I Fucking Hate *him*
Yeah, that's right. I hate him. And no I am not referring to Derek, this is serious. I need a way to get rid of the fucking ass hole in my house. I hate everything he says. Fucking A, I never ever insult him to his face or my mothers, and what to I hear from his fucking over fed pie hole? %100 insults, one after an other. Every day I think about what it would be like to wake up and not have my mom breathing anymore. Every fucking day. I have never acctually said this out loud in all seriousness before. I think it's time. No one knows what its like to be afraid in their own homes. He needs to be gotten rid of, and quick. He keeps threatening to move out and blah blah blah, THEN FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!!! NO ONE LIKES YOU!!!
I dont understand why my mom wont leave his ass, or kick his fucking blubbering fat smelly retarded ignorant ass out. Everytime they fight, he says, " Oh I love you Debbie, I'm sorry I lost my temper." Fuck mom haven't you seen Maury or Montel? That is how it starts. The fuckers been divorced twice hello!! Get a clue.
The way I think of love, is there is never any reason for anyone to have to apolize, nothing you do should ever cause you to say that you are sorry. If you fight, you compromise. Fuck people, I swear I am going to turn out to be the perfect mate, lover and friend. No on understands all this. No one. There is no where for me to run to. No where. I cant go to a friends house, it wont work. I wish I could talk to Warren. But I cant. I know what is going to happen next, my mom will come in my room and ask me to stay in the living room with her. And of course the fuck face will start up on us again, walk down the hall way, slam the bedroom door and sit in there for a few hours. Then he will come out with his stupid "I'm sorry"'s. I wont take it. I want to speak up and say how much I hate him. And I want to say it to his face. I want to rub it in. But I cant because it is emotionally impossiable for me to do. These are the times that I need a companion, someone that loves me more than he can express, some one that can make me smile through all my tears. But, I don't have that and I never will. I know those are all the wrong reasons for me to want someone, but there are more reasons, much more. But right now thats all I wish to expose.
I want him gone. I want this more than any being can imagine. I used to wonder what drove people to kill, but now I know. I know excatly what goes through peoples minds. I know the adrenalon rush they feel. I know the thought process. I know it all, and right now I know it all too well. If I knew I could get off scott free, I would murder him tonight. I really would. I mean that. My whole body is shaking and I dont know if its from the fear, the tears, or the adrenalon. Maybe all three.
In my mind, the way I would do it keeps playing over and over again. I have it down to a sience. So I guess it would be pre medataded.