Thoughts on communication
Like just about everyone else, I've fallen into the FB quicksand. I do read my LJ flist, but I've been an abysmal correspondent.
I used to love talking on the phone. I mean, for hours and hours, and it never felt like I was wasting time... it felt like an investment in the relationship with whoever was on the other end of the line.
But over the years, I've gradually moved away from my phone. I rarely call anyone except for things like getting the dryer repaired or something like that (and I look to see if there's a way to set up the appointment online first). My sister is about the only one who calls me regularly, and while I do chat with her a while, I sometimes start feeling impatient and itchy and drawn elsewhere... and I hardly ever call her. What happened to that juicy hit I used to get from gabbing away for hours?
I was also thinking about the fact that I got out of the habit of reading books. Hollie recently posted about this phenomenon, and a lot of her motivations away from books were mine too (also her lovely depiction of being a childhood bookworm). It never felt like I was wasting time to read nonfiction, although it was still hard to fit it in between kids and commitments. I also had a lot of challenges with my eyes; bifocals have finally settled most of THAT problem, thankfully. Lately, I've made a concerted effort to get back reading regularly. I've been taking the boys to the library every other week, and getting an armload of books each time. Graphic novels, local history, cooking, essays and novels, along with the pile of picture books for Linc.
It's slow going, though. And remember that buzz I used to get from phone conversations I mentioned a few 'graphs back? I'm getting it from FaceBook. I can't find the article, but I recently read that social media's little juice hit is not doing us a lot of good. I believe it. I feel isolated and lonely, and it's so easy just to jump onto FB and see how familiar faces and friends all over the world are doing. I can send a comment or note, and post an update, and get a happy little grin when I get a response.
I call or email someone here, and they're all (understandably) busy. I know this stuff takes time, and I feel like I've been putting myself out there, and I HAVE indeed met some wonderful families... but it's soooo slow and I'm needing that connection NOW. I don't want to be all needy and desperate... I've seen it before and it's not pretty. It's certainly not attractive or a way to make friends. So I reach out, sometimes connect but most of the time get politely declined, come home and log on. I wish some of them were on LJ, but the few who are don't read my LJ despite the hints I've dropped... and that kinda stings, too. I don't know how to be interesting enough to get them to want to get to know me. I know that if I'm patient enough, it'll happen... but sometimes I don't feel like I have a whole lot of time to be waiting around.
Argh. Well, anyway, I was musing on this phone stuff, and FB, and LJ. I kinda feel like my slide from f2f connections with friends in my school and community, along with my comfort on the phone and delight in reading novels and subscriptions to three daily newspapers, has slid to LJ and email and nonfiction and a few magazines and one daily paper, and then slid again to FB and a little AIM/text messaging and a pile of unread magazines and one paper three days a week (and I barely open it).
Am I withdrawing from people and the world? Is this a normal and natural progression, or am I broken from ripping up roots from my established communities, twice?
Well, if I'm broken, then I can work on fixing myself. I've been specifically working with the Artist's Way book to get into a daily writing practice, and that's been feeling Right. I'm hoping my effort with reading books and fiction again will take, and now I'm wondering if that remaking effort could apply to my social interactions.
I've already pared down my FB friends list to people I'd either feel comfortable asking to stay with, or would be delighted if they'd come stay with me. I've been incredibly fortunate to be friends with some of the most creative, fascinating people I've ever met (several of them are in my family!), and I've actually been working on a little letter-writing campaign for those who aren't involved online at all (hmm... I suspect that it is a wee little clue to something that about a dozen of the people I admire and respect the most are rarely, if ever, online at all?). However, it appears that the art of the letter is rapidly dying, and I've only gotten a few responses (or I'm a sucky letter writer).
I am also feeling more resolved to post on LJ more often. I've made a few friends through it that have definitely enriched my life, so I'm going to work on investing some time back into this journal. Even if the hits I get from online communications are cheaper and less nuanced or healthy than the f2f versions, it feels like the LJ discussions and interactions are at least a little deeper and stronger than those of fluffy FB.
