So I'm Twenty One, and I'm Thinking...
This song is so important to me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1IXQ1pKl_Q
I can read your mind
I can read your mind
I can read your mind
Looking at you...
---
So we went to Volt, and had the best food of our lives.
It was glorious, and I have mixed feelings about it all.
---
I've started reading Lovecraft,
Opting to begin at the beginning
With "The Call of Cthulhu" - Fthag'n.
I have the original text and an audio recording.
It's been quite awhile since I was moved so deeply.
"A mountain walked or stumbled - God!"
---
I think he has an obsession - I've noticed a fascination
of his with that which cannot be conveyed.
He often seeks to describe the indescribable;
To seek experience beyond the scope of human comprehension
And then, even further, to articulate that experience.
He wants to be bigger than his body will allow.
He wants to transcend the human condition.
He believes that dreams are like a gateway into something bigger
He believes in the awesome power of the human imagination
He seeks the intangible, the unattainable
He seeks the unknowable, the unexplainable
He wants to feel what has never been felt and
He wants to see what can never be seen
It's almost like he wants to be a god.
It's almost like he can't stand to know that he isn't.
---
His work reminds me of me when I was much younger.
There would be times (more often than not) in which
I could not go to sleep at night,
I could not help myself but to walk the streets at night
From dusk until dawn I would lament
I would wonder and wander and wish and worry
And hope to seize even only a fleeting glimpse
of what it was that actually confined me
I wanted to see more
I wanted to see everything
I wanted to BE everything, I wanted to CONTAIN everything
I wanted to KNOW everything, I wanted to go BEYOND everything
I wanted my mind to encapsulate all of human experience, and then some.
I wanted to know what was beyond me, and then some.
I wanted my mind to grasp the cosmic framework:
I wanted to know the mind of GOD, and then some!
I wanted to take all that was possible
I wanted to take all that was impossible
I wanted to take all that I could not even conceive
And reduce it down to something compact - manageable.
I wanted to know what things were,
And I wanted to see things from all possible perspectives.
I wanted to appreciate the world,
And I wanted to know my place in the grand scheme of things.
I think I wanted direction, and an identity.
Now, I have a direction, but I do not have an identity.
I need to work on figuring out what things really are.
---
Right now, I am afraid.
I am nervous, I am lost.
I have learned all of these things
And I have forgotten how to feel.
---
Tonight I feel warm,
I feel drunk.
My chest is tight,
I feel young.
---
I know the kind of lust I want.
I know how to go after what I need.
I need to stop feeling comfortable.
I need to start feeling motivated.
Don't feel scared, no more fear.
Only pure, blind, enlightenment.
Human imagination, human motivation.
Find something sexy, find something scary.
Find something empty, find something full.
Fill it,
Know it,
Breathe it,
Enhance it,
Conceive it,
Build it,
Goddamnit!
Externalize!
Share these feelings!
Write! Write!
Talk to those you lost,
Talk with those you love,
And, who knows, maybe you'll find something!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1IXQ1pKl_Q
I can read your mind
I can read your mind
I can read your mind
Looking at you...
---
So we went to Volt, and had the best food of our lives.
It was glorious, and I have mixed feelings about it all.
---
I've started reading Lovecraft,
Opting to begin at the beginning
With "The Call of Cthulhu" - Fthag'n.
I have the original text and an audio recording.
It's been quite awhile since I was moved so deeply.
"A mountain walked or stumbled - God!"
---
I think he has an obsession - I've noticed a fascination
of his with that which cannot be conveyed.
He often seeks to describe the indescribable;
To seek experience beyond the scope of human comprehension
And then, even further, to articulate that experience.
He wants to be bigger than his body will allow.
He wants to transcend the human condition.
He believes that dreams are like a gateway into something bigger
He believes in the awesome power of the human imagination
He seeks the intangible, the unattainable
He seeks the unknowable, the unexplainable
He wants to feel what has never been felt and
He wants to see what can never be seen
It's almost like he wants to be a god.
It's almost like he can't stand to know that he isn't.
---
His work reminds me of me when I was much younger.
There would be times (more often than not) in which
I could not go to sleep at night,
I could not help myself but to walk the streets at night
From dusk until dawn I would lament
I would wonder and wander and wish and worry
And hope to seize even only a fleeting glimpse
of what it was that actually confined me
I wanted to see more
I wanted to see everything
I wanted to BE everything, I wanted to CONTAIN everything
I wanted to KNOW everything, I wanted to go BEYOND everything
I wanted my mind to encapsulate all of human experience, and then some.
I wanted to know what was beyond me, and then some.
I wanted my mind to grasp the cosmic framework:
I wanted to know the mind of GOD, and then some!
I wanted to take all that was possible
I wanted to take all that was impossible
I wanted to take all that I could not even conceive
And reduce it down to something compact - manageable.
I wanted to know what things were,
And I wanted to see things from all possible perspectives.
I wanted to appreciate the world,
And I wanted to know my place in the grand scheme of things.
I think I wanted direction, and an identity.
Now, I have a direction, but I do not have an identity.
I need to work on figuring out what things really are.
---
Right now, I am afraid.
I am nervous, I am lost.
I have learned all of these things
And I have forgotten how to feel.
---
Tonight I feel warm,
I feel drunk.
My chest is tight,
I feel young.
---
I know the kind of lust I want.
I know how to go after what I need.
I need to stop feeling comfortable.
I need to start feeling motivated.
Don't feel scared, no more fear.
Only pure, blind, enlightenment.
Human imagination, human motivation.
Find something sexy, find something scary.
Find something empty, find something full.
Fill it,
Know it,
Breathe it,
Enhance it,
Conceive it,
Build it,
Goddamnit!
Externalize!
Share these feelings!
Write! Write!
Talk to those you lost,
Talk with those you love,
And, who knows, maybe you'll find something!