PRICE II, page 2

[manaika]

And so the year was passing. The bond of friendship the two of them made that afternoon slowly grew and by the start of the next year, Sano saw Shinpachi as his best friend. During the last year they spent all of their free time together, learning or training in the dojo, or just simply hanging around and talking and after all that time, Sano felt like he knew Shinpachi inside out. And he had the distinct feeling that it could be said vice versa too. It was hard to believe that just a year ago he had hated his brownhaired friend, when now he absolutely refused to give him up. Shinpachi’s friendship was a rare jewel for Sano, something to be guarded and kept safe, because there would be no such friend as Shinpachi in his life ever again if he lost him, Sano felt that instinctively. Shinpachi always seemed to know when something was wrong with Sano. Just a look at his friend was enough for him to tell. Shinpachi helped Sano through exhaustion, depression, fear and loneliness and Sano in exchange for that shared his happy moments with Shinpachi. And in the same manner he gave it back. When Shinpachi needed him to complain about his parents, about the teachers, abbout life, or just needed a punching bag that could punch back, Sano was there. They fought, they laughed and they cursed together.

So it was only natural when in the Middle of May Sano noticed that he had been seeing his friend less than last year. For example, Shinpachi had barely been at the dojo for the last two months.

Maybe Shinpachi was getting tired of him and needed a time out? It would be only natural, since they spent so much time together. Surely Shinpachi had other interests and Sano had no right to monopolize him. But the question was, if Sano should ask him about it. Girls always said that talking things over strengthened the bond, but Sano wasn’t so sure how it worked on males. He had his expierience dealing with girls and he could tell that they functioned way differently than guys, mentally and physically. Sano didn’t wantg to ruin his only friendship because of a an advice from a cheap girls magazine gone wrong.
But then again, their friendship was stronger than that. And asking surely wouldn’t hurt. As far as Sano could tell, he was as important to Shinpachi as Shinpachi was important to him. Maybe his friend had problems with money again and didn’t want to bother Sano with it?

He asked Shinpachi during lunch break.

It was right after a PE lesson, which always raised Shinpachi’s spirits a little and to top it, they were doing basketball. It was Shinpachi’s favorite sport, as Sano had come to learn.
They were sitting at the table with what wanted to be a miso soup in front of them, when Sano finally spilled.

„You have been going less to the dojo.“
Shinpachi looked up from where he had been eyeing the soup suspiciously like it was intended to poison him to look at Sano blankly.
To conceal the bad feeling in his gut, Sano ate a bit from the miso. It tasted really vile, but now he could blame every nervous stiffness on it.
„Less than last year, at least.“
Shinpachi also took a bite from the miso and Sano watched him pull a face.
„I had stuff to do.“
„What stuff?“
„Nothing important.“
„I see.“
Silence. They ate some more soup.
„Why ya asking?“
„Just noticed, ’s all.“
„Ah.“

Silence.

Finally the vile liquid in their plates was halfway done when Shinpachi looked at him.
„By any chance, you haven’t been thinking anything stupid, as you usually use to, have you?“
„What stupid?“
„Like me being tired of you, or something equally dumb.“
Sano almost choked on his soup. How did Shinpachi do it? He always hit home, like a fucking telepath. And he didn’t even have pointed ears. (AN: I’m not sure if some of you get the pun, but whoever watched at least one episode of the original series of Star Trek, should get it. Explanation’s in the authors note at the end of the shot.)
„No, no, of course not.“ Sano tried to wave it off, while staring intently into his miso soup.
„Really.“
„Yeah, yeah.“
„Sano?“
„Yeah?“
„You do realize that when you’re lying to me, you never look into my eyes?“
„What? Yeah, sure, whatever.“ So?
„Sano?“
„What?“
„You’ve been looking into that concoction for the entire second half of our conversation.“

Oh.

„Uhm.“ He said very eloquently, not daring to raise his look now.
Busted? Sano tried to come up with something smart, when Shinpachi spoke his name again.
„Sano.“
„Hm?“
„Sano.“
„Yeah?“
There was a sigh.
„Will you finally look at me, or do I have to punch you first?“

There was no menace in Shinpachi’s voice, just soft exasperation and finally Sano dared to look up.

