Operation: P.O.W.E.R.P.U.F.F. - Chapter Eleven, Part One
Okay, I think I'm ready to continue...
LiveJournal told me the post was too big, so I've cleaved it in half. Here's the first part.
This chapter's "Mad Melee". I get the feeling this is a promise Brian won't be able to keep.
At a factory in the industrial district of town, Mojo Jojo was hard at work on a notebook overseeing some machinery, while a tall, imposing teenager in armor was supervising.
You'd think Cree would be more of a hands-on type of boss.
"Just how long is this going to take, Mojo?" said Cree.
"You cannot rush genius Miss Lincoln," said Mojo.
“Genius Miss Lincoln works at her own pace.”
"It took Albert Einstein years to come up with the theory of relativity! It took Opponheimer even longer to invent the atomic bomb! It took the Thomas Edison over ten years and hundreds of failures before he came up with a light bulb that actually worked longer than a few seconds!
“You don’t want to know how long it took Valve to do Team Fortress 2!”
I will complete your little project, but I cannot just wave a magic wand! Like I said, I need a good two days!"
Huh. I was wrong. I thought Brian would just timeskip like before… Guess not.
"Fine," said Cree. "But when you are done, the final result better deliver!"
“I’m sick of carryout!”
Mojo walked up to a huge vat, where a large mixer was stirring some brown, frothy substance. Mojo tasted it.
"Needs more half-and-half," he said, writing something down.
He walked up to second vat, where the mixture inside was white. He tasted it.
"Needs more extract," he said, writing something else down.
He walked to another vat, where the mixture was green and chunky.
He tasted and thought for a minute.
"Okay, this one is good as it is," he said. He wrote it down.
I really hope nobody has to eat that ice cream after a monkey’s stuck its finger in it.
"You'd better finish this before you start gaining weight," sighed Cree.
Ah-hah-hah! Those girls and their worries about their weight, right?
…let’s move on.
SCENE CHANGE to the KND arriving at the Powerpuff Girls’s house:
"They're here, they're here!" said Bubbles, looking out the window.
"Calm down, Bubbles," said Buttercup, bringing out a cheese board. "They came so we could plan strategy, not have a party!"
Hey, you’re the one breaking out the cheese.
"She's right Bubbles," said Blossom, bringing out a chest of soda.
As opposed to left Bubbles?
"If Mojo and the Delightful Children could recruit Seduca, the Gangreen Gang, and Princess, who knows who else might threaten us? So the plan now is to swap info on everything that they might throw at us.
“And if there’s time, hairstyling secrets.”
After a bad line from Numbah Two and Numbah Three wondering if she brought enough cookies, Numbah One reaches the door:
He eyed the house. "Nice," he said. "Very modern."
He rang the doorbell.
Quickly it opened, and the three Powerpuff Girls appeared.
Bad phrasing - makes it sound like they came out of the doorbell.
"Hello!" said Blossom.
"Welcome!" said Buttercup.
"Salutations!" said Bubbles.
Make your pick: Either the Three Stooges answering the phone or “Wilkommen” from Cabaret.
Everyone looked at her.
"Uh, come in," said Blossom.
“Don’t mind her, we’re having her committed.”
"Nice place," said Numbah Four.
"The Professor had to leave this morning to give a speech at Citysville University..." started Buttercup.
"The Professor?" said Numbah Two, puzzled.
"Our dad," said Bubbles. "Well, kind of. He created us..."
The team drew back in surprise.
What, didn’t you ever see the intro to their show?
"... but he'll be back soon and he knows you're here. Once he gets here he can get dinner started. Until then..."
"Created you?" said Numbah Four. "How? Did he put you together like Frankenstein's Monster?"
"Numbah Four!" said Numbah Three, slapping him.
“Honestly, do YOU see stitch marks?!?”
The Girls giggled.
"It was kind of an accident," said Blossom. "He wanted to create the perfect little girl, so he thought he had the right formula with Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice... but then he dropped some Chemical X into it and POOF, there we were!"
"Chemical X?" said Numbah 2.
