Hakuouki fanfiction - Hijikata/Saitou: "Poem for you", part 2
Title: Poem for you
Author: manaika
Series: Hakuouki, between Reimeiroku and Shinsengumi Kitan
Pairing: HijiSai, with a bakatrio threesome and hints of Kondo/Okita and past Tani/Sano on the sideline.
Rating: PG-15 and up. Varies between chapters, but only one is really for Mature Audience, I’ll warn you in time. (IMO 17 and 16 years old would cope, but there are actually rules for rating, that I have to follow.)
Genre: humor and romance, written for the purpose to amuse
Warnings: sexual scenes, language, male/male relationship, graphic depictions of sexual intercourse, my attempts of imitating Hijikata’s haiku-style in english, bakatrio threesomeness, meddling Okita, fluff?
Summary: Sano, Shinpa and Heisuke decide it’s time for their vice commander to take some action in regards of a certain taciturn left-handed swordsman. Written for tokio_fujita, because she is as devoted to HijiSai as I am to ShinpaSano and because Reimeiroku is full of Saitou moe.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuoki and neither am I making money writing this. But it is still my work.
Set in the months between the end of Reimeroku and start of Shinsengumi Kitan.
Poem for you, the plan
Poem for you, the first try
POEM FOR YOU
PART 2 - The first try
Saitou had always been considered a rebel and deviant.
His lefthandedness and the lack of attempts to correct it, deemed him a traitor to the bushido and everything that should be holy to a warrior. To give him some credit, he did try and fight with his right hand, but no matter what he did, it never felt natural and right and neither did he reach the level of skill as he did, when he let his left hand guide the sword. So, in order to become a master swordsman, he allowed himself this small deviation and decided to follow the other rules strictly, truly and with will of steel, not to be bound or broken in resolve.
But still, it never seemed enough. People whispered, covering their mouths and pointed his way, whenever he walked down the street and looked at him with disdain, but also a certain fascination in their eyes, but never spoke to him directly. And when he looked at them, they avoided his eyes and quieted down, but as soon as he averted his gaze from them, the whispers arose again.
And then he’d come across a small dojo named Shieikan.
And what avaited him there was something completely different from the usual behavior that greeted him. They didn’t treat him like a monster, or told him to lead the sword with his right hand. They didn’t treat him as an abomination, or a traitor, a disgrace to all the ones with the privilege of carrying two swords. No such thing. Instead the kind instructor, made out of what had always been considered a handicap, Saitou’s advantage. There was little chance that any of their enemies had fought a left-handed warrior and thus, they couldn’t have a good defense in store against him.
And he’d proven to be right.
The friend of the instructor, a man of a honorable personality and a brave heart, known by the name of Hijikata Toushizou-san, had seen it the same way. But, from what Saitou had heard, he didn’t have the right background to judge that. A person who hadn’t grown up a warrior, saw things in a different angle than the one who had been raised and trained to the right to carry two swords since he could walk. But that didn’t mean that his intake was wrong. Saitou had always taken Hijikata-san’s words to heart, no matter how off they seemed. Most of the times such words were, though odd, often also the wisest ones.
With the other guests and students of the dojo, it had been a different matter altogether.
Many of the members were raised warriors and looked at Saitou’s sword with misgiving, but to the taciturn males great surprise, all it took was one fight to convince them, that this was the only rigth way for Saitou to choose.
Especially Okita-kun. The prowess they showed each other on the training grounds, the equality of their level of skill and the sheer challenge in their fight, woke a completely new feeling in the both of them. Saitou had felt it and he was sure, Souji felt it too. The fight had ended in a draw, and when their eyes met in with looks of respect passing between them, a new friendship begun to bloom.
The moment was interrupted by a cheerfull Toudou-kun (who had, upon hearing that name spoken, waved with his hand disregardingly and told him merrily to ’just call him Heisuke’) announcing rather loudly how good the match had been and what a great swordsman Saitou was.
When Saitou had pointed out that he had used his left hand, Heisuke just waved again disregardingly and told him (again in a rather higher sound resolution than was absolutely necessary) that such details didn’t matter as long as he was so good.
Then Harada-san, ho had been silent untill then, shrugged his shoulders and agreed with Heisuke. The technique didn’t matter, as long as there was honor in his heart. (It wasn’t until later, when Saitou found out that the proud warrior was actually a spear wielder, that those words had gained an even deeper meaning.)
Nagakura-san didn’t say anything, just looked at Saitou with those deep, knowing, seeing blue eyes, that kept watching him and the next day challenged him to a practice match, their look a mirror of determination. After Saitou had won, Nagakura-san just smiled and thanked him for the good match, his bow refelcting pure appreciation and the acknowledgement of fair loss, and then walked away. They were friends since then.
And before Saitou knew it, he had found a place where he belonged.
A place where he had comrades and friends, people he could trust and rely on.
A place where he was respected and loved.
And so he stayed there.
He stayed with his comrades and friends, trained with them, drank sake with them, and relaxed with them. Though he never joined the actual banter, he always enjoyed their company and never let a well-meant invitation to a drink down. The others also seemed to understand and feel this, because Saitou, even if he rarely joined their games and fun time, was frequently invited to go with them ’for a few’. He never turned it down.
Saitou recalled the times in the small dojo in the outskirts of Edo, as the happiest ones in his life, even though he never told that anyone.