Shinpachi’s hand was raised, open palm, the ellbow resting on the table. „Best friends forever.“

Sano gave just a small smile in response, as he grasped the hand, mirroring the gesture, but inside him a heavy rock fell from his heart. „Best friends forever.“ He answered.
They dislodged their hands and continued eating in silence, untill Shinpachi spoke again.
„To answer your unasked question, no, I’m not in any problems, I don’t need money and there’s no hired killer breathing down my neck.“
Sano wasn’t even surprised anymore. By now he was convinced that Shinpachi had some telepathic powers implanted to him through a prior visit of an alien species from the other end of the galaxy.
„It’s really just stuff.“
Sano nodded at his friend, while he mentally kicked himself. Since he and Shinpachi had found and repaired an old TV, he had been watching too much Star Trek. He should stop that, before he’ll put on a blue jumper and start sprouting sarcastic jokes in a southern drawl. Mixed with his Shikoku/kansai accent, it probably wouldn’t end up well.
„I’ll come to the dojo as soon as I can, ok?“
„OK.“
They finished the soup and ate the rest of the poisonous food from the cafeteria in comfortable silence.

ox*xo

In June Sano had gotten himself a summer job. There would be less school and more time to work, so he could raise his income a little. Of course he planned to spend some time with Shinpachi, so he made sure that his time-schedule wasn’t stuffed with work and studying. He was really looking forward to this summer. The last one had been a blast, much unlike the ones before and Sano wanted to feel it again - the Sun heating his skin, the seawind carressing his face, and the feeling of freedom, life and friendship.

He couldn’t stop thinking that this Summer would be awesome.

He had been looking forward to it for the last two weeks. He kept imagining it during every lunch break, every PE lesson, everytime he went to and from work, every minute of his free time he kept thinking about the fantastic time he would have. He was daydreaming about it day in day out, up to the point where Shinpachi was already snickering at him amusedly, but Sano just grinned at his friend in response.

This state of mild imaginary lasted approximately one week and two days, untill one sunny June Tuesday, Sanji-sensei approached him.

Sano knew instantly that something was wrong. Sanji-sensei was the most cheerfull, most brazen and most witty happy-go-lucky teacher of their school, but as he called for Sano after the end of the morning PE, his face was pulled into worry lines, his eyebrows creased, the corners of his mouth down, and his forehead had more wrinkles than an old man between 70 and death had.

„What is it, Sanji-sensei?“ Sano asked him once they sat down on one of the benches, another one of his infamous bad feelings settling in his gut.
„I need to talk to you Sano. About certain rumors I heard.“
The bad feeling intensified.
„What rumors?“
„The first one about you working not only one, but several part-time jobs.“
Sano fought to keep a straight face, to not give this man in front of him reason to believe what was an open secret to the entire school. No one could read him as well as this man could, not even Shinpachi. Tani Sanjuro, his homeroom and PE teacher and a father for the longest time.
„The second about you sleeping around with girls for money.“
Sano was painfully aware of the corners of his mouth pulling downwards, as the man studied his face intently. Sano knew that Sanji-sensei would ask him and he was preparing himself to lie to this man and deny everything.
„Both are true, aren’t they?“
It was just that no matter what, Sano couldn’t lie to this man. Not after everything Sanji-sensei had done for him. So all that was left for Sano to do was look away in shame and utter a small „Yeah.“

The reaction was immediate.

„You foolish kid!“
Sano flinched.

„What the fucking hell have you been thinking?!!!“
„That I needed to pay the money for the school.“
„And why didn’t you tell me?! I already offered you to pay it and you can pay me back once you have a stable job. Granted, you said no thanks, you couldn’t ask this of me after everything I had done and told me that you would get the money from elsewhere. I let you go only because you promised you wouldn’t do anything stupid, dangerous and potentionally harmfull and if it wasn’t enough, you would come to me. However, as I see it, what you have been doing qualifies as stupid and potentionally harmfull, and since it wasn’t enough, you threaded into dangerous grounds.“ After the initial outburst Sanji-sensei’s voice was getting quieter with every word, untill it turned to barely above a whisper, but after the last sentence, Sano would have felt better if he had screamed. „Do you understand Sano? Not only did you endanger your future, you also broke both of your promises.“

Sano felt horrible.

He couldn’t look Sanji-sensei into the eyes, as he listened to the disappointed voice and felt the gentle, dark brown eyes on him.

