(no subject)
I had more faith in my country than it deserves. I have an orthodontist appointment today. I quit a job for the first time today~ as in, no call, no show, will not go back, and hate them all. I am confused. I am tired all the time, but still manage to dance to a song at Denny's called Lean On Me, with a vacuum. I wish I had someone to Lean on Me, everyone seems so distant, and far away, and not ready for me to latchon like a leach. I wish I could lean on someone. I am so tired. What is Wrong with Me? I kept hoping thatI could be like I used to be. 4 years ago. 3 years ago. I look so old. When I smile, MY face sort of ... gets shorter. I can still look like I'm 16, but only with a lot of sleep in me, and then what? I am so confused. I am so alone. I am so lost. I want to get a bachelor's degree in communications and the classics with emphasis on the arts. I want to dance, I want to act. But I am working two jobs, one waitressing, one retail at a doughnut store. I want to leave everyone behind and dissappear for 2 years into southern america and be in the peace corps. I feel like a hipocrit. I want to work with Children. I want someone to support me. I want to not come home and just sleep and not turn on my computer because it will depress me. I know it will. I am too far away, and I am in too deep, and I am playing for keeps, and I am only me when dancing with VAccuums and singing to Lean on Me. I am crying that millions of women leave choices up to men. I want to be an assertive beautiful woman. I want to be pretty and young and love my body, and love my everything, because I am me. I am beautiful.
I am Lindsay. Marion. Strean.
I. am. Asleep.
I. am. Trying.
Wake. Up.
I am Lindsay. Marion. Strean.
I. am. Asleep.
I. am. Trying.
Wake. Up.