This wacky night
Okay I'm way behind on posting, got a lot to catch up on, but I had to take a moment to describe our evening. It was definitely a "truth is stranger than fiction" kind of night, you know, like the kind where if it were a sitcom you'd roll your eyes and go "oh come on!"
So we get home from school/work and it's unseasonably warm -- in the high 80s -- so the kids go in the back yard to play. I'm putting together the ingredients for a soda bread, which I'll say more about in a moment. I knew I was kind of crazy to be turning the oven on when it's so hot out, but we had nothing for breakfast tomorrow morning so I had to.
Ruthie generally comes in and out a lot when she's playing in the back yard. Isaac can throw his ball around by himself for ages, but Ruthie likes to come in, exchange a few words with me, take a sip of milk, go back out for a few minutes, repeat...Also there was some kind of altercation between them about the tennis ball, which I mostly ignored and told them to work it out themselves.
The bread recipe called for buttermilk which I didn't have, so I was making a buttermilk substitute by combining regular milk with vinegar. It needs to sit for a few minutes so I thought that while it was sitting I'd change the kitty litter, which was long overdue. So I get a bag and dump the used litter into it and am planning to take the box out back and wash it out with the hose. But first Ruthie wants something or other so I turn away for a minute and when I turn back, what do I see but the cat, squatting down in the EMPTY litterbox. OMG I had no idea my cat was so freaking stupid! I yelled at him, but what can you do? He peed in the empty box. So then I'm like, great, he's going to get it all over his paws. I did not know what to do at this point. I was stymied. I go to pick the cat up, thinking maybe he hasn't stepped in it yet, but no luck. His paws are wet and he's dripping on my bare feet. He wiggles out of my hands and runs off, trailing his pee across my kitchen floor. Eww!!! I chase him yelling "Don't go on my bed with those paws!" I end up opening the basement door and shooing him down there, figuring he can get the paws dirty and then lick them or whatever. I don't know. I just want him out, LOL.
I get some Lysol wipes and go to try to clean up the kitchen floor. Ruthie wants to help, so I give her a wipe and let her go to town, whatever. Meanwhile the oven has long since finished preheating to freaking 400 degrees and it's getting hot(ter) in the kitchen. I have GOT to get this bread together and get it in the oven.
Ruthie finishes wiping and I make her wash her hands and kick her back outside. I get the bread mixed and start kneading it. My hands are covered with sticky bread dough so of course this is the perfect time for Ruthie to put up an ear-splitting wail from the back yard. I yell out "WHAT HAPPENED?" while desperately just trying to get the dough together. Both kids are shouting and Ruthie's at the back door so I glance over and her whole face is covered in blood. She's yelling "I have a nosebleed, it's a big one" so I say some four-letter words and grab a paper towel and run it over to her. Her mouth is full of blood, it has gushed down her chin and all over her favorite tie-dye dress.
Mind you, Ruthie got nosebleeds fairly often during the winter, but she hasn't had one in a while and this was a particularly severe one.
So I'm trying to staunch the blood with my dough-covered hands and she's saying something about falling off the rings on the structure (oh crap I haven't even posted here about our new backyard climbing structure) and I'm trying to figure out whether she actually fell and *hit* her nose on something, or the nosebleed just started up because she was hanging upside down. She's unclear on this point. She claims to have hit her nose on the ground but who knows? I'm trying to clean up her face and hold the paper towel to her nose, we've already changed it out several times so we're on like our fourth paper towel now. And Isaac comes inside saying "So Mama, I was playing this game..." I'm like, "NOT NOW!"
The bleeding stops and I wipe the blood off her face and take a moment to wash my hands which are now crusted with bloody bread dough. I don't think that's what they had in mind when they said that if the dough's too dry you can add a little bit more liquid. I take Ruthie's dress off of her and go to the bathroom to try to scrub the blood out of it. Isaac follows me saying yet again, "I was playing this game..." me: "okay whatever!!" Isaac: "...called 'don't step in the blood splatters.'" Lovely. I leave the dress soaking in the sink in cold water and go to check on Ruthie. She has taken the opportunity to divest herself of the rest of her clothing and is dancing around the house naked. I guess she's recovered. I wash my hands yet again and quickly get the bread into the oven.
Ruthie asks me to put up her chin-up bar in the doorway. I'm like, uh no, you are not going upside down on that thing again five minutes after a massive nosebleed. She's all, "I won't go upside down!" Yeah, no.
Now I can finally take the litterbox (still full of pee, remember) out back and hose it down. Oh look, there are big splotches of blood all down the back stairs and the paved part of the back yard. That must be that game Isaac was telling me about. He helpfully says that there might be some on the grass too. Whatevs! I turn on the hose and spray the bloody spots ("Look mama, that one looks like a paw print!") and hose out the litter box. Of course the kids get into the act and want me to hose them down too. I resist, telling them that the water is REALLY cold (which it is) but they don't care. They dash back inside and come out with their bathing suits on. I relent and spend a few minutes spraying them with the hose while they shriek and giggle like loons. When I say it's time to stop, they're super disappointed, but moments later they're VERY grateful for the towels I had prudently prepared.