„Why did you do it?“
Sano swallowed, because his throat felt suddenly very dry. „I told you that I needed the money...“
„You could have told me that and didn’t need to sell your body. Fucking damnit, that’s prostitution!“ Sanji-sensei hissed. „You could get into jail for it!“
Sano supressed a tremble. „Not unless any of the girls tell.“ He tried to defend himself, but Sanji-sensei shot him back.
„What makes you think they won’t?“
„What makes you think they will?“ He was starting to get defiant, but it was his only defense now, the only defense against the man who knew everything about him.
„Why shouldn’t they?“
„Why should they?“
„Sano!“ Sanji-sensei was getting agitated. „They are fucking teenagers! Rich, spoiled, teenie girls who when they don’t get what they want, are capable of everything.“
„Then I’ll give them what they want untill they don’t wanna anymore.“
„And they’ll use it against you untill they grow tired of it and crush you. Sano, I’ve known you for your entire life and I never thought of you as someone who would want to depend on others.“
Ouch. That was a low blow, way below the waistline. „I’m not depending on them!“ Sano stood up in defiance and hurt pride, but Sanji-sensei just looked at him.

„Sit down, Sano.“
„I’M NOT-“
„Sit down, Sano.“

And just liked that Sano sat down.

„You are depending on their money. You are depending on the money of rich spoiled teenie girls. I could help you. It’s not too late. I doubt they can prove anything if they had to, so it would be only their word against yours if you denied everything. But sooner or later they’ll realize they have nothing in hand against you in case they would need it and they’ll start documenting it. Snap a few photos or something. And that’s when you’ve got a real problem. Stop it untill you can. Let me pay for you.“
„What’s the difference between me depending on them and depending on you?“
„The difference is, that I’m actually expect that you’ll pay it back, sooner or later. And I don’t want your body for it. The money will do.“ There was a small smile on the teacher’s face. „And that I only want to help you, while they only use you. That’s the greatest difference.“
„That’s alms.“
„Not if I want you to pay it back. And neither am I planning on blackmailing you with it. I promise not to. And unlike certain people, I do keep my promises.“
Sano shot his teacher a glare.
„I don’t think I deserve such looks from you.“ Sanji-sensei only said calmly and Sano turned away once again from the honest eyes.
„Also, there’s a reason why I am approaching you on this subject.“
Sano raised an eyebrow.
„The principal overheard the girls talking about it and wants to investigate.“
Sano’s eyes shot wide open in horror. If the principal found out...
„He also wants to investigate about the issue of you working while stille visiting high school.“ Sanji-sensei looked at him seriously. „I can help you, but only if you let me, Sano. Think about it, but do so quickly. I want your answer tomorrow latest.“
Sano, speechless in his horror, only nodded.
„Dismissed.“

Sano stood up and left the gym like hypnotized. He felt like he had been kicked by a horse. His entire world was crashing down around him, his dreams dissolving into nothing, the daydream turning into a nightmare. He had worked so hard to build himself the life he wanted and now everything was being destroyed. Because he was such a fool. He was vagually aware of someone calling his name, bu as he opened his mouth to answer, nothing came out. He realized he was back in the school building, but he didn’t remember getting there.

„Sano!“ the voice had gotten louder, now it sounded from right beside him. „Sano, what’s wrong?!“

Sano turned only to be met by two worried azure eyes.

„Sano?“ Shinpachi’s tone was pure worry and suddenly it crashed down on Sano like a bucket of cold water in an explosion of anxiety: He would get expelled. He dropped his bag at the same time he started shaking and he saw Shinpachi’s eyes widen with shock.

„Sano?“

Sano opened his mouth again, but nothing came out. He had to look like he was about to collapse, because next thing Shinpachi did was to rush him to the nearest restroom and pull his head under the cold water in one of the sinks.

When he pulled him up again, Sano’s head felt a bit more clearer, but not less anxious.
„What’s wrong?“ his friend asked him again and Sano’s found his voice again. It was weak, but it was enough to answer.
„I’ll get expelled.“
„WHAT?!“ Shinpachi’s voice resonated in the empty room. „Why?!“

And Sano told him everything he knew, about the confrontation with Sanji-sensei to the principal investigating the rumors about him. However, the more he talked, the more calmer Shinpachi seemed to get and as Sano finished, he was leaning onto the wall casually, his arms crossed on his chest.

„What do I fucking do?!“
„First of all stop panicking.“

Sano flashed him an angry look, ready to shout at him, but Shinpachi wasn’t finished.

„Secondly, go to Tani-sensei and tell him that you accept his help.“
Sano frowned.
„Like I could!“
„You CAN! That’s why he approached you, you MORON!“

Sano startled. He had never heard Shinpachi shout at him outside of the gym or the dojo and never with such a clear and serious look as he had now. He didn’t know what to do with it.

Shinpachi sighed and rubbed his temples.

