Cancer can suck it.
You know what sucks?
Cancer. Of any type.
It sucks. It really, really sucks.
Last December, a week before Christmas, I lost a dear uncle, who had pancreatic cancer. The moment I heard, I ran to his room at the hospital. I couldn't contain myself, I just bawled. Tears just wouldn't stop running down my face. And he said to me:
"Why are you crying, you aren't the one who is sick!" - and it made me laugh.
Little did I know, it was the last time, he'd make me laugh.
A few days later, the doctors said it was okay for him to go home. The night he was sent home, he passed away.
Going to his funeral, was very difficult, but refreshing.(As weird as that sounds). It was like a family reunion, but not a happy one. It was nice to see familiar faces again. It was even more difficult, to be very happy to see a family member, of which you haven't seen in YEARS, and smile at them. We literally just nodded at each other. And gave the tightest hugs, that not even a bear could give.
Usually, at funerals, there is one person who can slowly lighten up the mood a little by telling funny stories of the deceased ... but in this one, no one could hold themselves together to even mention how funny my uncle was. How passionate he was about life and loved ones, how he never took anything for granted, how he believed in the impossible. And most of all, and I will never forget this, how he could find the strength and will to smile and laugh, when he knew he was dying.
Almost a year ago, my mother dropped the bomb on our family.
She has ovarian cancer.
But that isn't what sucked about the situation...
She left the country, and told us then.
We couldn't be there to hold her hand when she got the news. (And I am still angry with her about that. How dare she think that she could go through this on her own? Without her family? Really?! How is that not selfish?)
She had to go in the doctor's office, BY HERSELF, and hear those terrible words come out of that mouth.
I have yet to understand why she did it that way. I have yet to get why she wouldn't want her family there with her.
So there she stood, Multiple chemo sessions, a few surgeries ... all by herself. Trying to fight this by herself. I am stil so very mad about it. I don't get how that is best for the family. WHAT!?
I had to get past that. She was dying. I was going to lose my mother.
Luckily enough, the doctors caught it prematurely, and were able to remove it before it spread ... or so they said.
After a severe surgery, a long and painful recovery, and a few chemotherapy sessions, the cancer had disappeared.
She came back for Baby D's birth. And to help me recover from my surgery.
I felt guilty. I felt like crap, because she made the effort to come out to me, for my children, and *I* wasn't able to come to her when she needed us the most.
I started to feel angry at myself.
She explained to me how a mistake it was for her not to include us in that stage of her life.
We both just cried.
Yes, I am a real crier. I admit, I am a very emotional person. I don't hold back on my feelings, I express them however I can. It's who I am.
Now, both my parents are in Chile.
I have to admit, it feels weird.
My siblings and I are literally on our own on the island.
After nearly 25 years of being a close family, the sudden split up, seemed to have affected us more than we thought. (At least in my eldest brother and I).
Though it does comfort me to hear good news about them. They are happily living there, and hope to be with us again soon.
It's only been 2 months, and I already miss them so much.