Roadmarks at Sunset

[mamacass4]

Do you ever feel like you have so much to say that you can't possibly speak? You subconsciously believe that saying nothing is better than actually letting yourself say all those things you want to say. Sorry I haven't written. But allowing you to read my words would have been like allowing you to enter the action/romance/comedy/tragedy/thriller that is my life. It's tough...but healthy I suppose. Today I left work crying and in the fifteen minute car ride it takes to get home, I ended up smiling. Maybe I'm just bipolar. No, God wouldn't make it that easy. No, it's just me. But I must say that I wouldn't have given up that car ride for all the money in the world. You think that if you realize something once, you're good to go. You're not. Sometimes you have to be bashed in the head with it multiple times over a period of months, even years, before it really sinks in. Learning about life is a journey, isn't it? Well, tonight I realized, not for the first time, that I was happy to be crying, to have felt angry, to have felt fluttery in my gut for a someone, to have felt loved, to have felt lonely...I was happy to have felt anything. There is no moment more awakening, no better proof that you are indeed a living, breathing soul as when you are overcome with pure human emotion. I threw my arm straight out the window of my car, as I often do, and felt that all to familiar yet rare thickness in the air. It was this force, this air so bursting with the aftershocks of human emotion and interactions. A sunset...A sunset like the whisperings of a billion thoughts billowing in conjunction. I cannot imagine what would happen to me if I never had that experience before or ever again. I cannot imagine what would happen to the world if those little road marks in our journey weren't there to remind us of the reason to keep going.
Peace and Love everyone. Remember to watch out for the road marks.
P.S. Last Saturday was bloody (and I must use this word here) fucking amazing! Thank you everyone for being there.