[Said It All Before]
Another night
more trouble sleeping
you would imagine that being so damn tired
I'd be able to just nod off
oh, but if it could be so easy.
I think a lot at night
that's when I do most of my worrying about things
money, bills, christmas, life in general
what's going to happen
I try to forsee the future
although I know its pretty much pointless
considering I've learned over the years that pretty much anything and everything can and will happen as far as our little family is concerned
it's not about trying to forsee and stop every little thing
it's about preparing for the onslaught
and knowing we're still going to get up and walk away from it
because we're stronger than anything thrown at us
The year isn't even over yet
but I 've already started comprising a list of New Year's Resolutions in my head
Things I need to do
Things I want to do
Things that I have to do
Watching LA Ink last night
I got inspired
I've been designing the tattoos I Someday would love to get
for the last five years
I know what I want
how I want it
Where I want it
I've got exact ideas
because tattoos are forever
and that's just how I feel about it
I have my own little design theme
New Year's Resolution:
Get at least one tattoo in the year 2009, if not more.
I look around constantly and hear about this person losing weight
and see people on t.v. buying weight loss supplements
buying jenny craig food and this and that
I've been trying/wanting to lose weight for such a long time
first, I tried... and nothing happened
chemical imbalances? hormones? thyroid?
I don't know
Then I got pregnant with my son
so... there's no point in trying there
but Toryn is now 2 months old
and I don't want to let the window of opportunity slip past me
like it did after I had the twins 5 years ago
With them, I was too busy
too tired
to even get up and make myself something to eat
let alone exercise
I know part of my problem is that I DONT eat
I just am never hungry
so my body is telling itself that I'm starving
and I'm holding on to fat
instead of getting rid of it
sigh
I don't want to be that mom that doesn't play with her kids as much
cuz she's too fat and out of breath
I don't want to be that person that can't wear the cute clothes
because they don't make them in fat people sizes
I never was that person before
and ever since I gave birth to the twins
I have been
And I don't like it
Do I want to be skinny like I was back then?
Absolutely not.
I can look back on my teenage self
and while I know I Ate constantly
I still think I was a little TOO skinny
In a perfect world,
If I could lose something like 60 lbs
the world would be a great place
lol
New Year's Resolution 2:
start losing weight.
Some things....
easier said than done
I am so going to try my hardest this time
to make something happen
I don't have the money like some
to buy expensive diet pills
and go to gyms
but I do have drive and ambition and motivation
and I'm hoping maybe just with a little luck
and a couple prayers
this time will be different
and I'll reach my goals