Thoughts on Shame
Shame is a good thing. It is a function of our Yetzer Hatov. Shame is what prevents our lives from being overrun by our Yetzer Hora, what stands between us and a life filled with reckless abandon and wanton desires.
"Have you no shame?" is the ultimate insult, as only the truly depraved has lost all vestiges of shame. Shame is the mark of a moral person; its what keeps us in check.
Shame keeps us on our toes because it makes us afraid. Afraid for our wrongdoings to be revealed, either by man or by G-d. This revelation prevents us from committing those wrongdoings because we're afraid of the shame that would follow, or prevents us from committing repeat offenses because we don't want a repeat of the shame.
There is a time and a place for shame, a justified shame and an unjustified shame.
Lo Habayshan Lomed. The "Ashamed person" does not learn. If you're too embarrassed to ask questions, you will not end up learning. Pirkei avos tells us directly that this is misplaced shame. Shame is for when you did something wrong. There is nothing wrong with asking a question.
If someone has no money and is asking for financial assistance, either from organizations, the government, or individuals, there are two questions one can ask. Is this person ashamed? Is that shame justified?
Justified shame over poverty would be if one was living recklessly, squandering loads of money on frivolities and then not having money for necessities. That is shameful. Such a person SHOULD be ashamed of himself, because wasting money and then, when the money is used up, being all morose and asking people to bail you out is wrong, and one should be ashamed.
Another justified shame over poverty would be if someone refuses to work and his spouse refuses to work; they expect manna to fall from heaven. When manna does not fall from heaven and they have bills to pay and they can't manage to, because hey, neither spouse is interested in having a job, but just wants to bum off, that IS shameful, because the person is poor from his own doing; he did something wrong, and that is where shame comes in.
But when a person works really hard, and the spouse also works hard, money is spent very wisely and none is wasted, but still expenses (that cannot be cut back) do not meet income and a person is forced to be recipient of tzedaka or go on government aid, honestly, where is the shame in that? Where is the shame in being hard workers? Where is the shame in spending your money wisely? Hashem may have decided to give this person the nisayon of lowering himself to be on the receiving end of help from others, but is that embarrassing? Hashem chose you for a really tough nisayon. He has confidence in you.
That is something to be proud of, not to be ashamed of.
Shame is for when you do something wrong.
When you do everything right and still things do not work out, that is a sign that there is something greater planned for you by Hashem, and that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
"Have you no shame?" is the ultimate insult, as only the truly depraved has lost all vestiges of shame. Shame is the mark of a moral person; its what keeps us in check.
Shame keeps us on our toes because it makes us afraid. Afraid for our wrongdoings to be revealed, either by man or by G-d. This revelation prevents us from committing those wrongdoings because we're afraid of the shame that would follow, or prevents us from committing repeat offenses because we don't want a repeat of the shame.
There is a time and a place for shame, a justified shame and an unjustified shame.
Lo Habayshan Lomed. The "Ashamed person" does not learn. If you're too embarrassed to ask questions, you will not end up learning. Pirkei avos tells us directly that this is misplaced shame. Shame is for when you did something wrong. There is nothing wrong with asking a question.
If someone has no money and is asking for financial assistance, either from organizations, the government, or individuals, there are two questions one can ask. Is this person ashamed? Is that shame justified?
Justified shame over poverty would be if one was living recklessly, squandering loads of money on frivolities and then not having money for necessities. That is shameful. Such a person SHOULD be ashamed of himself, because wasting money and then, when the money is used up, being all morose and asking people to bail you out is wrong, and one should be ashamed.
Another justified shame over poverty would be if someone refuses to work and his spouse refuses to work; they expect manna to fall from heaven. When manna does not fall from heaven and they have bills to pay and they can't manage to, because hey, neither spouse is interested in having a job, but just wants to bum off, that IS shameful, because the person is poor from his own doing; he did something wrong, and that is where shame comes in.
But when a person works really hard, and the spouse also works hard, money is spent very wisely and none is wasted, but still expenses (that cannot be cut back) do not meet income and a person is forced to be recipient of tzedaka or go on government aid, honestly, where is the shame in that? Where is the shame in being hard workers? Where is the shame in spending your money wisely? Hashem may have decided to give this person the nisayon of lowering himself to be on the receiving end of help from others, but is that embarrassing? Hashem chose you for a really tough nisayon. He has confidence in you.
That is something to be proud of, not to be ashamed of.
Shame is for when you do something wrong.
When you do everything right and still things do not work out, that is a sign that there is something greater planned for you by Hashem, and that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.