He had found a place where his heart could find peace, a place where people cared about his well-being and a place where honorable men gathered. He would go drink with Sano, Shinpachi and Heisuke, train with Okita and for once in his life not be deemed as a deliquent.
And then there was Hijikata-san.
Somewhere between their endless discussions, that were though calm on the surface, but heated and passionate beneath, and their silent companionshhip, that didn’t say any words, but conveyed so much, Saitou’s feelings had gotten deeper than comraderie.
For a long time Saitou didn’t understand this change, didn’t know what it was, that he was feeling, or how far the extent of his feelings went. But then, one time, one look, a breath of a moment and he knew.
It had happened during one of their discussions, when Hijikata-san finished explaining his opinion about the progressive westernization of the country with a huff from the subconsciously pursed lips, his cheeks aflamed with passion, the look in the midnight purple eyes ablaze, challenging, daring anyone to argue with him, when his gaze wandered to Saitou for a moemnt, the quality of it changing to something softer, like he was asking for the taciturn swordsman’s opinion...He looked beautiful like that, filled with scorching passion and determination, covered by a cool surface of will of steel...and what a handsom surface it was!
Saitou’s breath caught, his heart skipped a beat, his throat was suddenly very dry and he was at loss of words at the beauty that appeared in front of him.
That was when he first realized it.
He loved Hijikata-san.
This realization had hit him harder than any boken of a comrade, or a sword of an enemy. He had promptly excused himself and retreated to his room, where he, once left to the privacy of the dark, calmed his heart and tried to approach the matter rationally. It would be inconvenient for Hijikata-san if a fellow from the dojo fell for him. Surely it was improper for a younger male to approach an older male. Propriety dictated, it should be other way around. And if Saitou confessed his feelings and Hijikata-san didn’t feel the same way, then it would be uncomfortable for the both of them to be around each other. And that was a price that Saitou was not, under any circumstance, ready to pay. Hijikata-san’s friendship meant a world to him and he was not willing to let it go just yet. Everything the raven-haired male had given him, every moment of them being together, sitting across each other and either enjoying the silence, or talking about issues that were of interest to the both of them, was a prescious pearl to Saitou, kept deep in his heart.
So he opted for keeping his feelings a secret and enjoyed Hijikata-san’s company instead. Untill he heard about the trouble, that housing so many master of the way of the sword, brought upon the dojo. Those that had already mastered their style didn’t need to pay for their stay and the dojo lacked new students that would pay tuition and thus the dojo lacked financial means.
Saitou thought about it just for a little while, before he packed his belongings and silently left. He didn’t want to cause more trouble to the people who had only been kind to him, even though, in his heart he wanted nothing more than to stay and be with the one he loved secretly. But worse than having to leave his beloved, it was to be a burden to that person, and so, one day, he grabbed his bag and disappeared into the darkness of the early morning hours, without looking back.
It was his intetion to never return, never cause so much trouble again, untill he happened to hear about a certain Kondo Isami-san building a corps that would fight the unrest connected with the Choushuu clan, that arose in the capital city. He had stored the information away for later, since at the time he didn’t have an oportunity to ask about the details. But the next morning, whomever he asked, no one could tell him anything about Kondo Isami, or a special corps at the capital.
Three things prompted Saitou to turn on his journey around and head towards the capital: His curiosity, the fact that it seemed like Kondo-san needed any helpfull hand which gave Saitou the chance to pay at least a little of the kindness Kondo-san showed him back....and the thought of seeing Hijikata-san and the need to see that man again, that he had kept supressing for a long time.
Maybe he would finally get the chance to face his feelings and maybe, just maybe, the situation would be suitable to act upon them, at least subtly. If Hijikata-san felt the same way, he would get the hint and then he would know, that any advance he wanted to make on Saitou was welcome.
But the situation wasn’t suitable.
If anything, it was even worse than in Shieikan.
And so Saitou decided, that his feelings, however deep they had become over the time he was away, were not as important as helping Kondo-san and Hijikata-san was. Alas he did just that - he helped the two men however he could, contributing with his little to the Shinsengumi, taking at least a small part of the burden from Hijikata-san’s and Kondo-san’s shoulders, easing their hardships just a little.
And that was where he stood today.
And it was more than probable, that it would be where he remained standing untill his death.
„This has been going on for an awfully long time, don’t you think?"
The cheerfull voice brought him back to reality and he turned around to face his friend. It was curios how he and Heisuke were different and yet at the same time, had a few things remarkably in common. For example their age. And if things had developed differently, if Saitou wasn’t so stubbornly left-handed, maybe he would be more like Heisuke today, youthfull and carefree...but that was just wishfull thinking. It hadn’t happened and it could not be changed, so it was meaningless to think about it. So he stoped doing that and offered a nod and a greeting instead.
„Heisuke. What has been going on?"
Heisuke rolled his eyes.
„Your crush on Hijikata-san, of course!"
Saitou froze in surprise, but Heisuke didn’t seem to notice and kept ranting on how just about everyone and their grandmothers apparently know and how he should finally do something about it, because he couldn’t keep watching this wannabe drama anymore.
„Just tell him already!" he finished, throwing his arm in the air to emphasize his point and then he added. „That’s how I did it. And it proved to be very successfull."
Saitou would have pointed out the subtle differences between Hijikata-san and Shinpachi, if he wasn’t still in shock. Did really everyone know?
„Just go to him, stand in front of him and tell him: ’Hijikata-san, I’ve loved you for years now, date me,’ or something like that. It’s not that hard and you and Hijikata-san always talk loads, so what’s holding you back?"
