Third Time's the Charm
Well would you look at that -- it seems I am capable of writing short fic after all! Seeing as this started out as a sort of introspective meta thing for Jungsu and then morphed into a KangTeuk fic ALL BY ITSELF, I'm not very, er, certain as to the structure and the storyline of this thing. Additionally, this isn't betaed, so I do feel kind of a little nervous over here. It would seem that huffly has spoilt me.
Speaking of, this is written for huffly, because she is phenomenal and amazing and needs to be thanked for putting up with my neediness. Thanks for being such a great beta! You are a great beta. I won't take no for an answer.
Can I just say that my OTP has A LOT OF UNRESOLVED ISSUES that apparently I cannot stop writing about. Um.
Title: Third Time's the Charm
Pairing: Kangin/Leeteuk
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1680
Summary: This is a story of countless fears, one precious friendship, and how Leeteuk leaves Super Junior in capable hands. Well, as capable as Kangin's hands can be.
The thing is, he's afraid.
For the past seven years -- hell, the past ten years -- Super Junior's been his all, his everything. Sure, he's had his fair share of partaking in variety shows and emceeing, DJing and modelling, performing and entertaining, but the root of it lies in Super Junior. Not Super Junior the family, but Super Junior the band, the best, the last man standing. Leeteuk can't see Super Junior fall from fame. He won't accept it. Super Junior's his responsibility; to leave Super Junior for two years is, frankly, inconceivable.
So Leeteuk throws himself into the business, signs the contracts they throw his way, and keeps postponing his enlistment date. Reluctantly, he passes Sukira down to Ryeowook and Sungmin with the soreness of heart Kangin later describes as maternal pride, but only because Hyukjae tells him he's tired and everyone else keeps looking at him like he's en route to death's door and sprinting for it.
For the two years Kangin is MIA, Leeteuk drifts like a waterlogged plank of wood in an ocean of perfect superficiality. The feeling of failure is drastically redefined. It's like a splinter in his palm -- it digs in deep and hurts like a bitch whenever he tries to indulge in the little, ordinary things.
He strikes up a peculiarly close, but short lived, friendship with Heechul, but only because Hankyung's long gone and Kangin might be right at Hankyung's heels. After Kibum, it won't be a huge surprise. He won't kid himself, because being realistic is a prerequisite to being a leader, and he's ace at being both.
They've surpassed expectations, but they've also lost men, and for that there's no one to blame but himself.
The day Kangin comes back is the day Leeteuk finds land.
"Hyung," is the first thing Kangin says, smiling with his eyes, "I'm back."
The hug isn't a surprise. Leeteuk knows what Kangin is waiting for and Kangin knows what the fans are waiting for, but beneath all the fanservice, it's something they do, something in the warm touch of human contact that grounds them both. Kangin's nose presses into his neck, and a queer warmth creeps into his heart. He's not particularly superstitious. They say third time's the charm; he's just never believed in it. Not until now.
The first thing Leeteuk says to Kangin is, "Are you insane?"
"Don't think so," Kangin says, easy. "Last I checked. Why? Are you?"
"Last I checked, two members left and never came back," Leeteuk says, leaning into Kangin because he doesn't want the others to hear their conversation over the roar of wheels on asphalt.
Kangin turns to look at him, and their faces are close. So close. The van jerks, and Leeteuk almost stabs Kangin's eye with his nose. Huffing out a laugh, Leeteuk moves back a little, but Kangin follows, and he smells like sweat and gravel and shampoo.
"I wouldn't do that to you," Kangin says, looking into Leeteuk's eyes like he's trying to read his soul or something equally as discomfiting. Leeteuk clenches his fists on his thighs. "Besides," Kangin drawls, cracking a smile, "Who's going to keep you in line?"
With Kangin back, things go back to ordinary like a snap of his fingers. Sometimes Leeteuk wakes up smiling, because nothing can quite compare to falling back on Kangin when he's tired, to having him by his side when they leave the building.