Please donate all you can. We must fight the scourge of Plot-Sensitive Deafness before it spreads any further.
“What exactly is that?"
"Nobody knows!" said Buttercup.
“Personally, I suspect black-tar heroin.”
"People have tried to recreate the experiment, even us, but it's never worked right a second time... And when other creatures are exposed to the stuff, it seems that random effects happen."
There was a long pause.
"I brought cookies!" said Numbah Three.
Cookies: the cure to awkward plot moments.
"Why don't we save those for dessert, Numbah Three," said Numbah One. "Anyway Girls, I suppose we all know why we're here..."
"Yes," said Blossom. "Why don't we just have a seat and..."
Suddenly the phone by the end table began to ring. Not the hotline, but the ordinary phone.
“Goddamn telemarketers.”
Blossom picked it up. "Hello?" she said.
The Professor's voice came on the other end.
I just hope it wiped off the receiver.
"Blossom, thank goodness you girls are home!" he said. "I was about to leave for home when my car was broken into! My cell phone got swiped, and the thugs punctured all four of my tires! I only have one spare!"
"Lovely," said Blossom. "Don't worry Professor, we'll be there to haul it to the repair shop!"
She hung up the phone. She quickly told the others what happened.
She then resorted to puppets.
"I'll bet it was college alumni who did it," said Numbah One. "Colleges are abominable places... that's where teenagers learn to become full-fledged adults!"
If my brief stint in college taught me anything, it’s that “learning to become full-fledged adults” is near the bottom of how kids view colleges.
Also, given that the PPG are the daughters of a professor, isn’t trashing college tantamount to insulting their hosts’s dad?
"Well, we've got to go help him with his car," said Blossom. "Until then, you all just relax. Don't go into the Professor's laboratory... there's some dangerous stuff down there!"
“If something tries to break out, the cattle prods are by the DVD player.”
The three Powerpuff Girls shot out the windows and flew towards the Town of Citysville.
"Well," said Numbah Four, going up to the TV, "let's see what they have on DVD."
“What the - oh, look at how much porn this guy has!”
"I swear, Numbah Four," said Numbah One, "if you break anything, YOU are going to explain it to them."
“And this time you may only swear twice.”
"KEWL!" said Four.
Because poor literacy gets really tiresome, really fast.
"They have the complete Indiana Jones collection in widescreen! I'll just..."
He looked at the DVD player.
"Um, how does this thing work?"
I’d make a comment about “Don’t you have one at home?”, but then I remembered that in this story, the kids apparently live in the Treehouse.
Numbah One sighed, when suddenly a buzzer went off.
They all turned around, and saw it was coming from a strange phone with a clown-like face.
In a panic, they opened fire.
The KND discuss whether or not they should answer the hotline, and Numbah One finally takes the initiative:
He picked up the hotline. "Hello?" he said.
"Uh, hello," said a high male voice on the other end. "Who is this?"
Numbah One slammed the phone down. “It’s Michael Jackson! Run!”
"Depends," said Numbah One. "Who is this?"
"Well, I was kind of looking for the Powerpuff Girls..." said the voice.
“They haven’t paid their kickback yet this month.”
They aren't here right now," said One. "Can I take a message?"
"Well, is there any way you can reach them?" said the voice. "There's a situation that's kind of urgent..."
"Oh," said One. "Well, whoever you are..."
"You can call me the Mayor..." said the voice.
The Mayor’s voice can’t really be described as “high”. It’s too gruff.
"Mayor?" said Numbah One. "As in of Townsville?"
“No, as in of Rochester. Of COURSE as in of Townsville, you moron!”
Numbah One gets the details - it’s Fuzzy Lumpkins at work - and the team heads out to deal with it.
SCENE CHANGE to the Mayor’s office:
In Townsville City hall, five minutes earlier, the Mayor hung up the phone.
"Well, that was... odd," he said.
Ms. Bellum entered.
“Have you seen where I keep my face?”
"Mr. Mayor!" she said. "The situation is getting worse! I've never seen Lumpkins like this!"