This woke Saitou from his freeze.
„It wouldn’t be apropriate, Heisuke. He’s a lot older than I am and he has to make the first move."
The palm of Heisuke’s right hand found his forehead with a loud smack, the wandered down his face, where it barely concealed a heavy sigh.
„You sound like Sano-san and Shinpat-suan. They always say that."
„They’re right."
„But they still didn’t protest when I confessed to Shinpat-suan." Saitou didn’t reply and Heisuke sighed again. „Then at least why don’t you do what you can? Drop a few subtle hints, or something?"
To be honest, Saitou couldn’t give an answer to that. He didn’t know why he had never hinted it to Hijikata-san, why he never let any of his emotions surface in the slightest way, never allowing himself a crack in his armor. Why was he hesitating? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to that, even though he already felt it deep inside of him.
„This isn’t Shieikan, or the Roshigumi, Hajime-kun."
Saitou looked in surprise at Heisuke again. How much did this young man know? How much had Saitou showed when he thought that no one was looking? Unaware of his troubled thoughts, Heisuke went on.
„And now is actually a pretty uneventfull, peacefull time. Hijikata-san is only busy with paperwork and an official here and there. Now is actually the perfect time to confess to him. I’m sure it would lift his spirits!"
Saitou considered this. Heisuke might have been as well right and if he was honest with himself, it was really high time to face his feelings instead of running away from them, Saitou thought and finally nodded.
„I’ll see what I can do, Heisuke."
The boyish face lit up and Heisuke grinned.
„That’s great! That’s the Hajime-kun I know!" Suddenly he snapped his fingers as seemingly an idea came to him. „Hey, I know! You could use Tani-san as an example!“
This made Saitou lift both of his eyebrows up. „Tani-san?“
„Yeah!" Heisuke confirmed and proceeded to promptly explain this particular idea. "Since he joined us, he’s been after Sano-san and he’s making no secret of it. It’s pretty obvious he wants him. If you use him as an example, Hijikata-san will understand, that you are subtly trying to convey your own interest in him.“
Saitou didn’t feel entirely as convinced as Heisuke apparently was. „I’m not so sure if this will work, Heisuke.“
Heisuke just waved his hand dismissively, in a manner similar to the one he used during their first meeting. Somehow it felt reassuring and it brought a little hope to Saitou. „Trust me, Hajime-kun! After all, I am the one who managed to get two adult men into his bed!“
Saitou would have pointed out that neither Sano, nor Shinpachi were even remotely close to how Hijikata-san was, if he wasn’t busy chiding Heisuke for using such blunt language improper for an executor of the Shinsengumi and employee of the Aizu clan. Heisuke just laughed.
„Stop being so uptight, Hajime-kun." He just said. „You need to be more obvious about things, if you want them.“
And with that at least, as Saitou noted, Heisuke was right.
ox*xo
„The first and most important thing to bring our plan success, is the nudity factor.“
It was in the backyard when Nagakura Shinpachi spoke these words to his two lovers, seated across of him on the stairs, as they were trying to come up with a plan how to secure their vice-commander a permanent lay, in the form of one Saitouu Hajime.
„Do you understand?“
Heisuke blushed, while Sano looked at him blankly.
„We have to assure that Hijikata-san sees Saitou when he’s naked. Seeing their secret crush naked would stirr up any man, even if their will was of steel, forged in hell’s fire! Now you’ll be probably curious how we achieve that Hijikata-san sees Saitou naked. Don’t worry, I have already thought about it. Here’s the plan: We’ll do it at night. Heisuke, you’ll go and steal Saitou’s clothes when he sleeps, while you, Sano,...“
„Wait a sec there, Shinpachi.“ Sano interrupted him with a scowl, while Heisuke looked just sick. „Last time I checked, Hijikata-san wasn’t a horny, broke idiot, who wears ridiculous headbands and buys clothes that look expensive, but have in fact been acquired at the big spring sale on the market.“
Shinpachi scowled. „Why are you comparing Hijikata-san to me? He’s not me!“
„Exactly. That’s why your plan will never work. Not only because Hijikata-san isn’t you, but also because Saitou would never punch Hijikata-san.“
Sano gave him a pointed look and Heisuke, who regained a bit of his natural color, looked back and forth between them.
„That’s true. You never told me the story of how you two have gotten together.“
„Because you’re too young for that story.“
Before Heisuke could protest, Sano stood up.
„So I’m sure that I’m not mistaken, when I say, that the trick of getting Hijikata-san to fuck Saitou lies in creating the right atmosphere. Stars, moonshine and all that, maybe a nice sunset. Throw in some sake to loosen their inhibitions and maybe flowers for good measure. They’ll be shacking before you can say ’Hook, Line and Sinker’.“
Shinpachi raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms at his chest. „Last time I checked, Hijikata-san wasn’t a redhaired pervert.“
„Why you jerk!!!“
„And Saitou wouldn’t have the nerve to stick his hands down Hijikata-san’s hakama.“
Ignoring the last statement, Sano was ready to charge and show Shinpachi just who was a redheaded pervert, when Heisuke stood himself between them.
„No, no, NO! You both see it the wrong way! Saitou has to make the first move, show his interest, or Hijikata-san will never get it!“
„NO!“ the both of them turned to Heisuke, their voices sounding like one.
