(no subject)
note: this whole thing is ripped from a Lewis Black stand up act.
From the beginning of time, man has looked to the heavens and firmly believed that the Universe ends in outer space. It's not true. The end of the universe happens to be in the united states. I have seen it, and, oddly enough, it's in Huston Texas. I know, I know, I was shocked too. I walked down the street and on one corner there was a starbucks, and accross the street from that starbucks, in the exact same building as that starbucks was a starbucks. At first I thought the sun was playing tricks with my eyes but no, there was a Starbucks accross from a starbucks. And that, my friends, is the end of the universe. People have said to me "how do you know?", I said "go there". Stand between those two starbucks and look at your watch. Time stands still. And if you turn one way, and look just at one starbucks, you think "you know, when I turn around, there cannot possibly be a starbucks behind me. no one could possibly be that stupid to build a starbucks accross from a starbucks. And if there was a just and loving god, he wouldn't allow that kind of shit to go down". So you turn slowly, thinking "I'll see a Gap, or a Denny's, or maybe even a Mobil station, BUT THERE'S A STARBUCKS!!!!
What do you think the man was thinking who stood in the empty lot and looked accross the streed at the starbucks that was already built. When he turned to his wife and kids and said "you know, I have a vision. I'm going to build a starbucks, accross from this starbucks" And his son asked him "well why would you do that Daddy?" "Because it'll be the end of the universe you little shit!" he would reply.
I've pondered long and hard, as to what people would need a service like that. I mean, a starbucks accross from a starbucks. And there's only one group of people that would need that. That group, and there must be a large number of them there, are people with alsheimers. It has to be a group that can sit there and drink coffee, and then get up, walk to the door, and say "my friends, do my eyes decieve me, or is that a starbucks? Let's go get a cup of Joe."
From the beginning of time, man has looked to the heavens and firmly believed that the Universe ends in outer space. It's not true. The end of the universe happens to be in the united states. I have seen it, and, oddly enough, it's in Huston Texas. I know, I know, I was shocked too. I walked down the street and on one corner there was a starbucks, and accross the street from that starbucks, in the exact same building as that starbucks was a starbucks. At first I thought the sun was playing tricks with my eyes but no, there was a Starbucks accross from a starbucks. And that, my friends, is the end of the universe. People have said to me "how do you know?", I said "go there". Stand between those two starbucks and look at your watch. Time stands still. And if you turn one way, and look just at one starbucks, you think "you know, when I turn around, there cannot possibly be a starbucks behind me. no one could possibly be that stupid to build a starbucks accross from a starbucks. And if there was a just and loving god, he wouldn't allow that kind of shit to go down". So you turn slowly, thinking "I'll see a Gap, or a Denny's, or maybe even a Mobil station, BUT THERE'S A STARBUCKS!!!!
What do you think the man was thinking who stood in the empty lot and looked accross the streed at the starbucks that was already built. When he turned to his wife and kids and said "you know, I have a vision. I'm going to build a starbucks, accross from this starbucks" And his son asked him "well why would you do that Daddy?" "Because it'll be the end of the universe you little shit!" he would reply.
I've pondered long and hard, as to what people would need a service like that. I mean, a starbucks accross from a starbucks. And there's only one group of people that would need that. That group, and there must be a large number of them there, are people with alsheimers. It has to be a group that can sit there and drink coffee, and then get up, walk to the door, and say "my friends, do my eyes decieve me, or is that a starbucks? Let's go get a cup of Joe."