"Maybe someone swiped the dessert out of his lunch this afternoon," said the Mayor. "I hate it when someone does that..."
Why do they keep electing this guy again?
"Yeah, right," said Bellum. "Are the Girls on their way?"
"Uh, they weren't home," said the Mayor. "but some friends of theirs said they'd handle it."
"Friends?" said Ms. Bellum.
"Well, I only heard one," said the Mayor. "Said they owed the Girls a favor... he sounded kind of like a kid with an accent of some sort..."
I’d make one of my “Metal Gear?” jokes on that one, but this time it’s justifiable. She’s expressing disbelief, not repeating for expository purposes.
And the Mayor becomes the first person to notice the KND’s accents.
There was a long pause.
"Maybe we should get down there," said Ms. Bellum.
"Okay," said the Mayor. "I told my wife I would pick up a gallon of milk anyway... and I also need some... WHOOP!"
She grabbed his hand and they headed for the limo.
By the fourth time the Mayor had smacked into a wall, Ms. Bellum realized her error.
SCENE CHANGE to the KND en route to the disturbance:
"So, the Girls work for the city?" said Numbah Five.
"According to Numbah 209, they aren't on the payroll," said Numbah One. "But she did warn me that they often take requests from adults... on of the main reasons they haven't been offered membership yet by Global Command."
"It's what superheroes are supposed to do," said Numbah Four. "Defend cities, work with the authority... don't you ever watch Batman?"
I doubt Numbah Four has. Or did you miss how in most continuities, the only cop in the city who accepts Batman’s presence is Gordon?
"Yeah, well now we're taking requests from adults," said Numbah Five. "And Numbah Five doesn't like it."
So you’d rather hundreds of people get killed instead of helping out an adult? Way to work that whole “heroism” bit, Numbah Five!
The KND reach the scene of the trouble, where multiple jewelry stores show signs of burglary:
"Spread out team," said Numbah One. "Whoever did all this is likely still around."
Team: now in easy-spread form.
SCENE CHANGE:
Indeed.
In a bank, less than a block away, the uncultured hillbilly known to Townsville as Fuzzy Lumpkins was holding the staff at gunpoint with his blunderbuss. Most of the time, Fuzzy was a guy who just liked to keep to himself, but sometimes he woke up in one of those "moods."
Today was one of those times.
Most hillbillies would just drink moonshine until they got over it, but nobody ever accused Fuzzy Lumpkins of knowing enough to build a still.
He leveled his gun at a group of bankers.
"Oh-kay," he said. "Which one of youse is the manager of this here bank?"
One of the men shook his head, but the woman next to him pointed to him.
Someone is getting a bad performance review next year.
Fuzzy lifted him up with his paw and dragged him to the vault, which at this point was only blocked by a grating.
"You know hows to open this thing?" said Fuzzy.
"N-no," said the manager.
"Fine," said Fuzzy, tossing him aside. He grabbed the gate with his free hand and ripped it from the wall.
“Don’t know why I even bothered dragging you ovah here.”
At that point, the alarm went off.
"Aw, shoot," said Fuzzy. He picked up his large sack
ERK!
and started shoving cash into it.
Oh.
Numbah One spun around at the sound of the alarm.
VIEWPOINT WHIPLASH! For once, Brian neglected a scene change marker.
"Target at seven o'clock!" he said.
"Right, seven o'clock!" said Numbah Four. He looked at his watch.
"Um, what's happening at seven o'clock?"
"The bank, fool!" said Numbah Five.
“Wait, the bank’s happening at seven? What does that even mean?”
"Kids Next Door, battle stations!" said Numbah One.
Fuzzy backed out of the bank with his sack crammed to capacity, holding his gun towards it.
Why he had his gun trained on the money sack is unclear, but nobody ever accused Fuzzy Lumpkins of being the fluffiest tail on the coonskin cap.
"An' keep reachin for the ceiling till ya reach it!" he said, laughing.
He turned, and saw the five agents leveling their own weapons at him.
"Hey!" he said.
“You! Get into my car!”