It's the smallest things.
"Hyung," Kangin says into Leeteuk's ear, "If you don't sleep right the fuck now, I'm coming over to drag your sorry ass to bed."
"Mm," Leeteuk says distractedly, juggling his cellphone, a sheaf of papers, and a mug of coffee with his two hands and a shoulder. And his cheek and ear. "What?"
"Go to sleep," Kangin repeats, gruff and authoritative. "Now."
"Sleep, what's that," Leeteuk says, and the line goes flat. Huh. He goes back to leafing through the outline of We Got Married's next episode, and when he next looks up from the papers, it's because there's a goddamn burglar in the goddamn dorm.
In his panic, Leeteuk snags a trophy from his shelf of trophies and nearly trips over a pair of white boxers on the floor. Going by the noises outside (they sound bizarrely like a herd of buffaloes on a stampede), the burglar outside isn't making much of an effort to mask his intrusion. And he's heading straight for Leeteuk's room.
"Oh, god," Leeteuk says, and then his bedroom door slams open.
"Hyung --" Kangin says. "Oh, hi. What are you doing?"
"What am I -- what are you doing?"
"Putting you to bed," Kangin says. Giving the trophy a strange look, he plucks it from Leeteuk's hand and puts it back on the shelf. "Wow. Is it me or did your room get whiter?"
"It's probably you," Leeteuk says, and sits himself back on his chair.
"Oh no," Kangin says, "Hyung, it's three in the morning and you're waking up in two and a half hours. No more work."
"Haha, what are you talking about?" Leeteuk says. "There's no such thing as 'no more work'."
Kangin glares at him. "If I knew what a monster you'd turn into without me, I'd have made arrangements with the others to force you to bed."
"And how're you going to force me to bed?" Leeteuk asks, because he really wants to know.
Kangin's glare turns into a formidable look of glee. "I worked out a lot in the army," he says, apropos of nothing, and then heaves Leeteuk straight out of his chair.
"Youngwoon!" Leeteuk yelps. "I'm not actually a woman!"
"I never said you were," Kangin says, and dumps Leeteuk into bed with little ceremony. "I think you've gotten lighter."
"Hey," Leeteuk says, sitting up. Kangin pushes him back down. "Hey, I've been working out too. I'm not light!"
"Whatever, hyung," Kangin says. "Good night." He turns the light off and joins Leeteuk in bed, warm against his back. They used to do this, Leeteuk recalls. Back before Kangin messed up and threw everything into havoc, they used to sleep wrapped up in each other, sharing body heat, using the cold as an excuse. Back then, Leeteuk thought they were taking a turn for something more than platonic, but then...
Then things got in the way, obviously.
Leeteuk doesn't really pay attention to the food he eats. He doesn't really pay attention to when or where he eats, to be honest, much less what he eats, so when Kangin throws him a sandwich with a loud "Head's up!" Leeteuk misses.
"Great catch," Kangin says, deadpan. "Now you get to have squashed sandwich for lunch."
"Oh," Leeteuk says. He looks at the sorry little sandwich on the floor, probably bought from the 7/11 round the corner, and picks it up. "I'm not really hungry."
"What?" Kangin says incredulously. "Hyung, we've been training for the past six hours. You can't not be hungry."
"But," Leeteuk says.
"Here, you can have mine instead." Kangin proffers his sandwich, which at the very least doesn't look like roadkill.
"But," Leeteuk says again, but Kangin's got his mouth stuffed full of the poor abused sandwich and is looking at him all what are you waiting for?, so he eats it.
When Leeteuk pushes his enlistment date back again, Kangin gets wind of it.
Hell has arrived at my doorstep, a part of Leeteuk's brain not occupied with placating Kangin with his face -- part defensive, part abashed -- whispers.
"You're not getting any younger," Kangin says, pushing past Leeteuk and into the dorm. "You should enlist soon."
"What?" Leeteuk says.