„Last time I checked, Saitou wasn’t a smartass Edo-boy.“
„Like you are better, Shinpat-suan!“
„And last time I checked, Saitou didn’t talk-back to his superiors!“
„Squad-vise, I’m above you, Sano-san!“
„Like hell you are!!!“
They were about to jump at each other, when a fourth voice sounded from right beside them.
„That’s an interesting conversation you are having.“
The three of them moved simultanously, as they jerked and turned on their heels, to be greeted by the sight of a wickedly smirking Okita Souji.
„Fill me in about it.“
ox*xo
Hijikata Toushizou had never shown much interest in nanshoku.
Neither had ever that peculiar interest been directed at him.
As son of one of the lower clases, and a man who grew up on the land, he was far away from the temptations of the city and the pastimes of the rich and highclass.
He didn’t mind it, though.
He had always seen nanshoku as something that was not necessary to indulge in and also very dangerous, an opinion that his medical background allowed him to make.
And still.
And still, here he was, watching, admiring and writing poems to a young, charming, beautiful male.
He felt like such a fool.
Thinking that he could never give into the tempting sight of a man in his young years. Greater men had surrendered this temptation and Hijikata Toushizou had no right to judge them. But he was the vice-commander of the Shinsengumi, the demon, the one everyone feared, so it was also not in his rights to pursue his interests.
„Vice commander.“
Even if his entire being ached just to do that.
With that thought in his head, he turned to the man that called out to him with such a strong and yet so gentle voice.
Eyes blue like the water of the frozen lakes of the northern island looked deeply into his nightblue hues and Hijikata had to swallow to hold his passion back. He reminded himself of self-restraint and discipline and what was written about it in the bushido, to be able to answer in a composed voice, while looking straight into those fascinating eyes.
„Saitou. Is something the matter?“
„I need to talk to you, vice commander. About some of our newly joined members.“
Hijikata’s eyebrows rose.
Since Serizawa’s assasination and Aizu taking them under their wings, many people were joining them, looking for a place where they could put their skills to good use, or rise up to fame. Hijkata never really cared for their reasons, as long as they could wield a sword with skill, they were welcome in their organization.
„Why, is there some problem?“
Of course he expected some troubles, but that was the reason why he compiled their rules, that earned him his nickname ’the demon vice-commander’. He had hoped that it would be enough for everyone to accept and act according to those rules.
„Not an immediate problem, vice-commander.“
Hijikata’s eyebrows went higher. If there wasn’t a problem, why was Saitou approaching him on the issue? It wasn’t like the handsom swordsman, to bother his superior over nothing. Saitou was too considerate for that.
„I just thought you should be informed about what’s been going on.“
Then maybe even if there wasn’t a problem, Saitou thought it could become one and thought it was better for his superior to know.
Hijikata nodded.
Yes, that sounded like Saitou. The loyal man would never keep from him something that could be later of importance.
„Go on, I’m listening.“
„I noticed Tani-san has certain...preferences for his sexual partners.“
Hijikata frowned in thought and didn’t even notice the stripe of color tainting Saitou’s cheeks a light shade of red.
„Preferences?“
Hijikata was confused. Why would any preferences that one of their executors had, bother Saitou?
The younger man drew a small breath.
„I have noticed, that he has been investing a lot of time and energy in courting Sano-san.“
Hijikata’s eyes widened in realization. If one of his executors wasted prescious time and energy on nanshoku, time and energy he could invest into more important things, like fullfilling his duties as a Shinsengumi and serving the Aizu clan, of course the honorable man that was Saitou would find it displeasing and feel the need to report it to his superior.
„Do not speak any further.“ Hijikata noticed the slight stiffening of Saitou’s body, the subject obviously uncomfortable for the other male. A pang of disappointment went through his chest, but he supressed it. At least he knew now how Saitou thought about the subject. „I understand.“
Saitou’s eyebrows lifted themselves an inch.
„You do?“
Hijikata nodded with a serious expression on his face. In spite of his disappointment, the situation was highly concerning. If an executor had nothing on his mind but nanshoku and was willing to offer so much time and enegry into it, who knew what else he would be able to do. The Shinsengumi couldn’t afford internal fights. And the gods themselves knew, how Tani-san and Shinpachi got when their thickheadedness surfaced.
„I will take necessary action immediately.“
A light shade of red graced the pale man’s cheeks, one that Hijikata didn’t understand.
„But vice-commander!“
Maybe there was already something going on, in the privacy of the rooms? Well then, there was only one more thing in his might left to do.
„Don’t worry Saitou. I will make a rule, that officially bans all nanshoku activities from our organization!“
Saitou didn’t say anything, just looked at him with an unreadable expression, his lips slightly parted, probably analyzing the plan and finding no mistake in it. His silence seemed approving to Hijikata and the vice-commander smirked into himself, disappointment almost gone. If he could impress Saitou like this, he was content. He would get his victories where he could and keep his dreams in the privacy of his room.
„I will start working on it immediately.“
With that he turned around and left, not wanting to stay behind in pleasing the pale-skinned man. He never noticed the look of utter defeat and longing the beautiful male gave his retreating back.
ox*xo-*-*-*-ox*xo
Notes
I know, I’m probably using too much US comics gestures when I write Heisuke, but it seems to fit to him and his personality as I write him. He is the type that would use many gestures to emphasize his speech, so I hope you forgive me this once.
All informations about nanshoku/homosexuality are taken from Gary P. Leupp’s book „Male colors“ (which are the kanji which are used to write the word „nanshoku“). If you have any specific questions, don’t hesitate to ask.
