P.S. I love you!
So I discovered quite by accident that another ex of mine is now married (happily, I hope). I am actually happy for him, and this he will probably never know.
Although I have a bad history with pretty much all of my ex-boyfriends, including those from high school, I still like to hear how those people are doing. I tend to love deeply and completely when forging a romantic relationship with someone, and that love really doesn't go away, although it does change when that relationship dies. I react with joy when I hear good news, and sadness when I hear the bad. Perhaps if I loved less, I would have hurt less each time a relationship failed, and wouldn't have reacted to the failures with such passion, hurt, and violence.
I can say, although I would not be interested in trying to rekindle any of those previous romantic relationships, I do sometimes wish there was more than nothing. At the same time, the concept of a friendship or an acquaintance with any of these men is scary-as-hell. I nearly had a panic attack when I saw a man who was the spitting image of an ex-boyfriend come into my office last week. Only after he had left did my logic restore itself:
1. Realizing that due to the weight loss and other things, I am not really recognized anymore. Its almost like I wear a disguise. (more on this concept in another posting)
2. This person was nearly 6 inches taller than the ex-boyfriend and therefore could not be the same person.
I have gotten lucky to now be married to a man who has experienced and can not only tolerate, but accept and even understand my sometimes explosive nature. It matches his own :) Although tempered with age, it is not in my volatile nature to be meek, or stoic, or logical at all times. This is unlike about 90% of the geek population, who by and large appear to have considerable restraint on their emotional expression, or no emotion at all (personal experience observation only, not a statement of fact).
Although I have a bad history with pretty much all of my ex-boyfriends, including those from high school, I still like to hear how those people are doing. I tend to love deeply and completely when forging a romantic relationship with someone, and that love really doesn't go away, although it does change when that relationship dies. I react with joy when I hear good news, and sadness when I hear the bad. Perhaps if I loved less, I would have hurt less each time a relationship failed, and wouldn't have reacted to the failures with such passion, hurt, and violence.
I can say, although I would not be interested in trying to rekindle any of those previous romantic relationships, I do sometimes wish there was more than nothing. At the same time, the concept of a friendship or an acquaintance with any of these men is scary-as-hell. I nearly had a panic attack when I saw a man who was the spitting image of an ex-boyfriend come into my office last week. Only after he had left did my logic restore itself:
1. Realizing that due to the weight loss and other things, I am not really recognized anymore. Its almost like I wear a disguise. (more on this concept in another posting)
2. This person was nearly 6 inches taller than the ex-boyfriend and therefore could not be the same person.
I have gotten lucky to now be married to a man who has experienced and can not only tolerate, but accept and even understand my sometimes explosive nature. It matches his own :) Although tempered with age, it is not in my volatile nature to be meek, or stoic, or logical at all times. This is unlike about 90% of the geek population, who by and large appear to have considerable restraint on their emotional expression, or no emotion at all (personal experience observation only, not a statement of fact).