"You heard me," Kangin says. He sits down on the couch. "It'll be good for you, hyung. And you need some time away."
"But," Leeteuk says, "But I like being here."
Kangin gives him a look that says who are you kidding? like a loudspeaker.
"December," Leeteuk says stubbornly, "After all the SM Town concerts."
"Super Junior isn't going to crash and burn without you, you know," Kangin says.
Leeteuk flinches. He's forgotten how well Kangin can read him. "You know what my dad once told me?" he says. "He said, and I quote, 'What goes up must always come down'."
"Your dad’s an ass," Kangin says caustically, and Leeteuk can't even find it in himself to look pissed on behalf of his family's honour. "Super Junior isn't reliant on you. Super Junior's self-sufficient. We'll do fine without you."
Leeteuk eyes Kangin, joining him on the couch.
"And," Kangin says, sounding revoltingly cheerful, "You'll always have me."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Leeteuk asks.
"Well yeah." Kangin's voice takes on a more sombre edge. "I'm serious, hyung. Duty comes to your nation first, Super Junior second. If you want to be the best leader out there, you need to show everyone you're not insecure, that you can go to the army knowing that Super Junior will still be here waiting for you when you come back."
"What if I don't?" Leeteuk says, and there, he's said it. "What if I don't come back?"
He would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it. Kibum going AWOL and Hankyung's big fat lawsuit made Leeteuk wonder, made him test the bars of the industry that trapped him like a prisoner. He's afraid. He's afraid he'll get a taste of freedom and never want to look back.
Kangin says, "I know you won't," and touches the side of Leeteuk's neck with a hand. "You won't do that to me."
And Leeteuk looks at Kangin, really looks at him. If Kangin can willingly return after having been freed from the claws of the show business, despite everything, then Leeteuk can too. Leeteuk's afraid of many things, and losing his band is only one rung below losing his family on the terrifying ladder of fears. He knows he might want to leave the band, but he'll never want to leave his family.
So Leeteuk says, "After SM Town, Seoul," and covers Kangin's fingers like a promise.
THE END
ETA: This was written before Jungsu went and delayed his date of enlistment AGAIN, so. Good for him. He'll look great bald.
Speaking of, this is written for huffly, because she is phenomenal and amazing and needs to be thanked for putting up with my neediness. Thanks for being such a great beta! You are a great beta. I won't take no for an answer.
Can I just say that my OTP has A LOT OF UNRESOLVED ISSUES that apparently I cannot stop writing about. Um.
Title: Third Time's the Charm
Pairing: Kangin/Leeteuk
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1680
Summary: This is a story of countless fears, one precious friendship, and how Leeteuk leaves Super Junior in capable hands. Well, as capable as Kangin's hands can be.
The thing is, he's afraid.
For the past seven years -- hell, the past ten years -- Super Junior's been his all, his everything. Sure, he's had his fair share of partaking in variety shows and emceeing, DJing and modelling, performing and entertaining, but the root of it lies in Super Junior. Not Super Junior the family, but Super Junior the band, the best, the last man standing. Leeteuk can't see Super Junior fall from fame. He won't accept it. Super Junior's his responsibility; to leave Super Junior for two years is, frankly, inconceivable.
So Leeteuk throws himself into the business, signs the contracts they throw his way, and keeps postponing his enlistment date. Reluctantly, he passes Sukira down to Ryeowook and Sungmin with the soreness of heart Kangin later describes as maternal pride, but only because Hyukjae tells him he's tired and everyone else keeps looking at him like he's en route to death's door and sprinting for it.
For the two years Kangin is MIA, Leeteuk drifts like a waterlogged plank of wood in an ocean of perfect superficiality. The feeling of failure is drastically redefined. It's like a splinter in his palm -- it digs in deep and hurts like a bitch whenever he tries to indulge in the little, ordinary things.
