Beyonce Reimagined
In Which Ruthie Retells A Blog Post by the Bloggess...
This morning we left the house early because I had spaced out on the fact that there was a family breakfast in Ruthie's classroom, and I hadn't bought or (ha ha) made anything for it, so I told the kids that if we left 10 minutes earlier than usual we could stop at Dunkin Donuts for Munchkins. It turns out that Munchkins are very motivating, so we were ready early. ;) We got the Munchkins and were at school way earlier than usual (which isn't saying much, considering that we're usually the dashing in at the absolute last minute types).
Then, as we were sitting in the car for one more moment before braving the cold, I noticed some kids walking by with instrument cases in their hands.
me: "Oh crap, Isaac, did we frickin' forget your frickin' clarinet?" (did I mention that Isaac is taking clarinet lessons through the school this year?)
Isaac: "Oh crap, yeah, we did."
So I told the kids to get out of the car and go to school and I would dash home and get the clarinet. To his credit, Isaac said a heartfelt "thank you" as he disembarked. At least the kids were at school on time. So I drove back home and retrieved the clarinet, drove back to school, and the family breakfast was just getting under way.
The kids in Ruthie's class were all showing their parents the folders where they keep their writing assignments, so while we ate a couple of Munchkins, I looked through Ruthie's writings. It was pretty great. She had done a whole thing about our trip to Wisconsin over Memorial Day weekend, complete with a drawing of us in the hot tub, and drawings of herself and Isaac playing air-hockey and watching tv in the hotel.
Then I picked up the next story and read, "I heard a story on line about a crazy lady and a huge wooden chicken" and I thought, what the heck is she talking about? and then I looked at the drawing and it hit me -- this is about the infamous Beyonce The Giant Chicken post by Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, wherein she blogged hilariously about buying an enormous metal (not wooden) chicken. It is seriously one of the funniest things ever written on the internet (if you've never read it, click and read it now!), and a couple months ago I read it aloud to the kids, but I certainly never realized that it had made such an impression on Ruthie.
So of course I had to purloin the story from Ruthie's folder so that I could copy it and post it online. ;) Here it is, all three pages of it:
"I herd a story on line about a crazy lady and a huge wodon 5 foot..."
(drawing of The Bloggess hiding in the bushes while her husband opens the door to find the giant chicken on their doorstep. I guess I should count myself lucky that Ruthie didn't write "knock knock, motherfucker.")
"...chicin. The lady put the chikin on the front step. When her husbunt opend the door he only sighed and walced away. She brote[brought] the 5 foot chicon all..."
"...arownd town makeing pepole laghf. It was a funny story. The end"
(drawing of the giant chicken surprising random people and cat and sunflowers)
Then as I was reading the above and giggling to myself over it and eating another Munchkin that Ruthie rejected because it was "too crunchy," I asked Isaac, "so when does your clarinet lesson start?" and he looked at the clock and was like, "about fifteen minutes ago" so I made him GO NOW because what the hell did I drive all the way back home for, for pete's sake. It wasn't like he was interested in his sister's writings, anyway. He was just in it for the Munchkins. Kids!
This morning we left the house early because I had spaced out on the fact that there was a family breakfast in Ruthie's classroom, and I hadn't bought or (ha ha) made anything for it, so I told the kids that if we left 10 minutes earlier than usual we could stop at Dunkin Donuts for Munchkins. It turns out that Munchkins are very motivating, so we were ready early. ;) We got the Munchkins and were at school way earlier than usual (which isn't saying much, considering that we're usually the dashing in at the absolute last minute types).
Then, as we were sitting in the car for one more moment before braving the cold, I noticed some kids walking by with instrument cases in their hands.
me: "Oh crap, Isaac, did we frickin' forget your frickin' clarinet?" (did I mention that Isaac is taking clarinet lessons through the school this year?)
Isaac: "Oh crap, yeah, we did."
So I told the kids to get out of the car and go to school and I would dash home and get the clarinet. To his credit, Isaac said a heartfelt "thank you" as he disembarked. At least the kids were at school on time. So I drove back home and retrieved the clarinet, drove back to school, and the family breakfast was just getting under way.
The kids in Ruthie's class were all showing their parents the folders where they keep their writing assignments, so while we ate a couple of Munchkins, I looked through Ruthie's writings. It was pretty great. She had done a whole thing about our trip to Wisconsin over Memorial Day weekend, complete with a drawing of us in the hot tub, and drawings of herself and Isaac playing air-hockey and watching tv in the hotel.
Then I picked up the next story and read, "I heard a story on line about a crazy lady and a huge wooden chicken" and I thought, what the heck is she talking about? and then I looked at the drawing and it hit me -- this is about the infamous Beyonce The Giant Chicken post by Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, wherein she blogged hilariously about buying an enormous metal (not wooden) chicken. It is seriously one of the funniest things ever written on the internet (if you've never read it, click and read it now!), and a couple months ago I read it aloud to the kids, but I certainly never realized that it had made such an impression on Ruthie.
So of course I had to purloin the story from Ruthie's folder so that I could copy it and post it online. ;) Here it is, all three pages of it:
"I herd a story on line about a crazy lady and a huge wodon 5 foot..."
(drawing of The Bloggess hiding in the bushes while her husband opens the door to find the giant chicken on their doorstep. I guess I should count myself lucky that Ruthie didn't write "knock knock, motherfucker.")
"...chicin. The lady put the chikin on the front step. When her husbunt opend the door he only sighed and walced away. She brote[brought] the 5 foot chicon all..."
"...arownd town makeing pepole laghf. It was a funny story. The end"
(drawing of the giant chicken surprising random people and cat and sunflowers)
Then as I was reading the above and giggling to myself over it and eating another Munchkin that Ruthie rejected because it was "too crunchy," I asked Isaac, "so when does your clarinet lesson start?" and he looked at the clock and was like, "about fifteen minutes ago" so I made him GO NOW because what the hell did I drive all the way back home for, for pete's sake. It wasn't like he was interested in his sister's writings, anyway. He was just in it for the Munchkins. Kids!