„Why couldn’t you, Sano? He’s almost like a father to you and you’ll pay him back once you can. And he’s sure a more reliable and stable source of money than Miss Tits and Co. If you deny everything I’m sure the principal will believe you, the good and hardworking student rather than the stupid, spoiled, rich brats. And the ones you work for won’t say a thing because it would get them into trouble too, for letting you work there.“
„You make it sound so easy...“
„’Cause IT IS! Come on, Sano. You’re a smart guy. Smarter than me. Smarter than the rest of the school. Smarter than the seniors even. Stop fucking panicking and think about it!“
Sano tried. He tried to clear his head, get rid of the distinctly sick feeling in his gut and think. He didn’t have to get expelled if he went to Sanji-sensei and everything could be alright. If he just thought about it.

But before he could do that, a silent laugh interrupted them.

They both jumped as from one of the stalls, Ito-senpai emerged.
Shinpachi and Sano froze at the same time, as they saw the jet black hair and the infamous smirk, that told you that no matter how hard you struggled, you couldn’t escape your fate. The richest kid at school, always wearing his white silk shirt instead of the regular cotton, neatly tucked into custom made pants, his tie in a perfect knot around the pale, but muscular neck, the shoes polished to shine. Always rich, always perfect. Envied, loved and hated, Ito Saburo, from senior grade.

Sano was among those that hated him.
Shinpachi too.
Ito-senpai reciprotated it in no lesser amounts of the emotion.

„I couldn’t but overhear your conversation.“

With this new developement, the issue suddenly evolved into a massive problem.

Ito-senpai couldn’t but laugh at their frozen expressions and their eyes following his every move. „Oh don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.“
„No?“ Sano asked, his amber eyes boring themselves through dark grey.
„No.“
„What are your terms?“ Shinpachi asked, arms crossed.
„Terms?“
„Don’t play stupid. You always wanted to get rid of us, now’s the chance of your life.“

Ito-senpai just laughed.

„My dear Nagakura-kun. As it is, I’m getting rid of you by the end of this year, since I’m graduating. And I’m getting far too many benefits from this piece of information than to simply waste it on you two. Actually, you helped me with this information out a lot. I have a bone to pick with Haruka.“

Aiba Haruka, or ’Miss Tits’ as Shinpachi called her so affectionately, Ito-senpai’s classmate, had also been the senpai’s girlfriend at the time Sano banged her. Against Ito-senpai’s locker.

„You would blackmail your girlfriend?“

„Ex-girlfriend, Harada-kun. And yes, I find it quite amusing. As it seems, I will be in longer association with Haruka. I’m sure there will be a good occassion where I can use the piece of information you provided me with for the purpose of persuading her into things she might otherwise not agree to. It’s to my benefit that I keep it to myself at this point. If you want to, you can take it as a token of my gratitude for providing me with it.“
Sano felt sick just by listening to the rich fuck.
„You asshole...“
„Now now, don’t get rude, Harada-kun. In fact, you have my best wishes for solving your little problem.“ Ito-senpai looked at his Rollex watch. „Even though, I frankly don’t know why you bother.“ He said in a complete by the way manner, but it still picked Sano’s ears. „Now, it’s time for the next lesson I assume. If you excuse me...“ he turned around to leave, but Sano stoped him.

„What did you say just now?“

„It’s time for the next lesson. In fact, I’m afraid, you missed lunchbreak, my dear kohais.“
„Not that.“ Sano snarled. „Before that. About me bothering.“
„Ah, that. I was just merely wondering why you would bother solving any of your problems.“

„Why shouldn’t I? Problems are there to be solved.“

„Only if it makes sense to solve them. I mean, if you look at it, what sense does your life have? Your parents hate you, or so I’ve heard. You have no one who cares for you. You want to study to build yourself a life, but what’s the purpose? You don’t want power and you don’t have anybody who would care for what you do. No one to pat you on the shoulders and tell you, good job son. Don’t misunderstand me, I personally don’t think it’s something to be bothered about, but I figured you were the type of people who would be. Sometimes I’m really wondering why you bother. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe you’re just as egoistical, ruthless and power-hungry as I. Maybe that’s why I hate you so much.“ He looked at his watch again. „Now, I really have to go. And you two should too. If I’m not mistaken you got classical literature next and Tezuka-sensei hates unpunctual people.“ With that Ito-senpai was gone, leaving a stunned Sano behind himself.
There was a hand on his shoulder and Sano turned to look at Shinpachi.
„Ignore that manipulative bastard. You’re nothing like him.“
The only thing Sano managed was a weak nod.

