Judaism is like Pringles
I decided that for some people, judaism is like Pringles. "Once you pop, you can't stop."
Baal Teshuva syndrome, anyone?
Some people, in their quest for truth, drive ahead full force, taking on more and more and more things, wanting to bring the world along with them, so they tell everyone else what they're doing wrong and how they should change and be better. These people are going so far forward that they dont realize that the path they're on is cyclical and the further they go, the more they are heading back to where they came from.
One lady in my community is a prime example. I call her Miss Neighborhood Zealot.
She has a heart of gold, but is MAJORLY BTSing (Baal Teshuva Syndrome-ing). This lady, a month or two back, decided to start dressing like an arab lady, because she thought it was more tznius. After having a talk with her about yuhara and how she is drawing more attention to herself by dressing that way even if she is more physically covered up, and that she should ask a rav if it is preferable or even permissable to dress like that... she went back to dressing a little more normally.
A few days ago on the bus, we were having a talk and she asked me if i wore a sheitel. I told her no, i dont even own one, but told her in hebrew "I would wear one if it fit into certain tznius criteria." "הייתי לובשת פאה..." She missed what i was saying and thought i said that i wore one in the past, so she asked me in all earnesty "Did you do teshuva on that that you used to wear a sheitel?" Uhm lady, you are mixed up. If at one point i wore a sheitel, but then decided to i moved to a higher level, i wouldnt do teshuva for wearing a sheitel, as it is not an aveira, just not preferable in my books. And then I told this lady "In general, i'm against sheitels, but i think they're fine in certain circumstances, like if a woman has a hard time with the concept of covering her hair, so a nice sheitel is what encourages her to actually cover it, then i have no problem with it, because better covered with a sheitel than not covered at all." Miss BTS said to me "Not so. Wearing a sheitel is just as bad as not covering your hair because שער באשה ערוה- hair on a woman is erva- and a sheitel is hair, so its erva." I tried explaining to this lady that you cant take that gemara literally, because single women's hair isnt erva and doesnt need to be covered, so you cant say "All hair on a woman's head is erva." She didnt understand what i was saying even so. So i tried telling her that a man is halachically forbidden from saying dvarim shebikdusha in front of a married woman's uncovered hair as its erva, but is allowed to say it in front of a woman wearing a sheitel. A woman with a sheitel that is untznius is being over the issur of tznius, but isnt being over the issur of showing hair erva.
Today i was sitting with a freind of mine and Miss Neighborhood Zealot BTS-Extraordinaire comes up to us and tells my freind "The other night when i complimented you for how you looked when you were all dressed up for a wedding, i'm really sorry i complimented you, as you were wearing a sheitel and tight clothes and its assur to compliment someone who is dressed not tznius. I understand where you're coming from, because i used to be chiloni, so i understand the allure to dress in an eye-catching way. I'm sorry i complimented you and i take it back. I took it upon myself to give mussar on this matter to people."
OMG that lady needs to learn halachos. She is so overly concerned about tznius but not about the halachos of Hamalbin Pnei Chaveiro Birabim- embarassing someone in public- which is considered akin to murder... Not to mention that the halachos of hoche'ach tochi'ach es amisecha only apply if the other person would be open to the mussar and not take it the wrong way. This lady is breslov, and Rav Nachman spoke very strongly against giving mussar in our generation, as you have to be on a REALLY high level to give mussar and no one is on that level. I think i'll tell this lady what rav nachman said...
Yes, some people would advise to stay away from this woman. Not so easy, as she is practically my next door neighbor and davens at the same shul. And she is sweet. She just needs guidance. And i notice that what i say to her DOES work, as she stopped dressing arab-like after i had a talk with her. So i see she is open to suggestions and isnt dead set in her ways. Her heart is in the right place, just her baal teshuva syndrome is getting in the way. She doesnt realize that not everyone is as enamoured for growth as she is.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Some people think that i have baal teshuva syndrome as i decided to not only become chareidi, but am becoming part of the chassidish community and dont wear a sheitel and only wear thick stockings. I say the difference between Miss Zealot and myself is i keep whatever growth i want to do, private. I dont tell the world what they should be doing, nor do i do something insanely shocking and eye catching. I take things slowly and still have things i need to work on.
