FUCK
ok from now on I am basically going to use this as my own personal journal, not like i use to put lyrics in here....no more of that....here we go.
I want to get high right now soooo bad. i think its because i am realizing that i might not get a girl for a very long time and when i think about y i prolly wont i decide that its because i'm just an overweight, ex-druggie, loser. and i dont know how soon that is gonna change. I mean i'm going to job corps but i dont think thats going to change my whole life up til now. i am happy that I will get a steady job and that i'll get an apartment and that i'll get my license but i dont know how that is going to help me mentally not want to use drugs. I know that as soon as i feel that i am comfortable with my life and that things are going smoothly i am prolly going to fuck it up by buying a shit load of drugs and going on a huge bender and loosing it all. except for my job cuz i will need that to afford my shit that i'm going to be doing. I dont want to get back into the hard shit ever again but i am prolly going to turn to shrooms cuz they have no scent and I personally dont think that you can get addicted to them considering it is food poisoning not a illegal drug.
OK now to the emo part about me being single forever. I really want to find the right girl to be with but i dont know how well that is going to work. I believe that i am a nice guy but as i've been told by an number of girls...I am too nice. I didnt believe that being to nice was possible so i guess that what they say is true......girls like the assholes!!! and unfortunately for me I am not an asshole and when I am i am too much of an asshole and i drive the girl away. I know that i am being really emo right now but i have to get all of this out. If i dwell on all of this shit i dont think that i'm going to be able to make it in sobriety or in life. If I get this out i think that i will be okay eventually but not right away...it is a gradual process and i hope that i get it soon. I use to think that life was shit and now i realize that life is only shit sometimes. Certain things go shitty and other things go smooth. Right now in life things are kinda half and half. Some things are shitty and other things are really good. Like the good thing is that i'm sober, but the bad thing is that i have been single for way to fucking long. I cant stand it, i want somebody soo bad but its just not happening. I think that its because i'm overweight...even tho girls say that looks dont matte too much i know that its a lie. They say that personality is better but i have been told that i have a great personality and it still isnt happening....This shit sux major fucking ass...this is bullshit i say again....this is bullshit!!!!!!! so as i said in the title........FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to get high right now soooo bad. i think its because i am realizing that i might not get a girl for a very long time and when i think about y i prolly wont i decide that its because i'm just an overweight, ex-druggie, loser. and i dont know how soon that is gonna change. I mean i'm going to job corps but i dont think thats going to change my whole life up til now. i am happy that I will get a steady job and that i'll get an apartment and that i'll get my license but i dont know how that is going to help me mentally not want to use drugs. I know that as soon as i feel that i am comfortable with my life and that things are going smoothly i am prolly going to fuck it up by buying a shit load of drugs and going on a huge bender and loosing it all. except for my job cuz i will need that to afford my shit that i'm going to be doing. I dont want to get back into the hard shit ever again but i am prolly going to turn to shrooms cuz they have no scent and I personally dont think that you can get addicted to them considering it is food poisoning not a illegal drug.
OK now to the emo part about me being single forever. I really want to find the right girl to be with but i dont know how well that is going to work. I believe that i am a nice guy but as i've been told by an number of girls...I am too nice. I didnt believe that being to nice was possible so i guess that what they say is true......girls like the assholes!!! and unfortunately for me I am not an asshole and when I am i am too much of an asshole and i drive the girl away. I know that i am being really emo right now but i have to get all of this out. If i dwell on all of this shit i dont think that i'm going to be able to make it in sobriety or in life. If I get this out i think that i will be okay eventually but not right away...it is a gradual process and i hope that i get it soon. I use to think that life was shit and now i realize that life is only shit sometimes. Certain things go shitty and other things go smooth. Right now in life things are kinda half and half. Some things are shitty and other things are really good. Like the good thing is that i'm sober, but the bad thing is that i have been single for way to fucking long. I cant stand it, i want somebody soo bad but its just not happening. I think that its because i'm overweight...even tho girls say that looks dont matte too much i know that its a lie. They say that personality is better but i have been told that i have a great personality and it still isnt happening....This shit sux major fucking ass...this is bullshit i say again....this is bullshit!!!!!!! so as i said in the title........FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!