Buffy the Vampire Slayer 1x06: The Pack picspam
It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy.
1x06. The Pack
WILLOW: You missed it!
BUFFY: Missed what?
XANDER: We just saw the zebras mating! Thank you, very exciting...
WILLOW: It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!
WILLOW: What are Kyle and his buds doing with Lance?
XANDER: Oh, playing with him as a cat plays with a mouse.
BUFFY: What is it with those guys?
WILLOW: They're obnoxious. Professionally.
XANDER: Well, every school has 'em. So, you start a new school, you get your desks, some blackboards and some mean kids.
WILLOW: I thought Xander would be here by now.
BUFFY: Hmm, that'd make him on time. We couldn't have that!
WILLOW: Did he seem upset at all on the bus back from the zoo?
BUFFY: About what?
WILLOW: I dunno. He was quiet.
BUFFY: I didn't notice anything. But then again I'm not as hyperaware of him as, oh, say, for example, you.
WILLOW: Hyperaware?
BUFFY: Well, I'm not constantly monitoring his health, his moods, his blood pressure...
WILLOW: 130 over 80!
BUFFY: You got it bad, girl!
WILLOW: He makes my head go tingly. You know what I mean?
BUFFY: I dimly recall.
WILLOW: But it hasn't happened to you lately?
BUFFY: Not of late.
WILLOW: Not even for a dangerous and mysterious older man whose leather jacket you're wearing right now?
BUFFY: Goes with the shoes!
WILLOW: Come on, Angel pushes your buttons. You know he does.
BUFFY: I suppose some girls might find him good looking... ...if they have eyes, alright, he's a honey, but... it's just he's never around, and when he is, all he wants to do is talk about vampires, and... I, I just can't have a relationship...
WILLOW: There he is!
BUFFY: Angel?
WILLOW: Xander!
WILLOW: Is something wrong? Did I do something?
XANDER: What could you possibly do? That's crazy talk. I'm just... restless.
WILLOW: Well, we could go to the ice cream place...
XANDER: I like it here.
BUFFY: Okay, now what?
XANDER: You took a bath.
BUFFY: Yeah, I-I often do, I'm actually known for it.
XANDER: That's okay.
BUFFY: And the weird behavior award goes to...
XANDER: Why do I need to learn this?
WILLOW: 'Cause otherwise you'll flunk math?
XANDER: Explain the part where that's bad.
WILLOW: You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, 'Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?' We've been through this. Do you have a headache?
XANDER: Yeah, and I think I know what's causing it. (throws his geometry book into the trash) Ah! That's better, it goes right to the source of the pain.
WILLOW: Xander...
XANDER: Look, forget it, okay? I don't get it. I won't ever. I don't care.
WILLOW: We can finish this another time.
Coach Harrold: Alright, it's raining, all regular gym classes have been postponed, so you know what that means: dodgeball! Now, for those of you that may have forgotten, the rules are as follows: you dodge. ...God, this game is brutal. I love it!
XANDER: I guess you've noticed that I've been different around you lately.
WILLOW: Yes.
XANDER: I think, um... I think it's because my feelings for you have been changing. And, well, we've been friends for such a long time that I feel like I need to tell you something. I've, um... I've decided to drop geometry. So I won't be needing your math help anymore. Which means I won't have to look at your pasty face again.
BUFFY: You gonna say something to me?
WILLOW: I've known him my whole life, Buffy. Well, we haven't always been close, but he's never...
BUFFY: I think something's wrong with him.
WILLOW: Or maybe there's something wrong with me.
BUFFY: What are you talking about?
WILLOW: C'mon. He's not picking on you. He's just sniffing you a lot. I don't know, maybe three isn't company anymore.
GILES: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
BUFFY: Uh-huh.
GILES: And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
BUFFY: Yes.
GILES: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles.
BUFFY: It's bad, isn't it.
GILES: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Course, you'll have to kill him.