Part 1 (the plan) / Part 3 (the second try)
Author: manaika
Series: Hakuouki, between Reimeiroku and Shinsengumi Kitan
Pairing: HijiSai, with a bakatrio threesome and hints of Kondo/Okita and past Tani/Sano on the sideline.
Rating: PG-15 and up. Varies between chapters, but only one is really for Mature Audience, I’ll warn you in time. (IMO 17 and 16 years old would cope, but there are actually rules for rating, that I have to follow.)
Genre: humor and romance, written for the purpose to amuse
Warnings: sexual scenes, language, male/male relationship, graphic depictions of sexual intercourse, my attempts of imitating Hijikata’s haiku-style in english, bakatrio threesomeness, meddling Okita, fluff?
Summary: Sano, Shinpa and Heisuke decide it’s time for their vice commander to take some action in regards of a certain taciturn left-handed swordsman. Written for tokio_fujita, because she is as devoted to HijiSai as I am to ShinpaSano and because Reimeiroku is full of Saitou moe.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuoki and neither am I making money writing this. But it is still my work.
Set in the months between the end of Reimeroku and start of Shinsengumi Kitan.
Poem for you, the plan
Poem for you, the first try
POEM FOR YOU
PART 2 - The first try
Saitou had always been considered a rebel and deviant.
His lefthandedness and the lack of attempts to correct it, deemed him a traitor to the bushido and everything that should be holy to a warrior. To give him some credit, he did try and fight with his right hand, but no matter what he did, it never felt natural and right and neither did he reach the level of skill as he did, when he let his left hand guide the sword. So, in order to become a master swordsman, he allowed himself this small deviation and decided to follow the other rules strictly, truly and with will of steel, not to be bound or broken in resolve.
But still, it never seemed enough. People whispered, covering their mouths and pointed his way, whenever he walked down the street and looked at him with disdain, but also a certain fascination in their eyes, but never spoke to him directly. And when he looked at them, they avoided his eyes and quieted down, but as soon as he averted his gaze from them, the whispers arose again.
And then he’d come across a small dojo named Shieikan.
And what avaited him there was something completely different from the usual behavior that greeted him. They didn’t treat him like a monster, or told him to lead the sword with his right hand. They didn’t treat him as an abomination, or a traitor, a disgrace to all the ones with the privilege of carrying two swords. No such thing. Instead the kind instructor, made out of what had always been considered a handicap, Saitou’s advantage. There was little chance that any of their enemies had fought a left-handed warrior and thus, they couldn’t have a good defense in store against him.
And he’d proven to be right.
The friend of the instructor, a man of a honorable personality and a brave heart, known by the name of Hijikata Toushizou-san, had seen it the same way. But, from what Saitou had heard, he didn’t have the right background to judge that. A person who hadn’t grown up a warrior, saw things in a different angle than the one who had been raised and trained to the right to carry two swords since he could walk. But that didn’t mean that his intake was wrong. Saitou had always taken Hijikata-san’s words to heart, no matter how off they seemed. Most of the times such words were, though odd, often also the wisest ones.
With the other guests and students of the dojo, it had been a different matter altogether.
Many of the members were raised warriors and looked at Saitou’s sword with misgiving, but to the taciturn males great surprise, all it took was one fight to convince them, that this was the only rigth way for Saitou to choose.
Especially Okita-kun. The prowess they showed each other on the training grounds, the equality of their level of skill and the sheer challenge in their fight, woke a completely new feeling in the both of them. Saitou had felt it and he was sure, Souji felt it too. The fight had ended in a draw, and when their eyes met in with looks of respect passing between them, a new friendship begun to bloom.
The moment was interrupted by a cheerfull Toudou-kun (who had, upon hearing that name spoken, waved with his hand disregardingly and told him merrily to ’just call him Heisuke’) announcing rather loudly how good the match had been and what a great swordsman Saitou was.
When Saitou had pointed out that he had used his left hand, Heisuke just waved again disregardingly and told him (again in a rather higher sound resolution than was absolutely necessary) that such details didn’t matter as long as he was so good.
Then Harada-san, ho had been silent untill then, shrugged his shoulders and agreed with Heisuke. The technique didn’t matter, as long as there was honor in his heart. (It wasn’t until later, when Saitou found out that the proud warrior was actually a spear wielder, that those words had gained an even deeper meaning.)
Nagakura-san didn’t say anything, just looked at Saitou with those deep, knowing, seeing blue eyes, that kept watching him and the next day challenged him to a practice match, their look a mirror of determination. After Saitou had won, Nagakura-san just smiled and thanked him for the good match, his bow refelcting pure appreciation and the acknowledgement of fair loss, and then walked away. They were friends since then.
And before Saitou knew it, he had found a place where he belonged.
A place where he had comrades and friends, people he could trust and rely on.
A place where he was respected and loved.
And so he stayed there.
He stayed with his comrades and friends, trained with them, drank sake with them, and relaxed with them. Though he never joined the actual banter, he always enjoyed their company and never let a well-meant invitation to a drink down. The others also seemed to understand and feel this, because Saitou, even if he rarely joined their games and fun time, was frequently invited to go with them ’for a few’. He never turned it down.
Saitou recalled the times in the small dojo in the outskirts of Edo, as the happiest ones in his life, even though he never told that anyone.
He had found a place where his heart could find peace, a place where people cared about his well-being and a place where honorable men gathered. He would go drink with Sano, Shinpachi and Heisuke, train with Okita and for once in his life not be deemed as a deliquent.