He strikes up a peculiarly close, but short lived, friendship with Heechul, but only because Hankyung's long gone and Kangin might be right at Hankyung's heels. After Kibum, it won't be a huge surprise. He won't kid himself, because being realistic is a prerequisite to being a leader, and he's ace at being both.
They've surpassed expectations, but they've also lost men, and for that there's no one to blame but himself.
The day Kangin comes back is the day Leeteuk finds land.
"Hyung," is the first thing Kangin says, smiling with his eyes, "I'm back."
The hug isn't a surprise. Leeteuk knows what Kangin is waiting for and Kangin knows what the fans are waiting for, but beneath all the fanservice, it's something they do, something in the warm touch of human contact that grounds them both. Kangin's nose presses into his neck, and a queer warmth creeps into his heart. He's not particularly superstitious. They say third time's the charm; he's just never believed in it. Not until now.
The first thing Leeteuk says to Kangin is, "Are you insane?"
"Don't think so," Kangin says, easy. "Last I checked. Why? Are you?"
"Last I checked, two members left and never came back," Leeteuk says, leaning into Kangin because he doesn't want the others to hear their conversation over the roar of wheels on asphalt.
Kangin turns to look at him, and their faces are close. So close. The van jerks, and Leeteuk almost stabs Kangin's eye with his nose. Huffing out a laugh, Leeteuk moves back a little, but Kangin follows, and he smells like sweat and gravel and shampoo.
"I wouldn't do that to you," Kangin says, looking into Leeteuk's eyes like he's trying to read his soul or something equally as discomfiting. Leeteuk clenches his fists on his thighs. "Besides," Kangin drawls, cracking a smile, "Who's going to keep you in line?"
With Kangin back, things go back to ordinary like a snap of his fingers. Sometimes Leeteuk wakes up smiling, because nothing can quite compare to falling back on Kangin when he's tired, to having him by his side when they leave the building.
It's the smallest things.
"Hyung," Kangin says into Leeteuk's ear, "If you don't sleep right the fuck now, I'm coming over to drag your sorry ass to bed."
"Mm," Leeteuk says distractedly, juggling his cellphone, a sheaf of papers, and a mug of coffee with his two hands and a shoulder. And his cheek and ear. "What?"
"Go to sleep," Kangin repeats, gruff and authoritative. "Now."
"Sleep, what's that," Leeteuk says, and the line goes flat. Huh. He goes back to leafing through the outline of We Got Married's next episode, and when he next looks up from the papers, it's because there's a goddamn burglar in the goddamn dorm.
In his panic, Leeteuk snags a trophy from his shelf of trophies and nearly trips over a pair of white boxers on the floor. Going by the noises outside (they sound bizarrely like a herd of buffaloes on a stampede), the burglar outside isn't making much of an effort to mask his intrusion. And he's heading straight for Leeteuk's room.
"Oh, god," Leeteuk says, and then his bedroom door slams open.
"Hyung --" Kangin says. "Oh, hi. What are you doing?"
"What am I -- what are you doing?"
"Putting you to bed," Kangin says. Giving the trophy a strange look, he plucks it from Leeteuk's hand and puts it back on the shelf. "Wow. Is it me or did your room get whiter?"
"It's probably you," Leeteuk says, and sits himself back on his chair.
"Oh no," Kangin says, "Hyung, it's three in the morning and you're waking up in two and a half hours. No more work."
"Haha, what are you talking about?" Leeteuk says. "There's no such thing as 'no more work'."
Kangin glares at him. "If I knew what a monster you'd turn into without me, I'd have made arrangements with the others to force you to bed."
"And how're you going to force me to bed?" Leeteuk asks, because he really wants to know.
Kangin's glare turns into a formidable look of glee. "I worked out a lot in the army," he says, apropos of nothing, and then heaves Leeteuk straight out of his chair.
"Youngwoon!" Leeteuk yelps. "I'm not actually a woman!"
"I never said you were," Kangin says, and dumps Leeteuk into bed with little ceremony. "I think you've gotten lighter."
