At the end of the road....
Thanks to Corradus for prompting this post.
There have been events over the last few months that have gotten me to pondering the topic of death. It seems every time I turn around someone is telling me that their friend or relative has recently passed. In one case, there has been two autopsies and they don't know why the young man (he was in his 30's) died. Yup - went from happy and healthy to feeling ill to laying down to sleep and not waking up in a 24 hour period. And they have no idea why. That one left a wife who was expecting their first baby to try and pick up the pieces. A widow at 35 - yikes.
Then there is the situation that has been on my mind the most for the last 6 weeks (since it happened basically) that has really prompted most of this post. Through my work here I have gotten to know a couple who live close by, who are close to my parents age. Because of work and the nature of it, there was a great deal of time spent together and a friendship came out of it, or at least I would like to call them friends. They are the closest thing to good friends I have made out here. Sigh. Anyway their grandson passed away in an accident - he was just under 3 years of age.
So the first thing that hits me is the thought 'Dear gods that's the same age as Emma' and right on the heals of that is imagining what the parents (my friends son and daughter-in-law) might be going through at that time. That's when my brain's protective fail-safe kicked in and shut that line of thought down. I still can't, even after 6 weeks of trying, to put myself into their shoes - let alone the grandparents - and imagine what they are feeling or maybe even thinking. I'm not sure that after 6 weeks I would have stopped throwing up on an hourly basis.
Now I am prepared, as best as I can be, for my parents to ‘go’ before I do, and statistics tell me that human females generally outlive their male mates. These aren't pleasant thoughts to dwell on, and normally I don't however I must concede that it’s logical and reasonable and follows the great circle of life. But what happens when that natural cycle gets disrupted and the young pass before their elders?
Why is it that when a child loses a parent or parents they are ‘orphaned’, or when someone loses their spouse, they are ‘widowed’ - but when you lose a child or grandchild you are…bah fill in the blank?!?
So not only do they have all the phases of grief to pass through, also they have to deal with this unnatural state they have been thrust into and with no warning and less preparation. I’m certain that there is a heapin’helpin of guilt tossed on top, for the parents and grandparents, as they berate themselves for somehow not seeing this or preventing it some way.
Anyway, I hope I can put some of these thoughts to rest with putting them here. I certainly hope the night horrors will also leave me the hell alone. I need a good nights sleep.
mb
There have been events over the last few months that have gotten me to pondering the topic of death. It seems every time I turn around someone is telling me that their friend or relative has recently passed. In one case, there has been two autopsies and they don't know why the young man (he was in his 30's) died. Yup - went from happy and healthy to feeling ill to laying down to sleep and not waking up in a 24 hour period. And they have no idea why. That one left a wife who was expecting their first baby to try and pick up the pieces. A widow at 35 - yikes.
Then there is the situation that has been on my mind the most for the last 6 weeks (since it happened basically) that has really prompted most of this post. Through my work here I have gotten to know a couple who live close by, who are close to my parents age. Because of work and the nature of it, there was a great deal of time spent together and a friendship came out of it, or at least I would like to call them friends. They are the closest thing to good friends I have made out here. Sigh. Anyway their grandson passed away in an accident - he was just under 3 years of age.
So the first thing that hits me is the thought 'Dear gods that's the same age as Emma' and right on the heals of that is imagining what the parents (my friends son and daughter-in-law) might be going through at that time. That's when my brain's protective fail-safe kicked in and shut that line of thought down. I still can't, even after 6 weeks of trying, to put myself into their shoes - let alone the grandparents - and imagine what they are feeling or maybe even thinking. I'm not sure that after 6 weeks I would have stopped throwing up on an hourly basis.
Now I am prepared, as best as I can be, for my parents to ‘go’ before I do, and statistics tell me that human females generally outlive their male mates. These aren't pleasant thoughts to dwell on, and normally I don't however I must concede that it’s logical and reasonable and follows the great circle of life. But what happens when that natural cycle gets disrupted and the young pass before their elders?
Why is it that when a child loses a parent or parents they are ‘orphaned’, or when someone loses their spouse, they are ‘widowed’ - but when you lose a child or grandchild you are…bah fill in the blank?!?
So not only do they have all the phases of grief to pass through, also they have to deal with this unnatural state they have been thrust into and with no warning and less preparation. I’m certain that there is a heapin’helpin of guilt tossed on top, for the parents and grandparents, as they berate themselves for somehow not seeing this or preventing it some way.
Anyway, I hope I can put some of these thoughts to rest with putting them here. I certainly hope the night horrors will also leave me the hell alone. I need a good nights sleep.
mb