Sporking Update: Target Acquired
In the quest to find a new subject to spork for Das Sporking, I sent my friend Blade to investigate a certain fanfic I had had strong misgivings about since reading its TV Tropes page: the My Little Pony fanfic Frigid Hearts and Burning Winds. This is his scouting report.
BladeofZorc 9:17 pm
"OK, I'm gonna give it a shot.
Alright, immediate reaction is that it looks a bit... beefy. Proceeding with the report.
My second reaction is that, while well written so far, the story suffers from the same curse (and sometimes blessing) that so many other fanfictions in and out of this fandom suffer from: drama.
The show has taught us that, no, not even Equestria is ALL sunshine and gumdrops. There have been civil wars, plagues, famines, failed settlements, and at least two near-Apocalypses.
But regardless, the subject matter has been handled in a lighthearted and whimsical fashion. I think the 'darkest' it ever got was in 'Over a Barrel,' and even in that episode, the finesse of Faust and her crew shone through: The weapons were pies, the peace treaty was a compromise centered around sharing snacks, and never once did the episode delve any deeper than it needed to to paint its picture.
Here, on the other hand, Uncanny Valley strikes harder than poni mysticism. The locations, characers, and viewpoints so far ring not of Equestria, but of 'pony-fied Earth.' It's already at Level 1 Discordian greyscale, and this is just the first chapter... which I'm only less than halfway through. Research continuing.
.....Research continuing, however a note must be made:
""Leaves more time for drinking!""
I understand that in our world, alcohol is regularly referenced and consumed, but canonically, it is not referenced. Not directly. Salt lick saloons I can accept (It's the Old West.). Berry Punch is a gag character given a nod or two by Studio B. The Apple family's cider is soft, not hard; regardless, Equestrian biology is very loosely-defined. Foods that would kill a real horse are consumed by the characters en masse. It's not unreasonable to assume that perhaps the concentrated juice of a fruit can intoxicate one of them similar to how booze affects us.
Perhaps I'm being too nitpicky, but vocally referencing alcohol feels wrong. It breaks an unspoken rule of the MLPverse. The fact that the poni equivalent of GOD is doing it doesn't improve my feelings on the matter.
Moving on with research.
Luna's interaction with Blueblood... OK, this story just went up several notches.
Aaaaaaand back down it went when Blueblood opened his fat mouth again.
First chapter completed. Celestia is being represented as very OOC. Then again, so is Luna. Unsure of how to proceed, but proceeding regardless.
OK, the Equestrian military is... No, this is getting out of hand. Between that whole scene and Luna vomiting from using stomsmashing magic, we're now at Level 2 greyscale.
Proceeding, but with more caution than before.
Twilight is also OOC. I'm sensing a theme here.
""How should I put this…Twilight, the Royal Family is a lie.""
RED ALERT.
RED ALERT.
RED ALERT.
OFFICIAL CANON UNDER TARGETING BY D-LEVEL THREAT.
BASE QUARANTINE PROTOCOL IS NOW IN EFFECT. ALL ACTIVITY HALTED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE."
The scouting report continued after this, but Blade was in his hazmat suit and I found it impossible to understand a damned word he said.
With a reaction like that from Blade, who is usually very hard to shake, the choice became very easy to make.
My next Das Sporking target will be "Frigid Hearts and Burning Winds".
BladeofZorc 9:17 pm
"OK, I'm gonna give it a shot.
Alright, immediate reaction is that it looks a bit... beefy. Proceeding with the report.
My second reaction is that, while well written so far, the story suffers from the same curse (and sometimes blessing) that so many other fanfictions in and out of this fandom suffer from: drama.
The show has taught us that, no, not even Equestria is ALL sunshine and gumdrops. There have been civil wars, plagues, famines, failed settlements, and at least two near-Apocalypses.
But regardless, the subject matter has been handled in a lighthearted and whimsical fashion. I think the 'darkest' it ever got was in 'Over a Barrel,' and even in that episode, the finesse of Faust and her crew shone through: The weapons were pies, the peace treaty was a compromise centered around sharing snacks, and never once did the episode delve any deeper than it needed to to paint its picture.
Here, on the other hand, Uncanny Valley strikes harder than poni mysticism. The locations, characers, and viewpoints so far ring not of Equestria, but of 'pony-fied Earth.' It's already at Level 1 Discordian greyscale, and this is just the first chapter... which I'm only less than halfway through. Research continuing.
.....Research continuing, however a note must be made:
""Leaves more time for drinking!""
I understand that in our world, alcohol is regularly referenced and consumed, but canonically, it is not referenced. Not directly. Salt lick saloons I can accept (It's the Old West.). Berry Punch is a gag character given a nod or two by Studio B. The Apple family's cider is soft, not hard; regardless, Equestrian biology is very loosely-defined. Foods that would kill a real horse are consumed by the characters en masse. It's not unreasonable to assume that perhaps the concentrated juice of a fruit can intoxicate one of them similar to how booze affects us.
Perhaps I'm being too nitpicky, but vocally referencing alcohol feels wrong. It breaks an unspoken rule of the MLPverse. The fact that the poni equivalent of GOD is doing it doesn't improve my feelings on the matter.
Moving on with research.
Luna's interaction with Blueblood... OK, this story just went up several notches.
Aaaaaaand back down it went when Blueblood opened his fat mouth again.
First chapter completed. Celestia is being represented as very OOC. Then again, so is Luna. Unsure of how to proceed, but proceeding regardless.
OK, the Equestrian military is... No, this is getting out of hand. Between that whole scene and Luna vomiting from using stomsmashing magic, we're now at Level 2 greyscale.
Proceeding, but with more caution than before.
Twilight is also OOC. I'm sensing a theme here.
""How should I put this…Twilight, the Royal Family is a lie.""
RED ALERT.
RED ALERT.
RED ALERT.
OFFICIAL CANON UNDER TARGETING BY D-LEVEL THREAT.
BASE QUARANTINE PROTOCOL IS NOW IN EFFECT. ALL ACTIVITY HALTED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE."
The scouting report continued after this, but Blade was in his hazmat suit and I found it impossible to understand a damned word he said.
With a reaction like that from Blade, who is usually very hard to shake, the choice became very easy to make.
My next Das Sporking target will be "Frigid Hearts and Burning Winds".