I don't want to be devoured.
I am happy. It's a sunny day, and Patrick and I had a very good visit. We went bowling, had some good talks, played Zoombinis (!!!) and went out to eat a bunch (it was a very nice reprieve from school food). Visiting with Patrick is one of my very favorite things to do.
And last Friday night I watched Monk with my sister... over the phone. It worked surprisingly well... we each watched the show in our respective locations and could hear each other saying things like "AWW MONK!" and "I HATE YOU HAL!". Spending time with my Audrey and making loud comments at Monk is one of my other very favorite things to do.
People like Patrick and Audrey and my friends are why the thought of transferring to a faraway school is a bit painful to me... because there are people that I will miss terribly, and I don't know what I'd do if something happened and I couldn't be nearby. Especially Audrey, I think... as her big sister, I have a responsibility to be there for her, and I WANT to be there for her.
Then there's another part of me which feels like Farmington is just too close to home and too far away from The Great Wide World. I've gone from small-town Brunswick to even smaller-town Farmington. I have met some people who are my dear friends, yes, but the small size of the school seems to be getting to me too. I am so glad I've spent this much time here... I've met people, learned things, and had experiences which I wouldn't trade for anything in the world... and even though I feel too close to home, I've loved going home and seeing people in Brunswick (who are a mere hour and a half away). At the end of last year, I wasn't ready to go any farther. But now, there's a part of me which yearns for something bigger, something different. Something that's not Maine. Something that's not a small town. (And somewhere that's not dull on the weekends would be nice, too. :P)
And there are things that I will miss. My friends, my nice room, the pasta sauce, the awesome guy at the gym who gave me juggling equipment (I haven't practiced at all... I am such a bad person.) But perhaps it's time for a change.
My only real worry is that I'll go somewhere else, and realize that it's just the same... and all that work would have been for nothing, and I would have left my friends and family behind for no good reason. So, in conclusion, there are a lot of emotions happening right now... I feel very torn, but I need to do something. I need to make a decision. If I feel like I need to leave, I will leave. If not, I won't.
Has anyone else felt something like this?
And last Friday night I watched Monk with my sister... over the phone. It worked surprisingly well... we each watched the show in our respective locations and could hear each other saying things like "AWW MONK!" and "I HATE YOU HAL!". Spending time with my Audrey and making loud comments at Monk is one of my other very favorite things to do.
People like Patrick and Audrey and my friends are why the thought of transferring to a faraway school is a bit painful to me... because there are people that I will miss terribly, and I don't know what I'd do if something happened and I couldn't be nearby. Especially Audrey, I think... as her big sister, I have a responsibility to be there for her, and I WANT to be there for her.
Then there's another part of me which feels like Farmington is just too close to home and too far away from The Great Wide World. I've gone from small-town Brunswick to even smaller-town Farmington. I have met some people who are my dear friends, yes, but the small size of the school seems to be getting to me too. I am so glad I've spent this much time here... I've met people, learned things, and had experiences which I wouldn't trade for anything in the world... and even though I feel too close to home, I've loved going home and seeing people in Brunswick (who are a mere hour and a half away). At the end of last year, I wasn't ready to go any farther. But now, there's a part of me which yearns for something bigger, something different. Something that's not Maine. Something that's not a small town. (And somewhere that's not dull on the weekends would be nice, too. :P)
And there are things that I will miss. My friends, my nice room, the pasta sauce, the awesome guy at the gym who gave me juggling equipment (I haven't practiced at all... I am such a bad person.) But perhaps it's time for a change.
My only real worry is that I'll go somewhere else, and realize that it's just the same... and all that work would have been for nothing, and I would have left my friends and family behind for no good reason. So, in conclusion, there are a lot of emotions happening right now... I feel very torn, but I need to do something. I need to make a decision. If I feel like I need to leave, I will leave. If not, I won't.
Has anyone else felt something like this?