They towel off and try to bring their dripping selves back into my kitchen. Oh no you don't! I make Isaac take off his bathing suit, and Ruthie stays outside a few more minutes. The kitchen is getting severely warm from the oven being on. I start opening some more windows to cool off while Isaac follows me around going "Where should I put this towel?" me: "Come on, you know where towels go." Isaac: "No I don't. Where? In the kitchen?" *EYEROLL* Finally I ask him whether he has homework, and he gets it out and starts doing it. I get the litterbox inside and try to dry it off. I'm not letting the cat out of the basement until there's something acceptable for him to pee in, dammit.
Meanwhile the bread needs to be turned, I do that, set the timer for another 20 minutes, yell at Ruthie not to put her wet bathing-suited self on my bed, clean up a bit from the bread-making, etc.... I get the litterbox back in place with fresh litter and let the cat out of the basement, though he's still in the doghouse, IF you know what I mean. The bread comes out of the oven, it smells delicious. The recipe says to let it cool for an hour before cutting. Yeah, that's not happening. I give it like a whole five minutes or something. It is delicious.
Things calmed down a bit after that...the kids ate some random stuff, pajamas, a quick game of hide-and-seek, brush teeth, bed. PHEW!!
The bread, btw, was a recipe that I got from two awesome foodie women whom I follow on twitter: Jennifer of injennieskitchen.com (@JenniferPerillo on twitter) and Heidi of 101cookbooks.com (@101cookbooks). Their recipes are here and here, and are basically identical. You take some old-fashioned rolled oats, food process them into flour, combine with all-purpose flour, salt, baking soda, and buttermilk, and voila! bread! The beautiful thing about soda bread -- so called because it uses baking soda as a leavener instead of yeast -- is that it's so quick. You don't need to wait around for hours while it rises like you do with yeast. You just toss the ingredients together and stick them in the oven. I saw this recipe on Jennifer's blog back in January and had it at the back of my mind all this time, and I'm sooooo glad that I finally made it, even with all the craziness. (I did manage to keep it blood-free!) It came out really delicious. Isaac and I shared a slice and then he tried to make off with the rest of the loaf. ;) Soooooo good.
IN SUMMARY, tonight was insane and boy am I glad I'm not a sitcom character.
So we get home from school/work and it's unseasonably warm -- in the high 80s -- so the kids go in the back yard to play. I'm putting together the ingredients for a soda bread, which I'll say more about in a moment. I knew I was kind of crazy to be turning the oven on when it's so hot out, but we had nothing for breakfast tomorrow morning so I had to.
Ruthie generally comes in and out a lot when she's playing in the back yard. Isaac can throw his ball around by himself for ages, but Ruthie likes to come in, exchange a few words with me, take a sip of milk, go back out for a few minutes, repeat...Also there was some kind of altercation between them about the tennis ball, which I mostly ignored and told them to work it out themselves.
The bread recipe called for buttermilk which I didn't have, so I was making a buttermilk substitute by combining regular milk with vinegar. It needs to sit for a few minutes so I thought that while it was sitting I'd change the kitty litter, which was long overdue. So I get a bag and dump the used litter into it and am planning to take the box out back and wash it out with the hose. But first Ruthie wants something or other so I turn away for a minute and when I turn back, what do I see but the cat, squatting down in the EMPTY litterbox. OMG I had no idea my cat was so freaking stupid! I yelled at him, but what can you do? He peed in the empty box. So then I'm like, great, he's going to get it all over his paws. I did not know what to do at this point. I was stymied. I go to pick the cat up, thinking maybe he hasn't stepped in it yet, but no luck. His paws are wet and he's dripping on my bare feet. He wiggles out of my hands and runs off, trailing his pee across my kitchen floor. Eww!!! I chase him yelling "Don't go on my bed with those paws!" I end up opening the basement door and shooing him down there, figuring he can get the paws dirty and then lick them or whatever. I don't know. I just want him out, LOL.
I get some Lysol wipes and go to try to clean up the kitchen floor. Ruthie wants to help, so I give her a wipe and let her go to town, whatever. Meanwhile the oven has long since finished preheating to freaking 400 degrees and it's getting hot(ter) in the kitchen. I have GOT to get this bread together and get it in the oven.
