City on the Edge of Forever - Epilogue
'Spock, just . . . ' Spock gave Kirk his quizzical look, though tempered, this time, with concern.
'Captain?'
Kirk paused for a moment, an unnatural thing for him to do. Moments earlier he'd acted decisively to prevent McCoy from saving Edith Keeler. That decisiveness and saved history, though at the cost of Edith's life - and his love for her. With a visible effort, he gathered himself and shot Spock a half-smile.
'Take us out of orbit. Make course for Starbase Eleven. Warp three.' Spock nodded.
'Aye, Captain.' Kirk turned to head for the turbolift as the landing party filed out of the transporter room. A hand, gripping his arm strongly, stopped him.
'Jim.' It was Bones, still wearing a look of angry disbelief. Spock had briefly filled the doctor in on the events of the mission, on Kirk's agonising choice, yet it was still to sink in, to penetrate the wall of shock and horror at seeing his friend, the compasisonate and heroic Jim Kirk, allow a young woman to die.
Kirk met his gaze squarely. 'Leave me alone, Bones.' He broke the grip and stalked out of the transporter room, heading for the solitude of his cabin. Just for once, the damned ship would have to wait.
Kirk's door chimed. He ignored it, swigging another shot of saurian brandy down. The door chimed again. Again he ignored it. The door opened anyway - it was Bones, using his medical emergency override to open the door.
'Get the hell out of here, Bones!' Kirk growled, too far gone on grief and alcohol to care much about what he was saying. Bones stared at him, wide eyed and emotional.
'What in blazes are you doing, Jim?' he demanded, in his half-whisper, half-shout. He strode over and picked up the bottle of saurian brandy. 'Do you really think this will help?'
Jim stared into the bottom of his glass. 'No, but it'll make me feel a lot better.'
'Will it, Jim?' Bones answered. 'That's horseshit, and you know that as well as I do.'
Jim let his glass fall on to the table, where it clattered and spilt the dregs of liquid inside it.
'You're right. You're absolutely right. You're a doctor, not a bar . . ' he couldn't finish the quote. Bones gave a small smile.
'A doctor, not a bartender. Or an expert on grief counselling or how to save the universe without having your goddammned heart broken in the process.' Jim's gaze remained firmly towards the floor.
'I had a mission, Bones. Me and Spock were there to do a job - to undo the damage you'd caused. Sorry, Bones,' Kirk added quickly when he saw the flinch in his friend's eyes. 'I had a mission and I allowed myself to fall in love.' Kirk rose to his feet, pacing the cabin, obsessively wringing his hands. 'And why, Bones? Why, of all the women, did it have to be her?' Bones remained silent, letting Jim vent. Jim grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him squarely in the eye.
'I met a woman I loved and I had to let her die! I had to stop you from saving her! I . . .' Jim's voice broke into great, wracking sobs and Bones held him tight. The pain, guilt and utter heartbreak came flooding out in a terrible tidal wave of grief. Bones understood then exactly what allowing Edith to die had cost Jim. Why this man as so lonely and why he would continue to be lonely.
He'd let someone inside his defences years before - Carol Marcus, a romance that had spawned a child, David. That romance had failed and Carol had forbade Jim to have anything to do with David. that had hurt Jim deeply and for years he had shied away from anything serious, any commitments. Unitl Edith. Edith had touched something deep inside him, had satisfied his yearning to share himself with a woman completely - mind, heart and soul.
And he had allowed her to die, had to allow her to die, in order to dave the world from a terrible fate. Bones asked himself, how do you recover from that?
Jim had sobbed himself out and he slowly pushed himself away from Bones. He tried to smile, though it was as sad a smile as Bones had seen. 'Got another glass?' he asked Jim. 'Because if you're gonna get drunk, then you;re not gonna do it alone.' Jim smiled again, this time a little less sadly. He opened a cubboard and grabbed another glass.
'Strictly medicinal - right?' he asked Bones.
'Strictly medicinal.' He raised his glass after it had bene filled. 'To edith,' he said quietly. Jim paused for a moment, raised his own glass and repeated the toast.