“Who, me?”
“Yes, you! Get into my car!”
To be continued...
LiveJournal told me the post was too big, so I've cleaved it in half. Here's the first part.
This chapter's "Mad Melee". I get the feeling this is a promise Brian won't be able to keep.
At a factory in the industrial district of town, Mojo Jojo was hard at work on a notebook overseeing some machinery, while a tall, imposing teenager in armor was supervising.
You'd think Cree would be more of a hands-on type of boss.
"Just how long is this going to take, Mojo?" said Cree.
"You cannot rush genius Miss Lincoln," said Mojo.
“Genius Miss Lincoln works at her own pace.”
"It took Albert Einstein years to come up with the theory of relativity! It took Opponheimer even longer to invent the atomic bomb! It took the Thomas Edison over ten years and hundreds of failures before he came up with a light bulb that actually worked longer than a few seconds!
“You don’t want to know how long it took Valve to do Team Fortress 2!”
I will complete your little project, but I cannot just wave a magic wand! Like I said, I need a good two days!"
Huh. I was wrong. I thought Brian would just timeskip like before… Guess not.
"Fine," said Cree. "But when you are done, the final result better deliver!"
“I’m sick of carryout!”
Mojo walked up to a huge vat, where a large mixer was stirring some brown, frothy substance. Mojo tasted it.
"Needs more half-and-half," he said, writing something down.
He walked up to second vat, where the mixture inside was white. He tasted it.
"Needs more extract," he said, writing something else down.
He walked to another vat, where the mixture was green and chunky.
He tasted and thought for a minute.
"Okay, this one is good as it is," he said. He wrote it down.
I really hope nobody has to eat that ice cream after a monkey’s stuck its finger in it.
"You'd better finish this before you start gaining weight," sighed Cree.
Ah-hah-hah! Those girls and their worries about their weight, right?
…let’s move on.
SCENE CHANGE to the KND arriving at the Powerpuff Girls’s house:
"They're here, they're here!" said Bubbles, looking out the window.
"Calm down, Bubbles," said Buttercup, bringing out a cheese board. "They came so we could plan strategy, not have a party!"
Hey, you’re the one breaking out the cheese.
"She's right Bubbles," said Blossom, bringing out a chest of soda.
As opposed to left Bubbles?
"If Mojo and the Delightful Children could recruit Seduca, the Gangreen Gang, and Princess, who knows who else might threaten us? So the plan now is to swap info on everything that they might throw at us.
“And if there’s time, hairstyling secrets.”
After a bad line from Numbah Two and Numbah Three wondering if she brought enough cookies, Numbah One reaches the door:
He eyed the house. "Nice," he said. "Very modern."
He rang the doorbell.
Quickly it opened, and the three Powerpuff Girls appeared.
Bad phrasing - makes it sound like they came out of the doorbell.
"Hello!" said Blossom.
"Welcome!" said Buttercup.
"Salutations!" said Bubbles.
Make your pick: Either the Three Stooges answering the phone or “Wilkommen” from Cabaret.
Everyone looked at her.
"Uh, come in," said Blossom.
“Don’t mind her, we’re having her committed.”
"Nice place," said Numbah Four.
"The Professor had to leave this morning to give a speech at Citysville University..." started Buttercup.
"The Professor?" said Numbah Two, puzzled.
"Our dad," said Bubbles. "Well, kind of. He created us..."
The team drew back in surprise.
What, didn’t you ever see the intro to their show?
"... but he'll be back soon and he knows you're here. Once he gets here he can get dinner started. Until then..."
"Created you?" said Numbah Four. "How? Did he put you together like Frankenstein's Monster?"
"Numbah Four!" said Numbah Three, slapping him.
“Honestly, do YOU see stitch marks?!?”
The Girls giggled.
"It was kind of an accident," said Blossom. "He wanted to create the perfect little girl, so he thought he had the right formula with Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice... but then he dropped some Chemical X into it and POOF, there we were!"
"Chemical X?" said Numbah 2.
Please donate all you can. We must fight the scourge of Plot-Sensitive Deafness before it spreads any further.