Well, no concrete conclusions here. Just musing and wondering whether others are in the same boat.
I used to love talking on the phone. I mean, for hours and hours, and it never felt like I was wasting time... it felt like an investment in the relationship with whoever was on the other end of the line.
But over the years, I've gradually moved away from my phone. I rarely call anyone except for things like getting the dryer repaired or something like that (and I look to see if there's a way to set up the appointment online first). My sister is about the only one who calls me regularly, and while I do chat with her a while, I sometimes start feeling impatient and itchy and drawn elsewhere... and I hardly ever call her. What happened to that juicy hit I used to get from gabbing away for hours?
I was also thinking about the fact that I got out of the habit of reading books. Hollie recently posted about this phenomenon, and a lot of her motivations away from books were mine too (also her lovely depiction of being a childhood bookworm). It never felt like I was wasting time to read nonfiction, although it was still hard to fit it in between kids and commitments. I also had a lot of challenges with my eyes; bifocals have finally settled most of THAT problem, thankfully. Lately, I've made a concerted effort to get back reading regularly. I've been taking the boys to the library every other week, and getting an armload of books each time. Graphic novels, local history, cooking, essays and novels, along with the pile of picture books for Linc.
It's slow going, though. And remember that buzz I used to get from phone conversations I mentioned a few 'graphs back? I'm getting it from FaceBook. I can't find the article, but I recently read that social media's little juice hit is not doing us a lot of good. I believe it. I feel isolated and lonely, and it's so easy just to jump onto FB and see how familiar faces and friends all over the world are doing. I can send a comment or note, and post an update, and get a happy little grin when I get a response.
I call or email someone here, and they're all (understandably) busy. I know this stuff takes time, and I feel like I've been putting myself out there, and I HAVE indeed met some wonderful families... but it's soooo slow and I'm needing that connection NOW. I don't want to be all needy and desperate... I've seen it before and it's not pretty. It's certainly not attractive or a way to make friends. So I reach out, sometimes connect but most of the time get politely declined, come home and log on. I wish some of them were on LJ, but the few who are don't read my LJ despite the hints I've dropped... and that kinda stings, too. I don't know how to be interesting enough to get them to want to get to know me. I know that if I'm patient enough, it'll happen... but sometimes I don't feel like I have a whole lot of time to be waiting around.
Argh. Well, anyway, I was musing on this phone stuff, and FB, and LJ. I kinda feel like my slide from f2f connections with friends in my school and community, along with my comfort on the phone and delight in reading novels and subscriptions to three daily newspapers, has slid to LJ and email and nonfiction and a few magazines and one daily paper, and then slid again to FB and a little AIM/text messaging and a pile of unread magazines and one paper three days a week (and I barely open it).
Am I withdrawing from people and the world? Is this a normal and natural progression, or am I broken from ripping up roots from my established communities, twice?
Well, if I'm broken, then I can work on fixing myself. I've been specifically working with the Artist's Way book to get into a daily writing practice, and that's been feeling Right. I'm hoping my effort with reading books and fiction again will take, and now I'm wondering if that remaking effort could apply to my social interactions.
I've already pared down my FB friends list to people I'd either feel comfortable asking to stay with, or would be delighted if they'd come stay with me. I've been incredibly fortunate to be friends with some of the most creative, fascinating people I've ever met (several of them are in my family!), and I've actually been working on a little letter-writing campaign for those who aren't involved online at all (hmm... I suspect that it is a wee little clue to something that about a dozen of the people I admire and respect the most are rarely, if ever, online at all?). However, it appears that the art of the letter is rapidly dying, and I've only gotten a few responses (or I'm a sucky letter writer).
I am also feeling more resolved to post on LJ more often. I've made a few friends through it that have definitely enriched my life, so I'm going to work on investing some time back into this journal. Even if the hits I get from online communications are cheaper and less nuanced or healthy than the f2f versions, it feels like the LJ discussions and interactions are at least a little deeper and stronger than those of fluffy FB.
Well, no concrete conclusions here. Just musing and wondering whether others are in the same boat.