'To Edith.'
'Captain?'
Kirk paused for a moment, an unnatural thing for him to do. Moments earlier he'd acted decisively to prevent McCoy from saving Edith Keeler. That decisiveness and saved history, though at the cost of Edith's life - and his love for her. With a visible effort, he gathered himself and shot Spock a half-smile.
'Take us out of orbit. Make course for Starbase Eleven. Warp three.' Spock nodded.
'Aye, Captain.' Kirk turned to head for the turbolift as the landing party filed out of the transporter room. A hand, gripping his arm strongly, stopped him.
'Jim.' It was Bones, still wearing a look of angry disbelief. Spock had briefly filled the doctor in on the events of the mission, on Kirk's agonising choice, yet it was still to sink in, to penetrate the wall of shock and horror at seeing his friend, the compasisonate and heroic Jim Kirk, allow a young woman to die.
Kirk met his gaze squarely. 'Leave me alone, Bones.' He broke the grip and stalked out of the transporter room, heading for the solitude of his cabin. Just for once, the damned ship would have to wait.
Kirk's door chimed. He ignored it, swigging another shot of saurian brandy down. The door chimed again. Again he ignored it. The door opened anyway - it was Bones, using his medical emergency override to open the door.
'Get the hell out of here, Bones!' Kirk growled, too far gone on grief and alcohol to care much about what he was saying. Bones stared at him, wide eyed and emotional.
'What in blazes are you doing, Jim?' he demanded, in his half-whisper, half-shout. He strode over and picked up the bottle of saurian brandy. 'Do you really think this will help?'
Jim stared into the bottom of his glass. 'No, but it'll make me feel a lot better.'
'Will it, Jim?' Bones answered. 'That's horseshit, and you know that as well as I do.'
Jim let his glass fall on to the table, where it clattered and spilt the dregs of liquid inside it.
'You're right. You're absolutely right. You're a doctor, not a bar . . ' he couldn't finish the quote. Bones gave a small smile.
'A doctor, not a bartender. Or an expert on grief counselling or how to save the universe without having your goddammned heart broken in the process.' Jim's gaze remained firmly towards the floor.
'I had a mission, Bones. Me and Spock were there to do a job - to undo the damage you'd caused. Sorry, Bones,' Kirk added quickly when he saw the flinch in his friend's eyes. 'I had a mission and I allowed myself to fall in love.' Kirk rose to his feet, pacing the cabin, obsessively wringing his hands. 'And why, Bones? Why, of all the women, did it have to be her?' Bones remained silent, letting Jim vent. Jim grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him squarely in the eye.
'I met a woman I loved and I had to let her die! I had to stop you from saving her! I . . .' Jim's voice broke into great, wracking sobs and Bones held him tight. The pain, guilt and utter heartbreak came flooding out in a terrible tidal wave of grief. Bones understood then exactly what allowing Edith to die had cost Jim. Why this man as so lonely and why he would continue to be lonely.
He'd let someone inside his defences years before - Carol Marcus, a romance that had spawned a child, David. That romance had failed and Carol had forbade Jim to have anything to do with David. that had hurt Jim deeply and for years he had shied away from anything serious, any commitments. Unitl Edith. Edith had touched something deep inside him, had satisfied his yearning to share himself with a woman completely - mind, heart and soul.
And he had allowed her to die, had to allow her to die, in order to dave the world from a terrible fate. Bones asked himself, how do you recover from that?
Jim had sobbed himself out and he slowly pushed himself away from Bones. He tried to smile, though it was as sad a smile as Bones had seen. 'Got another glass?' he asked Jim. 'Because if you're gonna get drunk, then you;re not gonna do it alone.' Jim smiled again, this time a little less sadly. He opened a cubboard and grabbed another glass.
'Strictly medicinal - right?' he asked Bones.
'Strictly medicinal.' He raised his glass after it had bene filled. 'To edith,' he said quietly. Jim paused for a moment, raised his own glass and repeated the toast.
'To Edith.'