Do you know any people with Baal Teshuva Syndrome? How do you relate to them?
Baal Teshuva syndrome, anyone?
Some people, in their quest for truth, drive ahead full force, taking on more and more and more things, wanting to bring the world along with them, so they tell everyone else what they're doing wrong and how they should change and be better. These people are going so far forward that they dont realize that the path they're on is cyclical and the further they go, the more they are heading back to where they came from.
One lady in my community is a prime example. I call her Miss Neighborhood Zealot.
She has a heart of gold, but is MAJORLY BTSing (Baal Teshuva Syndrome-ing). This lady, a month or two back, decided to start dressing like an arab lady, because she thought it was more tznius. After having a talk with her about yuhara and how she is drawing more attention to herself by dressing that way even if she is more physically covered up, and that she should ask a rav if it is preferable or even permissable to dress like that... she went back to dressing a little more normally.
A few days ago on the bus, we were having a talk and she asked me if i wore a sheitel. I told her no, i dont even own one, but told her in hebrew "I would wear one if it fit into certain tznius criteria." "הייתי לובשת פאה..." She missed what i was saying and thought i said that i wore one in the past, so she asked me in all earnesty "Did you do teshuva on that that you used to wear a sheitel?" Uhm lady, you are mixed up. If at one point i wore a sheitel, but then decided to i moved to a higher level, i wouldnt do teshuva for wearing a sheitel, as it is not an aveira, just not preferable in my books. And then I told this lady "In general, i'm against sheitels, but i think they're fine in certain circumstances, like if a woman has a hard time with the concept of covering her hair, so a nice sheitel is what encourages her to actually cover it, then i have no problem with it, because better covered with a sheitel than not covered at all." Miss BTS said to me "Not so. Wearing a sheitel is just as bad as not covering your hair because שער באשה ערוה- hair on a woman is erva- and a sheitel is hair, so its erva." I tried explaining to this lady that you cant take that gemara literally, because single women's hair isnt erva and doesnt need to be covered, so you cant say "All hair on a woman's head is erva." She didnt understand what i was saying even so. So i tried telling her that a man is halachically forbidden from saying dvarim shebikdusha in front of a married woman's uncovered hair as its erva, but is allowed to say it in front of a woman wearing a sheitel. A woman with a sheitel that is untznius is being over the issur of tznius, but isnt being over the issur of showing hair erva.
Today i was sitting with a freind of mine and Miss Neighborhood Zealot BTS-Extraordinaire comes up to us and tells my freind "The other night when i complimented you for how you looked when you were all dressed up for a wedding, i'm really sorry i complimented you, as you were wearing a sheitel and tight clothes and its assur to compliment someone who is dressed not tznius. I understand where you're coming from, because i used to be chiloni, so i understand the allure to dress in an eye-catching way. I'm sorry i complimented you and i take it back. I took it upon myself to give mussar on this matter to people."
OMG that lady needs to learn halachos. She is so overly concerned about tznius but not about the halachos of Hamalbin Pnei Chaveiro Birabim- embarassing someone in public- which is considered akin to murder... Not to mention that the halachos of hoche'ach tochi'ach es amisecha only apply if the other person would be open to the mussar and not take it the wrong way. This lady is breslov, and Rav Nachman spoke very strongly against giving mussar in our generation, as you have to be on a REALLY high level to give mussar and no one is on that level. I think i'll tell this lady what rav nachman said...
Yes, some people would advise to stay away from this woman. Not so easy, as she is practically my next door neighbor and davens at the same shul. And she is sweet. She just needs guidance. And i notice that what i say to her DOES work, as she stopped dressing arab-like after i had a talk with her. So i see she is open to suggestions and isnt dead set in her ways. Her heart is in the right place, just her baal teshuva syndrome is getting in the way. She doesnt realize that not everyone is as enamoured for growth as she is.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Some people think that i have baal teshuva syndrome as i decided to not only become chareidi, but am becoming part of the chassidish community and dont wear a sheitel and only wear thick stockings. I say the difference between Miss Zealot and myself is i keep whatever growth i want to do, private. I dont tell the world what they should be doing, nor do i do something insanely shocking and eye catching. I take things slowly and still have things i need to work on.
Do you know any people with Baal Teshuva Syndrome? How do you relate to them?