Angst is a curse {word}

[mamaslilrachel]

i am beginning to think that everyone's happy but me.
i truly am becoming a solipist.
my problems, my life, my WHOLE world is so...
epic.
it seems like everything must just be a breeze to everyone else.
and why wouldn't it be?
my entire existence may very well be based on an overactive subconcious, which would make me the only one eligible to fill the

Comments

I miss the Comfort in being sad

[sped_bean]

Sometimes all we need is a little insight into someone to open a new door.

I know that at times it sounds like I’m only trying to say things in order to sound like we have things in common. This is not one of those cases.

Many times I’ve felt like my life is nothing more than a movie being played out in real time. For as long as I can remember, my every move, every word, has been thought out beforehand like a script.

And my penchant for the dramatic has led me to make everything I do “epic”. When I am wronged, it is an injustice to the world, and when I am right I am righteous and all knowing.

Like you said, I make myself a martyr for whatever cause I take up.

I sometimes feel as though I have been chosen to suffer through life until death, never happy, alone…

I think that at times it is easier to go through life feeling this way. It makes me feel like I have a purpose, meaning… Like what I do is important. If I look at things this way, it makes life that much easier to digest.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking lately.

I sometimes wonder how we came to be. Two people carving out their place in history in such a different fashion. Yet it is more alike than it seems.

We just chose different ways of going about it.

Was it by chance I changed my picture and you noticed?

Was it by chance Amanda convinced you to go to Matt’s?

Did what happen at bootcamp happen for a reason? Were we meant to be together and was this a way of making sure that happened?

I don’t think we came together by chance. I think we were meant to carve our path out together from here on out.

I want to live life with you by my side. I want to go exploring and see the world with you. I want to have adventures to tell our grandkids about some day.

I want you in my life, to share it with you. So I need you to be there. Like Miranda said, there are people in this world who will miss you when you’re gone. So don’t leave us so soon.

Rachel, I will love you as long as I live. We have so much to look forward to.