“What exactly is that?"
"Nobody knows!" said Buttercup.
“Personally, I suspect black-tar heroin.”
"People have tried to recreate the experiment, even us, but it's never worked right a second time... And when other creatures are exposed to the stuff, it seems that random effects happen."
There was a long pause.
"I brought cookies!" said Numbah Three.
Cookies: the cure to awkward plot moments.
"Why don't we save those for dessert, Numbah Three," said Numbah One. "Anyway Girls, I suppose we all know why we're here..."
"Yes," said Blossom. "Why don't we just have a seat and..."
Suddenly the phone by the end table began to ring. Not the hotline, but the ordinary phone.
“Goddamn telemarketers.”
Blossom picked it up. "Hello?" she said.
The Professor's voice came on the other end.
I just hope it wiped off the receiver.
"Blossom, thank goodness you girls are home!" he said. "I was about to leave for home when my car was broken into! My cell phone got swiped, and the thugs punctured all four of my tires! I only have one spare!"
"Lovely," said Blossom. "Don't worry Professor, we'll be there to haul it to the repair shop!"
She hung up the phone. She quickly told the others what happened.
She then resorted to puppets.
"I'll bet it was college alumni who did it," said Numbah One. "Colleges are abominable places... that's where teenagers learn to become full-fledged adults!"
If my brief stint in college taught me anything, it’s that “learning to become full-fledged adults” is near the bottom of how kids view colleges.
Also, given that the PPG are the daughters of a professor, isn’t trashing college tantamount to insulting their hosts’s dad?
"Well, we've got to go help him with his car," said Blossom. "Until then, you all just relax. Don't go into the Professor's laboratory... there's some dangerous stuff down there!"
“If something tries to break out, the cattle prods are by the DVD player.”
The three Powerpuff Girls shot out the windows and flew towards the Town of Citysville.
"Well," said Numbah Four, going up to the TV, "let's see what they have on DVD."
“What the - oh, look at how much porn this guy has!”
"I swear, Numbah Four," said Numbah One, "if you break anything, YOU are going to explain it to them."
“And this time you may only swear twice.”
"KEWL!" said Four.
Because poor literacy gets really tiresome, really fast.
"They have the complete Indiana Jones collection in widescreen! I'll just..."
He looked at the DVD player.
"Um, how does this thing work?"
I’d make a comment about “Don’t you have one at home?”, but then I remembered that in this story, the kids apparently live in the Treehouse.
Numbah One sighed, when suddenly a buzzer went off.
They all turned around, and saw it was coming from a strange phone with a clown-like face.
In a panic, they opened fire.
The KND discuss whether or not they should answer the hotline, and Numbah One finally takes the initiative:
He picked up the hotline. "Hello?" he said.
"Uh, hello," said a high male voice on the other end. "Who is this?"
Numbah One slammed the phone down. “It’s Michael Jackson! Run!”
"Depends," said Numbah One. "Who is this?"
"Well, I was kind of looking for the Powerpuff Girls..." said the voice.
“They haven’t paid their kickback yet this month.”
They aren't here right now," said One. "Can I take a message?"
"Well, is there any way you can reach them?" said the voice. "There's a situation that's kind of urgent..."
"Oh," said One. "Well, whoever you are..."
"You can call me the Mayor..." said the voice.
The Mayor’s voice can’t really be described as “high”. It’s too gruff.
"Mayor?" said Numbah One. "As in of Townsville?"
“No, as in of Rochester. Of COURSE as in of Townsville, you moron!”
Numbah One gets the details - it’s Fuzzy Lumpkins at work - and the team heads out to deal with it.
SCENE CHANGE to the Mayor’s office:
In Townsville City hall, five minutes earlier, the Mayor hung up the phone.
"Well, that was... odd," he said.
Ms. Bellum entered.
“Have you seen where I keep my face?”
"Mr. Mayor!" she said. "The situation is getting worse! I've never seen Lumpkins like this!"
"Maybe someone swiped the dessert out of his lunch this afternoon," said the Mayor. "I hate it when someone does that..."