BUFFY: Giles, I'm serious.
GILES: So am I. Except for the part about killing him. Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons. He will, however, get over it.
BUFFY: I cannot believe that you, of all people, are trying to Scully me. There is something supernatural at work here. Get your books! Look stuff up!
WILLOW: Herbert! They found him.
BUFFY: The pig?
WILLOW: Dead. And also eaten. Principal Flutie's freaking out.
BUFFY: Testosterone, huh?
WILLOW: What're you gonna do?
GILES: Get my books. Look stuff up.
GILES: The rest of the pack were spotted outside Herbert the mascot's cage. They were sent to the principal's office.
WILLOW: Good! That'll show 'em. Did it show 'em?
BUFFY: They didn't hurt him, did they?
GILES: They, uh... ate him.
BUFFY: They ate Principal Flutie?
WILLOW: Ate him up?
XANDER: Been waitin' for you to jump my bones.
BUFFY: Get off of me.
XANDER: Is that what you really want? We both know what you really want. You want danger, don't cha? You like your men dangerous.
BUFFY: You're in trouble, Xander. You are infected with some hyena thing, it's like a demonic possession!
XANDER: Dangerous and mean, right? Like Angel. Your Mystery Guy. Well, guess who just got mean.
XANDER: Do you know how long... I've waited... until you'd stop pretending that we aren't attracted... Until Willow... stops kidding herself... that I could settle with anyone but you?
BUFFY: Look, Xander, I don't wanna hurt you...
XANDER: Now do you wanna hurt me? Come on, Slayer. I like it when you're scared. The more I scare you, the better you smell.
XANDER: Before she came here our lives didn't need that much saving, did they? Weren't things a lot simpler when it was just you and me?
WILLOW: Maybe...
XANDER: When we were alone together... Willow, I know there's something wrong with me. I think it's gettin' worse. But I can't just stand around waitin' for Buffy to decide it's time to punch me out again. Look, I want you to help me. I want you.
WILLOW: I am helping you.
XANDER: You're doing what you're told.
WILLOW: Buffy's trying to help you, too. You know that. Or Xander does.
XANDER: Yeah... Buffy's so selfless. Always thinking of us. Well, if I'm so dangerous, how come she left you alone with me?
WILLOW: I told her to.
XANDER: Why?
WILLOW: 'Cause I know you better than she does... and I wanted to be here to see if... you were still you.
XANDER: You know I am. Look at me. Looook.
WILLOW: Xander...
(He makes a grab for her through the book return slot in the cage, but she jerks back in time.)
WILLOW: Now I know.
XANDER: LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
GILES: Oh, right! The, uh, sacred circle. Yes, you'd need that to, um... This would be here when... when the children first came. Why would you... How terribly frustrating for you, that a bunch of school children could accomplish what you could not.
Zookeeper: It bothered me. But the power will be mine
WILLOW: What is this?
Zookeeper: A predatory act, remember? (holds a knife to her throat)
WILLOW: Uh, right. You'll pretend to slash my throat and, and put the evil in the hyenas?
Zookeeper: Something like that.
WILLOW: Buffy, it's a trap!
XANDER: Willow!
WILLOW: You only ate the pig.
XANDER: I ate a pig? Was it cooked and called bacon or... Oh, my God! I ate a pig? I mean, the whole trichinosis issue aside, yuck!
BUFFY: Well, it wasn't really you.
XANDER: Well, I remember I was goin' on the field trip, and then goin' down to the Hyena House, and next thing some guy's holding Willow and he's got a knife.
WILLOW: You saved my life.
XANDER: Hey! Nobody messes with my Willow.
BUFFY: This is definitely the superior Xander. Accept no substitutes.
XANDER: I didn't do anything else, did I, around you guys or anything embarrassing?
BUFFY: Nah!
GILES: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
XANDER: Did you tell them that?
GILES: Your secret dies with me.
XANDER: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.