Spooktacular: Halloween in West Beverly
Halloween episodes was something that, growing up, you could look forward to every year on television. Some shows, like Roseanne and The Simpsons went all out every single year, whereas others cheaped out and did one every once in a while. No matter if they were cheesey or scary, terrible or good, Halloween episodes of sitcoms were far and away the best of the entire season.
One of my favourite Halloween episodes comes from a show that I didn't even care for much growing up: Beverly Hills 90210. This is one of those shows I actually watched more when it was in reruns a few years ago, weirdly. Anyway. This episode is awesome in its horrible cheesiness and total blatant sexism and victim blaming.
I have the flu or something - I feel periodically dizzy and disgusting anyway - so right now I'm sitting here watching a streaming video of this very same episode online. Very easy to find, and I suggest you do so. Either way. you, lucky readers, get to have the commentary.
This episode is from early on in the show's run, so Brenda isn't a raging bitch yet and Kelly is more of the evil figure. Brenden remains annoying as fuck, and David is not yet addicted to crack. Pity.
So, everyone's favourite 30-year-old teenagers all have different Halloween plans! Brenden is planning to stay at home and scare children, and everyone else is going to a party with COLLEGE BOYS OMFG that David is making mix tapes for, although some loser kid I don't remember wants him to come to an egg war despite feeling too old for it. The girls all go to this old funky costume place, where Steve dresses as a gay Zorro and calls Dylan a 'squeef' which made me raise my eyebrows. Dylan is steadfastly refusing to wear a costume, because he is too james Dean for this shit. Brenda informs Kelly that her selection is too slutty, thus acting as our moral warning long before we get to the rapey cowboy.
Back at the Walshes (have I mentioned how much I hate every member of the Walsh family?) the extremely lame parents even embarrass their lamer offspring by handing out raisins to trick-or-treaters.
At the raging party, Donna shows up as a mermaid and subsequently can't watch, and Kelly basically shows up in a lingerie as a sexy witch. Brenda again points out Kelly is a slutwhore, saying, “you're looking for trouble.” Good work slutshaming, Brenda. Jeebus.
David winds up ditching the party when none of the girls are impressed with his mix taping skills (WTF?!) so he goes to the egg fight that isn't gonna happen. Brenden harasses children and that chick who winds up going insane later on and burning down his house shows up with her young niece and nephew, one of which these two fucking geniuses promptly lose.
Back at the party Kelly acts like a huge bitch and Brenda mom-hovers until finally Kelly meets a cowboy.
KELLY IS NEARLY RAPED BY A COWBOY.
Donna and Brenda walk in by accident and Brenda is actually stupid enough to ask, “Kelly, what's wrong?” Steve kicks the cowboy's ass natch. Thanks, Steve. Too bad later on everyone thinks you're a date rapist too. Ironically he's the only one who vocalises that Kelly dressing sexy doesn't mean she was asking for it. (Brenda tries to backpedal but we all know she thinks Kelly is a whore.)
We're left with a tearful Kelly saying it was all her fault. Dylan interjects with James Dean wisdom, saying men shouldn’t rape women no matter what the circumstance. So points to Dylan and Steve, and fuck you, Brenda. God I hate the Walshes.
Oh yeah, Brenden and the soon-to-be -psycho find the child they lost. Nobody cares. The point is RAPEY COWBOY. It shouldn't be funny, but it is.
Every year slutty costumes are released into stores, and every year my sister and I point at them and say, "don't wear that, you'll be raped by a cowboy." Oh the joy. Thank you, 90210, for teaching us to... do something again.
One of my favourite Halloween episodes comes from a show that I didn't even care for much growing up: Beverly Hills 90210. This is one of those shows I actually watched more when it was in reruns a few years ago, weirdly. Anyway. This episode is awesome in its horrible cheesiness and total blatant sexism and victim blaming.
I have the flu or something - I feel periodically dizzy and disgusting anyway - so right now I'm sitting here watching a streaming video of this very same episode online. Very easy to find, and I suggest you do so. Either way. you, lucky readers, get to have the commentary.
This episode is from early on in the show's run, so Brenda isn't a raging bitch yet and Kelly is more of the evil figure. Brenden remains annoying as fuck, and David is not yet addicted to crack. Pity.
So, everyone's favourite 30-year-old teenagers all have different Halloween plans! Brenden is planning to stay at home and scare children, and everyone else is going to a party with COLLEGE BOYS OMFG that David is making mix tapes for, although some loser kid I don't remember wants him to come to an egg war despite feeling too old for it. The girls all go to this old funky costume place, where Steve dresses as a gay Zorro and calls Dylan a 'squeef' which made me raise my eyebrows. Dylan is steadfastly refusing to wear a costume, because he is too james Dean for this shit. Brenda informs Kelly that her selection is too slutty, thus acting as our moral warning long before we get to the rapey cowboy.
Back at the Walshes (have I mentioned how much I hate every member of the Walsh family?) the extremely lame parents even embarrass their lamer offspring by handing out raisins to trick-or-treaters.
At the raging party, Donna shows up as a mermaid and subsequently can't watch, and Kelly basically shows up in a lingerie as a sexy witch. Brenda again points out Kelly is a slutwhore, saying, “you're looking for trouble.” Good work slutshaming, Brenda. Jeebus.
David winds up ditching the party when none of the girls are impressed with his mix taping skills (WTF?!) so he goes to the egg fight that isn't gonna happen. Brenden harasses children and that chick who winds up going insane later on and burning down his house shows up with her young niece and nephew, one of which these two fucking geniuses promptly lose.
Back at the party Kelly acts like a huge bitch and Brenda mom-hovers until finally Kelly meets a cowboy.
KELLY IS NEARLY RAPED BY A COWBOY.
Donna and Brenda walk in by accident and Brenda is actually stupid enough to ask, “Kelly, what's wrong?” Steve kicks the cowboy's ass natch. Thanks, Steve. Too bad later on everyone thinks you're a date rapist too. Ironically he's the only one who vocalises that Kelly dressing sexy doesn't mean she was asking for it. (Brenda tries to backpedal but we all know she thinks Kelly is a whore.)
We're left with a tearful Kelly saying it was all her fault. Dylan interjects with James Dean wisdom, saying men shouldn’t rape women no matter what the circumstance. So points to Dylan and Steve, and fuck you, Brenda. God I hate the Walshes.
Oh yeah, Brenden and the soon-to-be -psycho find the child they lost. Nobody cares. The point is RAPEY COWBOY. It shouldn't be funny, but it is.
Every year slutty costumes are released into stores, and every year my sister and I point at them and say, "don't wear that, you'll be raped by a cowboy." Oh the joy. Thank you, 90210, for teaching us to... do something again.