And then there was Hijikata-san.
Somewhere between their endless discussions, that were though calm on the surface, but heated and passionate beneath, and their silent companionshhip, that didn’t say any words, but conveyed so much, Saitou’s feelings had gotten deeper than comraderie.
For a long time Saitou didn’t understand this change, didn’t know what it was, that he was feeling, or how far the extent of his feelings went. But then, one time, one look, a breath of a moment and he knew.
It had happened during one of their discussions, when Hijikata-san finished explaining his opinion about the progressive westernization of the country with a huff from the subconsciously pursed lips, his cheeks aflamed with passion, the look in the midnight purple eyes ablaze, challenging, daring anyone to argue with him, when his gaze wandered to Saitou for a moemnt, the quality of it changing to something softer, like he was asking for the taciturn swordsman’s opinion...He looked beautiful like that, filled with scorching passion and determination, covered by a cool surface of will of steel...and what a handsom surface it was!
Saitou’s breath caught, his heart skipped a beat, his throat was suddenly very dry and he was at loss of words at the beauty that appeared in front of him.
That was when he first realized it.
He loved Hijikata-san.
This realization had hit him harder than any boken of a comrade, or a sword of an enemy. He had promptly excused himself and retreated to his room, where he, once left to the privacy of the dark, calmed his heart and tried to approach the matter rationally. It would be inconvenient for Hijikata-san if a fellow from the dojo fell for him. Surely it was improper for a younger male to approach an older male. Propriety dictated, it should be other way around. And if Saitou confessed his feelings and Hijikata-san didn’t feel the same way, then it would be uncomfortable for the both of them to be around each other. And that was a price that Saitou was not, under any circumstance, ready to pay. Hijikata-san’s friendship meant a world to him and he was not willing to let it go just yet. Everything the raven-haired male had given him, every moment of them being together, sitting across each other and either enjoying the silence, or talking about issues that were of interest to the both of them, was a prescious pearl to Saitou, kept deep in his heart.
So he opted for keeping his feelings a secret and enjoyed Hijikata-san’s company instead. Untill he heard about the trouble, that housing so many master of the way of the sword, brought upon the dojo. Those that had already mastered their style didn’t need to pay for their stay and the dojo lacked new students that would pay tuition and thus the dojo lacked financial means.
Saitou thought about it just for a little while, before he packed his belongings and silently left. He didn’t want to cause more trouble to the people who had only been kind to him, even though, in his heart he wanted nothing more than to stay and be with the one he loved secretly. But worse than having to leave his beloved, it was to be a burden to that person, and so, one day, he grabbed his bag and disappeared into the darkness of the early morning hours, without looking back.
It was his intetion to never return, never cause so much trouble again, untill he happened to hear about a certain Kondo Isami-san building a corps that would fight the unrest connected with the Choushuu clan, that arose in the capital city. He had stored the information away for later, since at the time he didn’t have an oportunity to ask about the details. But the next morning, whomever he asked, no one could tell him anything about Kondo Isami, or a special corps at the capital.
Three things prompted Saitou to turn on his journey around and head towards the capital: His curiosity, the fact that it seemed like Kondo-san needed any helpfull hand which gave Saitou the chance to pay at least a little of the kindness Kondo-san showed him back....and the thought of seeing Hijikata-san and the need to see that man again, that he had kept supressing for a long time.
Maybe he would finally get the chance to face his feelings and maybe, just maybe, the situation would be suitable to act upon them, at least subtly. If Hijikata-san felt the same way, he would get the hint and then he would know, that any advance he wanted to make on Saitou was welcome.
But the situation wasn’t suitable.
If anything, it was even worse than in Shieikan.
And so Saitou decided, that his feelings, however deep they had become over the time he was away, were not as important as helping Kondo-san and Hijikata-san was. Alas he did just that - he helped the two men however he could, contributing with his little to the Shinsengumi, taking at least a small part of the burden from Hijikata-san’s and Kondo-san’s shoulders, easing their hardships just a little.
And that was where he stood today.
And it was more than probable, that it would be where he remained standing untill his death.
„This has been going on for an awfully long time, don’t you think?"
The cheerfull voice brought him back to reality and he turned around to face his friend. It was curios how he and Heisuke were different and yet at the same time, had a few things remarkably in common. For example their age. And if things had developed differently, if Saitou wasn’t so stubbornly left-handed, maybe he would be more like Heisuke today, youthfull and carefree...but that was just wishfull thinking. It hadn’t happened and it could not be changed, so it was meaningless to think about it. So he stoped doing that and offered a nod and a greeting instead.
„Heisuke. What has been going on?"
Heisuke rolled his eyes.
„Your crush on Hijikata-san, of course!"
Saitou froze in surprise, but Heisuke didn’t seem to notice and kept ranting on how just about everyone and their grandmothers apparently know and how he should finally do something about it, because he couldn’t keep watching this wannabe drama anymore.
„Just tell him already!" he finished, throwing his arm in the air to emphasize his point and then he added. „That’s how I did it. And it proved to be very successfull."
Saitou would have pointed out the subtle differences between Hijikata-san and Shinpachi, if he wasn’t still in shock. Did really everyone know?
„Just go to him, stand in front of him and tell him: ’Hijikata-san, I’ve loved you for years now, date me,’ or something like that. It’s not that hard and you and Hijikata-san always talk loads, so what’s holding you back?"
This woke Saitou from his freeze.
