(no subject)
so here's a real update. it's not going to contain much because my life is so boring. but im bored and i have an endless amount of laundry haha.
other than work giving me my final notice. i'm still pissed off at this place. im on a team in my vertical. meaning that me and 14 other agents are the best agents in our vertical. we only answers calls for one partner unless are other ones get busy. because of this, we never get undertime. this upsets me so much, because today i was sick as a dog, i couldn't keep water down. the tylenol i took for a massive headache came right back up, and they still would not send me home. im sorry, but that's bullshit. i didn't ask to be on this team, they just put me on it. i don't want to be on it anymore. im over it.
school is sucking really bad. i can't be mad at anyone but myself. i have a week and a half to pull my f's to c's. if i don't, i lose my financial aid and i have to pay 795 per class out of my own pocket. i can't believe i let it get this bad. i know i don't really care for the classes, but shit, i didn't know i let it get this bad. i am so disappointed in myself it is not even funny. im the only one in my family who made it to college. my mom is so proud of me. but look what i did. there is NO way i can pass these classes.
i feel like everything is just going down the drain. and honestly, i can't blame anyone but myself for the position i am in. and with being pregnant, i just feel like shit all the time. my hormones are so completely out of wack. im constantly picking fights with thomas. i can't be nice to anyone. it's like im completely out of patience with everyone, including myself. i don't even like looking in the mirror anymore because all i see is this negative person. i don't like being like this. not at all.
on the bright side, the baby is getting so big. in the past week and a half, she has learned to crawl and she is getting into everything. i love it. she follows me everywhere. she can now decide who she wants to hold her and who she doesn't like. i think she is scared of black people. not to sound racist because we all know im not, but she gets scared when someone black holds her. she's finally holding her bottle by herself. i just can't get over how smart she is, and how fast she is growing. i just hope she can adjust to having a sibling. im scared about that.
i fucked up real bad with my oldest sister. long story short, her husband is an asshole and won't let her talk to my mom. so on the sly she made another email address so she can talk to my mom. she also gave me that address so i can email her as well. (huer husband would delete my emails i sent her on her old one). anywho, i recieved an email that i wanted to forward to people. not even thinking, i clicked the box that emails everyone in my address book, which meant that it was going to my sisters secret email and her old one. her husband found out about the secret one. my sister is mad at me now and my mom can no longer talk to her. i feel like shit about it.
i just feel like i'm hitting the bottom of what seems like a bottomless pit. i just want to reach bottom so that i can start going back up.
*headdesk*
other than work giving me my final notice. i'm still pissed off at this place. im on a team in my vertical. meaning that me and 14 other agents are the best agents in our vertical. we only answers calls for one partner unless are other ones get busy. because of this, we never get undertime. this upsets me so much, because today i was sick as a dog, i couldn't keep water down. the tylenol i took for a massive headache came right back up, and they still would not send me home. im sorry, but that's bullshit. i didn't ask to be on this team, they just put me on it. i don't want to be on it anymore. im over it.
school is sucking really bad. i can't be mad at anyone but myself. i have a week and a half to pull my f's to c's. if i don't, i lose my financial aid and i have to pay 795 per class out of my own pocket. i can't believe i let it get this bad. i know i don't really care for the classes, but shit, i didn't know i let it get this bad. i am so disappointed in myself it is not even funny. im the only one in my family who made it to college. my mom is so proud of me. but look what i did. there is NO way i can pass these classes.
i feel like everything is just going down the drain. and honestly, i can't blame anyone but myself for the position i am in. and with being pregnant, i just feel like shit all the time. my hormones are so completely out of wack. im constantly picking fights with thomas. i can't be nice to anyone. it's like im completely out of patience with everyone, including myself. i don't even like looking in the mirror anymore because all i see is this negative person. i don't like being like this. not at all.
on the bright side, the baby is getting so big. in the past week and a half, she has learned to crawl and she is getting into everything. i love it. she follows me everywhere. she can now decide who she wants to hold her and who she doesn't like. i think she is scared of black people. not to sound racist because we all know im not, but she gets scared when someone black holds her. she's finally holding her bottle by herself. i just can't get over how smart she is, and how fast she is growing. i just hope she can adjust to having a sibling. im scared about that.
i fucked up real bad with my oldest sister. long story short, her husband is an asshole and won't let her talk to my mom. so on the sly she made another email address so she can talk to my mom. she also gave me that address so i can email her as well. (huer husband would delete my emails i sent her on her old one). anywho, i recieved an email that i wanted to forward to people. not even thinking, i clicked the box that emails everyone in my address book, which meant that it was going to my sisters secret email and her old one. her husband found out about the secret one. my sister is mad at me now and my mom can no longer talk to her. i feel like shit about it.
i just feel like i'm hitting the bottom of what seems like a bottomless pit. i just want to reach bottom so that i can start going back up.
*headdesk*