent - already there for her - the answer she needed all along.
Taken aback, she blinks just to make sure he’s real. “Barney?”
Section C