"Hey," Leeteuk says, sitting up. Kangin pushes him back down. "Hey, I've been working out too. I'm not light!"
"Whatever, hyung," Kangin says. "Good night." He turns the light off and joins Leeteuk in bed, warm against his back. They used to do this, Leeteuk recalls. Back before Kangin messed up and threw everything into havoc, they used to sleep wrapped up in each other, sharing body heat, using the cold as an excuse. Back then, Leeteuk thought they were taking a turn for something more than platonic, but then...
Then things got in the way, obviously.
Leeteuk doesn't really pay attention to the food he eats. He doesn't really pay attention to when or where he eats, to be honest, much less what he eats, so when Kangin throws him a sandwich with a loud "Head's up!" Leeteuk misses.
"Great catch," Kangin says, deadpan. "Now you get to have squashed sandwich for lunch."
"Oh," Leeteuk says. He looks at the sorry little sandwich on the floor, probably bought from the 7/11 round the corner, and picks it up. "I'm not really hungry."
"What?" Kangin says incredulously. "Hyung, we've been training for the past six hours. You can't not be hungry."
"But," Leeteuk says.
"Here, you can have mine instead." Kangin proffers his sandwich, which at the very least doesn't look like roadkill.
"But," Leeteuk says again, but Kangin's got his mouth stuffed full of the poor abused sandwich and is looking at him all what are you waiting for?, so he eats it.
When Leeteuk pushes his enlistment date back again, Kangin gets wind of it.
Hell has arrived at my doorstep, a part of Leeteuk's brain not occupied with placating Kangin with his face -- part defensive, part abashed -- whispers.
"You're not getting any younger," Kangin says, pushing past Leeteuk and into the dorm. "You should enlist soon."
"What?" Leeteuk says.
"You heard me," Kangin says. He sits down on the couch. "It'll be good for you, hyung. And you need some time away."
"But," Leeteuk says, "But I like being here."
Kangin gives him a look that says who are you kidding? like a loudspeaker.
"December," Leeteuk says stubbornly, "After all the SM Town concerts."
"Super Junior isn't going to crash and burn without you, you know," Kangin says.
Leeteuk flinches. He's forgotten how well Kangin can read him. "You know what my dad once told me?" he says. "He said, and I quote, 'What goes up must always come down'."
"Your dad’s an ass," Kangin says caustically, and Leeteuk can't even find it in himself to look pissed on behalf of his family's honour. "Super Junior isn't reliant on you. Super Junior's self-sufficient. We'll do fine without you."
Leeteuk eyes Kangin, joining him on the couch.
"And," Kangin says, sounding revoltingly cheerful, "You'll always have me."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Leeteuk asks.
"Well yeah." Kangin's voice takes on a more sombre edge. "I'm serious, hyung. Duty comes to your nation first, Super Junior second. If you want to be the best leader out there, you need to show everyone you're not insecure, that you can go to the army knowing that Super Junior will still be here waiting for you when you come back."
"What if I don't?" Leeteuk says, and there, he's said it. "What if I don't come back?"
He would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it. Kibum going AWOL and Hankyung's big fat lawsuit made Leeteuk wonder, made him test the bars of the industry that trapped him like a prisoner. He's afraid. He's afraid he'll get a taste of freedom and never want to look back.
Kangin says, "I know you won't," and touches the side of Leeteuk's neck with a hand. "You won't do that to me."
And Leeteuk looks at Kangin, really looks at him. If Kangin can willingly return after having been freed from the claws of the show business, despite everything, then Leeteuk can too. Leeteuk's afraid of many things, and losing his band is only one rung below losing his family on the terrifying ladder of fears. He knows he might want to leave the band, but he'll never want to leave his family.
So Leeteuk says, "After SM Town, Seoul," and covers Kangin's fingers like a promise.
THE END
ETA: This was written before Jungsu went and delayed his date of enlistment AGAIN, so. Good for him. He'll look great bald.