Gratitude: Six
One thing I tell my clients when I'm a doula (and to other friends going through a hard time) is that it is a gift to their community when they let others help take care of them. I honestly believe this, although it can be hard to take my own advice.
Remember how, when someone you love was sick or injured, and you felt so helpless and useless? You offer to help, but often they shrug it off and leave you feeling even more impotent, watching them struggle. Or perhaps they said, "Yes, please! Can you pick up Annie from her summer class at 3?" and you felt so good, because you were able to save them a whole bunch of pain and maybe some pulled stitches, just by going ten minutes out of your way and doing an easy errand for them.
The other way that letting people take care of you is a gift to them is something a little less obvious but still very important in my book: you are letting them know that it is OK to ask for and receive help within your community, and that when it is their turn, when they are knocked flat by that wicked flu bug or break their arm or scratch their cornea, they won't feel strange or needy or rude by accepting YOUR offer of help.
Today, I'm making dinner for a local friend with a broken leg. She's got two little ones and stairs to her condo... she's gonna be stuck there for a while. One thing she asked for was bread, so I spent time making a few loaves of sourdough sandwich bread this morning. I felt like the girl in "Like Water for Chocolate," feeling the live, pliant, nourishing dough rolling under my hands and filling it with sturdy healing thoughts for my friend.
I am so grateful that I have friends who gladly accept my offers of help, and especially that my friend asked for something in particular that I know I can do for her. I'm bringing over some Italiany pasta casserole and some flowers, too, but it's this bread that she likes... I know it will bring her a little bit of pleasure while she's in pain and can't move. That feels so good, that I can do this for her, and I'm so grateful that she's willing to accept it.
Remember how, when someone you love was sick or injured, and you felt so helpless and useless? You offer to help, but often they shrug it off and leave you feeling even more impotent, watching them struggle. Or perhaps they said, "Yes, please! Can you pick up Annie from her summer class at 3?" and you felt so good, because you were able to save them a whole bunch of pain and maybe some pulled stitches, just by going ten minutes out of your way and doing an easy errand for them.
The other way that letting people take care of you is a gift to them is something a little less obvious but still very important in my book: you are letting them know that it is OK to ask for and receive help within your community, and that when it is their turn, when they are knocked flat by that wicked flu bug or break their arm or scratch their cornea, they won't feel strange or needy or rude by accepting YOUR offer of help.
Today, I'm making dinner for a local friend with a broken leg. She's got two little ones and stairs to her condo... she's gonna be stuck there for a while. One thing she asked for was bread, so I spent time making a few loaves of sourdough sandwich bread this morning. I felt like the girl in "Like Water for Chocolate," feeling the live, pliant, nourishing dough rolling under my hands and filling it with sturdy healing thoughts for my friend.
I am so grateful that I have friends who gladly accept my offers of help, and especially that my friend asked for something in particular that I know I can do for her. I'm bringing over some Italiany pasta casserole and some flowers, too, but it's this bread that she likes... I know it will bring her a little bit of pleasure while she's in pain and can't move. That feels so good, that I can do this for her, and I'm so grateful that she's willing to accept it.