Ruthie finishes wiping and I make her wash her hands and kick her back outside. I get the bread mixed and start kneading it. My hands are covered with sticky bread dough so of course this is the perfect time for Ruthie to put up an ear-splitting wail from the back yard. I yell out "WHAT HAPPENED?" while desperately just trying to get the dough together. Both kids are shouting and Ruthie's at the back door so I glance over and her whole face is covered in blood. She's yelling "I have a nosebleed, it's a big one" so I say some four-letter words and grab a paper towel and run it over to her. Her mouth is full of blood, it has gushed down her chin and all over her favorite tie-dye dress.
Mind you, Ruthie got nosebleeds fairly often during the winter, but she hasn't had one in a while and this was a particularly severe one.
So I'm trying to staunch the blood with my dough-covered hands and she's saying something about falling off the rings on the structure (oh crap I haven't even posted here about our new backyard climbing structure) and I'm trying to figure out whether she actually fell and *hit* her nose on something, or the nosebleed just started up because she was hanging upside down. She's unclear on this point. She claims to have hit her nose on the ground but who knows? I'm trying to clean up her face and hold the paper towel to her nose, we've already changed it out several times so we're on like our fourth paper towel now. And Isaac comes inside saying "So Mama, I was playing this game..." I'm like, "NOT NOW!"
The bleeding stops and I wipe the blood off her face and take a moment to wash my hands which are now crusted with bloody bread dough. I don't think that's what they had in mind when they said that if the dough's too dry you can add a little bit more liquid. I take Ruthie's dress off of her and go to the bathroom to try to scrub the blood out of it. Isaac follows me saying yet again, "I was playing this game..." me: "okay whatever!!" Isaac: "...called 'don't step in the blood splatters.'" Lovely. I leave the dress soaking in the sink in cold water and go to check on Ruthie. She has taken the opportunity to divest herself of the rest of her clothing and is dancing around the house naked. I guess she's recovered. I wash my hands yet again and quickly get the bread into the oven.
Ruthie asks me to put up her chin-up bar in the doorway. I'm like, uh no, you are not going upside down on that thing again five minutes after a massive nosebleed. She's all, "I won't go upside down!" Yeah, no.
Now I can finally take the litterbox (still full of pee, remember) out back and hose it down. Oh look, there are big splotches of blood all down the back stairs and the paved part of the back yard. That must be that game Isaac was telling me about. He helpfully says that there might be some on the grass too. Whatevs! I turn on the hose and spray the bloody spots ("Look mama, that one looks like a paw print!") and hose out the litter box. Of course the kids get into the act and want me to hose them down too. I resist, telling them that the water is REALLY cold (which it is) but they don't care. They dash back inside and come out with their bathing suits on. I relent and spend a few minutes spraying them with the hose while they shriek and giggle like loons. When I say it's time to stop, they're super disappointed, but moments later they're VERY grateful for the towels I had prudently prepared.
They towel off and try to bring their dripping selves back into my kitchen. Oh no you don't! I make Isaac take off his bathing suit, and Ruthie stays outside a few more minutes. The kitchen is getting severely warm from the oven being on. I start opening some more windows to cool off while Isaac follows me around going "Where should I put this towel?" me: "Come on, you know where towels go." Isaac: "No I don't. Where? In the kitchen?" *EYEROLL* Finally I ask him whether he has homework, and he gets it out and starts doing it. I get the litterbox inside and try to dry it off. I'm not letting the cat out of the basement until there's something acceptable for him to pee in, dammit.
Meanwhile the bread needs to be turned, I do that, set the timer for another 20 minutes, yell at Ruthie not to put her wet bathing-suited self on my bed, clean up a bit from the bread-making, etc.... I get the litterbox back in place with fresh litter and let the cat out of the basement, though he's still in the doghouse, IF you know what I mean. The bread comes out of the oven, it smells delicious. The recipe says to let it cool for an hour before cutting. Yeah, that's not happening. I give it like a whole five minutes or something. It is delicious.
Things calmed down a bit after that...the kids ate some random stuff, pajamas, a quick game of hide-and-seek, brush teeth, bed. PHEW!!
The bread, btw, was a recipe that I got from two awesome foodie women whom I follow on twitter: Jennifer of injennieskitchen.com (@JenniferPerillo on twitter) and Heidi of 101cookbooks.com (@101cookbooks). Their recipes are here and here, and are basically identical. You take some old-fashioned rolled oats, food process them into flour, combine with all-purpose flour, salt, baking soda, and buttermilk, and voila! bread! The beautiful thing about soda bread -- so called because it uses baking soda as a leavener instead of yeast -- is that it's so quick. You don't need to wait around for hours while it rises like you do with yeast. You just toss the ingredients together and stick them in the oven. I saw this recipe on Jennifer's blog back in January and had it at the back of my mind all this time, and I'm sooooo glad that I finally made it, even with all the craziness. (I did manage to keep it blood-free!) It came out really delicious. Isaac and I shared a slice and then he tried to make off with the rest of the loaf. ;) Soooooo good.
IN SUMMARY, tonight was insane and boy am I glad I'm not a sitcom character.