„It wouldn’t be apropriate, Heisuke. He’s a lot older than I am and he has to make the first move."
The palm of Heisuke’s right hand found his forehead with a loud smack, the wandered down his face, where it barely concealed a heavy sigh.
„You sound like Sano-san and Shinpat-suan. They always say that."
„They’re right."
„But they still didn’t protest when I confessed to Shinpat-suan." Saitou didn’t reply and Heisuke sighed again. „Then at least why don’t you do what you can? Drop a few subtle hints, or something?"
To be honest, Saitou couldn’t give an answer to that. He didn’t know why he had never hinted it to Hijikata-san, why he never let any of his emotions surface in the slightest way, never allowing himself a crack in his armor. Why was he hesitating? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to that, even though he already felt it deep inside of him.
„This isn’t Shieikan, or the Roshigumi, Hajime-kun."
Saitou looked in surprise at Heisuke again. How much did this young man know? How much had Saitou showed when he thought that no one was looking? Unaware of his troubled thoughts, Heisuke went on.
„And now is actually a pretty uneventfull, peacefull time. Hijikata-san is only busy with paperwork and an official here and there. Now is actually the perfect time to confess to him. I’m sure it would lift his spirits!"
Saitou considered this. Heisuke might have been as well right and if he was honest with himself, it was really high time to face his feelings instead of running away from them, Saitou thought and finally nodded.
„I’ll see what I can do, Heisuke."
The boyish face lit up and Heisuke grinned.
„That’s great! That’s the Hajime-kun I know!" Suddenly he snapped his fingers as seemingly an idea came to him. „Hey, I know! You could use Tani-san as an example!“
This made Saitou lift both of his eyebrows up. „Tani-san?“
„Yeah!" Heisuke confirmed and proceeded to promptly explain this particular idea. "Since he joined us, he’s been after Sano-san and he’s making no secret of it. It’s pretty obvious he wants him. If you use him as an example, Hijikata-san will understand, that you are subtly trying to convey your own interest in him.“
Saitou didn’t feel entirely as convinced as Heisuke apparently was. „I’m not so sure if this will work, Heisuke.“
Heisuke just waved his hand dismissively, in a manner similar to the one he used during their first meeting. Somehow it felt reassuring and it brought a little hope to Saitou. „Trust me, Hajime-kun! After all, I am the one who managed to get two adult men into his bed!“
Saitou would have pointed out that neither Sano, nor Shinpachi were even remotely close to how Hijikata-san was, if he wasn’t busy chiding Heisuke for using such blunt language improper for an executor of the Shinsengumi and employee of the Aizu clan. Heisuke just laughed.
„Stop being so uptight, Hajime-kun." He just said. „You need to be more obvious about things, if you want them.“
And with that at least, as Saitou noted, Heisuke was right.
ox*xo
„The first and most important thing to bring our plan success, is the nudity factor.“
It was in the backyard when Nagakura Shinpachi spoke these words to his two lovers, seated across of him on the stairs, as they were trying to come up with a plan how to secure their vice-commander a permanent lay, in the form of one Saitouu Hajime.
„Do you understand?“
Heisuke blushed, while Sano looked at him blankly.
„We have to assure that Hijikata-san sees Saitou when he’s naked. Seeing their secret crush naked would stirr up any man, even if their will was of steel, forged in hell’s fire! Now you’ll be probably curious how we achieve that Hijikata-san sees Saitou naked. Don’t worry, I have already thought about it. Here’s the plan: We’ll do it at night. Heisuke, you’ll go and steal Saitou’s clothes when he sleeps, while you, Sano,...“
„Wait a sec there, Shinpachi.“ Sano interrupted him with a scowl, while Heisuke looked just sick. „Last time I checked, Hijikata-san wasn’t a horny, broke idiot, who wears ridiculous headbands and buys clothes that look expensive, but have in fact been acquired at the big spring sale on the market.“
Shinpachi scowled. „Why are you comparing Hijikata-san to me? He’s not me!“
„Exactly. That’s why your plan will never work. Not only because Hijikata-san isn’t you, but also because Saitou would never punch Hijikata-san.“
Sano gave him a pointed look and Heisuke, who regained a bit of his natural color, looked back and forth between them.
„That’s true. You never told me the story of how you two have gotten together.“
„Because you’re too young for that story.“
Before Heisuke could protest, Sano stood up.
„So I’m sure that I’m not mistaken, when I say, that the trick of getting Hijikata-san to fuck Saitou lies in creating the right atmosphere. Stars, moonshine and all that, maybe a nice sunset. Throw in some sake to loosen their inhibitions and maybe flowers for good measure. They’ll be shacking before you can say ’Hook, Line and Sinker’.“
Shinpachi raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms at his chest. „Last time I checked, Hijikata-san wasn’t a redhaired pervert.“
„Why you jerk!!!“
„And Saitou wouldn’t have the nerve to stick his hands down Hijikata-san’s hakama.“
Ignoring the last statement, Sano was ready to charge and show Shinpachi just who was a redheaded pervert, when Heisuke stood himself between them.
„No, no, NO! You both see it the wrong way! Saitou has to make the first move, show his interest, or Hijikata-san will never get it!“
„NO!“ the both of them turned to Heisuke, their voices sounding like one.
„Last time I checked, Saitou wasn’t a smartass Edo-boy.“
„Like you are better, Shinpat-suan!“
„And last time I checked, Saitou didn’t talk-back to his superiors!“
„Squad-vise, I’m above you, Sano-san!“
„Like hell you are!!!“
They were about to jump at each other, when a fourth voice sounded from right beside them.
