Have i become someone i used to loathe?
As a former nerd, what is my responsibility, knowing the pain of those less fortunate in the social sphere?
My whole life i had no friends, was constantly hurt by my peers. Either by what they said, or by their avoidance of me. I hated it. I hated snobs, hated those who had friends, pretty much despised anyone who was more fortunate than myself.
Slowly i started to learn some more social skills. It took a lot of work and introspection and time and sweat, but eventually i've figured out some tips in making friends, not embarrassing myself too much in public, and becoming someone that others would want to be around. Baruch Hashem i've got a nice chevre now, and i'm not lacking friends. Miss ultra popular, probably not. But I am definitely not a wallflower anymore.
When i was starting my journey towards self discovery and self actualization and self awareness and a lot of other egocentric related things, i became more aware of my surroundings. I started reading body language better and picked up which things you should and shouldn't do in the presence of others. This made me especially sensitive to others that were doing the same faux pas that i used to frequently make.
In sem, there was one girl who really reminded me of myself a few years previously. She had the same embarrassing habits, the same lack of friends, and even a lot of the same hobbies. She embarrassed me, and i didn't want to be associated with her. I overcame that somewhat and taught her a few of the social skills i learned, and baruch hashem she got a lot better.... But before that happened, people saw that I was giving her the time of day... and lumped me together with this mega-nerd for certain school events. I distanced myself from her, because i didn't want to be a nerd by association.
I did the same rejecting that i used to hate when others did to me.
I became the bad guy.
Nowadays that i baruch hashem have made it (mostly... the journey is lifelong however) I realize more and more how much i play the snob, and how much i'm aware of what my association with the social rejects costs me.
I'm still trying to keep my standing with friends, don't want to do anything that'll label me "pariah" or "social misfit", that i'm wary of too much connection with the nerds.
I've become the snob.
Oy.
But must I actually force myself into one sided friendships? Where one person is leeching and leeching and never giving back? Where i cringe at the thought of a get together with such a person, yet i know they crave it? There are a few people in my life currently that fit the aforementioned description and i am so torn between a lot of thoughts.
A) When i was going through things, i didn't want pity friendships. Pity friendships are worse than none, imo.
B) But can i hurt someone, when they really don't have any other friends?
C) My whole life i had "friendship by default". They had no friends, i had no friends, so even though we had nothing in common, we were friends by default. That's how i was with my ill matched best friend for years- we pashut had no one else. Now that i actually have more of a selection of friends, i can afford to be pickier, and don't have to be "friends" with someone i don't like....
I don't know what's right. Must i force myself to be friends with someone that makes me cringe? Better i brush them off gently now than later when they consider me a better friend and then find out the truth of how i feel about them, no?
What do you think?
Am i allowed to be choosy with my friends? Or does that make me become my old worst enemy?
My whole life i had no friends, was constantly hurt by my peers. Either by what they said, or by their avoidance of me. I hated it. I hated snobs, hated those who had friends, pretty much despised anyone who was more fortunate than myself.
Slowly i started to learn some more social skills. It took a lot of work and introspection and time and sweat, but eventually i've figured out some tips in making friends, not embarrassing myself too much in public, and becoming someone that others would want to be around. Baruch Hashem i've got a nice chevre now, and i'm not lacking friends. Miss ultra popular, probably not. But I am definitely not a wallflower anymore.
When i was starting my journey towards self discovery and self actualization and self awareness and a lot of other egocentric related things, i became more aware of my surroundings. I started reading body language better and picked up which things you should and shouldn't do in the presence of others. This made me especially sensitive to others that were doing the same faux pas that i used to frequently make.
In sem, there was one girl who really reminded me of myself a few years previously. She had the same embarrassing habits, the same lack of friends, and even a lot of the same hobbies. She embarrassed me, and i didn't want to be associated with her. I overcame that somewhat and taught her a few of the social skills i learned, and baruch hashem she got a lot better.... But before that happened, people saw that I was giving her the time of day... and lumped me together with this mega-nerd for certain school events. I distanced myself from her, because i didn't want to be a nerd by association.
I did the same rejecting that i used to hate when others did to me.
I became the bad guy.
Nowadays that i baruch hashem have made it (mostly... the journey is lifelong however) I realize more and more how much i play the snob, and how much i'm aware of what my association with the social rejects costs me.
I'm still trying to keep my standing with friends, don't want to do anything that'll label me "pariah" or "social misfit", that i'm wary of too much connection with the nerds.
I've become the snob.
Oy.
But must I actually force myself into one sided friendships? Where one person is leeching and leeching and never giving back? Where i cringe at the thought of a get together with such a person, yet i know they crave it? There are a few people in my life currently that fit the aforementioned description and i am so torn between a lot of thoughts.
A) When i was going through things, i didn't want pity friendships. Pity friendships are worse than none, imo.
B) But can i hurt someone, when they really don't have any other friends?
C) My whole life i had "friendship by default". They had no friends, i had no friends, so even though we had nothing in common, we were friends by default. That's how i was with my ill matched best friend for years- we pashut had no one else. Now that i actually have more of a selection of friends, i can afford to be pickier, and don't have to be "friends" with someone i don't like....
I don't know what's right. Must i force myself to be friends with someone that makes me cringe? Better i brush them off gently now than later when they consider me a better friend and then find out the truth of how i feel about them, no?
What do you think?
Am i allowed to be choosy with my friends? Or does that make me become my old worst enemy?