x-x

But no matter what Shinpachi said to him, for the rest of the day, Sano couldn’t forget those words. They repeated themselves in his mind like a broken record and engraved themselves deep within him. For some reason they struck a chord and even though he knew it was stupid he kept asking himself why he actually did bother.
He wanted a future and a life so desperately that he even forgot to ask himself why he wanted it so much. Not to make his parents proud. Not to build himself a family, either. He didn’t met a girl he would like enough to do so yet and he doubted he would ever meet her. He had already come to terms with where his preferences lied and he wasn’t getting much action in that department either. He had no boyfriend, nor a crush on someone, so the reason for his struggling to build himself a future wasn’t because he wanted to protect his loved ones either. If he just wanted it only to have it, he was really no better than Ito-senpai, or any of those spoiled brats, he called his schoolmates. So why did he take the trouble? Live for the sake of living? There was no spirit in that, no productive reason.

Sano kicked a stone.

It was already the late evening and he was heading home after a tiring shift in work. His boss had been especially bossy today, every second and different order coming out of his mouth. Harada-kun this, Harada-kun that, Harada-kun hurry, Harada-kun why the hell are you taking so long, Harada-kun if you came here to just sit around you can go home right away...
Sano had endured it for the entire shift and now he was dead tired and wanted nothing more than his matt and his casettes. He was absolutely beaten. And the worst thing was, he didn’t even know why he tried so hard.

As he opened the door to the house he lived in (he still couldn’t call it home), his mother was on the genkan. As soon as she saw him, she let out a tirade about why he was still here and his father just stood there and said nothing, as usually. Nothing changed, everything stayed the same. Sano already knew that his parents would never love him, even though he couldn’t stop loving them. He still cared for them, for an unknown, incomprehensible reason. Why else would they behavior still hurt him so much?
For the first time since he put the wall of defenses as a giant fortress around his heart up, he faced his parents without it and he realized how fucked up everything was. His parents hated him, he was in danger of being kicked out of school, his entire world was crashing down around him and he had no one to live for.
By the time he reached his room, it wasn’t just the day that tired him out, but his entire life. He dropped his bag and planked down onto his matt heavily like a sandbag, his hair hanging losely around his face. He should cut it before it rge too long, he found himself thinking, but there wasn’t a single cell in him he could bring to care about it now. His vision was blurry and he wiped his eyes with back of his hand to clear it, convincing himself, that just something fell into his eyes.

His entire being was in pain and he briefly wondered if one could die of heartache. He remembered reading a book once where it was possible, but he didn’t remember the name or the author.

And really, what would happen if he died?

His parents would explode with happiness.

As would Ito-senpai.

The girls would miss their plaything, but they would probably find another one soon.
Sanji-sensei would be maybe sad, but then he wouldn’t have to waste his money on Sano.
And Shinpachi? Surely Shinpachi would miss him, right? But then again, Shinpachi didn’t need him. Shinpachi could take care of himself. Shinpachi would find himself another friend. There were six billions of people walking on the planet, surely someone would be suited for the position.

Sano rubbed away another wave of wetness from his eyes.

He felt so useless.

So.
Fucking.
Useless.

Why didn’t he finally face it like a man should and admitted to himself that life was wasted on him? He sat up and looked around his room.

Empty.
Poor.
And so much like him.

He stood up and went to the bathroom, from where he retrieved a razorblade. It was old, but still sharp. His father had once used it, but he had stoped doing so shortly after they came to Kyoto. As Sano started needing a razor of his own, he started using it, instead of getting himself a new one. He even dug out the old sharpener from the very back of their closet.

He went back into his room and sat back onto his matt again, staring at the shining surface of the blade. He had always taken good care of it and now the sharp edge glinted in the moonlight.
He wouldn’t slice his wrist. Slicing wrists was something for girls to do when they went all drama queen. No, he would do this the honorable way, like a man and a warrior should. After losing his purpose of life, he would slice his gut open.

Sano undid the buttons on his shirt with steady hands.

He was determined.
He wasn’t backing out.
He was going to end it for real.

He laid the sharpened edge of the razor onto his left side.

He pressed.

It stung, but somehow it felt relieving.

Sano briefly wondered what a relief if would be once the length of his waist was sliced open, before he dragged the blade through his gut.

Karma, it hurt.

But at the same time it felt so good to finally feel sharp, physical, blinding pain instead of just the dull ache of his heart. Sano groaned and his vision swamm. He wasn’t sure whether he was screaming or not, because the pounding in his ears overpowered every sound around him. He felt hot and wet liquid trickling down his skin and his head was spinning.

