My Personal Yom Haatzmaut
Tonight, at sundown, Yom Haatzmaut, the Israeli Independence day starts.
In my mind, Yom Haatzmaut is rather akin to July 4th, a secular "holiday" , with no religious significance. In America, my family would have BBQs and go see the fireworks on July 4th, and it was a fun day, and no one blinked because it is just that- the day the USA declared independence, and a day off to enjoy with family.
I didn't celebrate the fourth of July because i felt any debt of gratitude for the miracle of having the USA, but rather because its a fun day, these are the festivities that are done, its a legal holiday, and we have off work.
But however, Israel is a different story. If israeli independence day were celebrated just as July 4th is, I wouldn't have any issue partaking in the festivities.
But a large group of people give it a strong religious connotation. They say "Wow, thank you HKBH for the atchalta degeula, for bringing us back from galus to our own country, for our GREAT and WONDERFUL country! Its a neis! Its a chag/yom tov! Lets say hallel WITH A BRACHA! Lets have a special tefilla for this chag! Lets listen to music and party, even though it is sfiras ha'omer."
And hashkafically and halachically I believe there to be a big problem with that (not getting into that in this post), and specifically because of the attitude and hanhagos of the celebrants, I distance myself from the yom haatzmaut celebrations, because I don't want people to think I am condoning how certain religious people celebrate yom haatzmaut.
So I will get together with family, because I would do that on July 4th as well, and I will have a BBQ, because thats what we generally do when we get together as a family- either a BBQ or pizza. But I turned down my mothers invitation to a museum about Israeli soldiers, and to the public yom haatzmaut celebration in the city.
But yet... I have mixed feelings about how I should celebrate yom haatzmaut, because I personally, had a yom haatzmaut on yom haatzmaut 4 years ago.
4 years ago, My Dati Leumi seminary tried to make our yom hazikaron and yom haatzmaut as meaningful as possible. On yom hazikaron we went to a big ceremony at latrun, and then went to har herzl to visit the graves and hear stories about the soldiers who died fighting for israel. After that, we had great festivities planned- we were going to Machon Meir yeshiva (a zionistic yeshiva that goes in the derech of Rav Kook) for a special tfilla chagigit and party.
When we got there, there were siddurim "lichvod yom haatzmaut" that had in it written the "halachot and hanhagot of chag haatzmaut" in addition to having special tfillos to say for "chag haatzmaut" in addition to the hallel.
I did a double take. Chag? Special siddur? Halachos and minhagim for this "chag"?
We don't do consider July 4th a chag, nor do we say special tfillos for july fourth and have minhagei july 4th, and i felt very funny doing any of that for a day i considered to be no different than July 4th, American Independence Day.
I felt so uncomfortable that i left the yeshiva in the middle of the davening, left the festivities, and did a lot of thinking.
I realized on that night that I could never truly be dati leumi.
I had had some questions before that, was a little unsure of myself, but that siddur lichvod chag haatzmaut was really the last straw. I decided I was done with the dati leumi way, that chareidi was the only option for me, and I left that life behind.
So yom haatzmaut doesnt really have any significance for me in terms of the state of israel, but it does have a special significance for me in terms of my own personal atzmaut, independence, and realizing what derech is correct for me.
I would love suggestions as to how to celebrate my own personal yom haatzmaut, my decision to become independent from my family's derech, my decision to transform from DL to chareidi, from one life to the other.
I realize that this post may be offensive to some, if so, i apologize. I specifically didn't post this anywhere else, as the readers of my blog generally know where i am coming from. I'm not necessarily looking for comments to tell me how terrible i am, but if you disagree, you can let me know in a nice way.
In my mind, Yom Haatzmaut is rather akin to July 4th, a secular "holiday" , with no religious significance. In America, my family would have BBQs and go see the fireworks on July 4th, and it was a fun day, and no one blinked because it is just that- the day the USA declared independence, and a day off to enjoy with family.
I didn't celebrate the fourth of July because i felt any debt of gratitude for the miracle of having the USA, but rather because its a fun day, these are the festivities that are done, its a legal holiday, and we have off work.
But however, Israel is a different story. If israeli independence day were celebrated just as July 4th is, I wouldn't have any issue partaking in the festivities.
But a large group of people give it a strong religious connotation. They say "Wow, thank you HKBH for the atchalta degeula, for bringing us back from galus to our own country, for our GREAT and WONDERFUL country! Its a neis! Its a chag/yom tov! Lets say hallel WITH A BRACHA! Lets have a special tefilla for this chag! Lets listen to music and party, even though it is sfiras ha'omer."
And hashkafically and halachically I believe there to be a big problem with that (not getting into that in this post), and specifically because of the attitude and hanhagos of the celebrants, I distance myself from the yom haatzmaut celebrations, because I don't want people to think I am condoning how certain religious people celebrate yom haatzmaut.
So I will get together with family, because I would do that on July 4th as well, and I will have a BBQ, because thats what we generally do when we get together as a family- either a BBQ or pizza. But I turned down my mothers invitation to a museum about Israeli soldiers, and to the public yom haatzmaut celebration in the city.
But yet... I have mixed feelings about how I should celebrate yom haatzmaut, because I personally, had a yom haatzmaut on yom haatzmaut 4 years ago.
4 years ago, My Dati Leumi seminary tried to make our yom hazikaron and yom haatzmaut as meaningful as possible. On yom hazikaron we went to a big ceremony at latrun, and then went to har herzl to visit the graves and hear stories about the soldiers who died fighting for israel. After that, we had great festivities planned- we were going to Machon Meir yeshiva (a zionistic yeshiva that goes in the derech of Rav Kook) for a special tfilla chagigit and party.
When we got there, there were siddurim "lichvod yom haatzmaut" that had in it written the "halachot and hanhagot of chag haatzmaut" in addition to having special tfillos to say for "chag haatzmaut" in addition to the hallel.
I did a double take. Chag? Special siddur? Halachos and minhagim for this "chag"?
We don't do consider July 4th a chag, nor do we say special tfillos for july fourth and have minhagei july 4th, and i felt very funny doing any of that for a day i considered to be no different than July 4th, American Independence Day.
I felt so uncomfortable that i left the yeshiva in the middle of the davening, left the festivities, and did a lot of thinking.
I realized on that night that I could never truly be dati leumi.
I had had some questions before that, was a little unsure of myself, but that siddur lichvod chag haatzmaut was really the last straw. I decided I was done with the dati leumi way, that chareidi was the only option for me, and I left that life behind.
So yom haatzmaut doesnt really have any significance for me in terms of the state of israel, but it does have a special significance for me in terms of my own personal atzmaut, independence, and realizing what derech is correct for me.
I would love suggestions as to how to celebrate my own personal yom haatzmaut, my decision to become independent from my family's derech, my decision to transform from DL to chareidi, from one life to the other.
I realize that this post may be offensive to some, if so, i apologize. I specifically didn't post this anywhere else, as the readers of my blog generally know where i am coming from. I'm not necessarily looking for comments to tell me how terrible i am, but if you disagree, you can let me know in a nice way.