Things
It's been a long time since my last little post about hate and loss and sorrow and here I am again. So many things have changed since that last post I may as well get right into things.
My cat Harry died about a month ago. He just laid down and went to sleep and never got back up. Of course I had to be the one to find him...it was awful. He was so cold and stiff and lifeless...so not the cat that I had lived with for 15 years.
I found a person that I quickly fell in love with and for awhile, in my mind anyway, it felt like things were progressing towards a relationship. We hung out every chance we could, called each other practically every day. Then, one night, he and I met for coffee and something felt weird about the whole thing. Like he was saying goodbye or something. That was a month ago yesterday and I haven't heard from him since. I don't know what happened. Even if he didn't want to be in a relationship with me, I still wanted to be his friend. He was a wonderful person and I don't know what I did to make him run away. I'm slowly working my way through it, it's just so fucking painful.
Motivated by the bit above, I went on a strict diet and I've already lost 30 pounds. I've still got a way to go, but I'm still going. At first I was doing it all because I wanted him to like me more but as I went on I realized I was doing it more for me than for anyone else. It was a great feeling when I fit into cloths that had been hidden in my closet for years. I've just got to keep going.
The whiny bitch that I worked with quit at the beginning of September citing the fact that he wanted to spend more time with his daughters. Good for him, bad for me. September was a bad month, very busy, very hectic. My remaining co-workers helped out a lot, but they were also still doing their regular work so there was a lot of overflow that I had to catch. October has just ended and I'm still trying to catch up.
The replacement for whiny bitch is a wonderful and positive person. She makes me happy to come to work every day because I know that things won't be so bad as long as we keep our spirits up and keep plowing through the pile of crap. She's getting married this weekend and I was very surprised when she asked me to attend. Normally I would shy away from functions that take place in a church but at least we can sing kareoke at the reception afterwards.
I've been spending loads of time alone lately, going to the movies and shopping alone and spending a lot of time at Starbucks after work listening to my iPhone. At first it just seemed like the thing to do...I didn't want to stay at home, my "friend" and I weren't anymore, and my hours at work made it very hard to make plans with anyone. Then I found myself declining invitations to hang out with other people so that I could spend time with myself. I realized what I was doing, however, and put a stop to it. I'm not going to withdraw into myself again. I put myself out there and got smacked down, but I'll pick myself back up again.
I finally gave the whole gay bar scene a shot and it was pretty fun. So many happy people out there loving life and being open about who they are. Not hiding or compromising who they are. It was refreshing and I actually want to go back very soon. Once my friend Renee gets back from her trips we will go back and it will be glorious.
Last weekend I went to see the Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D with my friend Melissa and her daughter. We had so much fun and it was nice to be around people again. Melissa's daughter was all about singing the songs in the movie, talking about how I was a "guy but I liked girl stuff", her dog having puppies and just generally being loud and funny. It was refreshing and in fact, we are going to hang out again this weekend at the mall. Melissa has some clothing sales she wants to hit and I'm just happy to have the company.
I think that's all I've got for now so I'm going to close up this entry. Have a great night.
My cat Harry died about a month ago. He just laid down and went to sleep and never got back up. Of course I had to be the one to find him...it was awful. He was so cold and stiff and lifeless...so not the cat that I had lived with for 15 years.
I found a person that I quickly fell in love with and for awhile, in my mind anyway, it felt like things were progressing towards a relationship. We hung out every chance we could, called each other practically every day. Then, one night, he and I met for coffee and something felt weird about the whole thing. Like he was saying goodbye or something. That was a month ago yesterday and I haven't heard from him since. I don't know what happened. Even if he didn't want to be in a relationship with me, I still wanted to be his friend. He was a wonderful person and I don't know what I did to make him run away. I'm slowly working my way through it, it's just so fucking painful.
Motivated by the bit above, I went on a strict diet and I've already lost 30 pounds. I've still got a way to go, but I'm still going. At first I was doing it all because I wanted him to like me more but as I went on I realized I was doing it more for me than for anyone else. It was a great feeling when I fit into cloths that had been hidden in my closet for years. I've just got to keep going.
The whiny bitch that I worked with quit at the beginning of September citing the fact that he wanted to spend more time with his daughters. Good for him, bad for me. September was a bad month, very busy, very hectic. My remaining co-workers helped out a lot, but they were also still doing their regular work so there was a lot of overflow that I had to catch. October has just ended and I'm still trying to catch up.
The replacement for whiny bitch is a wonderful and positive person. She makes me happy to come to work every day because I know that things won't be so bad as long as we keep our spirits up and keep plowing through the pile of crap. She's getting married this weekend and I was very surprised when she asked me to attend. Normally I would shy away from functions that take place in a church but at least we can sing kareoke at the reception afterwards.
I've been spending loads of time alone lately, going to the movies and shopping alone and spending a lot of time at Starbucks after work listening to my iPhone. At first it just seemed like the thing to do...I didn't want to stay at home, my "friend" and I weren't anymore, and my hours at work made it very hard to make plans with anyone. Then I found myself declining invitations to hang out with other people so that I could spend time with myself. I realized what I was doing, however, and put a stop to it. I'm not going to withdraw into myself again. I put myself out there and got smacked down, but I'll pick myself back up again.
I finally gave the whole gay bar scene a shot and it was pretty fun. So many happy people out there loving life and being open about who they are. Not hiding or compromising who they are. It was refreshing and I actually want to go back very soon. Once my friend Renee gets back from her trips we will go back and it will be glorious.
Last weekend I went to see the Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D with my friend Melissa and her daughter. We had so much fun and it was nice to be around people again. Melissa's daughter was all about singing the songs in the movie, talking about how I was a "guy but I liked girl stuff", her dog having puppies and just generally being loud and funny. It was refreshing and in fact, we are going to hang out again this weekend at the mall. Melissa has some clothing sales she wants to hit and I'm just happy to have the company.
I think that's all I've got for now so I'm going to close up this entry. Have a great night.