Almost there.
Just a little bit more.
He had to endure this blinding pain for just a little bit more and then everything would be over.

Over...

Over...

It was finally over, was his last thought as he fell into oblivion.

ox*xo

It was two in the morning when the private phone in Shinpachi’s room went off and woke the sleeping youth up. First he tried to ignore it, but after it kept ringing and ringing for three minutes straight, a mop of brown hair dislodged itself from the covers and stared sleepily at the machine that made that offending noise. As that failed to silence the annoying piece of red plastic, Shinpachi finally reached for the reciever and picked up.
„What the fuck?“ he grumbled into it, hoping that whoever was fool enough to disturb him, would get the hint and end the call right away.
There was silence.
Shinpachi frowned. „Listen you sick fuck, whoever you are, you are disturbing my sleep, I had a rough day and-“

The trail of his words stoped at the soft sound coming from the reciever, that put him instantly on alert.

Come to think of it, there was only a handfull of persons he had given this number and all of them knew better than to disturb him over nothing in the dead of the night. So it had to be something serious. And if he thought about it, out of the handfull of persons he gave this number, only one could have problems that were serious enough to call his friend. What worried Shinpachi however was, that the one he thought about, would never make such a sound as he heard just now.

„Sano, is that you?“
„It didn’t work.“

Shinpachi sat straight up from the shock of how weak that voice sounded.

„Sano, what happened?“
„I was born, that’s what.“
„The hell are you talking about?“
„See, I wanted to correct the mistake that nature made by spawning me.“
Shinpachi’s blood froze.
„But it didn’t work...It didn’t work...“
Shinpachi vagualy noticed he was shaking like a leaf.
„Where are you?“
„The alley behind the 27th street, just across the conbini a few blocks from my house.“
Shinpachi slammed down the phone at the same time he jumped out of the bed. He threw clothes on randomly and with a swoop of his hand for the keys, he was out, thinking that it was a good thing his parents stayed in Tokyo. It made things certainly easier to have an empty house all to himself. Especially now, when his best friend needed him.

Sano had been acting oddly the entire day and Shinpachi could just imagine what had been ghosting through that redhaired head. Sano tended to think stupid things when he was controlled by his emotional side and the hotheaded temper that often jumped into weird conclusions only he could draw...Shinpachi didn’t even dare to imagine what impact had Ito-senpai’s words on his friends, not if he was to judge it by how his friend had sounded over the phone.

Finally he reached 27th street and the conbini came into sight.

From there it took only a few more seconds before Shinpachi reached the alley that Sano had been talking about, but as he turned the corner, his heart stoped beating for a few seconds.

Red. The color seemed to be everywhere.

Red phone booth at a brick red wall background.
Red hair, long and messy, shielding amber eyes.
Red blood staining the favorite, white sleeping shirt.

Shinpachi sunk to his knees next to his friend and was preparing himself for the worst, when the shadow that had once been the proud Harada Sanosuke spoke.
„It wasn’t meant to be.“
Shinpachi’s hand stoped midair to Sano’s shoulder.
„I thought if I wasn’t meant to live, I was meant to die. But I was wrong.“ Sano finally looked at his friend and Shinpachi was greeted by a sad smile and the once sprakling amber depths staring at him dully. It broke his heart to see his friend like this, but the words that followed tore him apart even more. „I wasn’t meant to die, because I was meant to live. I was meant to live, because I lived even though my mother wanted me to die.“ The smile fell and Sano averted his gaze to the clouded, grey skies. „I was meant to live, but I want to die. I chose to die, but I’m not allowed to. No wanting to live, not allowed to die...Why can’t it just end?“

Shinpachi wasn’t sure Sano even knew what he was saying.

From the stain on the shirt it was pretty obvious what Sano had tried and Shinpachi would be a very bad friend if he just left him to deal with it alone. He thought about it just for a miniscule break of a second before he hurled his friend into his arms and lifted him up.

„Come on, we need to get you out of here.“
„I don’t wanna go back...“ Sano’s voice was getting softer by every second.
„We’re not going back.“
„Shinpachi?“ it came in a low mumble and the body of his friend grew a little heavier.
„Yeah?“
„Make it stop.“ The voice was less than a whisper now, but even despite that, the desperate words sounded clearly for Shinpachi. He fastened his grasp around the heavy body of his friend.
„I will, Sano, I will.“
I promise, he added in his mind as he felt Sano’s body going limp in his arms.

ox*xo

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