Why do they keep electing this guy again?
"Yeah, right," said Bellum. "Are the Girls on their way?"
"Uh, they weren't home," said the Mayor. "but some friends of theirs said they'd handle it."
"Friends?" said Ms. Bellum.
"Well, I only heard one," said the Mayor. "Said they owed the Girls a favor... he sounded kind of like a kid with an accent of some sort..."
I’d make one of my “Metal Gear?” jokes on that one, but this time it’s justifiable. She’s expressing disbelief, not repeating for expository purposes.
And the Mayor becomes the first person to notice the KND’s accents.
There was a long pause.
"Maybe we should get down there," said Ms. Bellum.
"Okay," said the Mayor. "I told my wife I would pick up a gallon of milk anyway... and I also need some... WHOOP!"
She grabbed his hand and they headed for the limo.
By the fourth time the Mayor had smacked into a wall, Ms. Bellum realized her error.
SCENE CHANGE to the KND en route to the disturbance:
"So, the Girls work for the city?" said Numbah Five.
"According to Numbah 209, they aren't on the payroll," said Numbah One. "But she did warn me that they often take requests from adults... on of the main reasons they haven't been offered membership yet by Global Command."
"It's what superheroes are supposed to do," said Numbah Four. "Defend cities, work with the authority... don't you ever watch Batman?"
I doubt Numbah Four has. Or did you miss how in most continuities, the only cop in the city who accepts Batman’s presence is Gordon?
"Yeah, well now we're taking requests from adults," said Numbah Five. "And Numbah Five doesn't like it."
So you’d rather hundreds of people get killed instead of helping out an adult? Way to work that whole “heroism” bit, Numbah Five!
The KND reach the scene of the trouble, where multiple jewelry stores show signs of burglary:
"Spread out team," said Numbah One. "Whoever did all this is likely still around."
Team: now in easy-spread form.
SCENE CHANGE:
Indeed.
In a bank, less than a block away, the uncultured hillbilly known to Townsville as Fuzzy Lumpkins was holding the staff at gunpoint with his blunderbuss. Most of the time, Fuzzy was a guy who just liked to keep to himself, but sometimes he woke up in one of those "moods."
Today was one of those times.
Most hillbillies would just drink moonshine until they got over it, but nobody ever accused Fuzzy Lumpkins of knowing enough to build a still.
He leveled his gun at a group of bankers.
"Oh-kay," he said. "Which one of youse is the manager of this here bank?"
One of the men shook his head, but the woman next to him pointed to him.
Someone is getting a bad performance review next year.
Fuzzy lifted him up with his paw and dragged him to the vault, which at this point was only blocked by a grating.
"You know hows to open this thing?" said Fuzzy.
"N-no," said the manager.
"Fine," said Fuzzy, tossing him aside. He grabbed the gate with his free hand and ripped it from the wall.
“Don’t know why I even bothered dragging you ovah here.”
At that point, the alarm went off.
"Aw, shoot," said Fuzzy. He picked up his large sack
ERK!
and started shoving cash into it.
Oh.
Numbah One spun around at the sound of the alarm.
VIEWPOINT WHIPLASH! For once, Brian neglected a scene change marker.
"Target at seven o'clock!" he said.
"Right, seven o'clock!" said Numbah Four. He looked at his watch.
"Um, what's happening at seven o'clock?"
"The bank, fool!" said Numbah Five.
“Wait, the bank’s happening at seven? What does that even mean?”
"Kids Next Door, battle stations!" said Numbah One.
Fuzzy backed out of the bank with his sack crammed to capacity, holding his gun towards it.
Why he had his gun trained on the money sack is unclear, but nobody ever accused Fuzzy Lumpkins of being the fluffiest tail on the coonskin cap.
"An' keep reachin for the ceiling till ya reach it!" he said, laughing.
He turned, and saw the five agents leveling their own weapons at him.
"Hey!" he said.
“You! Get into my car!”
“Who, me?”
“Yes, you! Get into my car!”
To be continued...