„That’s an interesting conversation you are having.“
The three of them moved simultanously, as they jerked and turned on their heels, to be greeted by the sight of a wickedly smirking Okita Souji.
„Fill me in about it.“
ox*xo
Hijikata Toushizou had never shown much interest in nanshoku.
Neither had ever that peculiar interest been directed at him.
As son of one of the lower clases, and a man who grew up on the land, he was far away from the temptations of the city and the pastimes of the rich and highclass.
He didn’t mind it, though.
He had always seen nanshoku as something that was not necessary to indulge in and also very dangerous, an opinion that his medical background allowed him to make.
And still.
And still, here he was, watching, admiring and writing poems to a young, charming, beautiful male.
He felt like such a fool.
Thinking that he could never give into the tempting sight of a man in his young years. Greater men had surrendered this temptation and Hijikata Toushizou had no right to judge them. But he was the vice-commander of the Shinsengumi, the demon, the one everyone feared, so it was also not in his rights to pursue his interests.
„Vice commander.“
Even if his entire being ached just to do that.
With that thought in his head, he turned to the man that called out to him with such a strong and yet so gentle voice.
Eyes blue like the water of the frozen lakes of the northern island looked deeply into his nightblue hues and Hijikata had to swallow to hold his passion back. He reminded himself of self-restraint and discipline and what was written about it in the bushido, to be able to answer in a composed voice, while looking straight into those fascinating eyes.
„Saitou. Is something the matter?“
„I need to talk to you, vice commander. About some of our newly joined members.“
Hijikata’s eyebrows rose.
Since Serizawa’s assasination and Aizu taking them under their wings, many people were joining them, looking for a place where they could put their skills to good use, or rise up to fame. Hijkata never really cared for their reasons, as long as they could wield a sword with skill, they were welcome in their organization.
„Why, is there some problem?“
Of course he expected some troubles, but that was the reason why he compiled their rules, that earned him his nickname ’the demon vice-commander’. He had hoped that it would be enough for everyone to accept and act according to those rules.
„Not an immediate problem, vice-commander.“
Hijikata’s eyebrows went higher. If there wasn’t a problem, why was Saitou approaching him on the issue? It wasn’t like the handsom swordsman, to bother his superior over nothing. Saitou was too considerate for that.
„I just thought you should be informed about what’s been going on.“
Then maybe even if there wasn’t a problem, Saitou thought it could become one and thought it was better for his superior to know.
Hijikata nodded.
Yes, that sounded like Saitou. The loyal man would never keep from him something that could be later of importance.
„Go on, I’m listening.“
„I noticed Tani-san has certain...preferences for his sexual partners.“
Hijikata frowned in thought and didn’t even notice the stripe of color tainting Saitou’s cheeks a light shade of red.
„Preferences?“
Hijikata was confused. Why would any preferences that one of their executors had, bother Saitou?
The younger man drew a small breath.
„I have noticed, that he has been investing a lot of time and energy in courting Sano-san.“
Hijikata’s eyes widened in realization. If one of his executors wasted prescious time and energy on nanshoku, time and energy he could invest into more important things, like fullfilling his duties as a Shinsengumi and serving the Aizu clan, of course the honorable man that was Saitou would find it displeasing and feel the need to report it to his superior.
„Do not speak any further.“ Hijikata noticed the slight stiffening of Saitou’s body, the subject obviously uncomfortable for the other male. A pang of disappointment went through his chest, but he supressed it. At least he knew now how Saitou thought about the subject. „I understand.“
Saitou’s eyebrows lifted themselves an inch.
„You do?“
Hijikata nodded with a serious expression on his face. In spite of his disappointment, the situation was highly concerning. If an executor had nothing on his mind but nanshoku and was willing to offer so much time and enegry into it, who knew what else he would be able to do. The Shinsengumi couldn’t afford internal fights. And the gods themselves knew, how Tani-san and Shinpachi got when their thickheadedness surfaced.
„I will take necessary action immediately.“
A light shade of red graced the pale man’s cheeks, one that Hijikata didn’t understand.
„But vice-commander!“
Maybe there was already something going on, in the privacy of the rooms? Well then, there was only one more thing in his might left to do.
„Don’t worry Saitou. I will make a rule, that officially bans all nanshoku activities from our organization!“
Saitou didn’t say anything, just looked at him with an unreadable expression, his lips slightly parted, probably analyzing the plan and finding no mistake in it. His silence seemed approving to Hijikata and the vice-commander smirked into himself, disappointment almost gone. If he could impress Saitou like this, he was content. He would get his victories where he could and keep his dreams in the privacy of his room.
„I will start working on it immediately.“
With that he turned around and left, not wanting to stay behind in pleasing the pale-skinned man. He never noticed the look of utter defeat and longing the beautiful male gave his retreating back.
ox*xo-*-*-*-ox*xo
Notes
I know, I’m probably using too much US comics gestures when I write Heisuke, but it seems to fit to him and his personality as I write him. He is the type that would use many gestures to emphasize his speech, so I hope you forgive me this once.
All informations about nanshoku/homosexuality are taken from Gary P. Leupp’s book „Male colors“ (which are the kanji which are used to write the word „nanshoku“). If you have any specific questions, don’t hesitate to ask.
Part 1 (the plan) / Part 3 (the second try)